The Best Man: A Comprehensive Guide For Groomsmen

what is the best man

The best man is the groom's right-hand man at the wedding. Usually a close friend or relative, the best man is asked to stand by the groom's side to support and assist in any way possible before and during the wedding. The best man is also in charge of the groomsmen, meaning he leads all communication and spearheads most of their activities and duties.

The best man's duties include planning the stag do, writing the best man's speech, and helping the groomsmen nail their wedding attire. The best man will essentially act as the groom's confidant, providing emotional support when needed.

The role of the best man is not universal and can vary across different countries and cultures.

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Planning the bachelor party

Determine the Guest List

The guest list for the bachelor party typically includes the groomsmen and the groom's close male friends and family members. However, it is not uncommon to invite others who are close to the groom, even if they are not in the wedding party. Be sure to clear the guest list with the groom before sending out any invitations.

Pick a Date and Location

The bachelor party usually takes place one to three months before the wedding. When selecting a date, consider the schedules of all the invited guests and try to choose a weekend when everyone can attend. For destination bachelor parties, renting a house is often more convenient and cost-effective than booking hotel rooms. Popular bachelor party locations include Austin, Texas; Nashville, Tennessee; Jackson Hole, Wyoming; Miami, Florida; and New Orleans, Louisiana.

Plan Activities and Outings

Bachelor parties are a great opportunity for the groom and his friends to bond and create lasting memories. When planning activities, consider the groom's interests. Some popular options include golfing, visiting a brewery or distillery, attending a sporting event or concert, or going camping. Avoid over-scheduling the weekend, and be sure to leave some downtime for relaxation and hanging out at the house.

Handle Logistics and Communication

As the best man, it is your responsibility to communicate all important information to the guests well in advance. Create a group chat to share the date, location, and itinerary, and use email for more detailed discussions about bookings and reservations. Be mindful of everyone's schedules and budgets to ensure that the plans are feasible for all attendees.

Manage Costs and Expenses

Typically, each guest covers their own expenses for food, lodging, and activities. It is a good idea to give everyone an estimate of the expected costs before they commit to attending. The parents of the groom may also contribute to a portion of the costs. Discuss any financial concerns with the group ahead of time to ensure that everyone is comfortable with the budget.

Consider Gifts and Entertainment

While not required, some guests may choose to bring gifts such as alcohol, cigars, sports equipment, or party games. If you are unsure about including adult entertainment, consult the groom and guests to gauge their preferences. Remember that the party is for the groom, so his wishes should take priority.

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Holding the rings

The best man should make sure he has the rings to hand, ready for when the couple is about to exchange them. If the best man is not the official ring bearer, he should still be tasked with keeping them safe and making sure the ring bearer has them before the ceremony.

It is a good idea to slip the ring lightly onto your little finger so that it can be discreetly and easily removed when the time comes. This will prevent any awkward fumbling in your pocket!

In addition to holding the rings, the best man may also be asked to hold the couple's personal items, such as their phones, money, or even the groom's vows.

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Giving a speech

So, you've been asked to be the best man at a wedding—congratulations! It's a huge honour, but it can also be a little daunting. One of your key responsibilities will be giving a speech at the reception, so here's a step-by-step guide to help you prepare.

Before the Big Day

First things first: start preparing your speech well in advance of the wedding. Giving a speech can be nerve-wracking, so you'll want to give yourself plenty of time to write and practise it. Begin by jotting down some ideas and making a rough outline. Your speech should focus on the newlyweds and their love story, so think about any funny or heartfelt anecdotes you can share about the couple, particularly the groom. You might want to mention how they met, or tell a story that shows what a great match they are. You could also talk about your relationship with the groom and share a positive story or two. Just make sure to keep things appropriate for a family audience!

Once you've got a rough idea of what you want to say, start structuring your speech. Begin with an introduction—you can introduce yourself and explain your relationship to the groom. Then, share your anecdotes, and end with a toast to the happy couple. Keep your speech short and sweet—around 1-2 minutes is a good length.

Practise your speech ahead of time, and run it by a trusted friend to make sure it's not too offensive or embarrassing. They can give you feedback on your delivery and help you feel more confident on the day.

On the Day

On the day of the wedding, you'll probably be busy with various best man duties, so make sure you have a printed copy of your speech to hand. That way, you won't have to worry about remembering it word-for-word, and you can refer to it if you get nervous. When it's time to give your speech, take a deep breath, speak slowly, and pause for laughter. Remember, everyone wants you to do well, and they'll be a sympathetic audience.

After the Wedding

Once the wedding is over, your official duties as best man will be complete! You can sit back, relax, and feel proud of a job well done. However, if there are any hired items like suits or decorative details, the couple may ask you to help return them. They might also ask you to take care of wedding gifts, especially if they're heading off on their honeymoon straight away.

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Being the groom's right-hand man

Before the Wedding

As the best man, you will be the head groomsman, leading and mediating between the groom and the rest of the wedding party. You will be the point of contact for everyone on the groom's side, including groomsmen and family members. Here are some specific tasks to keep in mind:

  • Assist with outfit details: Help the groom and groomsmen with their wedding attire choices and final selections. You may also want to put together emergency kits for the groomsmen, including items like extra cufflinks or shoe polish.
  • Organise the bachelor party: Plan an event that the groom will never forget. Consult with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes.
  • Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a gift for the groom, you will often lead this effort by collecting money and choosing the gift.
  • Provide emotional support: Be there for the groom as a sounding board for any nerves, confessions, or questions he may have. Reassure him and keep him focused and positive in the lead-up to the wedding.
  • Be present for the rehearsal: Attend the wedding rehearsal and help wrangle the wedding party to ensure everything runs smoothly. You may also give a small toast during the rehearsal dinner.

On the Wedding Day

Your duties continue on the big day itself. Here are some key tasks to keep in mind:

  • Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure everyone gets to the venue on time and help wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony.
  • Hold the wedding rings: You will often be entrusted with keeping the wedding rings safe until it's time for the couple to exchange them.
  • Greet the guests: Stand by the groom's side and welcome the arriving guests, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere before the ceremony.
  • Stand at the altar with the groom: Take your place next to the groom during the ceremony. If you are the ring bearer, make sure you have the rings ready for the exchange.
  • Escort the maid of honour: After the ceremony, escort the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newlyweds.
  • Deliver your speech: Traditionally, the best man's speech is last, after the father of the bride and the groom. Include humorous memories and thoughtful anecdotes, and consider seeking help from a professional to craft your speech.
  • Get the party started: After the first dance, it's traditional for the best man to dance with the maid of honour and encourage everyone onto the dance floor.

After the Wedding

Your duties don't end when the wedding is over. Here are some tasks you may be asked to do:

  • Return and clean suits: Help round up and return any hired items, such as suits, and take care of dry-cleaning if needed.
  • Take care of wedding gifts: If the couple goes on their honeymoon immediately, you may be asked to safely store the wedding gifts and ensure all cards and keepsakes are collected and delivered to them.
  • Tie up loose ends: This includes making sure vendors are tipped and paid, transporting gifts, and returning any rented attire.

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The best man is the groom's right-hand man throughout the planning process and on the wedding day. While there are no set rules on who should be the best man, this role is often given to the groom's brother, close relative, or best friend. The best man is typically in charge of planning and organizing the bachelor party, acting as a point of contact for the groom's side of the wedding party, and providing emotional support to the groom.

In addition to being a legal witness, the best man also has other responsibilities before, during, and after the wedding. Before the wedding, the best man may assist with outfit details, coordinate the groom's gift, and be present for the rehearsal. On the wedding day, the best man ensures that the groom and groomsmen are on schedule, holds the wedding rings, welcomes guests, and gives a speech during the reception. After the wedding, the best man may be responsible for taking care of the groom's clothing, checking in with vendors, and coordinating and decorating the getaway car for the newlyweds.

Overall, the best man plays a crucial role in supporting the groom and ensuring that the wedding runs smoothly. By acting as a legal witness, the best man helps to make the couple's union official and provides a lasting record of the special day.

Frequently asked questions

The best man is the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding. He is the groom's right-hand man and confidante, providing support and assistance before and during the wedding. The best man also leads the groomsmen and is in charge of their communication and activities.

The best man has several duties, including planning the bachelor party, giving a speech at the reception, keeping the wedding rings safe, assisting the groom with suit choices and fittings, and supporting the groom on the wedding day.

The best man is typically the groom's closest friend or family member, such as a sibling. However, there is no set rule, and the couple can choose anyone they feel comfortable with, including a grandparent, son, or even two special people sharing the title. The term "best man" is also flexible, and can include women, bridesmen, or bridesmates.

The best man is the leader of the groomsmen and has additional responsibilities. While the groomsmen participate in the wedding, the best man is the point of contact and coordinator for the group. The best man also has unique duties, such as keeping the wedding rings safe and giving a speech.

The best man typically wears a suit or tuxedo that coordinates with the groom and the rest of the wedding party. The couple usually pays for or hires the wedding suits, but sometimes financial contributions are expected from the best man and groomsmen.

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