Out-Of-State Children: Wedding Invite Or Not?

Planning a wedding can be a tricky business, especially when it comes to the guest list. One of the most common dilemmas is whether to invite out-of-state children. On the one hand, you may want to include them in your special day, but on the other, you may be concerned about the additional costs and potential disruptions they could bring. So, what is the best course of action? Some people suggest that it is perfectly acceptable to limit children to family only, while others argue that it is rude to invite some kids and not others. Ultimately, it is up to the couple to decide, but clear and timely communication with guests is key to avoiding any misunderstandings or hurt feelings.

Inviting out-of-state children: gift-grabbing or thoughtful?

Planning a wedding is a complex affair, with many factors to consider, and one of the most contentious issues is whether to invite children. This is further complicated when out-of-state relatives are involved. So, is it gift-grabbing or thoughtful to invite children who live far away?

There are a few factors to consider when making this decision. Firstly, it is essential to assess the relationship with the out-of-state children in question. If they are close family members or individuals with whom you have a strong bond, it may be thoughtful to extend an invitation. This shows that you are thinking of them and would like to include them in your special day, even if you understand that they may not be able to attend due to the distance.

On the other hand, if the relationship is more distant or strained, inviting out-of-state children could be perceived as gift-grabbing. This is especially true if you are not particularly close to the children or their parents and have little contact with them. In such cases, it may be seen as simply soliciting gifts from individuals who are unlikely to attend.

Another factor to consider is the age of the children. If they are older, say in their late teens, they may be more likely to attend, especially if they are given a special role in the wedding, such as ushering or handing out programs. Younger children, on the other hand, may be more challenging to include, as they often require special arrangements, such as childcare or a separate kids' table, which can add to the complexity of the event.

Additionally, it is essential to consider the parents' perspective. Out-of-state parents may appreciate the invitation as a gesture of inclusion, even if they are unable to attend. It shows that you value their presence and want them to be part of your celebration, even from a distance. However, it is also important to recognise that some parents may feel obligated to attend out of courtesy, which could be a burden, especially if they have to travel a significant distance and make arrangements for their children.

To avoid any misunderstandings, it is recommended to be explicit in your communication. If you choose to invite out-of-state children, you can include a personal note expressing that you understand if they are unable to attend due to the distance and that you do not expect a gift. This can help to alleviate any pressure they may feel and ensure that your invitation is seen as a thoughtful gesture.

Ultimately, the decision to invite out-of-state children depends on your relationship with them and their parents, as well as your willingness to accommodate their needs. While it may be seen as gift-grabbing in some cases, a thoughtful and considerate approach can ensure that your invitation is well-received, even if they are unable to attend your wedding.

So, before you finalise your guest list, carefully consider whether inviting out-of-state children is the right choice for you and your celebration.

Etiquette for addressing invitations to out-of-state families

When addressing out-of-state families on wedding invitations, it's important to follow certain etiquette guidelines to ensure your invitations are both respectful and clear. Here are some tips for addressing invitations to out-of-state families:

Outer Envelope Etiquette:

The outer envelope is the more formal of the two envelopes and should include the full names and addresses of the recipients. When addressing a family, you have two options:

• Address the entire family: Write "The [Last Name] Family" or use the parents' names, e.g., "Mr. and Mrs. [Father's First Name] [Last Name]."
• Specify invited family members: Write the parents' names first, followed by the names of the invited children in order of age. For girls under 18, use "Miss" as a courtesy title. For example: "Mr. and Mrs. Homer Simpson, Mr. Bart Simpson, Miss Lisa Simpson."

Inner Envelope Etiquette:

The inner envelope is more informal and can include first names or nicknames. List the first names of all invited family members, including children:

• "Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie."
• Alternatively, you can use a combination of first names and courtesy titles: "Homer, Marge, Bart, Miss Lisa, and Miss Maggie."

Other Considerations:

• If any children are over the age of 18, they should receive their own invitation, even if they still live with their parents.
• When addressing the envelopes, use appropriate titles and full names. Avoid abbreviations and initials.
• Double-check all spellings and titles to avoid any misunderstandings or offenses.
• If you are only using an outer envelope, ensure it is properly addressed and include "and guest" in lowercase for any plus-ones.

Childcare options for out-of-state guests

If you are inviting out-of-state guests with children to your wedding, it is a nice gesture to provide childcare options. This can help your guests feel more comfortable leaving their children and attending your wedding. Here are some options for providing childcare:

Onsite Childcare

You can hire professional sitters or a childcare company to provide onsite childcare during your wedding. This option allows children to remain at the venue while being supervised and entertained in a separate space. This option may be preferred by parents who want to be able to check on their children easily. When hiring sitters, look for candidates who are CPR/First Aid Certified and have passed background checks. You can also ask your venue or wedding planner for childcare recommendations.

Babysitting Services

Another option is to provide a list of recommended babysitting services or individual babysitters in the area. This way, parents can arrange for childcare themselves but still have the convenience of a trusted and reliable babysitter. You can ask friends with kids or local parents' groups for suggestions.

Kid-Friendly Activities

If you choose to invite children to your wedding, you can make the event more kid-friendly by providing activities to keep them entertained. This can include setting up a separate room with toys, games, crafts, movies, and snacks. This option allows children to be present at the wedding while also giving them a space to play and relax.

Communication is Key

Regardless of which option you choose, it is important to communicate clearly with your guests about your childcare plans. You can include an RSVP option for children on your wedding invitations or reach out to guests individually to discuss their needs and preferences. This will help you plan accordingly and ensure that both the children and their parents have a positive experience during your wedding.

Pros and cons of out-of-state children attending

Deciding whether or not to invite out-of-state children to your wedding can be a tricky decision. Here are some pros and cons to consider:

Pros of Inviting Out-of-State Children:

• Everyone Will Feel Welcome: By including out-of-state children, many families will feel more welcomed and comfortable attending the wedding. This is especially true for larger families or those with older children who might feel left out if not invited.
• They'll Add a Special Touch: Children can bring an extra bit of charm and playfulness to your wedding. They can add some unique and whimsical moments to your photos, reception, and overall atmosphere.
• Simplifying Things for Guests: Inviting out-of-state children can relieve guests of the time, stress, and cost of finding alternative arrangements or babysitters for their children during the wedding. This is especially helpful if your wedding is in a remote location.

Cons of Inviting Out-of-State Children:

• Planning Considerations: Having out-of-state children attend your wedding will require additional planning considerations. You'll need to think about their needs, such as juice boxes, high chairs, and family-friendly entertainment. This can be tricky if you have a long ceremony, plated dinners, or an open bar.
• Obligation to Bring Children: While some parents may appreciate the option to bring their children, others may feel obligated to do so, even if they would prefer a child-free event. This is especially true for destination weddings or venues that are not particularly child-friendly.
• Behaviour Concerns: Children may misbehave or interrupt your nuptials with unexpected behaviour, such as crying or laughter. If you are particular about how things are done or want a more controlled event, the unpredictability of children may be a concern.

Managing guest expectations about children at the wedding

It's your wedding, so it's your choice whether or not to invite children. However, it's important to handle this issue with decorum to avoid confusion and hurt feelings. Here are some tips to help you manage your guests' expectations:

Decide early: Unlike decisions about menus or music, those related to children should be handled quickly to avoid awkward questions from parents who need to make plans. The sooner you decide, the sooner you can communicate your decision to your guests.

Be explicit: Address your envelopes properly. The traditional way to indicate whether a child is invited is to include their name on the invitation. If you're using both an outer and inner envelope, the child's parents' names should go on the outer envelope, with the child's name beneath the parents' names on the inner envelope. If you're only using an outer envelope, the child's name should be included there. If the child is over 18, they should receive a separate invitation, even if they're still living at home.

Call guests with children: After sending your invitations (or better yet, before), call your guests with children to explain whether your wedding is child-friendly or not. This is especially effective if you're worried about a stubborn friend or relative bringing children against your wishes. It's also a great opportunity to let parents know if you're arranging childcare services.

Choose a clear rule and stick to it: Opinions vary, so it's best to choose a clear rule about inviting children and stick to it. Drawing the line at immediate family is a common approach, as most children with wedding duties are close relatives.

Consider a separate kids' area: If you do decide to invite children, consider designating an area off to the side that feeds kids and keeps them busy. You can set up mini-tables, small buffets, and kid-friendly décor, like tables with colouring books and crayons. If it's in your budget, you can also hire a babysitter or entertainer, such as a balloon artist or magician.

Communicate any exceptions: If you're making exceptions to your no-kids rule for specific out-of-town guests, be sure to communicate this clearly to your other guests. You don't want to create confusion or hurt feelings.

By following these tips, you can effectively manage your guests' expectations about children at your wedding and ensure that everyone is on the same page.

Frequently asked questions