Attending Your Kid's Wedding: Jewish Parents, Non-Jewish Ceremony

It is common for non-Jews to be invited to Jewish weddings, although it is not overly common for them to be invited to Orthodox weddings. Non-Jewish family members can be included in the ceremony by walking the bride down the aisle, signing the civil marriage license, reading the translation of the Ketubah, or reading a Psalm. It is also a good idea to explain to non-Jewish guests what to expect during the ceremony, and to advise them on the dress code.

Non-Jewish people can borrow Jewish wedding rituals

Jewish wedding rituals are steeped in history and tradition, connecting Jewish couples to their religion and culture's rich past. While some non-Jewish people may be drawn to the idea of incorporating Jewish wedding rituals into their own nuptials, it is important to understand the significance and meaning behind these rituals before doing so.

Jewish wedding rituals are not just aesthetic choices or trendy additions to a wedding; they are deeply rooted in the Jewish religion and hold symbolic value for the Jewish community. Each ritual carries a specific meaning and significance that goes beyond surface-level appearances. For example, the chuppah, or wedding canopy, represents the couple's new home, with its four corners and covered roof symbolising the life the couple is building together. The breaking of the glass is another well-known Jewish wedding ritual that holds multiple meanings, including the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the recognition that marriage encompasses both joy and sorrow.

The ketubah, a Jewish marriage contract, outlines the groom's responsibilities to the bride, her rights, and the conditions of the marriage. It is a legal document under Jewish civil law and is signed by the couple and witnesses before the wedding ceremony. The ketubah is not merely a decorative piece but a binding agreement that belongs solely to the bride, protecting her rights and outlining the groom's responsibilities under Jewish law.

While non-Jewish people may be drawn to the unique and meaningful aspects of Jewish wedding rituals, it is essential to respect the cultural and religious significance that these rituals hold for the Jewish community. Incorporating these rituals without understanding or appreciating their deeper meaning can be seen as cultural appropriation and a violation of the traditions that bind the Jewish community together.

If you are considering incorporating Jewish wedding rituals into your nuptials, it is important to do so respectfully and with a full understanding of their significance. Consult with Jewish clergy or experts to guide you in appropriately integrating these rituals into your wedding ceremony. Remember, these rituals are more than just aesthetic choices; they are a vital part of the Jewish faith and heritage.

Orthodox Jews may invite non-Jews to their weddings

Orthodox Jews may invite non-Jewish friends to their weddings, although this is not a very common practice. This is because Orthodox Jews tend to be quite cloistered, and most of their friends are usually other Jews. However, there is no prohibition against inviting non-Jews to an Orthodox wedding.

If you are a non-Jewish guest at an Orthodox wedding, you may want to keep a few things in mind. Firstly, Orthodox Jews observe modesty laws, so it is respectful to dress modestly. For men, a regular suit is usually sufficient. Men should also cover their heads with a kippah, which will likely be available at the wedding venue. For women, skirts or dresses that fall at least to the knee are preferred, and shoulders, and sometimes arms, should be covered.

Additionally, certain parts of the wedding may be gender-separated. For example, the wedding dancing will likely be separate by gender, with a curtain or wall dividing the men and women. Simply follow the crowd and join the appropriate group.

It is also worth noting that Jewish weddings often involve a lot of dancing, which can be fast and frenetic. Comfortable shoes are recommended if you plan to join in!

Non-Jewish in-laws can be included in Jewish weddings

There are many ways to include non-Jewish in-laws in a Jewish wedding. Here are some suggestions:

Involving Non-Jewish In-Laws in the Ceremony

• Both sets of parents can stand by the Chuppah as the only people under the Chuppah that matter are the couple.
• The couple's parents can walk them down the aisle.
• The non-Jewish parents can say a prayer, give a reading, or act as a bridesmaid or groomsman.
• The non-Jewish parents can read the translation of the Ketubah and the Sheva Brachot in English while the Rabbi repeats them in Hebrew.
• The non-Jewish in-laws can break the plate for Tenaim.
• The non-Jewish in-laws can read a Psalm.

Other Ways to Include Non-Jewish In-Laws

• The Rabbi can explain the wedding customs to ensure everyone feels welcome.
• The couple can print a program describing the flow of the wedding for non-Jewish guests.
• The couple can ask all men to cover their heads and can supply a basket of kippahs.
• The couple can ensure that there is separate seating and that there is no non-mevushal wine on the tables.
• The couple can include dress code suggestions in the invitation to ensure guests feel comfortable.

Additional Considerations

It is important to note that while there is no prohibition against inviting non-Jews to Orthodox weddings, they are not overly common. This is likely because Orthodox Jews tend to be fairly cloistered, and the majority of their friends are other Jews. Therefore, it is worth considering the level of comfort of the couple and their families, as well as the customs of the specific Jewish denomination.

It is also important to be considerate of non-Jewish guests and ensure they do not feel disrespected or left out. This can be achieved by providing them with information about what to expect at the wedding and involving them in the festivities.

Civil marriage is not a substitute for a Jewish wedding

The problem in Jewish law is that since a civil marriage is not intended to be in accordance with the "Law of Moses and Israel", it should not be a "proper" marriage. The question arises from the fact that the couple are living together with the intention to live as husband and wife and not licentiously. The halakhic presumption is that "a Jew does not live licentiously when he is able to live according to the mitzvah". Therefore, a Jewish couple living together as husband and wife are presumed to be doing so for the purpose of marriage.

The authorities discuss the question of whether, according to Jewish law, the consequences of marriage may apply to a civil marriage. The opinions of the posekim are divided on the matter and have remained unreconciled. One view is that, on the basis of halakhah, no significance is to be attached to non-Jewish marriages and that cohabitation by virtue of this does not amount to kiddushei bi'ah. This is because cohabitation between the parties by virtue of a civil marriage takes place not to establish the marriage but rather on the basis of a marriage already celebrated. Moreover, their marriage in a civil ceremony is an indication that they specifically desire to have the marital status not in accordance with the Law of Moses and Israel but in accordance with secular law.

Another opinion is that a civil marriage may, possibly, be regarded as a form of kiddushei shetar (marriage by deed), since in connection with civil marriage, the parties to it generally sign in a governmental marriage register, and on the strength of such marriage take upon themselves certain obligations resembling those imposed on husband and wife married in accordance with Jewish law.

The above dispute stems from the fact that a civil marriage is a prima facie indication by the parties of their disinterest in marriage according to Jewish law; yet, on the other hand, the surrounding circumstances may sometimes leave room for doubt as to whether the requirements of a Jewish marriage had not been fulfilled nevertheless. Hence, the legal status of the parties requires determination according to the circumstances of each case, with particular regard to the legal system, social background, and degree of freedom pertaining to the celebration of marriages prevailing in the country concerned.

In countries with no restriction on the celebration of marriages in accordance with Jewish law, the absence of the Jewish ceremony can be considered a clear expression of the parties' intention to be married only in accordance with the secular law, and therefore they are not to be considered married under Jewish law. Consequently, neither Jewish family law nor the law of inheritance will be applicable to the parties, nor any branch of Jewish law whose operation is dependent upon the existence of a valid Jewish marriage between them.

In contrast, in countries where the celebration of a Jewish marriage is likely to bring the parties into danger, and it can be assumed that, but for the danger, the parties would have celebrated their marriage according to Jewish law, there may be room for assuming, by virtue of the presumption against "licentious living", that a valid kiddushin has taken place between them. In this event, the parties will require a get mi-ḥumrah before either is permitted to enter into another marriage.

Church or cult marriage is a contradiction of Jewish marriage

Marriage in Judaism is a contractual bond commanded by God in which a Jewish man and a Jewish woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. Intermarriage is often discouraged, though opinions vary.

In traditional Judaism, marriage is viewed as a contractual bond commanded by God in which a Jewish man and a Jewish woman come together to create a relationship in which God is directly involved. The Talmud holds that a marriage between a Jew and a non-Jew is both prohibited and does not constitute a marriage under Jewish law – the non-Jew would need to convert in order for the marriage to be legal.

Orthodox Jews follow the historic Jewish attitude towards intermarriage and refuse to accept that intermarriages would have any validity or legitimacy, and strictly forbid sexual intercourse with a member of a different faith. Orthodox rabbis refuse to officiate at interfaith weddings and also try to avoid assisting them in other ways. Secular intermarriage is seen as a deliberate rejection of Judaism, and an intermarried person is effectively cut off from most of the Orthodox community.

The Conservative Movement in Judaism does not sanction or recognize the Jewish legal validity of intermarriage but encourages acceptance of the non-Jewish spouse within the family, hoping that such acceptance will lead to the spouse's conversion to Judaism.

The more liberal American Jewish movements—including Reform and Reconstructionist—do not generally regard the historic corpus and process of Jewish law as intrinsically binding. Progressive rabbinical associations have no firm prohibition against intermarriage.

Therefore, Church or cult marriage is a contradiction of Jewish marriage.

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