Asking For Wedding Money: Is It Ever Okay?

Asking for money as a wedding gift can be a tricky topic to navigate. While some couples are happy to receive homeware items and vouchers, others would prefer cash to spend as they like. It's essential to approach the subject delicately, as guests may want to freely choose their gifts, and asking for money might come across as rude or presumptuous. However, there are subtle and polite ways to suggest this to your guests. Here are some strategies to consider:

Asking for money on wedding invites is a no-go

While it is acceptable to ask for money as a wedding gift, there is a consensus that doing so on your wedding invites is a no-go. Here are some reasons why this is considered poor etiquette, along with alternative ways to ask for monetary gifts.

Why You Shouldn't Ask for Money on Your Wedding Invites

Wedding invites are a way to invite guests to celebrate your special day with you. Asking for gifts of any kind, including money, can come across as presumptuous and greedy. It can also make guests feel uncomfortable and shift the focus away from the wedding itself. It is generally agreed that the best approach is not to mention gifts at all on your invites.

Alternative Ways to Ask for Monetary Gifts

• Wedding Website: Create a wedding website and include a section for your "registry". Share details about why you prefer monetary gifts and how you plan to use the money. You can also include a link to your registry or a "wishing well", where guests can contribute directly.
• Word of Mouth: Share your preference for monetary gifts with your close friends and family, and let them spread the word. This way, if guests approach them for gift ideas, they can suggest contributing to your savings fund.
• Gift Registry: Set up a honeymoon/house deposit/home improvement fund with a gift registry service. Some services allow you to set up a gifting fund, where guests can contribute directly to a specific purchase, such as your honeymoon or a new home.
• Cards at the Reception: Some guests may prefer to bring a card with cash or a cheque to the wedding reception. Set up a designated box for cards to ensure these gifts are safely collected and stored.

Use a cash or honeymoon registry website

Using a cash or honeymoon registry website is a great way to ask for money for your wedding. This option allows you to combine all your gift preferences onto a single list, giving guests the option to contribute to your honeymoon or other experiences, or to give physical gifts. Here are some tips for using a cash or honeymoon registry website:

Choose a Registry Website

Select a gift registry website that suits your needs. Some popular options include Prezola, Honeyfund, The Knot, Traveler's Joy, Hitchd, Blueprint, and Joy. These websites offer various features, such as customisation, different fund options, and fee structures, so be sure to research and choose the one that best aligns with your requirements.

Provide Clear Information

When creating your registry, provide clear and specific information about how you plan to use the cash. For example, mention if the money will go towards your honeymoon, a house deposit, home improvements, or other adventures. This makes your request more personal and helps guests, especially older family members, feel more comfortable with contributing financially.

Include Multiple Gift Options

Consider including both cash fund and traditional gift options on your registry. This caters to guests who may prefer to give physical presents. For instance, you can add serveware and linens to your wish list alongside your honeymoon fund. This approach also reduces the pressure on guests and provides them with a range of gifting choices.

Use Thoughtful Wording

When explaining your cash gift requests, use thoughtful and gracious wording. Emphasise that their presence at your wedding is a gift in itself. You can say something like, "Your presence at our wedding is enough of a gift, but should you wish to buy us something, we'd greatly appreciate a contribution towards our [insert cash fund]."

Leverage Your Wedding Website

Utilise your wedding website to provide more context about your cash gift requests. Create a dedicated FAQ page or a section on your website to explain why you've registered for cash and how you intend to use the funds. For example, you can mention that you already have the home essentials and would appreciate financial contributions towards experiences or future plans.

Spread the Word Through Family and Friends

Inform your close family members and friends about your cash fund or honeymoon contribution preferences. They can act as a point of contact for other guests who may have questions or be unsure about what to give. This approach ensures that your wishes are communicated delicately and helps you increase the likelihood of receiving the gifts you truly want.

Be specific about how you'll use the cash

It's important to be transparent about how you plan to use the money you receive as wedding gifts. This helps your guests feel more connected to you and your plans. Here are some ways to be specific about how you'll use the cash:

Renovating or buying a new home

If you're in the middle of a renovation project or saving for a down payment on your first home together, let your guests know. You can add a personal touch by sharing the story of how the project started, how far along you are, and any challenges you've faced. This helps your guests understand why monetary gifts are your preference.

Honeymoon fund

If you're planning a honeymoon, you can ask for contributions towards specific experiences. For example, you could say: "We're excited to be travelling to [location] for our honeymoon. If you'd like to help make the experience even more amazing, we've listed some details on our cash registry."

Charity donations

If you and your partner are passionate about a particular cause, you can request donations to your favourite charity instead of traditional wedding gifts. This way, your guests know that their monetary gift will go towards a meaningful cause that's important to you.

Everyday expenses

If you're planning to use the money for everyday expenses, it's best to communicate this clearly. You could say something like: "Your presence at our wedding is a gift in itself. However, if you wish to give something, we would greatly appreciate a contribution towards everyday expenses as we start our new life together."

Other large purchases

If you're saving for a large purchase, such as a new car or funding your education, you can let your guests know. For example: "We're incredibly grateful for your presence at our wedding. If you wish to give a gift, we would be thankful for a contribution towards [specific large purchase]."

Tell close friends and family to spread the word

Asking for monetary gifts for your wedding can be tricky, but there are ways to do it politely. Here are some tips to help you communicate your wishes to your close friends and family so they can spread the word:

Be Transparent About Your Preferences

It's essential to be clear and direct with your inner circle about your preference for monetary gifts. Explain that you would be grateful for cash gifts or contributions to your honeymoon or other specific goals, such as a house deposit or home improvements. This way, they know exactly what to communicate to other guests when they reach out with questions.

Share Your Plans for the Money

It can be helpful to provide context for your monetary request by sharing how you plan to use the money. For example, if you're saving for a down payment on your first home or planning a dream honeymoon, let your close friends and family know. This adds a personal touch to your request and helps guests feel more connected to your goals.

Provide a Range of Options

While your preference may be for monetary gifts, it's important to recognise that some guests may still prefer to give physical presents. To accommodate this, you can suggest that they contribute to a smaller, tailored gift registry or offer gift cards or vouchers for experiences or products you like. This way, you provide options that cater to different preferences while still prioritising your main goal of receiving monetary gifts.

Emphasise Their Presence Over Presents

When conveying your wishes, it's important to emphasise that their presence at your wedding is the most important thing. You can express that their attendance is a gift in itself and that any monetary contribution is an additional blessing. This approach ensures that your guests feel valued and appreciated, regardless of their ability to give monetary gifts.

Use Casual Conversations and Word-of-Mouth

Rather than making a formal announcement, utilise casual conversations and personal connections to spread the word. Ask your closest friends and family to mention your preference for monetary gifts in their everyday interactions with other guests. This approach feels more natural and less imposing than a formal announcement and can help you avoid any potential discomfort or misunderstandings.

Provide a Discreet Card Drop at the Reception

On your wedding day, set up a designated box or "wishing well" for guests to leave cards and envelopes containing monetary gifts. This ensures that guests who prefer to bring a gift on the day have a safe and secure place to do so. It also makes it easier for you to keep track of the monetary gifts received and simplifies the process of sending thank-you notes later.

Remember, the key to successfully asking for monetary gifts is to be considerate, transparent, and flexible. By sharing your wishes and goals with your close friends and family, you can empower them to spread the word and help you achieve your dreams as you start your married life together.

Set out a box for cards at the reception

Setting out a box for cards at the reception is a great way to receive monetary gifts from your wedding guests. This method, often called a "wishing well", is a discreet way to collect cash gifts without having to ask your guests directly. It is also a safe and secure place for guests to leave their cards and envelopes, giving them peace of mind.

To set up a card box at your reception, you can buy or craft a box that matches your wedding theme and designate it as the card box. You can place this box on a table at the reception, perhaps with a sign indicating its purpose. Ask your wedding planner, maid of honour, or a trusted friend to keep an eye on the box and periodically collect the cards throughout the evening. This ensures that your cards and monetary gifts are kept safe, and you don't have to worry about any money going missing.

The card box method is a good option for guests who prefer to bring a physical gift to the wedding. It also allows you to receive gifts from those who may not be comfortable with digital cash registries or online transactions.

While setting up a card box is a convenient way to receive monetary gifts, it's important to remember that not all guests will feel comfortable giving money. Some may prefer to give physical gifts or gift cards, so it's a good idea to have a small, traditional registry as well. This way, you cater to a range of guest preferences and avoid any potential awkwardness around gift-giving.

Additionally, it's essential to express gratitude for all the gifts you receive, whether they align with your preferences or not. Sending thank-you notes to your guests within a few months of the wedding is a thoughtful way to show your appreciation.

Frequently asked questions