A Wedding-Less Marriage: Is It Possible?

Getting married is a significant milestone in a person's life, but not everyone wants a big celebration. Some couples prefer to keep things low-key, whether it's due to financial constraints, complicated situations, or personal preferences. The good news is that you can absolutely get married without a wedding. While the legal requirements for marriage vary depending on your location, the core steps are obtaining a marriage license and having it signed by an authorized person, such as a minister or judge. This process allows you to be legally married without the need for a traditional or non-traditional ceremony. However, if you wish to skip the legalities altogether, you can consider a commitment ceremony, which is a symbolic way to exchange vows and rings without the legal binding of marriage. Ultimately, the decision on how to get married rests with the couple, and there are plenty of unique and unconventional ways to tie the knot that go beyond the traditional wedding celebration.

Civil ceremonies

A civil ceremony is a non-religious, legal marriage ceremony that is presided over by a government official. This can include a justice of the peace, county or court clerk, notary public, judge, or magistrate.

Couples who choose a civil ceremony may still want to celebrate their marriage with a reception or party, either straight after the ceremony or at a later date.

Commitment ceremonies

While commitment ceremonies offer a flexible and meaningful way for couples to celebrate their relationship, it's important to note that they do not provide the same legal rights as a civil or religious marriage. This means that the couple may not be able to claim marriage-related benefits, and one partner may not be able to change their last name without going through a separate legal process.

Elopements

Eloping is a great way to get married without the cost and stress of a big wedding. It's also a good option for those who want to avoid family drama or the possibility of putting guests at risk of COVID-19.

When planning an elopement, you'll need to obtain a marriage license and may need to get a permit for your chosen location. On the day of the ceremony, you'll typically need an officiant and witnesses, though this varies by state. Some states also allow self-solemnizing, where the couple performs their own ceremony.

Elopement packages can include a variety of services, such as an officiant, venue, photographer, hair and makeup, flowers, music, and more. They can be customized to fit your budget and preferences.

Eloping is a wonderful way to focus on the experience of the engaged couple and create a personalized, stress-free, and intimate celebration of your love.

Religious ceremonies

Elopement

Elopements are a rebellious way for couples to say no to the wedding industry's expectations. They focus on the experience of the couple rather than a room full of guests. While elopements were once associated with secretive weddings in chapels, they have evolved and now offer an awesome way to get married without a wedding.

Civil Ceremonies

A civil ceremony is performed by a government official who is not affiliated with any organised religion. Couples may opt for a civil ceremony if they have different religious backgrounds, no religious affiliation, or simply want their wedding day to be secular. While civil ceremonies are usually short and take place at a courthouse, they can still include religious elements if desired.

Commitment Ceremonies

A commitment ceremony is a way for couples to exchange vows and commit to each other without the legal binding of a marriage license. It can include many aspects of a traditional wedding, such as exchanging rings and incorporating cultural or religious elements. This option is ideal for couples who feel that marriage is not right for them but still want to express their commitment publicly.

Religious Elements in Nondenominational Weddings

Even if a couple chooses to have a nondenominational wedding, they can still include religious elements. For instance, they can incorporate spiritual beliefs in their nondenominational wedding vows. Additionally, rituals such as candle lighting, sand pouring, or tree planting can symbolise the couple's commitment to each other and add a spiritual dimension to the ceremony.

Self-solemnization

There are several advantages to choosing self-solemnization over a traditional wedding. Firstly, it offers unparalleled privacy and intimacy, allowing couples to exchange vows in a setting of their choice, be it atop a mountain, in a canoe, or even while skydiving. Secondly, it eliminates the hassle and cost of hiring an officiant, making it a more affordable and logistically straightforward option. Lastly, self-solemnization empowers couples to create a ceremony that truly reflects their unique relationship, using their own words and incorporating meaningful activities that may not be feasible with a typical wedding.

While the concept of self-solemnization is gaining traction, it is not yet widely accepted across the United States. Currently, a handful of states permit this type of marriage, each with its own specific requirements:

• Colorado and Washington, D.C. allow self-solemnization without any additional applications or conditions.
• Wisconsin allows self-solemnization but includes a clause stating that the federal government may not recognize the marriage in all contexts.
• Pennsylvania requires two witnesses to sign in place of an officiant.
• Nevada, Kansas, and Maine recognize self-solemnization for couples who identify as 'Friends' or 'Quakers' and follow the marriage practices of these organizations.
• Illinois permits self-solemnization for religious or indigenous ceremonies.
• California offers a separate marriage license for couples who identify with a "non-clergy" belief system but still mandates two witness signatures.

The Process of Self-Solemnization:

To perform a self-solemnization, couples must follow these steps:

• Research the laws: Familiarize yourself with the marriage laws of your chosen state or location, as requirements may vary.
• Obtain a marriage license: Visit the local office of the county clerk in the state where self-solemnization is legalized to apply for a marriage license. Present the required documents, which typically include valid IDs, social security numbers, and proof of divorce or widowhood (if applicable). There may be a waiting period before the license is issued.
• Plan your ceremony: Self-solemnization gives you the freedom to design your own ceremony. You can write personalized vows, choose a unique location, and involve guests or keep it just between the two of you.
• Sign the license: After exchanging vows, remember to sign the marriage license. If witnesses are required by your state, ensure their signatures are obtained as well.
• Return the license: Submit the completed and signed marriage license to the appropriate office within the specified timeframe, usually within 10 to 30 days of the ceremony.

Tips for a Memorable Self-Solemnization:

• Hire a photographer: Ensure you capture the memories of your special day by engaging a professional photographer, especially one skilled in elopement photography, who can provide the privacy you desire while capturing the moment.
• Write personalized vows: Take advantage of the intimate setting and speak from the heart. Write your own vows or letters to one another, making your ceremony a true reflection of your love story.
• Choose a meaningful location: Select a location that resonates with you, whether it's a scenic mountain peak or a cozy treehouse. Make your wedding day an adventure to remember.
• Involve guests (optional): Self-solemnization doesn't have to be a solo affair. You can choose to include guests, family, or even your pets as witnesses to share this momentous occasion with your loved ones.

Frequently asked questions