The True Meaning Of Christian Wedding Vows: A Sacred Covenant

Christian wedding vows are a profound expression of commitment and faith, and a spiritual foundation for a lifelong journey together. While there are no specific wedding vows in the Bible, they are based on biblical principles and scriptures.

The traditional Christian wedding vows are:

> I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part [according to God's holy law/according to God's holy ordinance].

These vows are legally binding and cannot be changed or modified, although there is some flexibility to include additional readings, poetry or Bible extracts.

The core of these vows is a promise of lifelong commitment, partnership, love, companionship, kindness, honesty and patience.

The history of Christian wedding vows

The Origins of Wedding Vows

Although wedding vows are not a legal requirement for marriage, they hold religious and sentimental value for many couples. The concept of wedding vows is believed to have originated from different sources of inspiration, with the earliest documented marriages between a bride and groom taking place among the Anglo-Saxons, who inhabited England from 410 to 1066. During this period, marriages were simple agreements between families or tribes to foster peaceful relationships and trading alliances.

Medieval Church and the Sarum Rite

The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the Medieval Church in England. The dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York had manuals that served as the basis for the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549. The Sarum rite, a set of procedures for Christian public worship, was used in Medieval England and formed the foundation for the marriage vows in the Book of Common Prayer.

The Book of Common Prayer

The Book of Common Prayer, authored by Thomas Cranmer and first published in 1549, is a liturgical book used by the Church of England and later the churches of the Anglican Communion. The marriage vows in this book, including the famous lines, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today," became the standard for Christian weddings and influenced even non-Christian marriage ceremonies. The final revision of the book was made by James I in 1662, and this version is still used by the Church of England today.

Evolution of Wedding Vows

Over time, the wedding vows have evolved, and the original requirement for the bride to vow obedience to her husband has been removed from most modern versions. Couples now have more flexibility in choosing their vows, with some opting to write their own, while others stick to the traditional format or a combination of both.

The meaning of 'to have and to hold'

"To have and to hold" is a phrase in traditional Christian wedding vows. Although there are no specific wedding vows in the Bible, these vows are based on biblical principles of marriage.

"To have and to hold" is a property rights legal phrase that defines the extent of the interest that is granted or conveyed and the conditions affecting it. However, in the context of Christian marriage vows, this phrase is not a statement of ownership; instead, it refers to belonging together.

Genesis 2:24 (KJV) says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." The Greek word for "cleave" (proskollaó) means to join or unite—to glue one thing to another. "To have and to hold" signifies a promise of an exclusive and close marital bond that cannot be broken.

In addition, the verb "to have" implies the enjoyment of a sexual relationship. However, the meaning goes deeper than that. It also means to comprehend, to understand, and to know. According to the Bible, sex is about knowing your spouse exhaustively in all contexts of life, including emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Historically, the verb "to hold" meant "to keep, tend, and watch over." It signifies taking care of something, much like tending a garden. Ephesians 5:29 talks about "nourishing" your spouse, helping them become the person God created them to be.

"To hold" also indicates protecting your spouse from harm. This could include shielding them from various dangers, such as rodents, noises, intruders, angry family members, busyness, infidelity, pornography, abuse, or addiction.

In summary, "to have and to hold" in Christian wedding vows signifies a promise of exclusivity, intimacy, and a deep understanding of one another. It reflects the biblical principle of becoming one flesh and underscores the commitment to protect, care for, and nurture your spouse.

The meaning of 'forsaking all others'

"Forsaking all others" is a phrase from the traditional Christian wedding vows. It is part of the Declaration of Consent from the Book of Common Prayer of the Anglican Church, published in 1549. The phrase is not technically part of the vows but is included in the declaration before the vows. The officiant asks:

> "Will you have this man/woman to be your husband/wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him/her, comfort him/her, honor and keep him/her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him/her as long as you both shall live?"

The phrase "forsaking all others" means promising to give yourself entirely to your partner as a faithful spouse, no matter what. It is a clear statement that intimate relations with anyone else are not part of the equation. It is a vow to be there for that person and to support them in whatever needs they may have.

However, some people interpret the phrase as misleading and potentially damaging to other relationships, especially friendships. They argue that it is impossible and unhealthy to forsake everyone else for your spouse and that the Bible only exhorts us to forsake others in fidelity to Christ.

In a broader sense, "forsaking all others" can be understood as choosing to prioritise your spouse above all others, including yourself. This means considering your spouse's thoughts, opinions, and feelings, and putting their needs before your own. It also means letting go of your own comforts to bless and support your spouse. Ultimately, it is about pursuing God together and becoming more like Christ.

The importance of vows in a Christian wedding

Christian wedding vows are a profound expression of commitment and faith. They are not just important to the couple uttering them but also serve as a wonderful opportunity for married people in the audience to reflect on the vows they once made.

A spiritual foundation

Planning a Christian wedding involves more than just choosing a venue and a dress; it's about laying a spiritual foundation for a lifelong journey. The vows exchanged are a way to inspire and guide couples in creating a marriage centred on God's love and principles.

A lifelong commitment

The promises made during a Christian wedding are a lifelong commitment. They are a declaration of intent and consent, and a pledge of lifelong commitment, partnership, love, companionship, kindness, honesty, and patience.

A sacred contract

Marriage vows are a sacred contract, a solemn vow and agreement between two people on the day they become legally wed. In a Christian context, they are also a promise made in the sight of God and in the presence of witnesses.

A celebration of unity

The moment a couple makes those promises to each other and become lifelong partners is the reason for the huge celebration that is a wedding. The vows are an opportunity to share how they feel about one another, to make promises as lifelong partners, and to reflect on their relationship.

A personal expression

While traditional Christian wedding vows have a set structure and wording, couples can still tweak them to fit with their vision for their wedding and marriage. They can also be personalised by including additional readings, poetry, or Bible extracts as part of the ceremony.

Examples of Christian wedding vows

While there are no specific wedding vows in the Bible, Christian couples can base their vows on biblical principles. Here are some examples of Christian wedding vows:

Traditional Christian Wedding Vows

"I [name], take you [name], to be my wedded wife/husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness."

"I love you [name] as I love no other. All that I am I share with you. I take you to be my husband/wife through health and sickness, through plenty and want, through joy and sorrow, now and forever."

Biblical Wedding Vows

"Let the husband render unto the wife due to benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband."

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; and it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Personalised Christian Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God’s holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow."

"I give you this ring, wear it with love and joy. I choose you to be my husband: to have and to hold, from this day forward."

Modern Christian Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], with all your faults and strengths, as I offer myself to you with all my faults and strengths. And I will help you when you need help and turn to you when I need help. I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life."

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my partner, loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know. And I eagerly anticipate the chance to grow together, getting to know the man/woman you will become, and falling in love a little more every day. I promise to love and cherish you through whatever life may bring us."

Non-Traditional Christian Wedding Vows

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband and I promise before God and our families and friends these things: To care for you as God has called a man/woman to care for his/her wife/husband; to love, honour and serve you; to always be there when you need me, knowing when to speak and when to listen, when to lead and when to follow. I will be sensitive to your needs, sharing in openness and honesty, and seek with you God’s will for our lives, as we follow Him together. For richer or poorer, in good times and bad, in sickness and in health, this is my solemn vow."

"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wife/husband, to embrace you in love and sorrow, share with you the wisdom of my life and receive from you the same, to share the laughter and tears of our lives as though they were one, guide you in your hour of need, seek solace from you in return, receive you as a servant, yet serve your needs also, as long as we both shall live."

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