Weddings: Religious Or Secular?

Whether a wedding is religious or non-religious depends on the couple's faith or cultural traditions. Non-religious weddings are founded on the couple's relationship and efforts, excluding any mention of a supernatural power. Humanist weddings, for example, are legally recognised in Scotland and allow for greater personalisation than religious ceremonies. They are conducted by a celebrant who shares the couple's beliefs and values, and can be held in a variety of venues, from beaches to rooftops. While non-religious weddings are easy to plan and provide freedom to tailor the ceremony, they can be challenging when family members are religious.

Choosing a secular wedding officiant

The person who marries you, also known as a wedding officiant, has an important role in your wedding. They must be legally qualified or ordained, and they should be someone you and your partner feel comfortable with. They should be able to make your ceremony special and keep your wedding guests engaged.

Know the Difference

First, understand the difference between a non-denominational and a civil ceremony. A non-denominational ceremony is based on Christianity but is not specific to any particular denomination, such as Catholicism or Protestantism. On the other hand, a civil ceremony is completely non-religious and is performed by someone unaffiliated with any religious organisation.

Get Recommendations

Talk to recently married couples or relatives who hired an officiant. They can recommend specific people or point you in the right direction with advice on how they found their officiant.

Ask Your Venue or Event Planner

Your venue and event planner are excellent resources for recommendations. They can refer you to an officiant who regularly performs weddings at the venue, which can help your day go more smoothly since they will be familiar with the venue and how things are run there.

Browse Online

If you're unsure where to start, reading reviews or checking out real weddings in your area can be a great way to find local officiants. Getting a sense of what other couples have to say about an officiant will help you determine if they might be a good fit for you and your partner.

Meet with Local Houses of Worship

If you've recently attended a wedding or event at a house of worship and are open to the idea of having a religious figure officiate your wedding, consider reaching out to that venue. Ask the organisation if they provide officiant services for non-members. They may require you to attend classes or counselling, make a donation, or join the organisation.

Ask a Loved One

Consider asking a loved one, such as a friend or family member, to get ordained and officiate your wedding. This can make the wedding feel more personalised and intimate. However, keep in mind that they may not have any experience with officiating weddings, so there might be a learning curve, and they may feel added pressure to do a good job. Ensure they understand the role and have the bandwidth to take on the responsibility.

Questions to Ask Potential Officiants

Whether you choose a civil officiant or a loved one to marry you, here are some questions to ask before making your final decision:

• How long have you been an officiant?
• Will you give a speech during the ceremony, and can we review it beforehand?
• Do you personalise each ceremony?
• Can you help us with our vows?
• Are you comfortable speaking in front of a crowd?
• Do you have any experience officiating weddings?

Remember, it is essential to meet with your chosen officiant at least once before the wedding day to ensure you are on the same page regarding vows, readings, and the overall ceremony.

Selecting a non-religious wedding venue

Choose a Meaningful Location

Select a venue that is meaningful to you and your partner. This could be a place that holds special memories for you both, such as a favourite holiday destination, a beautiful natural setting, or even your own backyard. Choosing a meaningful location can make your wedding more personal and intimate.

Consider All-Inclusive Venues

If convenience and ease of planning are important to you, consider opting for an all-inclusive venue. These venues typically offer both ceremony and reception spaces, often with outdoor and indoor options. This can simplify the planning process and reduce the need for transportation between locations.

Think Outside the Box

Non-religious wedding venues can be anywhere that is not a place of worship, such as a historical mansion, a museum, a library, a winery, a brewery, a hotel, a rooftop, or even a local pub. These unique venues can add a touch of creativity and personality to your special day.

Be Mindful of Logistics

When selecting a venue, consider the logistics of the space. Is it easily accessible for your guests, especially those with limited mobility? Does it have adequate facilities and amenities to accommodate your guest list? Thinking about these practical aspects will help ensure a smooth and enjoyable experience for everyone.

Check Local Laws and Regulations

Depending on your desired venue, there may be legal requirements to consider. For example, if you choose to get married at a city hall or courthouse, there may be restrictions on religious readings or rituals. Familiarise yourself with the laws and regulations of your chosen venue to avoid any last-minute surprises.

Communicate Your Vision

When working with your chosen venue, be clear about your vision for a non-religious wedding. Discuss your plans and ensure they are comfortable accommodating your requests. This open communication will help create a seamless and personalised experience that aligns with your values.

Remember, your wedding venue should reflect who you are as a couple and what is meaningful to you. By selecting a non-religious venue, you have the freedom to incorporate traditions and rituals that resonate with your beliefs, creating a ceremony that truly celebrates your love.

Planning a secular wedding ceremony

A secular wedding ceremony is a non-religious ceremony that gives couples the freedom to customize the ceremony to their liking. A secular ceremony can incorporate elements of different cultures, traditions, or religions, or it can be tailored to match the couple's personal values and beliefs.

Choose an officiant

Select a secular wedding officiant who is comfortable with humanist ceremonies. This can be a professional wedding officiant, a wedding planner, or a friend or family member. If you are having trouble finding an officiant, consider reaching out to a local humanist organization, as they may be able to connect you with a celebrant who shares your values and beliefs.

Venue

The beauty of a secular wedding is the flexibility it provides in terms of location. Unlike traditional ceremonies, which are often held in religious venues, secular weddings can be held anywhere the couple chooses. This could be a picturesque beach or garden, a historic building, or even the comfort of their own home.

Personalize the ceremony

Add elements that are meaningful to you and your partner, such as readings, music, or traditions from your cultural backgrounds. If you are blending families, you might want to include a candle with enough wicks for everyone to light together or a sand ceremony. You can also include your pets by placing special wedding collars on them after exchanging your rings.

Order of events

A secular wedding ceremony typically includes a processional, a welcome or opening statement, the exchange of vows and rings, a reading, the first kiss, and a recessional. You can also add your own unique twist to these traditional elements. For example, instead of a standard processional, you could have a friend or family member lead the way, or include a unity ceremony, such as a handfasting ritual, after the welcome remarks.

Vows and readings

Since secular weddings are not bound by religious traditions or rules, you have the freedom to write your own vows and include readings that reflect your beliefs and values. Secular wedding vows can be whatever you want them to be, from silly promises to serious commitments. You can also incorporate spiritual beliefs, poetry, lyrics, or meaningful quotes, especially if they hold a special significance to your relationship.

Communicate with family

If your family is religious, planning a secular wedding can bring up a range of emotions and challenges. It is important to communicate your plans clearly and neutrally, without disparaging their belief system. Explain why your choices are meaningful to you, rather than why their religious traditions are not a fit for you. If you think having an open conversation about your differences will be difficult, consider having a private ceremony or trusting that your family will respect your choices on your wedding day.

Secular weddings with religious family members

A non-religious wedding is a legally binding ceremony that does not incorporate faith traditions or follow a religious format. It is founded on the efforts and relationship of the couple, without including any supernatural powers. Humanist wedding ceremonies are a popular choice for non-religious weddings, as they allow for greater personalisation and can incorporate words and rituals from a wide range of cultures.

Planning a secular wedding when your family is religious can be emotionally challenging. Here are some tips to help you navigate this situation and plan a wedding that respects your family's beliefs while remaining true to your own:

Have a Private Ceremony:

If you prefer a secular ceremony but want to include a family member who is a religious leader, consider having a private ceremony at a location that does not allow religious readings, such as a government building. This can help you avoid conflict while still including your loved ones in the celebration.

Choose a Meaningful Venue:

Opting for a meaningful venue that is not a church can be a good alternative. When asked about your choice of venue, you can share a heartfelt story about why this location is important to you and your partner. This approach demonstrates respect for your family's beliefs while also asserting your own choices.

Choose an Experienced Officiant:

Hiring an experienced officiant who can help you incorporate traditional elements can be a good way to honour your family's beliefs. This can include inviting a family member who is comfortable with leading a secular ceremony, ensuring that your family remains intimately involved in the process.

Make Space for Open Interpretation:

Involving your family members in the ceremony by inviting them to give blessings or prayers can be a way to include a range of interpretations, from religious to non-religious. This approach allows your family to participate in a way that is meaningful to them while respecting your choice of a secular ceremony.

Communicate Clearly and Neutrally:

When explaining your plans to your family, it is essential to express your choices firmly and respectfully. Avoid debating religious beliefs by focusing on why your choices are meaningful to you. Consider writing a letter to explain your reasoning if a face-to-face conversation seems challenging.

Incorporate Religious Elements Respectfully:

If you wish to honour your family's religious traditions while maintaining a secular ceremony, consider including religious elements in a way that respects your beliefs. For example, invite a family member to share a reading from a religious text, incorporate a non-religious "prayer," or update traditional rituals with secular language. Ensure that your officiant is comfortable with these inclusions.

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment. It is essential to find a balance between respecting your family's beliefs and staying true to your own values and choices. Open communication, compromise, and creativity can help you navigate this situation and create a meaningful and respectful celebration.

Legality of non-religious weddings

A non-religious wedding is a legally binding ceremony that does not incorporate faith traditions or follow a religious format. In most countries, humanist wedding ceremonies are not legally valid, and a separate civil ceremony is required. However, this varies depending on the jurisdiction of your wedding locale.

Legal Requirements for a Valid Marriage in the UK

To marry in accordance with UK law, several legal requirements must be met. Firstly, you must give notice of your marriage in advance, and the marriage must take place in an approved venue, which can include certain places of religious worship. The marriage must be performed by or in the presence of an authorised person who can register marriages, and it must be entered into the marriage register. The marriage register must be signed by both parties, two witnesses, and the authorised person.

Humanist Weddings in the UK

In the UK, humanist celebrants can conduct legally binding marriages in Scotland, but not in England or Wales. The British Humanist Association trains and licenses these celebrants to conduct humanist weddings. While anyone can conduct a non-binding ceremony, a legally recognised humanist wedding in Scotland must be performed by a registered humanist celebrant.

Legal Requirements for a Non-Religious Wedding

The specific legal requirements for a non-religious wedding ceremony can vary depending on the jurisdiction, but typically, a marriage license must be obtained, and the ceremony must be overseen by a certified officiant. A declaration of intent is usually required, where both parties confirm their desire to enter into the marriage contract. This confirmation is typically phrased as "I do".

Planning a Non-Religious Wedding

When planning a non-religious wedding, couples have the freedom to personalise their ceremony and incorporate traditional rituals such as exchanging rings or a handfasting. It is important to research the legal requirements of the wedding locale and work with an officiant to craft a ceremony script that meets these requirements while reflecting the couple's unique story and values.

Frequently asked questions