Divorcee Maid Of Honor: Catholic Wedding Conundrum

The role of maid of honor is typically given to a close friend or relative of the bride, and it entails responsibilities such as organizing the bridal shower and bachelorette party, as well as providing support with wedding planning. While a matron of honor has the same duties, she is distinguished from the maid of honor by her marital status—she is married. Importantly, divorce does not affect one's standing in the Catholic Church, and divorced individuals are encouraged to participate in Church activities. While the Church does not recognize civil divorce, it does require an annulment for divorced Catholics who wish to remarry in the Catholic faith. When it comes to Catholic weddings, the requirements can vary across different dioceses and parishes. In some cases, the Church may request that the maid or matron of honor be Catholic, but this is not always strictly enforced.

The Catholic Church's view of divorce

If a divorced person wishes to remarry in the Catholic Church, they will need to obtain an annulment unless their former spouse has died. The Church considers all marriages to be valid and binding, regardless of the faith tradition of the spouses. Therefore, any question of dissolution must be brought before a Church court or tribunal. This process can be challenging, especially for those from a faith tradition that accepts divorce and remarriage. However, it is seen as a sign of great love for the intended spouse.

While divorced individuals are welcomed in the Catholic Church, some parishes may have specific requirements for those seeking to remarry or play certain roles in a Catholic wedding. For example, some priests may require that either the best man or maid of honour be Catholic, as they are the official witnesses to the marriage and the receipt of the sacrament. Overall, the Church's stance on divorce reflects its belief in the sanctity and permanence of marriage.

Can a divorced person be a full member of the Church?

Divorce is not a sin in the Catholic Church, and divorced people are full members of the Church. They are encouraged to participate in Church activities and can receive Holy Communion. However, if a divorced Catholic has remarried without an annulment, they should speak with a pastor to resolve their situation so that they may receive Holy Communion.

Divorce is a painful passage for many, and the Church offers support to divorced persons, encouraging them to remain close to God through the frequent reception of the Sacraments, especially the Holy Eucharist. Many dioceses offer programs and support groups for divorced and separated persons.

The Church views marriage as a permanent union, an unbreakable bond. Jesus himself taught that marriage is permanent (Matthew 19:3-6), and St. Paul reinforced this teaching (see 1 Cor 7:10-11 and Eph 5:31-32). The Church does not recognise civil divorce because it cannot dissolve what is indissoluble.

If a divorced Catholic wishes to remarry in the Catholic Church, they must obtain an annulment unless their former spouse has died. An annulment does not mean that the marriage never took place; it is a determination that a sacramental marriage did not occur. It does not mean that the children of that marriage are illegitimate or that the couple was "living in sin". It means that the couple had little or no idea about what Christian marriage was about or that there were deep problems from the beginning of the marriage.

The annulment process can give divorced Catholics three gifts: clarity, by helping them understand why their marriage failed; healing, by allowing them to work through their anger and guilt; and time, by ensuring they don't rush into another relationship.

The role of the maid of honour

The maid of honour is the bride's right-hand woman and head bridesmaid throughout her engagement and wedding day. She is usually the bride's BFF, sibling, or a close friend. The role comes with a lot of responsibility and can be quite expensive.

Pre-wedding duties

The maid of honour is responsible for leading the bridesmaids and keeping them informed. She should connect the bridal party by email or text so everyone can get to know each other. She should also check in with the bridesmaids about their budgets for the bachelorette party and bridal shower.

The maid of honour should attend wedding dress shopping and fittings and provide her honest opinion. She should also help the bride choose bridesmaid dresses and ensure that they are ordered in a timely fashion, along with any required accessories.

She will also be in charge of planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower, in collaboration with the bridesmaids. This includes reaching out to family members, sending out invitations, choosing a venue, and planning activities.

Other duties include:

• Being a point of contact for guests and other bridesmaids
• Attending pre-wedding events such as the engagement party, rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner
• Helping the bride with DIY projects such as addressing wedding invitations or making centrepieces or favours
• Preparing a speech for the reception
• Offering to help the bride with any last-minute tasks, such as packing for the honeymoon

Wedding day duties

On the wedding day, the maid of honour will help the bride get ready and keep her calm and stress-free. She will also help the bride with her dress, veil, and any last-minute adjustments.

During the ceremony, the maid of honour will:

• Walk down the aisle before the flower girl and ring bearer
• Hold the bride's bouquet during the exchange of rings
• Hold the groom's ring (in an opposite-sex wedding with no ring bearer)
• Sign the marriage license as a witness

At the reception, she will:

• Stand next to the groom in the receiving line (optional)
• Enter the reception with the best man
• Help bustle the bride's train and assist her in the restroom
• Answer guests' questions and direct them
• Dance with the best man
• Give a speech
• Ensure the bride eats and drinks enough
• Collect wedding gifts if necessary
• Tie up any loose ends, such as storing the bride's wedding gown or ensuring the top tier of the wedding cake is frozen

The difference between a maid of honour and a matron of honour

The roles and responsibilities of both positions are the same, and both are usually a best friend or sister of the bride. However, a matron of honour may be able to assist more with wedding planning, having already gone through the process herself.

It is also possible to have both a maid of honour and a matron of honour at the same wedding. This can be advantageous for the bride, as it means double the support, love, and trust. It is also possible to have two maids/matrons of honour walk down the aisle, either escorted by the best man or separately.

Catholic Church wedding party requirements

The Catholic Church has specific requirements for weddings, including the wedding party. Here are the key requirements to keep in mind for your wedding party:

• The Church prefers that the maid or matron of honor and the best man be members of the Catholic faith. It is important to discuss this with your priest before finalising your bridal party.
• The Church recognises the importance of gender-fluid roles and may allow for a "Best Woman" or a "Man of Honour". Be sure to confirm this with your priest.
• The bridal party should adhere to the dress code guidelines set by the Church. Modest cuts and garments are typically required, with some churches requesting that shoulders be covered.
• The wedding party should be respectful of the sacred nature of the ceremony and refrain from interrupting the liturgy. Flash photography and specific movement restrictions for photographers may be implemented by the priest.
• The wedding party should be actively involved in the marriage preparation process, which can include sessions with a priest, attendance at conferences or retreats, and increased participation in church activities.
• If there are any divorced individuals in the wedding party, it is important to discuss this with the priest, as the Church has specific views on divorce and may have requirements for annulment.
• The wedding party should be aware of and agree to support the couple in their commitment to a lifelong marriage, as well as their intention to have and raise children in the Catholic faith.
• It is important to check with your local parish and diocese for any additional requirements or policies regarding the wedding party. These can vary and may include specific rules about the bridal party's attire or their roles during the ceremony.

Frequently asked questions