Mom As A Wedding Planner: Good Idea Or Not?

Involving your mother in your wedding planning can be a wonderful idea, and there are many ways to do so. From sharing Pinterest boards to gathering inspiration, to teaching her how to use social media platforms to help with the brainstorming, there are many ways to include your mother in the wedding planning process.

However, it is important to remember that not all mothers are excited about wedding planning, and some may even be toxic or narcissistic. It is also up to you and your future spouse to decide which parts of the planning process you want to involve your mother in.

If you are looking for specific tasks or duties to delegate to your mother, there are several options. These include attending wedding dress shopping appointments, assisting with venue selection, helping to wrangle bridesmaids, researching ceremony traditions and finding family heirlooms, and providing a second set of eyes for vendor contracts and other details.

Ultimately, the decision to involve your mother in your wedding planning is a personal one, and it is important to consider your relationship dynamics and her level of interest and excitement.

Dress shopping

Wedding dress shopping is one of the most memorable moments in the wedding planning process. It can also be a fun and emotional experience for the mother of the bride.

As the mother of the bride, you can offer to help by researching local bridal salons, boutiques, and trunk shows, setting up appointments, and, of course, attending. During appointments, remember to put away your phone (unless photos are requested) and offer supportive opinions.

You may also be asked to go bridesmaid dress shopping, or be invited for second fittings and accessory shopping. You can always offer your assistance and let your daughter decide if it's needed.

If your daughter is inviting people to go wedding dress shopping, chances are you’ll be at the top of the list. Throughout this process, which can span multiple appointments and involve some research, you’ll want to be as supportive and helpful as possible.

If your daughter lives far away, you can still be involved in the wedding dress shopping process. You can initiate contact and ask how the planning is going. You can also suggest some areas that you'd love to be involved in and then leave your daughter to decide on how much support she wants.

Remember, your role as the bride's mother is to support your daughter through her wedding planning journey from start to finish.

Venue selection

Define Your Vision and Priorities

Before starting your search, discuss with your partner and your mom about the type of venue you envision. Do you prefer a casual beach setting or a majestic ballroom? Do you want a rustic or glamorous atmosphere? Defining your desired style and theme will help narrow down the options. Consider creating a joint Pinterest board with your mom to gather inspiration and ideas for the venue and overall wedding aesthetic.

Location, Location, Location

The location of your wedding will impact all other aspects of your big day, from your budget to your guests' convenience. Traditionally, weddings were held in the bride's hometown, but today, you have more flexibility. You can choose either partner's hometown, your current city, a favourite vacation spot, or even a dream destination. Discuss the pros and cons of each option with your mom and partner, considering factors such as convenience, backdrop, and budget.

Ceremony and Reception Spaces

Decide whether you want your ceremony and reception to take place in the same venue or separate locations. Some couples opt for separate spaces, especially if they want to host the ceremony in a house of worship or a unique location like a park or courthouse. Others prefer the convenience of having both events in one venue. Your mom can provide valuable input on this decision, considering factors such as guest experience and logistics.

Guest List and Capacity

Creating an estimated guest list is crucial when selecting a venue, as most venues have a firm capacity that cannot be exceeded. Work with your partner and families to come up with a preliminary guest list to ensure the venue can comfortably accommodate everyone. Your mom can help with this process, especially if she has a good understanding of the families' dynamics and social circles.

Budgeting

The venue and catering typically account for a significant portion of your wedding budget. It's essential to have honest conversations about finances with your partner, families, and your mom. Be transparent about contributions and create a clear budget to guide your venue selection. Your mom can offer valuable insight, especially if she has experience with event planning or budgeting.

In-House Services and Restrictions

When evaluating venues, pay close attention to the services they offer in-house and any restrictions they may have. Some venues have exclusive caterers or preferred vendor lists, which can impact your costs and flexibility. In-house catering, especially at hotels, often charges a price-per-plate, so be sure to factor that into your budget. Your mom can help research and compare these details, ensuring that you find a venue that aligns with your vision and financial constraints.

Site Visits and Final Decision

Once you've narrowed down your options, schedule site visits to tour the venues and meet with coordinators. Your mom can accompany you on these visits, offering a second perspective and helping you notice details you might have missed. Don't feel pressured to make an immediate decision; take time to discuss your options with your partner and families. Consider creating a pros and cons list for each venue, weighing factors like cost, convenience, and overall fit with your vision.

Involving your mom in the venue selection process can be a wonderful way to include her in your wedding planning journey. Her input and support will be invaluable, and it will create cherished memories for both of you.

Budgeting

Determine the Total Budget:

Firstly, figure out how much you and your spouse-to-be can contribute to the wedding. Be realistic about what you can afford by considering your daily expenses, debts, and any upcoming costs. Also, find out if anyone else, like family or friends, will be contributing financially and how much they are offering.

Break Down the Budget:

Allocate your budget across different categories. The percentages below are averages, so feel free to adjust them according to your priorities:

• Reception Venue, Catering, and Rentals: 45%
• Wedding Planner/Coordinator: 5-15%
• Ceremony: 2-5%
• Photography and/or Videography: 12%
• Reception Music/Entertainment: 10%
• Stationery: 2-3%
• Flowers and Decor: 10%
• Wedding Attire and Beauty: 9%
• Wedding Cake and Desserts: 2-3%
• Transportation: 2-3%
• Tips: 5-15%
• Just-in-case Fund: 5-15%
• Rehearsal Dinner and Other Wedding Events: 8%
• Honeymoon: 5%

Track Your Spending:

Use a spreadsheet, budget app, or a dedicated wedding budget tracker like the ones offered by WeddingWire or The Knot to monitor your expenses. Add expenses as you go, and keep track of payments and deadlines.

Save Money Where You Can:

• Cut down the guest list.
• Choose a less expensive venue.
• Rent clothing and jewellery instead of buying.
• Opt for minimalist decor.
• Choose affordable wedding stationery.
• Skip the wedding cake and offer a dessert bar instead.

Understand the Impact of Style:

Formal weddings and those with extensive floral arrangements tend to be more expensive. Ensure that your envisioned wedding style aligns with your budget, and be prepared to make compromises if needed.

Final Tips:

• Set an absolute budget limit and stick to it.
• Be diligent about protecting your "extras" fund for unexpected costs.
• Shop around for cost-effective options, and don't be afraid to reuse or repurpose items.
• Use credit cards wisely, and only charge expenses that can be paid off within 30 days.

By following these steps, you and your mom can create a realistic wedding budget and ensure that your special day stays within your financial means.

Guest list management

Start with a Realistic Budget

The number of guests you invite will have a significant impact on your wedding budget. Before finalising your guest list, it is essential to have a clear understanding of your financial resources. Consider the costs associated with catering, venue capacity, and any other restrictions that may influence the number of guests you can accommodate.

Prioritize Close Loved Ones

Begin by identifying your VIPs, including immediate family members and close friends. Ensure that those nearest and dearest to you are at the top of the list. This approach will help you stay focused and make it easier to decide who to include and who to exclude.

Create a Tiered List

A practical way to organise your guest list is to divide it into categories, such as A, B, and C. The A list comprises those closest to you, while the B list includes individuals you know well but are not as intimately connected to. The C list consists of people you would like to invite but can do without if necessary.

Utilise a Guest List Manager

Various online tools and platforms, such as WeddingWire and The Knot Guest List Manager, can assist you in managing your guest list efficiently. These platforms allow you to import or manually add guests, track RSVPs, collect dietary restrictions, and organise seating charts. They provide a centralised location for all guest-related information, making the process more streamlined and organised.

Be Mindful of Plus-Ones

Deciding on a policy for plus-ones is essential. While you may want to allow your guests to bring a companion, it is crucial to set clear guidelines to manage expectations and control the number of attendees. Consider limiting plus-ones to only those in your wedding party, engaged couples, or those who live together with their partners.

Consider Travel Requirements

When creating your guest list, keep in mind any travel requirements or restrictions that may impact your guests' ability to attend. This is especially important for destination weddings, as you'll want to ensure that your chosen location is accessible for your guests.

Don't Rush the Process

Creating the perfect guest list takes time, so don't rush it. As the guest list impacts many other wedding elements, take your time to consider all factors and make thoughtful decisions about who to include.

Involving your mom in guest list management can be a wonderful way to include her in the wedding planning process. She can provide valuable input and help ensure that no detail is overlooked. Remember to enjoy this special time and cherish the memories you create with your mom during the planning journey.

Conflict resolution

Involving your mother in your wedding planning can be a wonderful idea, but it's important to remember that conflicts may arise. Here are some tips for conflict resolution when your mom is your wedding planner:

Communicate Your Vision

It's essential to communicate your vision for the wedding clearly to your mom. Share your ideas, dreams, and priorities for the big day. This will help her understand your expectations and ensure that she is working towards the same goal. Be open to hearing her thoughts and suggestions as well, as her input can add a special touch to your wedding.

Set Clear Boundaries

Discuss and set clear boundaries about your mom's role in the planning process. Let her know the areas where you would like her input, such as dress shopping or venue selection, and the areas where you would prefer to make the decisions yourself. This will help manage her expectations and avoid any misunderstandings or overstepping.

Address Disagreements Calmly

When disagreements arise, it's important to address them calmly and respectfully. Try to understand your mom's perspective and be willing to compromise when possible. Remember that you might not always see eye to eye, but finding a middle ground can lead to creative solutions that incorporate both of your ideas.

Include Her in Meaningful Ways

Involve your mom in meaningful ways throughout the planning process. Ask for her opinion on specific details, such as flower arrangements or seating arrangements. This will make her feel valued and appreciated while also lightening your own planning load.

Be Mindful of Her Feelings

Your wedding is not only a significant event for you but also for your mom. Be mindful of her feelings throughout the planning process. She might have her own emotions and expectations associated with this milestone, and understanding them can help you navigate any conflicts that arise.

Seek Outside Help if Needed

If conflicts persist or become particularly challenging, consider seeking outside help. This could involve enlisting the support of a neutral third party, such as a wedding planner or mediator, who can help facilitate difficult conversations and provide objective guidance.

Remember, conflicts during the wedding planning process are normal, and it's important to approach them with patience, flexibility, and open communication. By resolving these conflicts effectively, you can ensure that the planning process is a positive and memorable experience for both you and your mom.

Frequently asked questions