Sending Multiple Wedding Gifts: Is It Acceptable?

Wedding gift-giving can be a tricky business, and it's often difficult to know what the right thing to do is. While it's not mandatory to give a gift, it is generally expected, especially if you're close to the couple. But what about if you're attending more than one celebration for the same couple? Is it rude to bring a gift to the wedding? And what if you can't attend at all—are you still expected to send a gift?

When to send multiple wedding gifts

There are a few things to consider when deciding when to send multiple wedding gifts. Firstly, it is generally recommended to send wedding gifts as soon as possible, ideally within three months of the wedding or even before the wedding day. This is because the couple will likely appreciate receiving gifts before the wedding craziness begins, and it will give them time to write thank-you notes.

Secondly, if you are planning to send gifts from the couple's wedding registry, it is a good idea to do so about four to six weeks before the wedding. This is because the couple will likely receive your gift before the wedding, and you will have a wider range of gift options to choose from.

Thirdly, if you are giving cash or a cheque, it is generally considered acceptable to bring an envelope with you to the wedding and give it directly to the couple. However, if you want to avoid the risk of your gift getting lost or stolen during the event, it is better to send it a few weeks to a month before the wedding. You could also contribute to the couple's honeymoon fund or use a payment app.

Finally, if you are sending multiple gifts, it is essential to consider the couple's preferences and cultural background. For example, in some regions, physical gifts are given at the wedding shower, while money is given on the wedding day. In other cases, the couple may prefer to have gifts shipped directly to their home to avoid the hassle of transporting them from the venue.

Overall, while there is no hard and fast rule about when to send multiple wedding gifts, it is generally best to send them promptly and consider the couple's convenience and preferences.

Cash or cheque?

While it may have been considered a faux pas in the past, giving cash or a cheque as a wedding gift is now perfectly acceptable. In fact, it's becoming increasingly common for couples to register for cash funds and gift cards in addition to traditional wedding presents. Newlywed life is expensive, and cash gifts can help couples save for a house, adopt a pet, or go on their dream honeymoon.

If you're giving cash or a cheque, it's best to send a cheque instead of a wad of bills, in case the envelope gets misplaced. It's also important to include a note with your gift, explaining what it's for and who it's from. This ensures that the couple will recognise your gift for what it is, and it gives you a chance to personalise your present with a thoughtful message.

There are also a few creative ways to give cash or a cheque as a wedding gift:

• Send your gift virtually through digital payment methods like Zelle, Venmo, or PayPal.
• Give a gift card, either to a specific store or a credit card company like Visa or American Express.
• Distribute your gift over time by attaching cash to a gift that the couple can open at different milestones, such as vintage bottles of wine marked for their five, ten, and fifteen-year anniversaries.
• Put your cash gift in a bottle and label it as a "rainy day fund" for the couple to use in case of emergencies.

Remember, the amount you give should always be within your personal budget and based on your connection to the couple.

Sending gifts ahead of the wedding

Timing is Everything

According to wedding etiquette, it is generally recommended to send gifts ahead of the wedding, preferably within three months of the big day. This allows the couple to receive and appreciate your gift amid the excitement leading up to their wedding. However, if unforeseen circumstances cause a delay, it is still considered acceptable for your gift to arrive a little later. The old-school etiquette rule states that you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift, but it is best to send it as soon as possible.

Use the Couple's Wedding Registry

One of the safest ways to choose a gift is to use the couple's wedding registry. This ensures that you get them something they truly want and need, and it also gives you a variety of options at different price points. You can also use the registry to find engagement and wedding shower gifts. If the couple has a wedding website, be sure to check it for additional clues and inspiration.

Cash or Check Gifts

If you plan to give cash or a check as a wedding gift, it is generally safer to send it ahead of time rather than bringing it to the wedding. You can mail a check or use payment apps or electronic transfer methods such as Venmo or PayPal. Sending your monetary gift ahead of time ensures it won't get lost or stolen during the wedding festivities.

Shipping Physical Gifts

When it comes to physical gifts, always ship them directly to the couple's home. This saves them the hassle of figuring out how to transport gifts from the wedding venue and reduces the risk of gifts getting lost or stolen. For destination weddings, shipping gifts is especially important, as the couple will have to deal with packing and bringing them home.

When Not to Send a Gift

If you don't know the couple well, such as in the case of a distant colleague or a second cousin's brother-in-law, you are not obligated to send a gift. In these cases, sending a congratulatory card is sufficient. However, if you are close to the couple, it is thoughtful to send a gift, even if you can't attend the wedding.

Gift ideas

If you're looking for wedding gift ideas, it's a good idea to check if the couple has a wedding registry. This is a curated wish list of gifts that the couple will definitely appreciate and use. If they don't have a registry, you can always ask them if there's anything they'd like as a gift or give them cash or a cheque.

• A personalised shadow box frame to display photos and mementos from their wedding and relationship.
• A set of fancy glassware with their initials and last name engraved on them.
• A smart oven that can cook a variety of meals, from steaks to breakfast.
• A set of personalised wine and whiskey glasses.
• A globe decanter set for a couple who loves to travel.
• A French cookbook, especially one with hand-drawn illustrations.
• A marble wine chiller to keep their favourite bottle of wine chilled for hours.
• A set of matching coffee mugs with their names and a special date engraved on them.
• A luxury bedding set, including sheets, pillowcases and a duvet cover.
• A pair of personalised champagne flutes to toast their special day.
• A deluxe snack gift basket with sweet and savoury treats.
• A set of Glencairn glasses for enjoying their favourite spirits.
• A leather valet box to keep their wedding rings and other accessories safe.
• A halo smoker kit for couples who like to party, including a wood whiskey smoker, blowtorch and custom glasses.
• A wooden gift box to store mementos from their wedding day, such as flowers, photos and invitations.

Remember, it's always the thought that counts, and the couple will surely appreciate whatever gift you give them to celebrate their special day.

How much to spend

The amount of money you should spend on a wedding gift depends on a variety of factors, such as your budget, your relationship with the couple, and the cost of attending the wedding.

According to Zola, the average wedding gift amount ranges from $100 to $200, depending on how close you are to the couple. However, choosing a wedding gift isn't about the price tag; it's about giving the couple a special acknowledgment of this happy moment.

• If you're a coworker, acquaintance, or distant relative: $50-$100
• If you're a friend or relative: $75-$150
• If you're a close friend, immediate family, or part of the wedding party: $100-$200+
• If you received a +1 on your invitation: 1.5-2x more on the gift

It's important to note that these are just guidelines, and you should spend what you're comfortable with. Wedding gifts are not mandatory, and the couple would rather have you there to celebrate than stress over the cost of a gift.

Frequently asked questions