Wedding Gift Etiquette: Self-Referring As Uncle

Weddings are a joyous occasion, and it can be tricky to know what to write in a wedding card, especially when it comes to addressing yourself. While some people prefer to stick to traditional wedding card etiquette, others opt for a more casual approach. Ultimately, it's about what feels right for you and your relationship with the couple. If you are close to the couple, you might want to include a personal anecdote or inside joke in your message. You could also include a famous quote about love or a religious message if that resonates with the couple. As for referring to yourself as uncle, it is not uncommon to address family members by their relation to you in a wedding card, especially if you are close.

How much money should you give as a wedding gift?

When it comes to wedding gifts, cash is king. Wedding experts advise that cash gifts should start at $100 and can go up to $500 depending on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget, and the cost of attending the wedding. The latest data from The Knot reveals that US wedding guests spent an average of $160 on a gift in 2021, which would be about $187 after adjusting for inflation in 2023.

• Your Relationship with the Couple: Generally, the closer you are to the couple, the higher the gift amount. For instance, you would likely give a larger amount to your sibling than to a colleague.
• Your Budget: Your gift amount should be within your budget. If you can afford to give more, a larger sum is appropriate. However, if your budget is tight, consider a smaller amount or a gift from the registry.
• Your Role in the Wedding: If you have already contributed your time, energy, or money to the wedding, such as by organizing pre-wedding events, you may give a lower gift amount.
• Cost of Attendance: Traditionally, your gift should at least cover the cost of your attendance, including the meal at the reception.

It's important to note that there is no hard-and-fast rule on how much cash to give. The amount you give should ultimately depend on your financial situation and comfort level.

Now, to answer your question directly, as an uncle of the bride or groom, your gift amount would typically depend on the factors mentioned above. If you have a close relationship with your niece/nephew, you might consider giving a higher amount, such as $200 or more. If your relationship is more distant, you could give a lower amount, such as $100 or less. Additionally, if you are attending with your partner or family, you might consider giving a joint gift, which could be higher than an individual gift.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and you should give what you feel comfortable giving. Your presence at the wedding and celebration of their special day is also a wonderful gift in itself.

Is it okay to give a group gift?

While there is no concrete wedding gift etiquette, group gifts are perfectly acceptable. In fact, they are a win-win situation for both the couple and the guests. Group gifting allows the couple to choose whatever gifts they want within whatever price range they desire, while guests can contribute an amount within their budget.

Group gifts are especially useful when purchasing expensive items. Guests can contribute to high-quality brands, premium products, or big-ticket items without breaking their bank. This also increases the couple's chances of receiving the gift.

Group gifts are also a great option for bridesmaids and groomsmen who have already spent a significant amount of money on the wedding. It allows them to gift a thoughtful present to the couple without spending a large amount individually. Similarly, families living together, couples, or guests with plus-ones can opt for joint gifts.

Group gifts can be coordinated, or guests can individually give their contributions to the couple without any stress or coordination.

So, if you want to give a group gift, go for it! It's a wonderful way to show your support and celebrate the happy couple.

Should a wedding gift match the price per head?

There is no expectation for guests to match their wedding gift to the price per head. In fact, this notion is considered to be in poor taste by many. Wedding gifts should be chosen based on your relationship with the couple and your own budget, not the cost of hosting you as a guest.

> The amount of your gift does not have to cover your 'head' or 'plate,' which is a common misconception. Guests shouldn't even know how much their seat costs at a wedding. Your gift amount also does not have to be influenced by what the couple may have given you as a wedding gift either.

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> Lizzie Post, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute

> The formality of the wedding impacts a number of elements, including time of day and dress, but there is no tie into the cost of the gift. What you gift the couple should be exclusively dependent on your relationship to the happy couple, as well as your own means. No guest should feel as though they need to overextend themselves with the gift because they are expected to wear black tie.

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> Kylie Carlson, CEO of the International Academy of Wedding & Event Planning

The average wedding gift in 2023 was $150, down from $160 in 2022. However, this is just a guideline, and you should adjust the amount based on your relationship with the couple and your budget.

> The magic number for how much you should spend on a wedding gift depends on what fits your budget. You should give a gift that's worth what you can afford to give comfortably.

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> Lizzie Post, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute

If you are attending multiple events for the couple, such as an engagement party or bridal shower, you can use the 60-20-20 rule. This means allocating 20% of your total budget to an engagement gift, 20% to a bridal shower gift, and 60% for the actual wedding gift.

If you are attending with a plus-one, it is not expected that you increase your gift amount. You can give a joint gift or have your partner sign the card without contributing to the gift.

> If you're attending the wedding with a significant other, you can always give a gift together. The gift can be structured any way you want: one person can give the gift while the other just signs the card, or you can chip into the gift together.

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> Lizzie Post, Co-President of The Emily Post Institute

If you are unable to attend the wedding, it is still recommended to send a gift. You may choose to spend less on the gift if the cost of attending was a factor in your decision to decline the invitation.

> Guests invited to a wedding ceremony, whether or not they can attend, should send or bring a gift.

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> Emily Post

Is it okay to give cash as a wedding gift?

While there is no right or wrong answer when it comes to wedding gifts, cash is a completely acceptable gift and is often preferred by couples. Wedding experts advise starting at $100, with the amount increasing based on factors such as your relationship with the couple, your budget, and the cost of attending the wedding. For instance, if you are very close to the couple, the amount can be adjusted to $150 to $250. It is also common to give anywhere from $100 to $1,000, depending on your budget and relationship with the couple.

If you are giving cash, it is recommended to include a note or card with a personal message to add a sentimental touch. This helps to ensure that the couple understands your intention and that the gift is from you. Sending a check instead of cash is also a good idea, as it is safer in case the envelope gets misplaced.

There are also creative ways to give cash gifts, such as sending the money virtually through digital payment methods, giving gift cards, or distributing funds over time by attaching cash to gifts that the couple can open at different milestones.

Ultimately, the decision on how much to give as a wedding gift depends on your personal budget and relationship with the couple.

Do I have to buy a wedding gift for a destination wedding?

While it is not mandatory to bring a gift to a destination wedding, it is generally considered courteous and good etiquette to do so. This is especially true if the couple has not specifically requested that guests refrain from giving gifts. The presence of guests at a destination wedding is often considered a gift in itself, given the financial burden associated with attending such an event. However, if you are able and willing to give a gift, it is a thoughtful way to show your support for the couple.

If you are already anxious about travel expenses, it is perfectly acceptable to give a more modest gift. You could opt for a lower-cost gift, such as a sentimental item or a group gift, or you could offer your services in lieu of a gift, such as helping with hair and makeup or serving as a wedding photographer. Another option is to wait until after the wedding, up to six months to a year later, to give the couple a gift. This timing can be especially helpful if you are trying to manage your budget.

If you do choose to give a gift, it is generally recommended to send it in advance of the wedding or shortly after the couple returns home. This helps to avoid extra baggage fees and the risk of losing or misplacing the gift during travel. Monetary gifts can be given through cash funds on the couple's registry, or by cheque or digital payment sent directly to the couple.

It's important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to wedding gifts, and the decision to give a gift, as well as the type and amount, should be based on your personal budget, relationship with the couple, and other factors.

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