Saying "I Do" At Your Wedding: Is It Enough?

There are no specific words or phrases required to make a marriage legal, but there are two components that must be included in the ceremony: the Declaration of Intent and the Pronouncement. The Declaration of Intent is when the couple publicly declares that they wish to enter into the marriage contract. This is usually in the form of I do, but it can be replaced with I will or any other wording the couple prefers. The Pronouncement is when the officiant declares the couple officially and legally wed. This is often in the form of I now pronounce you.... While these two components are required, couples are free to create a customised wedding ceremony, including their choice of vows.

Crying at the altar

It's your wedding day. You've been planning this moment for months, maybe even years. You've picked out the dress, the flowers, the cake, and everything else down to the tiniest detail. But now, as you stand at the altar, you feel tears welling up in your eyes. You're overwhelmed with emotion—happiness, love, and maybe even a little bit of stress from all the planning. You're not alone. Crying at the altar is a common occurrence for brides and grooms alike.

There are many reasons why someone might cry at their wedding. It could be that they're feeling overwhelmed with emotion, or perhaps they're nervous about the commitment they're about to make. For some, it may be a release of built-up stress from planning the wedding. Or maybe they're just happy tears, shed in celebration of finding their soulmate and making it official.

If you're worried about crying during your wedding ceremony, there are a few things you can do. Firstly, it's important to remember that it's completely normal and okay to shed a few tears. Your wedding day is supposed to be emotional! Secondly, if you're concerned about not being able to get the words out through your tears, you can opt for a shorter, simpler vow exchange.

Ways to keep it short and sweet

One option is to simply say "I do." This is a completely valid way to exchange vows and will be much easier to get through if you're feeling emotional. You can also choose to repeat your vows after the officiant, rather than trying to remember them word-for-word. This takes some of the pressure off and ensures you don't have to worry about forgetting anything in the moment.

The bottom line

So, if you're worried about crying at the altar, don't be! It's a natural part of the wedding day for many people. Just remember to breathe, take your time, and if you need to, opt for a shorter, simpler vow exchange. Your wedding day is about celebrating your love, so do what feels right for you and enjoy the moment.

The legal requirements of a wedding

While no specific words are required by law to be said at a wedding, there are still a few legal requirements that must be met for the marriage to be valid. Here are the key legal requirements for a wedding:

Declaration of Intent:

The Declaration of Intent is a legally required component of the wedding ceremony. This is where the couple verbally expresses their desire to enter into a marriage contract and their intention to legally commit to each other. This is often done by asking, "Do you take [partner's name] as your lawful/wedded spouse?" and the response is typically "I do." However, the specific wording can be customised to the couple's preference.

Pronouncement or Proclamation:

The Pronouncement is made by the officiant, who declares the couple officially and legally wed. A common example is, "And now, with the power vested in me, I pronounce you..." Again, the exact wording can be tailored to the couple's wishes.

Marriage License:

A valid, state-issued marriage license is a crucial legal component of the wedding. The license must be completed, signed, and returned after the ceremony for the marriage to be officially recorded.

Officiant:

The presence of an authorised officiant is necessary to facilitate the exchange of vows or promises, unless the ceremony is self-solemnizing. The officiant can be a religious figure, such as a priest or minister, or a civil official, like a justice of the peace.

While these are the primary legal requirements, it's important to note that marriage laws can vary based on location, so it's always a good idea to check with the relevant authorities to ensure compliance with local laws.

Additionally, while not strictly a legal requirement, the exchange of wedding vows or personal statements is a significant aspect of the ceremony. Vows are the promises made by the couple to each other, declaring their lifelong commitment. These can be traditional, religious, or personalised, depending on the couple's preferences and the type of ceremony.

Different ways to say I do

There are many different ways to say "I do" at a wedding. While some couples choose to write and read their own vows, others prefer to repeat their vows after the officiant or simply declare "I do" in response to the officiant's questions. Here are some ideas for how you can say "I do" in your own unique way:

Write and Read Your Own Vows

You can choose to write your own heartfelt vows and read them during the ceremony. It is recommended to read them instead of reciting them from memory, as the pressure of the moment may make it difficult to remember your vows. You can email your vows to the officiant in advance, or opt for wedding vow booklets that are kept close by during the ceremony. This allows you to make your vows as funny, personal, and heavy as you like.

Repeat Line-by-Line

This style involves repeating your vows line-by-line after the officiant. It is a lighter option that requires less work for the couple, as they don't have to write or read their own vows. This style allows couples to look into each other's eyes and depend on the officiant to bring the heat.

Just Say "I Do"

In this style, the officiant asks a "big long question," and the couple simply responds with "I do." This option is ideal for couples who may become too emotional to speak at length during the ceremony. The couple can still look into each other's eyes while the officiant asks the question, and the officiant takes on the responsibility of writing the vows.

Hybrid

A hybrid approach combines two or more of the above styles. For example, a couple might choose to read their own vows and then repeat a set of vows provided by the officiant. This allows for a more personalized and varied ceremony.

Ultimately, the choice of how to say "I do" is a personal one, and couples can work with their officiant to find the style that best suits their preferences and comfort level.

Personalised vows vs traditional vows

There are no specific words or phrases required by law for a wedding to be valid. Couples are free to create a completely customised ceremony, as long as the Declaration of Intent and Pronouncement are included. This means that couples can choose to use traditional vows, personalised vows, or a blend of both.

Traditional Vows

Traditional vows are usually chosen to take the pressure off writing and public speaking. They are also used for religious reasons, or when the wedding is held in a home church or officiated by the couple's pastor. In such cases, the church usually requires the use of specific wedding vows. Traditional vows can be edited to make the wording fresh and current, but the officiant will want to see the changes in advance.

Personalised Vows

Personalised vows are a great way to make the ceremony unique and celebrate what makes the couple's relationship so special. They are also a way to exclude any words or phrases that might have a negative meaning to the couple. However, writing personalised vows can be challenging, and one or both members of the couple might be nervous about speaking in front of a large group of people.

Other Options

Couples who want to include personalised elements in their ceremony but are nervous about public speaking can consider exchanging private vows before the wedding day, such as during a first look or at an intimate gathering with close family members. They can also write each other letters to read before the ceremony or include a personal statement, song, or quote in the program.

The role of the officiant

Officiants can be religious figures, such as priests, ministers, or imams, or they can be secular figures, such as judges, justices of the peace, or even family members or friends who have become ordained specifically for the occasion.

Regardless of their background, the officiant is responsible for ensuring that the couple's marriage is legally recognised. This includes facilitating the couple's Declaration of Intent, in which they verbally declare their wish to enter into the marriage contract and their intent to legally commit to one another. This is typically done through a series of questions, to which the response is "I do" or "I will".

The officiant also has the important role of making the Pronouncement or Proclamation, in which they declare the couple to be officially and legally wed. This is often done with a phrase such as, "And now, with the power vested in me by American Marriage Ministries, I pronounce you…".

In addition to these legal requirements, the officiant can also provide guidance and support to the couple in planning and personalising their ceremony. This may include helping the couple write their own vows, choosing readings or rituals, and creating a meaningful and personalised experience for the couple and their guests.

Ultimately, the role of the officiant is to ensure that the couple's wedding ceremony is legally recognised, while also creating a memorable and meaningful experience that reflects the couple's unique relationship and commitment to each other.

Frequently asked questions