Bringing Guests To A Wedding: When And How To Ask

Planning a wedding is a stressful task, and one of the most important aspects is deciding on the guest list. A common issue that arises is whether or not to allow guests to bring a plus one. A plus one is typically a guest's romantic partner, but it could also be a family member or friend. The decision to allow plus ones depends on various factors, such as budget, venue capacity, and the couple's preference for an intimate gathering. While it is generally advised to have a blanket rule to avoid drama and hurt feelings, exceptions can be made for certain guests, such as those in the bridal party or those in serious relationships. Communicating the plus one rule clearly on invitations and RSVP cards is essential to managing guest expectations.

Plus-one invitation wording

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most common questions couples ask is who to invite to their big day. While there are no set rules, there are best practices and etiquette guidelines to help make the process easier.

Who Traditionally Gets a Plus One?

This is ultimately your decision, but typically any guest who is married, engaged, or living with their partner should be able to bring them along. Aside from these generalities, you can decide who gets a plus one based on your budget, vision for the day, and your guests' needs.

Creating a Clear and Elegant Message

• Outer and inner envelopes: The outer envelope should include the name of the guest you are inviting. If they are getting a plus one, the inner envelope should include their name "and guest".
• Online invitations: If sending online invites, include the names of the invited guests at the beginning of the email.
• Number of seats: To avoid confusion about plus-ones and children, you can indicate the exact number of seats that have been reserved for each specific guest.
• RSVP cards: You can include a spot for the number of guests attending, such as "_ of 2 will be attending."
• Addressing the invitation: For unmarried couples living together, address both names on the outside and inside of the invitation. For those living separately, send separate invitations to each individual, or address the invitation to the primary guest and include the name of their partner inside. If you are unsure of the relationship status, use "invited guest."

Tips for Managing Your Guest List

• Get the name of every guest on the RSVP and include a space for the primary guest to write the name of their plus-one.
• Be prepared to respond to requests from guests who don't receive a plus-one. Have a kind and firm explanation, such as, "We'd love to include everyone, but our budget only allowed us to invite close friends and family."
• Consider seating arrangements to ensure that single guests are seated with people they know or with friendly couples.
• Use proper plus-one invitation etiquette by swapping out "plus-one" for "invited guest" to add formality.

Who gets a plus-one

Deciding who gets a plus-one to your wedding can be a tricky task. There are a few guidelines you can follow to make the process easier.

Firstly, it is standard practice to give plus-ones to married, engaged, or cohabiting guests. This is considered common courtesy, even if you have never met their partner. It is also customary to give plus-ones to the bridal party, as a token of appreciation for their efforts and support.

Secondly, it is a good idea to consider your guests' relationships with each other. If you have a friend group that includes several couples and one single person, it is considerate to give the single person a plus-one so they don't feel like a "fifth wheel". Similarly, if you have older guests who may feel more comfortable with a friend, it is polite to offer them a plus-one.

Thirdly, you should think about who your guests know at the wedding. If a guest is travelling alone or won't know anyone else at the wedding, it is a nice gesture to offer them a plus-one. This way, they won't feel out of place or lonely.

Finally, it is important to be consistent with your criteria for offering plus-ones. If you offer one to a single guest outside of the bridal party, you should ideally offer one to all single guests. This will avoid any hurt feelings. However, if budget constraints make this impossible, it is acceptable to have clear, easily explainable criteria for who gets a plus-one. For example, you could only offer them to single attendants.

Remember, it is your wedding, and you can ultimately decide who gets a plus-one. These are simply guidelines to help you navigate this tricky aspect of wedding planning.

How to politely decline a plus-one request

It is not uncommon for a guest to ask if they can bring a plus-one to a wedding. Here are some tips on how to politely decline such a request:

Be Clear About Your Reasons

Before responding to the request, it is essential to have a frank conversation with your partner and decide whether accommodating the plus-one is feasible in terms of budget and venue capacity. It is also worth considering the nature of your relationship with the guest making the request.

Craft Your Response

When declining the request, it is advisable to acknowledge the significance of the guest's partner and express your desire to extend the invitation to them as well. However, you can politely decline by stating that, due to various reasons, you are only able to invite the original guest. There is no need to provide a detailed explanation or list of reasons.

Express Gratitude and Affirm Your Relationship

Show your appreciation for their understanding and affirm your intention to catch up with both of them after the wedding. This conveys that you value their relationship and are not dismissing their partner, but simply cannot accommodate them at your wedding.

> "Although we would love to extend the invite to both you and your partner, we are unfortunately, due to many reasons, only in a position to invite you. We appreciate your understanding and look forward to catching up with you both when we get back from our honeymoon."

Be Mindful of Your Tone and Method of Communication

When declining a plus-one request, it is essential to be respectful and polite. Avoid making it a bigger deal than it is, and be mindful that text messages and emails can sometimes be misinterpreted as critical or rude. A phone call can be a more personal and effective approach.

Remember, it is your special day, and it is understandable to have limitations on your guest list due to various factors. By politely and respectfully communicating your decision, you can navigate this tricky conversation gracefully.

When to ask for a plus-one

Asking for a plus-one to a wedding can be an uncomfortable thing to do. Here are some guidelines on when it is appropriate to ask for a plus-one:

You Are in a Serious Relationship

If you are married, engaged, living with your significant other, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of, it is understandable to ask about a plus-one. Typically, you should expect to see your partner's name addressed on your save-the-date and invitation. If it isn't, it is fair to reach out and ask if a mistake has been made. While partners are usually not considered plus-ones, there could be a chance of an oversight.

You Are Genuinely Unsure

If you are unsure whether you get a plus-one, it is acceptable to reach out for clarification. For example, if your save-the-date doesn't specify any names and you need to know ahead of time to plan. Maybe your living situation or relationship status changed after the invitations were sent out. While asking about bringing a guest is daunting, assuming you can bring one—or leaving someone out when the couple expected them to come—could be worse.

You Are in the Bridal Party

If you are in the bridal party, you should receive a plus-one. This is a small token of appreciation for your efforts and support, and a "thank you" for every occasion you have had to organize and participate in.

You Are a Close Family Member

Close family members should be considered for a plus-one on a case-by-case basis. It is likely that you will have lots of family members at your wedding, so the need for a "built-in buddy" sort of dissipates as they should have plenty of people they know and like at the wedding.

You Are a Guest Who Won't Know Many People

If you are a guest who won't know many people at the wedding, it is generally considered good etiquette to allow you to have a plus-one. This will allow you to have a companion and enjoy the event more.

You Are Married, Engaged, or Living Together

If you are married, engaged, or living together, it is standard etiquette to allow you to have a plus-one. This acknowledges your commitment to each other.

The Couple Has the Budget and Space

If the couple has an unlimited budget and ample space at their venue, they could offer every unattached guest a plus-one. However, for most couples, budget and space are limited, so giving every guest a plus-one is not an option.

You Are Invited to an Evening-Only Wedding

Evening-only wedding guests are usually allowed to bring a plus-one. This is because the ceremony and wedding breakfast are typically more intimate, with only close friends and family members invited. The evening reception, on the other hand, usually consists of music, dancing, and a buffet, and often has a larger guest list.

You Are Invited to a Destination Wedding

If you are invited to a destination wedding or are travelling from overseas to attend a wedding, a plus-one is a thoughtful gesture. This allows you to share accommodations and make a vacation out of your trip.

Remember, when asking for a plus-one, it is important to be straightforward, respectful, and polite. Be casual, and don't make it a bigger deal than it is. It is also a good idea to ask over the phone, as text messages and emails can sometimes be misinterpreted as critical or rude.

How to ask for a plus-one

Asking for a plus-one to a wedding can be a tricky situation to navigate. Here are some guidelines on how to ask for a plus-one, so you can do it politely and respectfully:

Know When to Ask

Firstly, it's important to understand that there are situations when asking for a plus-one is more appropriate than others. You should consider asking if you're in a serious relationship, married, engaged, or living with your significant other. If your partner's name was not included on the save-the-date or invitation, it's reasonable to reach out and politely inquire if there might have been an oversight.

On the other hand, if you're casually dating or single, it's generally advised not to ask for a plus-one. Remember, there could be various reasons for not receiving a plus-one, such as budget constraints or the couple's preference for an intimate gathering.

Be Mindful of How You Ask

When reaching out, it's essential to be straightforward, respectful, and polite. Remember, you're asking the hosts for a favour, so be thoughtful and grateful for their consideration. Keep the conversation casual, and avoid making it a bigger deal than it is.

Choose the Right Medium

It's recommended to make your request over the phone. Text messages and emails can sometimes be misinterpreted as critical or rude, and they may get lost in a pile of other messages. A phone call allows for an immediate response and a more personal connection.

Acknowledge Their Decision

When asking, acknowledge that the couple might decline your request, and that's okay. Express your gratitude for their consideration, regardless of their answer. End the conversation on a positive note, letting them know you're excited about their big day.

Avoid Common Pitfalls

It's important not to guilt the couple or try to make the wedding about you. Respect their decision, and don't take it personally. Don't refuse to accept a "no," and don't assume you can bring a guest without asking.

Understand the Invitation

Before asking, carefully examine the invitation. Traditional wedding invitations often have an outer and inner envelope. The outer envelope is addressed to the guest, and the inner envelope lists the names of those invited, such as children or plus-ones. If your name is the only one listed on the inner envelope, it indicates that you haven't been offered a plus-one.

However, with modern invitations, this tradition may not always be followed. If there is only one envelope or it's a digital invitation, look for clear addressing to you and a potential guest, such as "and guest."

Consider the Couple's Perspective

Remember, the couple is likely facing challenges with their guest list and may have difficult decisions to make. If you're close to the couple, they may be more receptive to your request, especially if they are aware of your relationship status and the significance of your plus-one.

Handle the Response Gracefully

No matter their response, always graciously accept and honour the couple's decision. If they say no, don't take it personally, and don't let it affect your excitement for the wedding.

By following these guidelines, you can navigate the potentially tricky conversation of asking for a plus-one with grace and respect for the couple's wishes.

Frequently asked questions