Legal Marriage: Before The Wedding Bells?

Getting legally married before the wedding ceremony has become a common choice for couples. There are many reasons why a couple might choose to do this, including the desire to have a destination wedding, to reduce anxiety, to focus on their personal vows, or to include people who cannot attend the official wedding. Some couples may also choose to get legally married first if they need to take care of legal or financial matters before their wedding, or if they want to include people who cannot attend the official wedding. While some people may see this as deceptive, others argue that it is a personal choice that should be respected. Ultimately, the decision to get legally married before the wedding is a personal one and there are valid reasons for doing so.

You can focus on the intimacy of your vows

The wedding vows are a solemn vow and agreement between two people on the day they become legally wed. It is a unique, one-of-a-kind moment that allows couples to share how they feel about one another, make promises as lifelong partners, and reflect on their relationship.

If you are all about the romance and have spent months writing your vows, why not get all the unromantic verbiage and paperwork out of the way? This way, you can completely focus on your vows and the love of the people around you.

If you feel overwhelmed about committing to a life with your partner in front of 200 guests, getting married before the big occasion may be the best option for you. Many couples prefer to have an intimate ceremony with just their witnesses present so they can fully focus on the commitment they are making.

You can always opt to keep your legal wedding a secret. The best thing about having a courthouse ceremony before your wedding is that no one even has to know about it. You can still take along a couple of your closest friends as witnesses, but they can easily be sworn to secrecy if you'd prefer to keep it on the hush.

If you are getting married in a church, synagogue, or cathedral, you may not have a choice when it comes to your vows. There may be something prescribed that you must say. If you have a choice, then you might combine a personal statement with traditional vows.

Examples of traditional vows

> "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband/wife/spouse, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you."

> "I, _____, take thee, _____, to be my wedded wife (husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

You can enjoy the benefits of marriage

There are many benefits to getting legally married before your wedding day. Here are some reasons why you may want to take this route:

• Insurance and benefits: If you need to share insurance policies or benefits, getting legally married beforehand can help you do that.
• Cohabitation and family planning: If you have certain beliefs about cohabitation or starting a family, getting legally married first can ensure that you're on the same page.
• Emotional support: If one partner is facing a challenging situation, such as an illness, getting legally married can provide emotional support and help ease the stress of wedding planning.
• Financial stability: If you're planning a big move or purchase, getting legally married beforehand can provide financial stability and make the process smoother.
• Destination wedding: If you're having a destination wedding, it's often easier to take care of the legal ceremony at home, as getting married abroad can involve a lot of paperwork, translations, waiting periods, and even blood tests! In some countries, only residents are allowed to marry.
• Customise your wedding day: Getting legally married beforehand gives you more flexibility to customise your wedding day and make it a true reflection of who you are as a couple. You can choose to exchange vows in a traditional ceremony or share intimate vows with just a few close friends and family.
• Less pressure: By taking care of the legalities in advance, you can reduce the pressure and stress of your wedding day, allowing you to focus on celebrating with your loved ones.
• Involve special people: A legal ceremony before your wedding can be a way to involve older relatives who may not be able to travel to your wedding or include children in your life if your big day is adults-only.
• Any date, any officiant: Getting legally married beforehand gives you the freedom to choose any date for your wedding, even if it's not the most convenient for your officiant. Additionally, anyone can officiate your ceremony without the worry of whether it's "legit".

Remember, your wedding day is about celebrating your love and commitment to each other. So, whether you choose to get legally married beforehand or wait until the big day, do what feels right for you and your partner!

You can include people who can't attend your big wedding

Many couples choose to get legally married before their wedding ceremony, and there are several reasons why this might be a good idea. Perhaps you've had to postpone your wedding due to illness, finances, or a change of plans. If you're having a destination wedding, you might need to apply for your marriage license in your hometown anyway. Getting the legalities out of the way first can also help to reduce anxiety and allow you to focus on your personal vows and the celebration.

If you do decide to get legally married before your wedding, you can still include people who can't attend the ceremony. Here are some ways to do this:

• Involve them in the legal ceremony: If you're heading to City Hall or having a small, intimate legal ceremony, consider inviting your closest friends or family members who might not be able to make it to the wedding. This way, they can still be a part of your special day.
• Send them an invitation: Even if you know they can't attend, sending an invitation is a thoughtful way to include them in your celebration. It shows that you want them to be a part of your big day, even if they can't physically be there.
• Keep them in the loop: Share the details of your legal marriage and wedding plans with your loved ones, so they feel involved and up to date. This can be done through phone calls, messages, or social media posts.
• Involve them virtually: If your loved ones can't be there in person, consider including them virtually. This could be through a simple phone call during the ceremony or a more elaborate set-up with live streaming or video conferencing.
• Create a memorial table: If someone you love has passed away and can't be at your wedding, honour them with a memorial table. Display framed photos of them and add a special touch, such as a memorial candle or a sign with a heartfelt message.
• Mention them in your program: Another way to include absent friends and family is to have an "In Memoriam" section in your wedding program. You can also read their names aloud or light a memorial candle during the ceremony.
• Dedicate a special moment: Find a way to dedicate a special moment to those who can't be there. This could be a reading, a song, or a dance that honours their memory or celebrates their life.

Remember, it's your special day, and you can choose how you want to include your loved ones. These are just a few ideas to help you create a meaningful and inclusive celebration.

You can take the pressure off your big day

There are many reasons why couples choose to get legally married before their wedding day. It's become more common in recent years, especially with the impact of the pandemic, and it can be a great way to reduce stress and focus on the celebrations.

It's your day, your way

Getting the legalities out of the way first means you can truly customise your wedding day. You can hang out with your partner, change up the ceremony, and design your day to be a complete reflection of who you are as a couple. There's no pressure to stick to a traditional timeline or include certain elements, so you can get creative and make it unique to you.

Focus on your vows

If the thought of saying your vows in front of a big crowd fills you with dread, getting legally married beforehand can take the pressure off. You can share your vows on a smaller scale, with just a couple of witnesses, and then still choose to repeat them at your wedding if you wish. This way, you can focus on the commitment you're making without the added stress of a large audience.

Less stress, more celebration

A wedding day is often a high-pressure, stressful event. By doing the legal ceremony ahead of time, you can relax and enjoy your wedding celebrations knowing that the serious stuff is already taken care of. This is especially useful if you've had to postpone your wedding or are dealing with other logistical challenges. It also gives you something to look forward to as you continue planning your big day.

Include everyone

A legal ceremony beforehand can be a great way to include people who may not be able to attend your wedding. Whether it's older relatives who can't travel or adults-only restrictions, a smaller legal wedding means you can celebrate with those who might not make it to the main event.

It's your secret

If you're worried about what others might think, remember that it's your day and your decision. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, and you can still have a photographer and a few close friends or family members there to witness the moment. It can be your little secret, and you can choose to announce it at your wedding or keep it to yourselves.

So, if you're feeling the pressure of your upcoming nuptials, consider taking care of the legalities first. It can be a great way to reduce stress, focus on your vows, and include those who might not be able to attend your wedding. And remember, it's your day, so do what feels right for you and your partner.

You can truly customise your day

Getting legally married before your wedding day allows you to truly customise your special day. You can plan and design your wedding to be a complete and total reflection of who you are as a couple without feeling like you need to follow a typical wedding day outline.

For example, you could have a cocktail hour first and then walk with all of your guests to the ceremony. You can hang out with your partner all day long before you walk down the aisle. You can even decide to not exchange vows during the ceremony.

If you get married before your wedding day, the vows you share will be on a much smaller scale, often with just a couple of people instead of hundreds. There's no timeline or pressure to get to portraits and no first dance to think about. There aren't hundreds of people staring at you. It's all about the commitment you are making to one another and relishing that moment.

You can also choose any date to get married. Whether you had to postpone your wedding day and want to keep your original date, or you have a date that's important to you that didn't work for the actual wedding day, getting married before your wedding day is a fun way to make that date important. You can choose which anniversary to celebrate – or celebrate both!

Finally, it means anyone can officiate your ceremony. If you're already legally married, you and your officiant have full flexibility to write a ceremony however you want. Nothing has to be included or said in a certain way. There are no worries that it wasn't legitimate. You can tell stories, share any type of vows, get introduced however you want, and truly make the ceremony all about your love for one another.

Frequently asked questions