Bringing A Plus One To A Wedding: Is It Okay?

Wedding season is here, and with it comes a slew of questions regarding proper etiquette. One of the most common questions is Can I bring a date? Wedding plus-one etiquette is a tricky area to navigate, and while every couple is different, there are some general rules to follow. If you weren't given a plus-one, it's considered rude to ask for one as it puts the couple in an awkward situation. However, if you're in a serious relationship, it's understandable to want to bring your partner, and the couple may be open to accommodating your request. Ultimately, it's important to remember that it's the couple's day, and their preferences and budget constraints should be respected.

If you're not given a plus-one, don't ask for one

If you're not given a plus-one, it's best not to ask for one. Weddings are expensive and couples often have to make difficult decisions about their guest list due to budget and space constraints. Asking for a plus-one could lead to an awkward conversation about finances, which is something the couple may not be comfortable discussing.

It's also important to remember that the wedding is about the couple getting married, not you. The invite list is up to them, and they may be hoping for a small, intimate ceremony exclusive to their loved ones. Respect their decision and don't take it personally if you're not given a plus-one – chances are, many other people weren't given one either.

If you're casually dating someone or single, it's safe to assume that asking to bring a date will result in being turned down. If your invitation doesn't include a plus-one, it's likely that the couple doesn't want you to bring a date.

However, if you're in a serious relationship, it may be understandable to ask about a plus-one, especially if you're married, engaged, living with your partner, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of. In this case, you should expect your partner's name to be addressed on the save-the-date and invitation. If it isn't, it's fair to reach out and ask if a mistake has been made. While partners are usually invited guests and not considered plus-ones, there could have been an oversight.

Remember, how you ask is more important than whether you do. Be straightforward, respectful, polite, and casual. Ask over the phone, as text messages and emails can be misinterpreted as critical or rude. Acknowledge that they might decline and be appreciative of their consideration. It's also a good idea to end the conversation on a positive note, reiterating your gratitude and excitement for the wedding.

If you're single and don't get a plus-one, be understanding

If you're single and don't get a plus-one, it's understandable to feel disappointed or even insulted. However, it's important to be understanding and respectful of the couple's decision. Here are some reasons why you might not have received a plus-one and how to navigate the situation gracefully:

Firstly, weddings are expensive, and the couple might not be able to afford additional guests. They may also prefer to keep the guest list intimate and limited to people they know well. Remember, this day is about celebrating the couple, not about you. If you feel strongly about bringing a date, you can politely inquire about the possibility, but ultimately respect their decision if they decline.

Secondly, understand that the couple might not want to spend money on someone they don't know. It's their special day, and they have the right to choose who attends. If you're the only single one in your friend group without a plus-one, it might be because the couple doesn't want to set a precedent and invite everyone's plus-ones. This can be frustrating, but try to see it from their perspective.

Thirdly, consider the possibility that the couple might not have realised you're in a serious relationship. If you're in a committed relationship and feel uncomfortable attending alone, reach out to the couple and politely explain the situation. They might be understanding and accommodate your request if they have the space.

Finally, if you're not given a plus-one, you have the choice to attend the wedding or decline the invitation. If you choose to attend, make the most of it! Weddings are a great opportunity to meet new people and connect with old friends. You might even find that you have more fun without the pressure of having a date.

Remember, it's an honour to be invited to share in the couple's special day. Be considerate of their wishes and enjoy the celebration!

If you do get a plus-one, RSVP with their name, not plus-one

If you are lucky enough to be given a plus-one, it's important to RSVP with their name, rather than just writing 'plus-one'. This is because the couple is going to a lot of effort and expense to host you and your guest, so it's respectful to acknowledge the guest by name. It's also a lot nicer for the couple to see names on the seating cards, rather than 'plus-one'.

If you are given a plus-one, it's important to remember that this is not an opportunity to bring a random friend for a night of free drinks. A plus-one is a date, and you should only bring someone who is special to you. If you wouldn't bring them to a funeral for support, then don't bring them to a wedding. It's also important to be mindful of the couple's preferences. If they have invited you and a specific person, and that person can't make it, don't substitute someone else without checking with the couple first.

If you are given a plus-one, but you don't know who to bring, it's worth thinking carefully about whether you want to bring a date at all. You might have more fun without one. You could meet someone new, or have a great time with old friends and new friends without the pressure of a date.

If you are given a plus-one, but you're not sure if your date will be able to attend, don't put their name down. Once you tell the couple you're bringing someone, they will pay for that person, so if you say you're bringing someone and then show up alone, you've wasted their money.

If you are given a plus-one, but your date backs out at the last minute, it's best to check in with the couple before substituting someone else. It's also worth noting that if you are given a plus-one, but you break up with that person before the wedding, it's polite to let the couple know that your guest won't be attending, rather than just turning up with someone else.

Don't substitute your named guest for someone else

If the couple has invited you and a specific guest, but that guest can't make it, don't assume you can bring someone else, like a friend, in their place. If the couple has named your guest, it's because they want that person to attend. If your date can't make it, it's best to go on your own.

Etiquette expert Lizzie Post suggests checking in with the couple to let them know that the person you initially RSVP'd with will no longer be attending. You can then see if they have someone else they would like to invite in their place.

It's important to remember that weddings are expensive, and the couple may not have the budget to accommodate additional guests. Additionally, the couple may not want to spend money on someone they don't know.

If you're unsure about whether you can bring a substitute guest, it's best to ask the couple directly. Be mindful that they may not have the space or budget to accommodate your request, and respect their decision.

Remember, this is the couple's special day, and it's important to respect their wishes and decisions regarding their guest list.

If you're in the bridal party, think carefully about bringing a plus-one

On the other hand, bringing a plus-one can be tricky, especially if you're not in a serious relationship. The setting can put undue pressure on a casual relationship and create an uncomfortable dynamic if things don't work out by the time of the wedding. It's also important to consider the couple's preferences and budget constraints. Weddings are expensive, and the couple may not have the budget to accommodate plus-ones for everyone in the bridal party.

If you're unsure about bringing a plus-one, it's best to communicate openly with the couple and consider their preferences and constraints. Ultimately, the decision to bring a plus-one or not is a personal one, and there is no one-size-fits-all answer.

Frequently asked questions