The Significance Of Wedding Vows: Understanding The Promises Made

Wedding vows are promises exchanged between two people during a wedding ceremony. They are a public declaration of love and commitment. While they are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions, they are still an important part of the wedding ceremony for many couples.

The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to manuals of the medieval church in England. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, included various marriage vow examples that inspired the traditional phrases many couples still use today.

The traditional wedding vows are usually very structured and often include phrases such as to have and to hold, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and till death do us part. These phrases symbolise the couple's commitment to each other and their promise to stay together through all life's ups and downs.

Nowadays, some couples choose to write their own vows, adding a personal and unique touch to their wedding ceremony.

'To have and to hold'

"To have and to hold" is a phrase that refers to the physical embrace partners share together. By saying "I have you", you are saying that your partner is intimately and exclusively yours. It is a way of expressing a full sense of pure, undiluted commitment in wedlock.

"To hold" is a vow to maintain affection and tenderness, and to cherish each other and the relationship you share. It is a promise to give yourself, and your physical connection, to this person and this person only. This does not mean that you belong to your spouse, but that you are committing to each other's physical and emotional needs.

The historical meaning of the phrase "to hold" is "to keep, tend, and watch over". It means to take care of something, like tending a garden. In the Bible, Ephesians 5:29 talks about "nourishing" your spouse—helping them become the person God created them to be.

"To have and to hold" is also a property rights legal phrase that defines "the extent of the interest that is granted or conveyed and the conditions affecting it". However, in the context of marriage vows, it is not a statement of ownership but of belonging together. In the Bible, Genesis 2:24 says:

> "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh."

The Greek word for "cleave" (proskollaó) means to join or unite—to glue one thing to another. "To have and to hold" means you are promising a close marital bond that can't be broken.

The verb "to have" also means to comprehend, to understand, and to know. According to the Bible, sex is about knowing the other person inside out and in all kinds of contexts. The Hebrew word used is yada`, which means a thorough, exhaustive knowledge that embraces complete mutuality and total sharing in every area of life—emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

The historical meaning of the verb "to hold" is also "to watch over", to defend, and to keep from harm. This could include protecting your spouse from small things, such as rodents, noises, or intruders, or bigger things, such as infidelity, pornography, abuse, or addiction.

'For better, for worse'

"For better, for worse" is a traditional part of wedding vows, promising to stay together through life's ups and downs. This vow is about committing to supporting each other no matter what challenges life throws your way. It's a recognition that life might not always go as planned, but you will face it united and continue to support one another.

This part of the vow is about acknowledging that there will be good times and bad times, but that you will remain faithful and committed to each other no matter what. It's a promise to be there for each other through thick and thin, to provide physical and mental support, and to protect each other from harm.

"For better, for worse" is often followed by "for richer, for poorer" and "in sickness and in health", further emphasising this commitment to stick together and support each other through all of life's trials and triumphs.

By including this phrase in their wedding vows, couples are promising to be each other's teammates and to face life's challenges and joys as a united front. It's a powerful statement of loyalty, devotion, and unwavering support.

'For richer, for poorer'

"For richer, for poorer" is a traditional part of wedding vows in many Western cultures and religions. The phrase is a promise of financial support for one's partner, whatever the future may bring. It is a pledge to stay with and love one's partner regardless of financial circumstances.

In a practical sense, this vow means being prepared for unexpected financial problems and being open about money and financial goals with one's partner. It also means supporting one's partner through unemployment or illness, for example, and being willing to live on a budget or make other financial sacrifices.

The "for richer, for poorer" vow is about more than just money, however. It is a promise of emotional, physical, and mental support, and a pledge to nurture and care for one's partner through thick and thin. It is a foundation for a strong and lasting marriage, and a reassurance that allows a couple to give and receive deep emotional intimacy.

'In sickness and in health'

"In sickness and in health" is a phrase that is often included in traditional wedding vows. The phrase is a pledge to support one's spouse through any health issues or illnesses that may arise during the marriage. This includes physical and mental health issues, from minor ailments to more serious and long-term conditions. By including this phrase in their vows, the couple is promising to stand by each other and provide care and support no matter what health challenges they may face.

The phrase "in sickness and in health" recognises that illness or injury can significantly impact a couple's life together. It acknowledges that there may be times when one spouse has to take on more responsibilities, including caring for their sick partner. This can be a challenging and stressful time for a marriage, and the couple may need to rely on their support network or seek professional help to cope with the additional burdens.

However, caring for a sick spouse can also be an opportunity for growth and strengthening of the relationship. It can foster compassion, grit, and perseverance in the caregiver and bring the couple closer together as they navigate difficult times. It is a reminder that marriage is not just about the good times but also about supporting each other through life's challenges.

The phrase "in sickness and in health" is not a biblical vow but rather a promise that the couple makes to each other on their wedding day. It is a moral commitment that the couple is expected to uphold, even if they did not fully comprehend the potential challenges they may face at the time of their wedding.

'Till death do us part'

"Till death do us part" is a traditional phrase in wedding vows, commonly used in Christian weddings. The phrase is often used to emphasise the importance of lifelong commitment in a marriage, with the understanding that only death should separate a married couple.

The phrase can be traced back to the medieval period and the Sarum rite of the Catholic Church, which was originally translated as "to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death us depart." The original phrase, "till death us depart", was changed to "till death do us part" in the 1662 version of the Book of Common Prayer.

The phrase has remained popular in modern times, despite societal norms and views on marriage evolving. It continues to be used in both Christian and non-Christian weddings, even if religion does not play a significant role in the couple's daily lives.

The "till death do us part" vow is a powerful statement of commitment and a reminder that marriage is intended to be a lifelong journey through the highs and lows of life, until death brings it to a close.

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