Attending A Wedding Before Your Own: Good Or Bad Idea?

Attending a wedding as a guest can be a fun and exciting experience, but it also comes with certain responsibilities and expectations. From responding to the invitation promptly to choosing the appropriate attire, there are many things to keep in mind when attending a wedding before your own. It is important to be mindful of the couple's wishes, cultural and religious beliefs, and any superstitions or traditions they may follow. Some cultures believe that attending a wedding close to your own can bring bad luck, while others see it as a harmless event to celebrate with friends. As a guest, it is essential to respect the couple's wishes, especially if they have specific requests or guidelines for their big day.

What to wear

When deciding what to wear to a wedding, it's important to consider the dress code, location, weather, and colour scheme. Here are some tips to help you choose an appropriate and stylish outfit:

Do Consider the Dress Code

The dress code is the most important factor when choosing your wedding attire. Black-tie events call for floor-length gowns and tuxedos, while formal events allow for more flexibility with women opting for a floor-length gown or an elegant dress, and men choosing between a tuxedo or a black suit. Semi-formal attire typically includes below-the-knee dresses, dress shirts, and slacks. For casual weddings, sundresses, collared shirts, and khakis are appropriate.

Do Consider the Location and Weather

The location of the wedding can also guide your outfit choice. For example, a beach wedding calls for a different outfit than a wedding at a ritzy hotel. Consider the weather forecast and choose an outfit that will be comfortable and practical. If it's windy, avoid short, flowy gowns, and if it's chilly, bring a jacket or shawl.

Don't Wear White or Match the Wedding Party Colours

As a general rule, it's best to avoid wearing white to a wedding, as well as light shades that could be mistaken for white. It's also important to know the couple's colour palette and avoid matching the wedding party. You don't want to be mistaken for a bridesmaid or groomsman!

Do Consider the Time of Day and Season

The time of day and season of the wedding will influence your outfit choice. For summer weddings, opt for breathable fabrics like chiffon, cotton, linen, and rayon. Fall weddings are a great time to wear jewel tones, while winter weddings tend to be more formal, calling for long-sleeved gowns and tuxedos. Spring weddings are perfect for pastel colours and floral prints.

Do Wear Comfortable Shoes and the Right Undergarments

Comfortable shoes are a must, especially if you plan on dancing. Flats, wedges, or low heels are good options. Make sure you're wearing the proper undergarments to avoid any potential slips or wardrobe malfunctions.

Don't Go Too Casual or Too Bold

Even if the wedding is casual, avoid jeans, t-shirts, flip-flops, and sneakers. On the other hand, avoid wearing anything too bold or revealing that might steal attention from the bride.

When to arrive

As a wedding guest, it is important to arrive on time. Being "fashionably late" is a big no-no. In fact, it is recommended that guests arrive 30 minutes before the invitation start time of the ceremony. This is especially important if the couple is providing transportation or has given special notes about parking, as you will need to pay attention to the details and schedule they have laid out. If you arrive after the ceremony commences, enter quietly and discreetly, and take a seat at the back if possible. If the processional has already started, wait until everyone has reached the altar before finding your seat.

If you are attending a wedding during the pandemic, it is important to prioritize the safety of the community and other guests. Work with local health officials and pay attention to local regulations. If you are feeling unwell, it is best to stay home and not attend the wedding.

Gifts and cards

The wedding gift should be sent to the address correlated to the couple's registry. Monetary gifts should always be neatly tucked into a congratulatory wedding card and can be brought to the wedding itself or mailed. If items are out of stock or the registry is already fulfilled, a handwritten and personalised message with the monetary amount is a good alternative.

Etiquette suggests spending $50 to $100 on a gift if you’re going to the wedding solo, or up to $150 to $200 if you’re going with a plus-one. However, what you spend doesn't really matter to the couple, and it's the thought that counts. So, if you’re short on cash, a beautiful card and a small gift card to the couple’s favourite restaurant will do just fine.

Plus-ones

The term "plus-one" grants an invited guest permission to bring someone with them to a wedding. It is usually extended to unmarried guests, allowing them to bring a date. However, it is not an open invitation to bring a friend. Couples also often extend plus-one invitations to friends and family in serious or long-term relationships, especially if they don't know the primary guest's partner well. Out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees are also commonly given plus-one privileges so they don't feel out of place or lonely.

Standard wedding etiquette dictates that the following wedding guests should receive a plus-one:

• Members of the couple's immediate family
• Wedding party members
• Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees
• Couples who are engaged, live together, or are otherwise in a serious or long-term relationship

If you are unsure whether you are allowed to bring a plus-one, it is best to reach out to the couple and ask for clarification. Be straightforward, respectful, and polite. Keep the request casual, and do it over the phone. It is also important to acknowledge that they might decline and that you will respect their decision.

If you are bringing a plus-one, make sure to include them when choosing a gift for the couple. Additionally, find time to introduce them to the newlyweds—it's polite, and it shows your appreciation for their hospitality.

Covid-19 safety measures

If you're attending a wedding, it's important to follow the COVID-19 safety measures put in place by the couple and the venue. Here are some measures you can expect to see and instructions you should follow:

• Hand sanitiser: Hand sanitiser stations and individual sanitiser bottles will likely be provided throughout the venue, including at each place setting during dinner. Make sure to use these regularly, especially before and after eating.
• Face masks: Depending on the local guidelines, you may be required to wear a face mask. If not, it is still a good idea to bring one with you and wear it when appropriate. For example, you may feel more comfortable wearing a mask when greeting other guests or during the ceremony.
• Social distancing: To allow for social distancing, there may be additional space between chairs and tables. Respect these distances and try to maintain a safe distance from other guests, especially when indoors.
• Guest book: To minimise contact, some weddings may have a digital guest book or a video toast booth instead of the traditional polaroid camera and pen setup.
• Food and drinks: Buffets and family-style dining are likely to be replaced by plated meals and individual appetisers. Cocktails may be bottled, and there could be custom service dividers (aka "sneeze guards") at the bar.
• Dancing: The dance floor may be larger and outdoors to allow for greater social distancing. If you feel uncomfortable dancing without a mask, consider wearing a glow-in-the-dark face mask!
• Communication: If you have any concerns about the COVID-19 safety measures in place, don't be afraid to reach out to the couple or check their wedding website. They should be able to provide you with more information and address any worries you may have.

Remember, the couple has put a lot of thought and effort into creating a safe environment for their guests. By following these COVID-19 safety measures, you can help ensure that everyone has a wonderful and healthy celebration!

Frequently asked questions