Bringing A Date To A Wedding: Is It Okay?

Bringing a date to a wedding can be a tricky situation, and it's important to consider the couple's preferences and your own comfort. While some couples may encourage guests to bring a plus one, others may have limited space or budget constraints. It's always a good idea to check with the couple beforehand and respect their wishes. If you're unsure, it's usually safer to attend alone and enjoy the company of friends and family at the wedding. Ultimately, the decision depends on your relationship with the couple and your own preferences for companionship.

Be honest about budget and space limitations

When it comes to weddings, budget and space are often limited, and this can be a problem when it comes to guests bringing a "+1". A "+1" is a guest of a guest, usually a partner or date. While it's nice to allow guests to bring someone, if every guest brings a "+1", your wedding guest list will double in size. If you don't have the space or the budget to accommodate this, you'll need to break the news to your guests that they can't bring a date.

It's always best to be honest and make it clear straight away that only named guests are invited. Here are some ways to do this:

• Inform potential guests in advance, even before you send out invitations. During casual conversations about your wedding plans, mention that your venue is small or that you're trying to stick to a budget, so you won't be allowing "+1"s.
• Address your wedding invitations correctly. When writing your guests' names on the envelopes, make it clear who is invited. For example, "Mr John Smith" indicates that there is no "+1" allowed, while "Mr John Smith plus Guest" means a guest is invited.
• Make it clear on the RSVP card. Write your guests' names on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else. You can also add a section saying, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", filling in the blank with the number of people invited.
• Add a FAQ to your wedding website. Address the issue of "+1"s directly by adding a question like "Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?" and providing an answer that explains your limitations. For example, "Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we simply can't afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Therefore, we respectfully ask that guests do not bring a plus one, unless they are specifically named on the invitation. Thank you so much for understanding!"

Remember, it's your wedding, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for not allowing "+1"s. However, being honest about your budget and space limitations can help soften the blow and ensure your guests understand your decision.

Address invitations correctly

Addressing your wedding invitations correctly is crucial to ensure your guests feel welcome and know whether they can bring a plus-one. Here are some tips to help you address your invitations properly:

Outer Envelope Addressing:

The outer envelope is the one that gets stamped and addressed with the guest's name and address. Here are some guidelines for different scenarios:

• Married Couple with the Same Last Name: Traditionally, use "Mr. and Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For a less traditional approach, include both first names individually. Same-sex couples can use the appropriate prefixes, and either name can go first.
• Married Couple with Different Last Names: Write out their full names with "Mr." or "Mrs." Either name can come first. For same-sex couples, follow the same format and use suitable prefixes.
• Single Person: Use the appropriate prefix ("Mr." for males, "Ms." for females, and "Mx." for non-binary guests) followed by their full name. If a single person has a plus-one, you can add "& Guest" or "and guest" after their name.
• Unmarried Couple: Include both full names on one or two lines, with suitable titles. Start with the person you are closer to. Same-sex couples follow the same format.
• Engaged Couple: For a formal approach, address them as unmarried. For a casual tone, refer to them as future newlyweds.
• Family: If you're inviting the entire family, address the envelope to the whole family or include "& children" after the parents' names. If you want to specify which family members are invited, list the children's names (in birth order) separately after the parents' names.
• Guests with Distinguished Titles: Address married doctors as "The Doctors" or spell out their titles. For a married couple where one is a doctor, list the doctor's name first with their title, followed by their partner's full name. For other distinguished titles, list the person with the higher rank first, and if the names are too long, indent the second line.

Inner Envelope Addressing:

The inner envelope is optional and is used to indicate the names of the invitees. It is more informal, and you can leave out certain elements of the formal name format used on the outer envelope. Here are some tips:

• Single Person: Use their preferred title, or forgo a title altogether. If they have a plus-one, mention both names if you have that information. Otherwise, "and Guest" will suffice.
• Married Couple: Put their names on the same line. You can forgo titles and list their names separately, especially if they have different last names. If they have the same last name, you can use traditional titles like "Mr. and Mrs." followed by their last name.
• Unmarried Couple: Include both names on one line, with each name on its own line if they have different last names. List the person you are closer to first.
• Family: The outer envelope is for the parents' names, and the inner envelope should list each child's name. For girls under 18, you can use "Miss."

Additional Tips:

• When in doubt, it's best to ask your guests their preferred titles and names to avoid any misunderstandings.
• If you are using only one envelope, clearly state all invited parties on the front, including plus-ones and kids.
• Handwriting addresses is optional but adds a thoughtful touch. Alternatively, consider digital calligraphy or hiring a local calligrapher.

Make it clear on the RSVP card

When it comes to communicating the plus-one rule with guests, the RSVP card is a great tool. This is a slip of paper that you'll include with each wedding invitation. It allows guests to inform you of whether they will attend, who will attend, and any other important information such as food allergies.

Write the guest's name on the reply card yourself

Instead of leaving the name line blank, write your guest's name on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else.

Add a section specifying the number of reserved seats

Add a section saying, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", and fill in the blank with the number of people you're inviting. For example, if your guest isn't allowed to bring a plus one, write "1 seat". This makes it clear that only the specified number of guests are invited and that there is no room for additional guests.

Be consistent with your plus-one rule

Generally, it's best to have a blanket rule for plus ones to avoid any potential drama or hurt feelings. Decide on a rule, such as "only guests that are married or cohabiting are allowed to bring their partner", and stick with it. This will help to avoid any confusion or exceptions that may arise.

Address your wedding invitations correctly

When sending out your wedding invitations and save-the-dates, address them in a way that leaves no doubt about who is invited. If plus ones are not allowed, write the guest's name without adding "plus guest", for example, "Mr John Smith". This will indicate that only the named person is invited.

Include an FAQ on your wedding website

Your wedding website is a great place to share vital information that won't fit on the invitation, such as directions, the gift registry, and other FAQs. Include a question about plus ones in the FAQ section, such as "Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?". Provide a clear answer, mentioning any budget or space limitations, and specify if certain plus ones are allowed, such as spouses or long-term partners.

By following these tips, you can effectively communicate your plus-one rule to your guests and ensure that your wedding planning goes smoothly.

Add an FAQ to your wedding website

Unfortunately, due to budget and space limitations, we simply can't afford for all of our lovely guests to bring a guest of their own. Therefore, we kindly request that guests do not bring a plus one, unless they are specifically named on the invitation. Thank you so much for understanding!

We're so sorry, but we have limited space and budget constraints. We want to make sure we can accommodate all of our guests comfortably and provide them with the best possible experience. We appreciate your understanding and hope that you can still celebrate this special day with us.

We love your children, but due to space restrictions, we cannot accommodate guests under a certain age on our wedding day. We hope you can still join us and enjoy a well-deserved night out!

We kindly ask that you do not bring any guests who are not named on the invitation, including friends. We have carefully crafted our guest list to ensure that we can accommodate everyone comfortably within our budget and space limitations. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

We understand that you may want to bring a plus one, especially if you are travelling or would feel more comfortable with a guest. However, we respectfully ask that you do not bring any guests who are not named on the invitation. We are happy to suggest hotels or accommodations nearby where your date can stay if they would like to join you in the area.

Stick to your rule

If you've decided that you don't want your wedding guests to bring a plus one, it's important to stick to this rule. It can be tricky to communicate this to your guests, but there are several ways to do so effectively. Firstly, be honest and make it clear from the outset that only named guests are invited. You can also inform potential guests in advance by mentioning it in casual conversation when discussing your wedding plans. This can help to soften the idea before they receive their invitation.

When sending out your invitations, ensure they are addressed correctly. For weddings where plus ones are allowed, the invitation will usually include the guest's name "plus guest". If you don't want to allow plus ones, simply address the invitation to the named guest only. For families, be specific and address the invitation to each individual by name, rather than a general "the Smith family".

Make use of the RSVP card by writing your guest's name on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else. You can also add a section stating the number of seats that have been reserved for them. For example, "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour". If you only write one seat, it will be clear that they are not allowed to bring a plus one.

Another way to communicate your rule is to add a FAQ section to your wedding website. This can be a delicate topic, so including it in the FAQs can be a good way to address it. For example, you could include a question like "Can I bring a date (plus one) to your wedding?" and then explain your reasoning, such as budget or space limitations.

If a guest still asks you directly if they can bring a plus one, it's important to stick to your rule. Explain your reasoning and let them down gently. Remember, it's your wedding and you don't owe anyone an explanation, but it can help to avoid offending your guests. Be prepared for some guests to push back, but stay firm and politely decline their request.

Frequently asked questions