Higher Ed Wedding Leave: What's The Policy?

Asking for time off work to attend a wedding can be a daunting task, but it is possible to do so successfully. The experience of requesting time off for a wedding varies depending on factors such as the workplace, the relationship with the employer and boss, and the notice given. It is generally recommended to inform your boss about your time-off plans as early as possible and to be prepared to accept the time off as unpaid leave. In the case of graduate students, it is important to pick a budget and a timeline that work together, maximize productivity and subdivide projects, and tune out any pushback from advisors or authorities.

Time off for weddings in higher education

Graduate students

While getting married during graduate school can be challenging, it is possible. One source suggests that graduate students shouldn't put their lives on hold while pursuing their degree. The same source recommends allowing plenty of lead time to save for a wedding fund, which gives you the freedom to schedule around teaching obligations, exams, conferences, and other commitments.

Professors

Whether or not professors can take time off for a wedding depends on their contract and their employer's policies. Professors should refer to their contract and employee handbook to understand their entitlements and obligations regarding time off for personal reasons.

Students

Students are generally not entitled to excused absences for a wedding, even if it involves a close family member. However, some professors may be willing to accommodate students in such situations, especially if they are informed well in advance. Students should refer to their course syllabus and student handbook to understand their entitlements and obligations regarding absences.

Staff

Time off for weddings for staff in higher education will depend on their contract and the policies of the institution they work for. Staff should refer to their contract and employee handbook to understand their entitlements and obligations regarding time off for personal reasons. It is also worth noting that experiences may vary depending on the relationship with the employer and the boss. It is recommended to have a sit-down conversation with the boss and give as much advance notice as possible.

How much notice to give

When it comes to taking time off for a wedding, the general advice is to give as much notice as possible. Phil Norton, co-founder of PTO booking software Leave Dates, recommends submitting your request for time off as soon as you know your wedding dates, especially if you have a year or more to plan your wedding. Even if your HR team isn't accepting PTO requests for your wedding date yet, it's a good idea to discuss it with your manager as soon as possible. This gives your team time to get used to the idea and ensures that the conversation about your absence doesn't creep up on anyone unexpectedly.

For destination weddings, it is recommended to give guests at least nine months' notice, and ideally a year, to allow them enough time to plan and save up for travel, accommodation, and other related expenses. However, giving too much notice may cause some guests to skim over the details or assume that the wedding will take place within the current year. Therefore, sending out save-the-dates nine to twelve months in advance, followed by invitations no later than six to eight months before the wedding, is considered a good balance.

In the context of giving legal notice of your marriage, there are specific time constraints to be aware of. In England and Wales, you must give notice at least 29 days before your ceremony. Additionally, there is a statutory waiting period of 28 full days after giving notice during which your ceremony should not take place. This means that if you give notice on May 1st, the earliest you can marry is June 30th. It's important to factor in potential delays in getting an appointment during busy periods if you're planning a last-minute wedding. Your notice of marriage is valid for 12 months, and you must hold your ceremony within this period or give notice and pay the fees again.

Paid vs unpaid leave

When it comes to taking time off for a wedding, the type of leave you can take—paid or unpaid—will depend on various factors, including your relationship to the couple, your employer's policies, and the country you're in.

Paid Leave

Paid leave allows you to take time off from work while still receiving your regular pay. In the case of weddings, whether or not you are granted paid leave will depend on your relationship to the couple getting married, your company's policies, and the laws of your country or state. For example, in the UK, teachers have reported being granted paid leave for close family weddings, while others have had to take unpaid leave for more distant relatives or friends. In the US, the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) mandates that employers grant a specific amount of time off for certain personal issues, but it does not require this time to be paid. However, some state laws may require employers to provide paid time off for certain types of leave.

Unpaid Leave

Unpaid leave is a period of time off work during which you do not receive compensation. When an employee takes unpaid leave, their accrual of benefits such as annual leave or sick leave may be paused, and it may impact their long-service leave entitlement. Unpaid leave is typically taken when employees have exhausted their paid leave entitlements or choose to save their paid leave. While it may be granted for weddings, it is more commonly associated with mandatory leaves like bereavement, parental leave, military duty, jury duty, and medical leave.

Strategies for Requesting Time Off for a Wedding

When requesting time off for a wedding, it's a good idea to schedule a meeting with your boss and follow your company's formal protocol for requesting time off. It's also advisable to know your dates as early as possible and request the time off in advance. Offering to come in early, stay late, or work weekends leading up to the wedding can improve your chances of getting your request approved. Additionally, you may want to request more time than you think you'll need to account for any last-minute changes or unexpected delays.

Dealing with unsupportive bosses

While there is no guarantee that your boss will let you take time off for a wedding, there are some steps you can take to increase your chances of getting approval. Firstly, it is important to know your dates as early as possible and to request your days off as far in advance as you can. This is especially important if your company has a first-come, first-served policy for high-demand dates. It is also a nice gesture to schedule a specific meeting with your boss to discuss your time off, and you should follow any formal protocols for requesting time off that are in place at your company. If possible, offer to come in early, stay late, or work on weekends to make up for the time you will be taking off. It is also a good idea to request more time than you think you will need, as it is always better to be safe than sorry. Finally, be prepared to accept that your time off may be unpaid, especially if the wedding is for someone who is not an immediate family member.

Now, onto dealing with an unsupportive boss. Here are some strategies to try:

• Personal reflection: Take a step back and evaluate your own behaviour. Have you been forthcoming about your goals and ambitions? Have you been proactive in asking for projects or new responsibilities? It is important to make your expectations and goals clear to your boss.
• Continue to support your boss: Although it may seem challenging, try to continue supporting your boss and helping them succeed. Ask yourself, "What can I do today to make my manager's life easier?". Be proactive in coming up with solutions to company challenges and share them with your manager. This will build trust and show that you are a team player.
• Address the issue diplomatically: Open and calm communication is key. Express your concerns in a calm manner and frame the discussion as an opportunity to optimise your working relationship. Focus on future-oriented solutions rather than past problems.
• Speak up about your achievements: Don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and socialise your achievements. Quantify the value of your work and explain the impact it has on the company. Make sure you are known as an employee who gets things done and delivers high-quality work.
• Stop seeking validation: If putting forward great work does not change your manager's attitude, stop doing it for approval. Instead, focus on building your personal brand and reputation by expanding your skillset, gaining new experiences, and networking with new people.
• Seek support from other senior leaders: If your direct supervisor is not supportive, look for other allies within the organisation or your wider network who share your values and can help you reach your career goals. Offer to take on difficult projects and prove your worth by completing your tasks well.

How to ask

Asking for time off for a wedding can be a daunting task, but there are several steps you can take to increase your chances of success. Here is a guide on how to ask for time off for a wedding in higher education:

• Know your dates early: The earlier you know your wedding plans and the exact dates you need off, the better your chances of securing them. Requesting time off a year or even months in advance increases the likelihood that your boss will approve your request.
• Have a sit-down talk with your boss: Schedule a specific meeting with your supervisor to discuss your time-off plans. Most institutions have a formal protocol for requesting time off, so be sure to follow that process. During the meeting, express your gratitude for their support and explain the significance of the event.
• Offer flexibility: If possible, offer to come in early, stay late, or work on weekends leading up to your time off. This demonstrates your commitment to your job and shows that you are not letting the wedding planning distract you from your work.
• Request more time than you think you'll need: It is always better to be safe than sorry. Request a few extra days off, as last-minute errands and appointments may arise. You can always inform your boss if your plans change and you no longer need the additional time.
• Prep your colleagues: If you work as part of a team, let your colleagues know about your upcoming leave as early as possible, once you receive approval from your supervisor. This will help them prepare for any additional workload and deter them from scheduling their vacations during that time.
• Provide a backup plan: Before taking time off, ensure that you have a plan in place for any ongoing projects or tasks. Update your colleagues on the status of your work and provide clear instructions on what needs to be done in your absence.
• Follow up with a written request: After discussing your time-off plans with your boss, send a follow-up email or written request to confirm the details. This ensures that everyone is on the same page and provides a record of the approved leave.
• Be understanding of the institution's policies: Keep in mind that the approval of your time-off request depends on the policies and procedures of your institution. Be respectful of any rules regarding time off, and try to work within those guidelines.
• Be prepared for unpaid leave: In some cases, you may need to take unpaid leave for the wedding, especially if it involves extended family or friends. Be open to this possibility and weigh the importance of attending the wedding against any financial implications.
• Provide adequate notice: The key to successfully requesting time off is to give as much notice as possible. This allows your institution to make necessary arrangements and reduces the likelihood of scheduling conflicts.

Frequently asked questions