Grooms' Guy Friends As Bridesmaids: Is It Okay?

Wedding party roles are typically gendered, with the bride and groom each having a group of same-gender friends and family members to support them on their big day. However, this tradition is not set in stone, and it is becoming increasingly common for couples to mix things up. Having a friend of the groom as a bridesmaid can add a personal touch to the wedding and ensure that the people closest to the couple are involved in the celebration. Ultimately, it is the couple's decision, and there are many ways to involve friends of both the bride and groom in the wedding party.

Bridesmaids no longer need to be unmarried

The idea that a bride needs to be surrounded by unmarried women is a thing of the past. Bridesmaids no longer need to be unmarried, and you can absolutely include your married friends in your wedding party. You can refer to them as bridesmaids in your programs and everywhere else, with no need for a "bridesmatron" title. Being a bridesmaid is more like being a "Ms." than a "Miss."

There are no rules when it comes to choosing your wedding party, and it's your special day, so you can do whatever you like. You might want to start by including your siblings, giving them the full honour of being a bridesmaid or groomsman, or perhaps a junior attendant role if they are much younger. Don't forget, there's nothing stopping a bride from having her brother as a bridesman or a groom from having his sister as a groomslady.

When choosing your wedding party, it's a good idea to emphasise reliability. While they might not need to be heavily involved in the planning, there will be moments when you need to rely on them. Lean towards friends who are responsive, punctual, and prepared. It's also worth considering personalities and how your wedding party will get along with each other. They don't all need to be best friends, but you'll want to avoid potential drama on your big day.

Budget is another important consideration. Being a bridesmaid or groomsman can be expensive, so if you know a friend is in a tough spot financially, it's a good idea to discuss this with them beforehand and offer alternative ways for them to be involved, such as giving a reading or a toast at the rehearsal dinner. Sometimes, having a smaller wedding party can ease the stress of deciding who makes the cut, but if you're committed to the idea of a large wedding party, you might want to include that one friend on the fringe rather than risk hurting their feelings.

Titles for female friends of the groom

While it is not traditional, there is no reason why female friends of the groom cannot be included in the wedding party. It is becoming more common for weddings to break with tradition and be more creative, and this can be a great way to add a personal touch to your big day.

There are several titles that female friends of the groom can be given, depending on the role they will play in the wedding and the dynamic of the wedding party. Here are some options:

• Groomslady/Groomsmatron: These titles are the female equivalent of "groomsman" and indicate that the woman is a close friend of the groom. This title can be used for any female friend of the groom, whether she is married or unmarried.
• Groomsmaid: This title is a combination of "groom" and "bridesmaid" and indicates that the woman is a member of the wedding party. It can be used for a close friend of the groom or a friend of both the bride and groom.
• Best Woman: If the female friend of the groom is taking on the role of "best man", she can be given the title of "best woman". This title is more common when the best man is a woman, but it can also be used to indicate that the woman is the groom's best friend.
• Groomswoman: Similar to "best woman", "groomswoman" indicates that the woman is a close friend of the groom and may be taking on a more active role in the wedding party.
• Attendant/Wedding Party Member/Wedding Posse Member: These titles are gender-neutral and can be used for any member of the wedding party, regardless of their relationship to the bride or groom. They are a good option if you want to avoid gender-specific titles or if the woman is a friend of both the bride and groom.
• Witness: This title can be used for any member of the wedding party and emphasises their role in legally witnessing the marriage. It is a good option if you want to avoid gendered language or titles that specify a relationship to the bride or groom.

Ultimately, the titles you choose for the female friends of the groom can be personalised to fit the dynamics of your wedding party and your unique relationships. There are no hard and fast rules, so feel free to get creative and choose titles that reflect the importance of these women in your life.

Advantages of matching bridesmaids to groomsmen

Matching your bridesmaids and groomsmen is a great way to create a unified aesthetic and theme for your wedding. While it is not a requirement, there are several advantages to doing so.

Firstly, colour-matching the wedding party adds a sense of unison and can make for stunning photos that will last a lifetime. You can choose to match the groomsmen's accessories, such as ties, pocket squares, or socks, to the bridesmaids' dresses or overall colour scheme. This is a simple way to add a touch of personality and creativity to your special day.

Another advantage of matching bridesmaids and groomsmen is the opportunity for symmetry and balance in wedding photos. With a coordinated wedding party, you can play with different poses and formations, such as blending them together in couples or groups or forming a semi-circle around the married couple. This can create visually appealing and unique photographs that conceal any unevenness in the bridal party numbers.

Additionally, matching the wedding party can be a fun way to involve your friends in the wedding planning process. By including them in the colour scheme or theme, you can foster a sense of involvement and excitement among your bridesmaids and groomsmen.

While matching the bridal party can be a fun and creative endeavour, it is important to note that it may also add extra work and logistics to the wedding planning. It can be challenging to please everyone, especially if you have chosen a specific dress style or outfit restriction. Open communication with your wedding party is key to ensuring everyone is happy and feels included.

Ultimately, the decision to match bridesmaids and groomsmen is a personal choice, and there is no right or wrong answer. The most important thing is to ensure your wedding reflects your unique vision and that you involve the people you adore on your special day.

Tips for choosing bridesmaids and groomsmen

Choosing your bridesmaids and groomsmen is a very personal decision and there are no definitive rules, but here are some tips to help guide you:

Start with family

It's common practice to include siblings in your wedding party, and they can be a great option if you're wondering how to choose bridesmaids or groomsmen when you have no friends. Other family members can also be included, especially those closest in age to you.

Consider your relationship

Think about your future with the members of the wedding party. Will they still be in your life in 5, 10, or 20 years? Can you imagine your life without them? If fair-weather friends or short-term connections don't pass this test, it might be best to leave them out.

Size of the wedding party

The size of your wedding party can be influenced by the overall size of the wedding. For smaller weddings, you may not want a large wedding party that makes up a significant portion of the total number of attendants. For larger weddings, there are usually no limits on the number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Responsibilities

Bridesmaids and groomsmen often have important responsibilities, from organising pre-wedding parties to helping with invitations, choosing wedding wear, and providing logistical support. Choose people you can trust and who will be reliable with any tasks you give them.

Avoid obligation

Don't feel obligated to include someone in your wedding party just because they included you in theirs. Consider whether they are likely to be an important part of your family life in the future and how much you value your relationship with them.

Forget gender norms

You don't have to split your wedding party along gender lines. Feel free to call a female friend a "best woman" or a male friend a "man of honour".

Avoid hurt feelings

If you're struggling to choose between a large number of people, making the wedding party smaller can help to avoid hurt feelings. This also makes it easier to schedule events like the bachelor or bachelorette party.

Avoid inter-party feuds

Consider the personalities of your bridesmaids and groomsmen and how they will get along with each other. You don't want to include people who dislike each other and cause unnecessary drama or stress.

Remember, the most important thing is to choose the people closest to you, who are best suited to any responsibilities, and who can create a cohesive wedding party.

Alternative roles for friends not in the wedding party

While the wedding party is typically reserved for close friends and family, there are several alternative roles for friends not in the wedding party that can still make them feel honoured and involved in your special day.

One option is to ask a friend to be a ceremony reader, reciting a meaningful poem or religious passage during the ceremony. This is a great way to include someone in the wedding even if they are not part of the bridal party. Another idea is to assign the role of flower girl or ring bearer to an adult friend, adding a playful and unique twist to the traditional role usually filled by a child.

Friends can also help guide guests to their seats during the ceremony by serving as ushers. This is especially useful if your wedding party is busy preparing for the ceremony and requires someone outgoing to greet and direct guests. If you have a Jewish ceremony, friends can also hold a chuppah pole or be the glass bearer, adding a special touch to the ceremony's conclusion.

For musically inclined friends, they can perform during the ceremony or as prelude music while guests arrive, creating a memorable and personalised experience. Alternatively, friends can be candle lighters, ceremoniously lighting the candles before the ceremony begins, or serve as witnesses to the signing of your official marriage license, a truly honoured role.

These alternative roles provide meaningful ways to include friends in your wedding day, allowing them to contribute to and share in the joy of your celebration.

Frequently asked questions