Unwanted Guests: Kicking Out Wedding Crashers

Asking a guest to leave a wedding is a tricky situation and can be considered rude, but there are certain circumstances where it may be deemed acceptable. For example, a guest wearing a dress deemed inappropriate by the bride and groom may be asked to leave, as seen in the case of a guest wearing a gold dress to a warm-tone garden party themed wedding. In another instance, a guest wearing an outfit that exposed their ankles and elbows to an Amish wedding was asked to cover up or leave. Similarly, a guest wearing an outfit with a small amount of white was asked to change or leave by the bride. In all these cases, the guests' attire was considered inappropriate by the couple or their family, leading to tension and, ultimately, the guests' departure. Another reason for guests to be removed from a wedding is if they bring children to a child-free event, as seen in a case where a couple brought their infant and toddler to a wedding despite the invitation clearly stating no children. While it can be challenging to ask guests to leave, certain situations may warrant such action to respect the couple's wishes and maintain harmony at the event.

Wearing the wrong colour

The Universal No-Nos: White and Similar Shades

The universally accepted rule for wedding guest attire is to avoid wearing white or any similar shades such as ivory, off-white, eggshell, beige, champagne, or cream. These colours are typically reserved for the bride, and wearing them as a guest can be seen as disrespectful. It's essential to steer clear of any outfits that could be mistaken for the bride's or bridesmaids' dresses.

The Couple's Preferences: Matching the Wedding Party

It's crucial to respect the couple's preferences and avoid wearing the same colour as the wedding party. Before the wedding, try to find out what colours the bridal party will be wearing to ensure you don't accidentally match them. Consult with members of the wedding party, other guests, or the couple if needed. If you can't get a definitive answer, use the invitation as a guide, as couples often incorporate their chosen colours into their paper products.

Seasonal and Cultural Considerations

When deciding what colour to wear to a wedding, consider the season and cultural norms. Each season typically has a particular colour palette associated with it. For example, jewel tones and darker colours like emerald, plum, and burgundy are popular choices for cold-weather weddings. On the other hand, bright colours like fuchsia and lime green are more acceptable at beach weddings or outdoor summer weddings. Additionally, be mindful of any cultural traditions or beliefs that may influence the choice of colours.

The Dress Code: Formality and Appropriateness

Pay close attention to the dress code specified by the couple. If it's a formal wedding, opt for more subdued and elegant colours, avoiding anything too flashy or distracting. For semi-formal or informal weddings, you may have more leeway, but it's still important to choose colours that complement the overall theme and atmosphere of the event.

In conclusion, while wearing the wrong colour to a wedding may not always warrant kicking a guest out, it's important to be mindful of the couple's preferences, cultural norms, and the specified dress code. Avoiding white and similar shades is a universal rule, and respecting the couple's chosen colours and theme is crucial. Ultimately, the goal is to celebrate the couple's special day without causing any unnecessary distractions or discomfort.

Ignoring a no-kids request

It's your wedding, and you can set the rules! However, when it comes to children, it's a sensitive topic, and some parents may feel hurt if their children aren't invited. Here are some tips to handle the situation when guests ignore your no-kids request:

Be Clear and Consistent:

Make your adults-only policy explicit from the start. Address the invitations to the specific guests you want to attend and clearly state that children are not included. Be consistent and apply the rule to every guest, with possible exceptions for immediate family or wedding party members' children. This way, you avoid any confusion and the impression that you hand-picked which children were invited.

Provide Advance Notice:

Inform your guests about your no-kids request as soon as possible. Include this information on your wedding website or in the FAQ section of your save-the-dates. This gives parents ample time to make childcare arrangements.

Choose Your Words Carefully:

When communicating your no-kids request, opt for clear and considerate language. Avoid statements like "We thought you'd appreciate a night off!" or "To give you the opportunity to really let your hair down..." as they may come across as patronizing. Instead, focus on venue restrictions or budget constraints as a neutral explanation.

Stand Your Ground:

Even with clear communication, you may encounter pushback. It's essential to be sensitive to parents' concerns but remain firm in your decision. Remember, it's your wedding day, and you get to decide the guest list.

Offer Alternatives:

If your budget allows, consider providing alternatives, such as hiring a babysitter or organizing a separate play area for children. This can help ease the burden on parents and show that you're thoughtful and considerate of their needs.

Be Prepared for Declines:

Understand that some parents may choose not to attend if they can't bring their children. Respect their decision, and don't take it personally. It's their choice, just as it's yours to have a child-free wedding.

Remember, careful wording and advance communication are key to handling this situation gracefully. By being considerate of your guests' needs and standing your ground, you can ensure that your wedding day goes as smoothly as possible.

Wearing inappropriate attire for the culture

Firstly, it is essential to understand the cultural significance of colours in the context of the wedding. In many cultures, certain colours hold symbolic meaning and wearing the wrong colour could be considered disrespectful. For example, in some Asian cultures, red is the traditional colour for weddings and wearing white, which is often associated with funerals, would be inappropriate. Do your research beforehand to ensure you don't accidentally wear a colour that is considered offensive or inappropriate for the culture.

Secondly, be mindful of cultural dress codes and traditions. Some cultures have specific dress codes for weddings, which may include traditional attire or modest clothing that covers the shoulders, legs, or arms. It is important to respect these cultural norms and dress accordingly. If you are unsure, don't be afraid to ask a member of the wedding party or the couple themselves for guidance.

Additionally, it is generally advisable to avoid wearing revealing or provocative clothing. This is especially important if the wedding is religious or held in a place of worship, as you want to ensure your attire is respectful of the cultural and religious context. Opt for modest styles and avoid anything that is too short, low-cut, or form-fitting.

It is also worth noting that in some cultures, certain types of clothing or accessories may be considered inappropriate. For example, in some cultures, wearing hats or head coverings may be seen as disrespectful indoors or during certain ceremonies. In other cultures, certain symbols or motifs may be considered sacred and should not be worn by guests.

Lastly, it is always a good idea to consult with the couple or a trusted member of the wedding party if you have any doubts about your attire. They can provide guidance and ensure your outfit aligns with the cultural norms and expectations of the wedding. Remember, the most important thing is to respect the couple's culture and traditions and be mindful of any dress-related sensitivities.

Wearing white

In general, it is still considered disrespectful or tacky to wear white to a wedding, as it may cause confusion or upstage the happy couple. It is also considered improper in many cultures, as the colour is reserved for the bride. Wedding planner Brandi Hamerstone advises that "you don't want to stand with the bride and look as though you were attempting to look bridal on someone else's day". However, there are some exceptions to this rule.

Firstly, if the couple has specifically requested that guests wear white, then it is acceptable. This might be the case if the couple is wearing a different colour, or if they are requesting a themed party. In this case, the dress code will be specified on the invitation. Secondly, if white is not the primary colour of your outfit, it is usually acceptable. For example, a navy outfit with white polka dots, or a blue gown with a subtle white botanical print. Thirdly, if you are a member of the wedding party and the couple has requested that you wear a white or creamy shade, then it is also fine.

If you are unsure, it is always best to get explicit permission from the couple before wearing white to a wedding.

Causing drama

It is understandable that you want to avoid drama at your wedding. Weddings can bring out the best and worst in people, and it is essential to set clear boundaries and rules to prevent any unwanted situations.

If a guest is causing drama, it is crucial to address the issue promptly. Here are some steps you can take:

• Communicate directly: Speak with the guest privately and calmly express your concerns. Explain the impact of their behaviour and set clear expectations for the rest of the event.
• Involve a mediator: If you are uncomfortable confronting the guest directly, consider delegating the task to a trusted friend or wedding planner. They can help convey your message and diffuse the situation.
• Offer a private space: Sometimes, guests may be unaware of the impact of their actions or may be struggling with a personal issue. Providing a quiet space for them to calm down or offering a private room to relax can help ease the tension.
• Remove from the situation: If the drama persists, you may need to separate the guest from the festivities. This could involve asking them to take a short walk or suggesting they rest in a quiet area away from the main event.
• Ask them to leave: As a last resort, you may need to request that the guest leave the wedding. This should only be done if the drama is severe and disruptive to the wedding. It is a drastic step that will likely impact your relationship with the guest.

Remember, it is your special day, and you have the right to ensure it remains a positive and joyful occasion for everyone involved. While it is essential to handle these situations with tact and sensitivity, do not hesitate to take action if a guest is causing significant drama or disrupting the celebration.

By setting clear boundaries and addressing issues promptly, you can minimise the potential for drama and create a memorable and harmonious wedding day.

Frequently asked questions