Personalized Weddings: Non-Religious Ceremonies For Your Special Day

Planning a non-religious wedding is easy! There are three main areas of your wedding – officiant, venue, and ceremony – that can be tailored to fit your secular needs. You can choose from a wide range of venues, from a commercial wedding chapel to a beach, park, or even your backyard. Your officiant can be a Justice of the Peace, a willing member of the clergy, or a friend who has obtained a license to perform weddings. As for the ceremony, you can skip the religious texts and language and tailor it to your liking and personality. You can include live music, special readings, unity ceremonies, and your own vows.

Choose a meaningful, non-religious venue

If you're planning a non-religious wedding, you might be wondering where to hold the ceremony. The good news is that you have a lot of options! Here are some ideas to get you started:

Parks, museums, galleries, and libraries

Public spaces like parks, museums, art galleries, and libraries can be beautiful and unique venues for your wedding. These spaces often have interesting features that will make your photos stand out, and they're usually located in convenient areas.

Backyards and private residences

If you're looking for an intimate setting, consider hosting your wedding in your backyard or the home of a family member or friend. This option can be more affordable than traditional venues, and you'll have the freedom to decorate the space however you like.

Wineries and vineyards

Wineries and vineyards offer picturesque settings for your special day. Imagine exchanging vows surrounded by rolling hills and scenic ponds or among the grapevines. Many wineries have beautiful outdoor spaces and ballrooms that can accommodate your ceremony and reception.

Beaches and natural landmarks

If you love the great outdoors, consider exchanging your vows against the backdrop of a beach, canyon, valley, lake, river shore, or even a field of flowers. These natural settings provide stunning views and create a relaxed and romantic atmosphere for your wedding.

Hotels and event spaces

Hotels often have event spaces that can accommodate weddings of various sizes. From ballrooms to rooftop terraces, you can find a variety of options to suit your style and guest count. Many hotels also offer all-inclusive wedding packages, making planning a breeze.

Unique venues that reflect your personality

Think outside the box and choose a venue that reflects your interests and hobbies. Are you a bookworm? Consider a library or bookstore. Love movies? How about a cinema or film studio? Other unique ideas include aquariums, botanical gardens, breweries, castles, concert halls, and even zoos!

When choosing a non-religious venue, the most important thing is to select a space that feels meaningful to you and your partner. By incorporating your personalities and interests, you'll create a wedding that truly reflects who you are as a couple.

Select an experienced, secular officiant

Selecting an experienced, secular officiant for your non-religious wedding is an important step in the wedding planning process. Here are some tips to help you choose the right one:

Types of Officiants

First, it's essential to understand the different types of officiants available for non-religious weddings. You can choose a professional vendor, such as a hired celebrant/civil officiant, a judge, or a government official. Alternatively, you can ask a family member or friend to officiate your wedding. This could be a very close friend, a parent, or a relative whom you trust and feel comfortable with.

Benefits of a Secular Officiant

The main benefit of choosing a secular officiant is the flexibility they offer. They can help you create a ceremony that reflects your personal values, beliefs, and love story. Secular officiants also allow for more creative freedom, enabling you to incorporate unique elements such as special poems, readings, or unity rituals like knot-tying or sand ceremonies. Additionally, secular ceremonies are typically more inclusive and open to customization.

Finding the Right Officiant

When selecting a secular officiant, it is recommended to hire a professional due to their experience with public speaking, knowledge of what should be included in the ceremony, and overall expertise in performing weddings. To find the right professional, start by researching and getting referrals from other wedding vendors. Read reviews and narrow down your options to a few candidates who match your preferences for personality, humor, budget, style, experience, and customization options.

Interview at least three potential candidates to get a sense of their qualifications and how they can meet your needs. Ask questions such as:

• How many weddings have you performed?
• What is your process for writing a custom ceremony script?
• Are there any limitations to what we can include in our script?
• How would you describe your personality and style?
• Will you help us obtain and file our marriage license?
• Will you attend and lead our ceremony rehearsal?

Building a Connection

Once you've chosen your officiant, spend some face-to-face time with them so they can get to know you and your partner better. This will help add a personal touch to the ceremony and ensure that your officiant understands your love story and what makes your relationship unique.

Remember, the most important factor in selecting an officiant is finding someone you trust and feel comfortable with, as they will play a crucial role in making your wedding ceremony special and memorable.

Include live music and readings

Live music and readings are a great way to set the tone for your wedding and make the ceremony feel more real and tangible.

Live Music

If you're opting for live music, you'll need to choose songs for three key parts of the ceremony: the entrance of the bride, the signing of the register, and the recessional. For the entrance of the bride, it's best to avoid pieces with long introductions as it only takes a few seconds for the bride to enter. You could opt for something joyous and upbeat, or something quiet, elegant, and understated. Some popular options include:

• The Prince of Denmark's March (Trumpet Voluntary) – J Clarke
• Wedding March from 'Lohengrin' (“Here comes the bride”) – R Wagner
• Trumpet Tune in D – H Purcell
• Canon in D – J Pachelbel
• Salut d'amour – E Elgar
• Air from The Water Music – GF Handel

For the signing of the register, you'll probably need around 5-7 minutes of music. Romantic, reflective pieces work well here, such as:

• Air on the G string – JS Bach
• Chanson de matin – E Elgar
• Dome épais, from 'Lakmé' – L Delibes
• Nella fantasia – E Morricone
• O mio babbino caro - G Puccini

The recessional is typically cheerful and upbeat to contrast with the music during the signing of the register. Some options include:

• Wedding March from A Midsummer Night’s Dream – F Mendelssohn
• Arrival of the Queen of Sheba – GF Handel
• Trumpet Tune in D – H Purcell
• Allegro, from Brandenburg Concerto No.3 in G – JS Bach
• Trumpet Voluntary Op.6 No.5 - J Stanley

Popular choices for live music include string quartets, pianists, guitarists, acoustic duos, and harpists.

Readings

When it comes to readings, you can choose anything that is meaningful to you and your partner. This could be song lyrics, movie quotes, poems, or even excerpts from children's books. Here are some examples:

• The Dream Keeper by Langston Hughes
• Love is the Answer (author unknown)
• I Wanna Be Yours by John Cooper Clarke
• Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare
• The Life That I Have by Leo Marks
• I'll Be There For You (author unknown)
• A Sanskrit Reflection (author unknown)
• Excerpt from The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
• Union by Robert Fulgham
• Marry Your Best Friend (anonymous)
• The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer
• I Like You by Sandol Stoddard
• Why Marriage by Dena Acolatse (adapted)
• I Will Be Here by Steven Curtis Chapman
• Excerpt from Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins
• All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from my Dog (anonymous)
• Yes, I'll Marry You by Pam Ayres
• The Day the Saucers Came by Neil Gaiman
• All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulgham
• Excerpt from the Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman
• Excerpt from The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White
• Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton
• Excerpt from Shantaram by David Gregory Roberts
• Litany by Billy Collins
• From The Irrational Season by Madeleine L’Engle
• Traditional Irish Blessing (author unknown)
• Your Love is as the Sea (author unknown)
• About Love by Bob Marley
• This for You by Neil Gaiman
• "Advice From a Friend" from Thinking about the Longstanding Problems of Virtue and Happiness by Tony Kushner
• Commitment Poem of the Pueblo Indian (author unknown)
• From a Navajo Wedding Ceremony (author unknown)
• The Art of Marriage by Wilfred Arlan Peterson
• The Art of Marriage by Betty Pingel
• I Love You by Roy Croft

Write your own vows

Writing your own wedding vows is a wonderful way to make your ceremony feel personal and unique. Here are some tips and ideas to help you craft your own non-religious wedding vows:

Tips for Writing Your Own Vows

• Be sure to plan ahead and take time to consider the tone and words you use.
• Focus on making promises to your partner rather than a deity.
• Express your love, commitment, and support for your partner.
• Include what you admire about your partner and your vision for the future.
• Add personal anecdotes, inside jokes, or references to your favourite movies or books to make your vows more intimate and entertaining.
• Keep your vows between one and two minutes long when read aloud (around 100 to 200 words).

Examples of Non-Religious Wedding Vows

• "I promise to always care for you, connect with you, comfort you and celebrate with you. I will be by your side through whatever life may bring and cherish the time we have together."
• "I choose you to be no other than yourself, loving what I know of you and trusting what I do not yet know. I promise to laugh with you when times are good and endure with you when times are bad. I respect you as an individual, a partner, and an equal."
• "I promise to accept you the way you are. I fell in love with your qualities, your quirks, and your outlook on life. I promise to respect you as a person with your own interests, desires, and needs and to realise that those are sometimes different from but no less important than my own."
• "I promise to be a true and faithful partner, from this day forward, in all life’s circumstances, as we face them together. In the joys and sorrows, the good times and bad, in sickness or in health, I will always be there for you, to comfort you, love you, honour and cherish you, now and forevermore."
• "I promise to be your lover, companion, and friend. I will be your comrade in adventure, your accomplice in mischief, your comfort in disappointment, your strength in times of need, and your partner in all things, for all the days of my life."
• "I promise to encourage and inspire you, to laugh with you, and to comfort you in times of sorrow and struggle. I promise to love you in good times and in bad, when life seems easy and when it seems hard, when our love is simple and when it is an effort. I promise to cherish you and to always hold you in the highest regard."
• "I promise to give you the best of myself and to ask of you no more than you can give. I promise to respect you as your own person and to realise that your interests, desires, and needs are no less important than my own. I promise to share with you my time and my attention and to bring joy, strength, and imagination to our relationship."
• "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [spouse]. I promise to be faithful and supportive and to make our love and happiness a priority. You are my person, my love, and my life, today and always."

Incorporate a unity ceremony

Unity ceremonies are a wonderful way to symbolise your union and can be included in both religious and non-religious weddings. Here are some ideas for incorporating a unity ceremony into your non-religious wedding:

Lighting a Unity Candle

This is probably the most well-known unity ceremony idea. The couple each holds a lit candle and combines their flames to light a third, larger candle. Sometimes the couple's parents take on this task instead, to symbolise the union of their families. You can also get the guests involved by displaying candles at the entrance of the ceremony and inviting friends and family to light one and say a blessing as they enter.

Sand Ceremony

Also known as a "blending of the sands" ceremony, each person pours a small container of sand (often two different colours) into a larger vessel to symbolise their "coming together" as a couple. This practice is particularly meaningful if you're getting married on a beach or want to use sand from a hometown or favourite vacation spot.

Handfasting

Handfasting comes from an ancient Celtic tradition wherein the right hands of each partner are bound together during a portion of the wedding. The officiant will usually read the vows while cords are wrapped around the couple's hands, symbolising their commitment to each other while they literally tie the knot.

Wine or Beer Pouring Ceremony

The couple chooses two different, yet compatible wines, pours them into a glass to create a perfect blend, and then drinks the blend together. This can also be done with beer, or it can be done with tea for a dry wedding.

Tree Planting Ceremony

This is a sweet ceremony option for a woodland-themed or garden-inspired wedding. The couple adds soil (perhaps gathered from both of their hometowns) to a pot to symbolise their union. Like the tree, your relationship will need love and care to grow and bloom.

Log Cutting Ceremony

This unique ceremony idea is derived from an old German wedding tradition. A couple will cut through a log during their nuptials in front of friends and family, symbolising the teamwork and dedication required to overcome the obstacles in a marriage.

Wish Lantern Ceremony

During this unity ritual, the couple releases a paper lantern into the air, allowing their love to pass into the universe as one. Depending on a couple's personal preference, they can either release a paper lantern on their own or invite guests to release lanterns in unison.

Frequently asked questions