Best Man: Can A Father Step In?

Choosing a best man for your wedding is a big decision. It's a role that is typically filled by a close friend or brother, but there are no fixed rules, and you can absolutely choose your father to be your best man. It is your wedding, after all. If your father is your best friend, the person you are closest to, and the person who knows you the best, then having him as your best man can be a great choice. It is a way to honour his role in your life and celebrate your unique bond. However, it's important to consider the potential challenges and dynamics of having your father in this role, such as his additional responsibilities, the impact on wedding party dynamics, and his ability to perform the duties typically expected of a best man. Ultimately, the decision comes down to what matters most to you and ensuring your wedding day is the perfect start to your married life.

The bride may feel uncomfortable with the groom's family being so involved in her big day

While there are no fixed rules about who can be the best man at a wedding, and it is ultimately the groom's choice, it is important to consider the bride's feelings about the groom's family being heavily involved in her big day.

The bride may feel uncomfortable with the idea of the groom's family being so involved in her wedding, especially if it is a small, intimate event. It is crucial to discuss the idea with her before making any decisions. Conflict between engaged couples often arises during the wedding planning process, so it is essential to be mindful of potential issues to ensure a happy start to married life.

The best man's duties include more than just standing beside the groom during the ceremony. He is also expected to plan the bachelor party, exchange gifts with the groom, advise on attire, make a toast to thank the bride's attendants, arrange transportation, and accompany the maid of honor. If the groom chooses his father as the best man, the father's attention may be divided between these duties and his role as the father of the groom, which could lead to feelings of resentment within the family.

Additionally, the best man should be able to remain calm and diplomatic in all situations, such as when dealing with unexpected delays or family members' emotions. The bride may prefer someone other than the groom's father to fulfil these duties to ensure a smooth and stress-free wedding day.

To avoid any discomfort or conflict, it is recommended to discuss the idea with the bride and consider the potential challenges before making a decision. Open communication and consideration for each other's feelings are essential for a happy wedding planning process and a harmonious family dynamic.

The father may not be able to plan the bachelor party in the way the groom and his friends would want

While there are no fixed rules about who can be the best man at a wedding, it is traditionally the groom's brother or closest male friend. However, some people choose their father for this role, especially if they are very close.

One of the best man's duties is to plan the bachelor party. Usually, this involves drinking, partying, and crazy antics, which may not be very dad-friendly. If the groom wants his dad to be his best man, they could consider a more mellow, non-traditional celebration or skip the bachelor party altogether.

• The father of the groom usually gives a speech, and if he is also the best man, he may need to give two speeches or a combined speech.
• The best man and groom usually exchange meaningful gifts before the ceremony as a thank-you gesture and a symbol of friendship and best wishes. The symbolism of the gift may be different if it is from the father.
• The best man is expected to advise and guide the groom on choosing their wedding attire and ensuring the garments are suitable and fit perfectly. The groom may not want to rely on their father for this task.
• The best man should be organised and keep lists with telephone numbers for all the vendors on the day of the wedding. He should also be diplomatic and calm in all situations to handle any last-minute issues or delays.
• The best man must provide support to the groom while waiting for the bride and continually reassure them that everything is on track. If the best man is the father, the groom should be sure that he will not become distracted or anxious if things don't run according to schedule.
• From the moment the couple is pronounced 'husband and wife', the best man accompanies the maid of honour. He lends her his arm to leave the ceremony, poses with her for photos, dances with her at the reception, and ensures she is attended to at all times. If the father is significantly older than the maid of honour, the couple may feel uncomfortable pairing them together.
• The best man is responsible for arranging transportation for the bridal party to the ceremony and the entire wedding party to the photo location and reception. This may be challenging for the father of the groom, who will also want to enjoy the special day.
• The best man is expected to make a toast to thank the bride's attendants. If the father is someone who would not be able to do this confidently, the groom may want to select someone else to make this toast.
• The best man usually gathers the bachelors for the throwing of the bride's garter and 'decorating' the vehicle of the departing newlyweds. The father may be so overcome with emotion at the wedding that he forgets about these "fun touches".

The groom and best man usually coordinate their outfits—will the father be able to advise on this?

Absolutely! There are no fixed rules about who can be the best man at a wedding. It is a role traditionally filled by the groom's brother or closest male friend, but nowadays, anyone can take on this role, including the groom's father.

The best man is responsible for guiding the groom when choosing their wedding attire, ensuring the garments are suitable and the fit is perfect. If the father of the groom is the best man, he will be responsible for advising his son on what to wear for his wedding.

However, it is important to consider the potential challenges of having the father as the best man. One of the challenges mentioned by wedding planner Jamie Chang is the age difference, which can affect the dynamics of the wedding party. The father of the groom may not be on the same page as the rest of the wedding party regarding attire, especially if there is a large age gap.

To ensure the wedding party's attire is coordinated, the father of the groom, as the best man, should be able to advise and guide the groom effectively. He should also be comfortable with the level of involvement and responsibilities that come with being the best man, including advising on attire.

The father's ability to advise on attire will depend on his personality and relationship with the groom. If the father is open-minded and has a close relationship with the groom, he may be more in tune with the groom's preferences and the latest fashion trends. On the other hand, if the father is more traditional or reserved, he may prefer classic or conservative styles that may not align with the groom's vision for the wedding party's attire.

Ultimately, the decision to have the father of the groom as the best man should consider the father's comfort level with the responsibilities and the potential impact on the dynamics of the wedding party.

The groom and best man exchange gifts—will the symbolism be the same if it's from the father?

It is traditional for the groom and best man to exchange gifts as a token of their appreciation and friendship, often with a symbolic and personal meaning attached. But what if the best man is the father of the groom? Will the symbolism and sentiment remain the same?

Absolutely! In fact, having a father as a best man can add a unique and special dynamic to the gift exchange. The groom can choose a gift that symbolizes his gratitude and love for his father, while also acknowledging the important role he has played in his life. For example, a groom might gift his father a custom-made watch with an engraved message on the back, thanking him for always being there and serving as a role model. This gift not only has personal significance but also symbolizes the passage of time and the enduring nature of their relationship.

Similarly, the father, as the best man, can present his son with a meaningful gift. A father might opt for a family heirloom, passing down a treasured item that has been in the family for generations. This could be a ring, a pocket watch, cufflinks, or even a vintage car! Not only does this gift hold immense symbolic value, but it also represents the father's trust and confidence in his son, as he passes on something of great importance and value.

The exchange of gifts between a groom and his father/best man can be an incredibly emotional and powerful moment. It not only symbolizes the strong bond between them but also serves as a tangible reminder of their unique relationship. The gifts themselves may differ from the traditional best man gifts, but the sentiment and symbolism can be equally, if not more, powerful and meaningful.

So, if you're a groom considering your father as your best man, or a father stepping into the role, don't worry about the gift-giving tradition being any less significant. Embrace the opportunity to create lasting memories and choose gifts that truly reflect your relationship and the special role you play in each other's lives.

The father may not be able to perform the best man's duties and the groom's father's duties

While it is absolutely possible for a father to be the best man at a wedding, there are some challenges to consider. The best man has a lot of duties, and if the father is already the groom, he may not be able to perform all of them in addition to his own responsibilities.

The best man is responsible for planning the bachelor party, advising on attire, exchanging gifts with the groom, and coordinating with the bridesmaids to ensure the day runs smoothly. He also has to be diplomatic and calm in case any issues arise, such as a late photographer or a flat tire on a vehicle. The best man has to focus on the groom and ensure he is looking and feeling his best, as well as accompanying the maid of honour and arranging transport for the bridal party.

If the father is the best man, he may not be able to perform the duties of the groom's father, such as welcoming guests, accompanying family members to the buffet, and supporting the groom's mother, who may need his shoulder to lean on. The father may also not be able to perform the traditional father-of-the-groom speech in addition to the best man speech.

Additionally, the best man often has to plan an event where the groom may not be able to behave at their best. The father, as the best man, may not be able to plan the kind of bachelor party the groom and his friends would want. The groom may not be able to relax and have fun with his male friends if his father is present.

In terms of attire, the best man usually coordinates with the groom, with some variation in styles. The best man advises the groom on what to wear and ensures the fit is perfect. The groom may not trust his father to perform this duty, or the father may not feel comfortable advising his son on attire.

The best man also has to make a toast to thank the bride's attendants, which may be a cause of anxiety for some fathers. The best man is also expected to gather the bachelors for the throwing of the bride's garter and 'decorating' the newlyweds' vehicle, which a father may not feel comfortable doing or may forget due to being overcome with emotion.

In conclusion, while it is possible for a father to be the best man, it is important to consider the additional duties and responsibilities that come with the role, which may be challenging for the father to fulfil in addition to his own duties as the groom's father.

Frequently asked questions