Who Should Be Invited To Your Wedding?

Planning a wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to deciding who gets a plus-one. While there are no set rules, there are some widely accepted guidelines and best practices to help make the process easier. The term plus-one usually refers to a date or romantic interest, but it can also include a family member escorting an older guest or a friend attending with a single person. Budget and space limitations often dictate how many plus-ones a couple can accommodate.

Who gets a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus one at your wedding can be a tricky task. Here are some guidelines to help you navigate this delicate issue:

Who Traditionally Gets a Plus One?

• Married, Engaged, and Cohabitating Guests: It is customary to invite the spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of your guests, even if you haven't met them before. This is often considered a "package deal."
• Wedding Party Members: It is also standard to offer a plus one to members of your wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to thank them for their time, effort, and support during the wedding planning process.
• Outlier Guests: If you have guests who won't know many other attendees, it is considerate to offer them a plus one so they don't feel out of place or lonely.

Other Factors to Consider

• Budget and Venue Constraints: For most couples, budget and venue capacity are limiting factors when deciding on plus ones. You may not be able to accommodate a plus one for every single guest, and that's okay!
• Consistency: Establish your own rules and be consistent in their application. For example, if one person in the wedding party gets a plus one, offer the same to all wedding party members to avoid any hint of favoritism.
• Serious Relationships: Consider offering plus ones to guests in serious, long-term relationships, especially if you don't know their partner well. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they feel comfortable at your wedding.
• Family Members: Family plus ones can be decided on a case-by-case basis. If you're having a large family gathering, your relatives may not need a plus one as they'll have plenty of familiar faces around.
• Casual Dating: You don't need to offer a plus one to guests who are casually dating or have a new partner every few months. However, if budget allows, you can offer a last-minute plus one if they're in a serious relationship by the time invitations are sent out.
• Coworkers: If you're inviting coworkers, offering a plus one to one may create an expectation for all. Carefully consider your approach to avoid any potential issues.
• Single Guests Who Know Others: If your single guests will know many other attendees, they may not need a plus one and will likely have a great time surrounded by familiar faces.

How to notify guests about plus ones

The first step in letting guests know about plus ones is to decide who gets one. This is up to the couple, but there are some general guidelines that can help.

Traditionally, plus ones are offered to married, engaged, or cohabiting guests, as well as members of the wedding party. It is also common to offer plus ones to guests who are in a serious relationship or who won't know anyone else at the wedding.

Once you have decided who will get a plus one, it's important to be clear and consistent in how you communicate this to your guests. Here are some ways to do this:

• On the invitation envelope: This is the traditional way to indicate a plus one. The outer envelope is addressed to the recipient, and the inner envelope lists the names of those invited, including any plus ones. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods" on the outer envelope, and "Mrs. Valerie Smith & Guest" on the inner envelope.
• On the invitation itself: If you are using modern invitations or online invites, be sure to address all invitees clearly. If a couple is in a relationship, list both guests by their full names. If you are allowing a guest to bring a casual date, write your friend's name and then "and guest."
• On your wedding website: You can include a FAQ section on your wedding website that addresses the plus-one question. For example, "If 'and guest' or your plus-one's name is written on your wedding invitation, you can bring someone. See you and your plus-one on [insert wedding date]!"
• On the RSVP card: You can include a line on the RSVP card that indicates the number of guests invited, such as "___ of 2 will be attending."

It's important to remember that not all guests are entitled to a plus one, and it's okay to decline requests for plus ones if you have limitations on venue capacity or budget constraints. Be gracious and consistent when dealing with guests who ask for a plus one, and consider each request individually.

How to address invitations

When it comes to addressing wedding invitations, there are a few different scenarios to consider, and it's important to use the correct format to ensure your guests feel welcome. Here are some detailed guidelines on how to address invitations, particularly when offering a plus-one option:

Addressing Invitations to Married Couples

When addressing a married couple, their names should appear on the same line on the outer envelope. If they have different last names, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. If one person has taken the other's surname, the outer envelope can be addressed to reflect that. For example:

"Mr. John and Mrs. Samantha Rivera"

Addressing Invitations to Unmarried Couples

For unmarried couples living together, both names should be included on the outer envelope but on separate lines. Again, list the person you are closest with first, or go in alphabetical order. For example:

"Mr. Aaron Triguiero

Mr. Gabriel Reyes"

Addressing Invitations with a Plus-One

If you are offering a plus-one option, it is best to mention both the primary guest and their guest by name, if possible. If you are unsure of the name of the plus-one or allowing a casual date, the inner envelope can simply state "and Guest". For example:

"Outer envelope: Mx. Sam Li

Inner envelope: Sam Li and Guest"

Addressing Invitations to Single Guests

When addressing a single guest, use their preferred title, or forgo a title altogether if you are unsure. For example:

"Outer envelope: Ms. Ali Johnson

Inner envelope: Ms. Johnson"

Addressing Invitations to Families

When addressing a family with young children, the outer envelope should only include the parents' names. The inner envelope should list each child's name, with boys under 13 referred to as "Master" and girls under 18 as "Miss". For example:

"Outer envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham

Inner envelope: Mr. and Mrs. Michael Abraham, Daniel, Jeffrey, Miss Brittany, and Mx. Kelly"

Addressing Invitations to Guests with Distinguished Titles

If a guest has a distinguished title, such as a doctor, lawyer, judge, or military personnel, it is proper etiquette to address them by their title. For couples with distinguished titles, list the guest with the higher-ranking title first. For example, for a couple of doctors:

"Outer envelope: Dr. Anne Barker and Mr. Peter Underwood

Inner envelope: Dr. Barker and Mr. Underwood"

Seating arrangements

• Start early: Begin the preliminary planning process as early as possible. This will save you a lot of stress as your wedding day approaches. You can use tools like The Knot Guest List Tool to help you stay organized.
• Consider relationships and venue layout: Seat guests together based on their relationships. For example, seat college friends together so they can catch up. If a guest is attending alone and won't know many people, put them at a table with strong conversationalists to make them feel comfortable. Also, consider the setup of your reception space. For instance, older guests shouldn't be seated too close to loud music, and guests with wheelchairs or other movement concerns should have clear and easy access to the dance floor and exit.
• Head table arrangements: Traditionally, the newlyweds sit with their wedding party at a head table. The best man and maid of honor are typically seated next to the couple, followed by the rest of the wedding party. However, this arrangement can be flexible. For instance, you may choose to include immediate family or parents at the head table as well. If you have a large wedding party or no wedding party at all, you may opt for a sweetheart table just for the couple or include close friends at the head table.
• Avoid a "singles" table: While it may seem like a good idea to seat all single guests together, this may embarrass them or make them feel uncomfortable. Instead, sprinkle singles in with married or couple friends to give them a sense of comfort.
• Be mindful of couples and singles: When seating couples, avoid seating them across from each other with an obstructive centerpiece. Instead, place them between outgoing and friendly couples to create a more communal feel.
• Use place cards and escort cards: Place cards designate specific seats for guests at their tables, while escort cards are displayed near the entrance of the reception and include each guest's name and table number.
• Alphabetical or by table: There is no set rule for organizing your seating chart. You can list guests alphabetically or by table. Alphabetical ordering is generally more efficient, especially for large groups, but for smaller weddings, organizing by table may be preferable.

What to do if guests ask about plus ones

Deciding on a guest list for your wedding can be a tricky process, especially when it comes to plus-ones. If you are struggling with how to respond to guests who ask about bringing a plus-one, here are some tips to help you navigate this situation:

Be Clear and Consistent

It is important to establish clear and consistent rules about who gets a plus-one. For example, you might decide that only married or engaged couples, or those in long-term relationships, will receive a plus-one invitation. This will help to avoid any appearance of favouritism and reduce the risk of hurting feelings.

Be Mindful of Dynamics and Seating

Consider the social dynamics of your wedding and how plus-ones might affect the overall atmosphere. Think about the number of guests, the seating arrangements, and whether there are any guests who won't know many other people. You could also create a seating plan that fosters a comfortable dynamic for solo guests. For instance, instead of a "singles-only" table, seat them between outgoing and friendly couples to create a more communal feel.

Be Prepared for Requests

It is quite possible that guests who do not receive a plus-one may still reach out to ask about bringing one. In this situation, it is advisable to first inquire about the nature of their request. Their relationship status may have changed recently, or there may be other circumstances you are unaware of. If you are unable to accommodate their request, be kind and polite in your response. You could say something like, "We would love for you to bring a guest, but this is a very intimate affair." It is recommended to deliver this message over the phone or in person, rather than via email.

Be Accommodating When Appropriate

While it is generally advised not to ask for a plus-one if one is not offered, there are some situations where it is understandable to do so. For example, if you are married, engaged, living with your partner, or in a long-term committed relationship that the couple is aware of, it is fair to ask if your partner was simply overlooked. In such cases, the couple may be happy to accommodate your request.

Be Respectful and Gracious

Whether you are the guest asking for a plus-one or the couple responding to such requests, it is important to remain respectful and gracious throughout the process. As a guest, acknowledge that the couple might decline and be appreciative of their consideration. As the host couple, be polite and consistent when faced with these requests, and provide a clear and honest explanation for your decision.

Frequently asked questions