Bridesmaids' Gifts: Every Shower Or Just One?

Being a bridesmaid is an honour, but it can also be a financial burden. Aside from the costs of the bridesmaid's attire, travel, and accommodation, there is an expectation for bridesmaids to bring gifts for the bride and/or couple at pre-wedding events, including bridal showers. While it is not mandatory, it is considered good etiquette for bridesmaids to give gifts at these events, especially if they are not hosting or contributing financially to the shower. The type and cost of the gift may vary depending on the relationship with the bride and personal budget constraints. Group gifts from multiple bridesmaids are also common to reduce individual expenses. Ultimately, the decision to buy a gift for every shower is a personal one, and the bride should understand if a bridesmaid chooses to opt-out due to financial constraints.

It is customary for bridesmaids to give the bride a gift

If the bridal shower is out of town, and the bridesmaid cannot afford to travel, it is acceptable to sit it out. The bride should be understanding of this. It is also not necessary to bring a gift to the bachelorette party, as the act of throwing the party is considered a gift in itself. However, if the bachelorette party includes a lingerie shower, then it is customary to bring a gift.

At the engagement party, it is thoughtful to bring a gift, but not required. A bottle of wine or something else useful for the couple is ideal. If travelling to the engagement party, there is less pressure to bring a gift.

At the rehearsal dinner, a gift is not necessary, as the bridesmaid will have already purchased a wedding gift by this point. Instead, they could share fond memories or give a speech.

If you're hosting the bridal shower, you don't need to buy an extravagant gift

Being a bridesmaid is an expensive endeavor, and it's understandable if you're concerned about the costs of hosting a bridal shower on top of the other expenses. The good news is that if you're hosting the bridal shower, you're not expected to buy an extravagant gift for the bride. Here are some tips to keep in mind:

Gift-Giving Etiquette for Hosts

It is customary for bridesmaids to give the bride a gift, but if you're hosting the bridal shower, you don't need to spend a lot of money on a luxurious item. A thoughtful and practical gift that reflects the couple's personality and interests is always appreciated. You can also offer to help with the costs of the bridal shower by asking the host how you can contribute. They will surely appreciate your gesture.

Group Gifts

If you're worried about the cost of a gift, consider joining forces with the other bridesmaids to purchase a group gift. Each of you can pitch in a smaller amount, and together, you can buy one of the more expensive items on the couple's registry. This way, you can still give a thoughtful present without breaking the bank.

The Purpose of a Bridal Shower

Remember, the purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. If you're hosting the event, it's already a significant contribution, and the bride will understand if you don't spend a fortune on a gift. You can select a low to mid-range item from the registry or opt for a personalized present.

Other Pre-Wedding Events

While it's customary to give a gift at the bridal shower, you're not expected to bring a gift to every pre-wedding event. For example, if you're planning and paying for the bachelorette party, your presence and efforts are already a gift in itself, and an additional present is not required. The same goes for the rehearsal dinner; since you'll have already purchased a wedding gift, you can use this opportunity to share fond memories or give a heartfelt speech instead.

Thoughtful Gifts on a Budget

If you're attending multiple showers or pre-wedding events, you can be strategic about gift-giving to stay within your budget. Consider buying a multi-part gift and giving one piece at each event. For instance, you could purchase a set of kitchen utensils or baking pans from the registry and give one item at each celebration. Alternatively, you can pick a theme and buy small, inexpensive gifts that collectively create a thoughtful and curated present.

In conclusion, while gift-giving is an essential part of being a bridesmaid, it's important to remember that your presence and support are the most valuable gifts you can offer. If you're hosting the bridal shower, don't feel pressured to spend a fortune on a gift. Opt for something thoughtful and within your budget, and don't be afraid to get creative or ask for help from the other bridesmaids.

If you're travelling to an engagement party, there's less pressure to buy a gift

If you're travelling to an engagement party, there's no need to stress about buying a gift. In fact, there's less pressure to buy a gift if you're travelling to attend the event. This is because you've already spent money on a plane ticket and likely accommodations as well.

That being said, if you want to bring a gift, there are a few options to consider. Firstly, a bottle of wine or champagne is always a good choice. It's a popular present for newly engaged couples and can be enjoyed during the celebration or saved for a special occasion. Alternatively, you could give the couple a set of toasting flutes or a cake knife and serving set, which they can use at the wedding and beyond. If you're looking for something more personal, a handwritten card or a personalised gift, such as a monogrammed item or a custom print, is sure to be appreciated.

Ultimately, it's important to remember that engagement party gifts are not required, no matter how fancy the celebration. If you're on a tight budget, a heartfelt card can be just as meaningful as a gift. So, don't feel pressured to spend money on a gift if you're already travelling to the engagement party. Your presence and well wishes are what matter most.

If you're paying for the bachelorette party, you aren't expected to give a gift in addition

Bridesmaids and Gifts

The Bachelorette Party

If you're paying for the bachelorette party, you're not expected to give a gift in addition. Planning and paying for the bachelorette party is already a big responsibility and a significant expense, so you are not obliged to give another gift on top of that. However, if you want to give a gift, opt for something meaningful and fun, especially if it's something the bride can incorporate into her wedding day.

Bridal Showers

Bridal showers are a little different. The purpose of a bridal shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts, so it is expected to give a gift. However, if you're hosting the event or contributing financially, you don't have to spend a lot of money on a luxury item. If there is a wedding registry, you can select a low- to mid-range item from the list. Alternatively, a group of bridesmaids can club together to buy the bride a gift.

Engagement Parties

If the couple is throwing an engagement party, this is the first wedding-related event you'll attend, so purchasing a gift is a thoughtful way to congratulate the bride, but it isn't mandatory. These celebrations often take place early on in the planning process, so the couple probably won't have a registry yet. A bottle of wine or something useful for the couple's planning journey is ideal. However, if you're travelling to an engagement party, there is less pressure to buy a gift as you're already spending money on travel and accommodation.

The Rehearsal Dinner

The rehearsal dinner is an extension of the wedding, and you will likely have already purchased a gift for the bride by this point, so you don't need to spend money on another gift. Instead, you can share fond memories or give a speech.

The Wedding

Standard etiquette rules state that bridesmaids should plan on giving the bride a wedding gift. You can pick something from the registry or purchase a thoughtful, meaningful piece. If you're short on funds, you can ask other bridesmaids to chip in on a present, or give the bride a handwritten card.

If you're a bride, it's not expected that you host your own bridal shower

While bridal shower traditions have evolved over the years, it is still not expected or considered proper etiquette for a bride to host her own bridal shower. Instead, the duty of hosting the bridal shower typically falls to the maid of honour, bridesmaids, mother of the bride, or another close female friend or family member.

The bridal shower is meant to be a fun, lighthearted celebration for the bride, where she can be "showered" with gifts, good wishes, and congratulations. It is usually held a few weeks to a few months before the wedding and can take the form of a casual get-together or a more formal event.

If you are the bride, you can certainly provide input and help with the planning process, but it is generally considered poor form to host your own bridal shower. This is because hosting an event where you are the guest of honour and receiving gifts can give the appearance of gift-grabbing. It is more appropriate to leave the hosting duties to someone else and simply enjoy the celebration that they have organised for you.

That being said, modern bridal shower etiquette is becoming more flexible, and ultimately, the most important thing is to do what feels right for you and your wedding party. If you want to be more involved in the planning or hosting, you can certainly break with tradition and do what feels comfortable for you.

Frequently asked questions