Asking Your Brother To Be Your Best Man

Asking your brother to be your best man can be a daunting task. While there is no hard etiquette, it is a question that requires careful consideration. The best man is responsible for several important duties, from planning the bachelor party to holding the rings and ensuring the groom's needs are met throughout the wedding. While family members are typically chosen over friends for this role, it is ultimately a personal decision that depends on your relationship with your brother. If you have multiple brothers, you may want to consider including them all as best men or finding other ways to involve them in your wedding party, such as groomsmen or ushers. Ultimately, the decision should be based on your comfort level and the dynamic of your relationship.

Asking your brother to be your best man

The short answer is no, your brother does not have to be your best man. However, if you want him to be your best man, that's perfectly fine too! It's your wedding, so it's your decision.

If you and your brother are close, he'll probably already know who you're going to choose, so he won't be put out in the slightest. If you're not close, chances are he won't have been expecting to be asked, and he won't mind at all if you've asked someone else.

If you think your brother will be disappointed about not being your best man, or if you think it will cause drama in your family, it's best to set expectations early and be upfront. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but it's a good idea to have another role for your brother ready to go, such as asking him to be a groomsman or including him in your wedding in another way.

Ways to include your brother in your wedding

• Groomsman
• Usher: directing guests to their seats, handing out booklets, and getting guests mingling at the reception
• Driver: if he has a nice car he'd like to show off, he can bring you from A to B on the day
• Speech-giver: sharing fun stories from your childhood
• Readings or music: a nice way to include him in your ceremony
• Officiant: if he's a great public speaker, maybe he could be your (non-legal) celebrant
• Ring-bearer: as long as he's reliable and won't lose the rings!
• Baker/Crafter/Designer: put his special skills to use, such as graphic design or baking your cake
• Handyman: put him to work setting up your venue, making collections, or hanging decor

Ways to ask your brother to be your best man

If you're looking for ideas on how to ask your brother to be your best man, there are a variety of cards available, such as scratch-off cards or classic, simple designs.

Choosing between multiple brothers

Understanding the Role of the Best Man

Firstly, it's important to recognize that the role of the best man is to provide support and comfort to the groom, ease anxieties, and reliably assist with various tasks and duties before and during the wedding. These tasks may include suit rental, planning the stag party, ensuring the groom's family members are well-accommodated, and looking after wedding gifts. Therefore, when choosing your best man, consider which of your brothers you believe would be the most capable and willing to take on these responsibilities.

Considering Family Dynamics and Feelings

It's natural to want to avoid causing any hurt feelings or drama within your family. If you think that not choosing a particular brother as your best man may lead to disappointment or tension, it's advisable to address this early on. Be upfront and honest about your decision, and remember that you don't need to apologize or make a big announcement. Simply mentioning that you've chosen someone else as your best man, and offering an alternative role to your brother, can help smooth over any potential issues.

Alternative Roles for Brothers

If you want to include multiple brothers in your wedding party without singling out one as the best man, there are several options to consider:

• Groomsmen: All your brothers can be groomsmen, standing by your side during the ceremony. This avoids playing favorites and ensures they all feel included.
• Ushers: Your brothers can direct guests to their seats, hand out booklets, and facilitate mingling at the reception.
• Speech-givers: Each brother can share fun stories from your childhood during their speeches, ensuring they don't overlap or repeat the same anecdotes.
• Readers or Musicians: If your brothers have literary or musical talents, they can contribute to the ceremony through readings or performances.
• Drivers: If any of your brothers have nice cars, they can offer to chauffeur you on your wedding day.
• Ring-bearers: As long as they're reliable, your brothers can be adult ring-bearers, adding a touch of humor and sentimentality to the ceremony.
• Other Talents: Utilize your brothers' unique skills, such as graphic design, baking, crafting, or handyman abilities, to contribute to various aspects of the wedding preparations.

Having Multiple Best Men

If you truly can't choose between your brothers and want to honor them equally, you can always have multiple best men. This breaks the traditional mold but is entirely acceptable and can even add a unique twist to your wedding. You can assign specific duties to each best man or have them work together on planning the stag party and other best man responsibilities.

Remember, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to choosing your best man. Ultimately, it's your wedding, and you should make the decision that feels right for you and your relationship with your brothers. Open communication and thoughtful inclusion can help ensure that everyone feels valued and that your wedding day is filled with love and celebration.

Other ways to include your brother

If you're not asking your brother to be your best man, there are still plenty of ways to include him in your wedding. Here are some ideas to involve your brother and make him feel valued:

Include Him in the Wedding Party

If you can't imagine your big day without your brother by your side, why not include him in the wedding party? Break free from gender norms and have your brother stand with you as a bridesman or member of the bridal party. He can wear a coordinated outfit that complements the other members of the wedding party, and you can even tie him into the bridal party with matching ties and boutonnieres. This will make for some stunning photos and will surely be a memorable part of your day.

Family Processional

If your family is very close, consider having a family processional. After the bridal party and groomsmen have made their entrance, honour your parents and siblings with a family processional. Your brother can walk down the aisle ahead of you, and then you can follow him as you walk down the aisle with your parents. This is a beautiful way to symbolise the merging of two families and will create a touching moment during your ceremony.

Readings or Speeches

Incorporate your brother into the ceremony by asking him to do a reading or give a speech. He can share a cherished passage that holds a special meaning for both of you or opt for a fun and light-hearted reading from a children's book. If he's comfortable with public speaking, your brother can also give a speech during the reception. Asides from the traditional best man's speech, your brother can offer a unique perspective and share fun stories from your childhood, adding a personal touch to the festivities.

Usher

Your brother can also play the role of an usher, directing guests to their seats, handing out booklets, and getting guests mingling at the reception. If your brother has a flair for entertainment, he can infuse this role with his distinct wit and charisma, adding a personal touch and setting the stage for an unforgettable celebration.

Driver

If your brother has a nice car, he can offer to drive you from one location to another on your wedding day. This is a practical way to include him and will also give him a chance to show off his beloved vehicle.

Other Creative Contributions

If your brother has a particular talent or skill, encourage him to share it during your wedding. He can perform a song, entertain guests with a comedy set, bake a dessert, or contribute to the wedding decor with his art. These creative contributions will add a deeply personal touch to your special day and will make your brother feel valued.

Ways to break the news to your brother

If you're close with your brother, he'll probably already know who you're going to choose as your best man, so he won't be surprised when you break the news. However, if you think your brother will be disappointed about not being your best man, it's best to be upfront and set expectations early. You don't need to apologise or make a big announcement, but you can casually mention that you've chosen someone else for the role. Here are some ways to break the news to your brother:

• Have a normal conversation: Most people simply ask with their words. You can say something like, "I love you, will you be my best man?" or "I want you to be my best man at my wedding."
• Send a card: You can send your brother a card that says "Will you be my best man?" or something similar. This way, he can have a keepsake of the moment.
• Give a gift: You can give your brother a gift that hints at the role you want him to play in your wedding. For example, you could give him a pair of cufflinks or a bow tie and say, "Will you be my best man, and do you promise to wear this and look smart for once?"
• Offer another role: If you're not asking your brother to be your best man, you can offer him another role in the wedding, such as groomsman, usher, driver, speech-giver, or ring-bearer. This way, he can still be involved in your special day.
• Involve him in a different way: If your brother has any special skills, you can put them to use! For example, if he's a graphic designer, he can create your wedding stationery, or if he's a baker, he can make your wedding cake.

Roles your brother can take on

If you're looking to ask your brother to be your best man, it's good to know what the role entails. The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself.

• Support and assistance: Your brother will be your main source of support and assistance before, during, and after the wedding. He will be your point of contact and help you with any tasks or problems that arise.
• Logistics guru: Your brother can take charge of the logistics and planning aspects, such as coordinating the groomsmen's formalwear, transportation, and accommodation. He will also be responsible for keeping the groomsmen informed and organised.
• Bachelor party planning: One of the best man's traditional duties is to plan an awesome bachelor party. Your brother can organise an event that suits your interests and personality, whether it's a low-key gathering or an epic celebration.
• Emotional support: Your brother will provide a listening ear and offer reassurance throughout the wedding planning process. He will be there to help manage any pre-wedding jitters or stress.
• Ring bearer: During the ceremony, the best man is typically responsible for keeping the wedding rings safe until it's time to exchange vows. This is a significant duty as it ensures the rings are readily available when needed.
• Witness and speech: Your brother, as the best man, will sign the marriage license as a witness, along with the maid of honor. He will also give a speech during the reception, which is often one of the most anticipated and memorable moments of the wedding.
• Master of ceremonies: Your brother can act as an unofficial host during the reception, ensuring that guests are comfortable and having a good time. He may also be called upon to make introductions or step in if there are any delays or issues with the entertainment.
• Gift coordination: Your brother can help coordinate the purchase of a gift from the groomsmen to the groom. He may also assist with collecting and transporting wedding gifts to a safe location after the reception.
• Attire selection: Your brother can provide valuable input and assistance in choosing the groom's and groomsmen's attire. He will ensure that everyone looks their best and feels comfortable on the wedding day.
• Post-wedding tasks: The best man's duties don't end when the reception concludes. Your brother can help with returning rented attire, tipping vendors, and decorating the getaway car for the newlyweds' departure.

Remember, these are just some of the roles your brother can take on as your best man. You can also personalise and adapt these duties to fit your specific needs and the dynamics of your wedding party.

Frequently asked questions