Bridesmaids: An Archaic Tradition That Needs To End

Being a bridesmaid can be a costly affair, with the average cost of being in a wedding party ballooning to $1,200. This includes expenses for gifts, travel, clothes, and pre-wedding parties. It also involves a lot of responsibilities and time commitments, which can be challenging for those with busy schedules or financial constraints. There are also potential social pitfalls, such as dealing with the bride's demanding friends or unreasonable demands from the bride herself. All these factors can turn the experience of being a bridesmaid into a stressful and joyless one. As such, it may be time to reconsider the tradition of having bridesmaids and instead find other ways to involve friends and family in wedding celebrations.

It's expensive: the average bridesmaid spends $1,200 on the wedding

Why it's time to cancel bridesmaids

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour and a special opportunity, but it can be an expensive commitment. The average bridesmaid spends around $1,200 per wedding, and this can quickly increase to over $1,800. This is a significant financial burden, especially if you're a bridesmaid at multiple weddings. So, what are the main costs involved?

Firstly, there's the bridesmaid dress, which averages $130-$208 but can be much more, and often needs alterations, adding another $30-$70. Then there are accessories, with most bridesmaids buying new shoes and extra items like jewellery and hairpieces, totalling around $120. Hair and makeup can also be a significant expense, with professional styling costing around $72 for hair and $60 for makeup.

Travel is another major cost. A bridesmaid might have to fly to the wedding location, or pay for accommodation if it's too far to drive. On average, travel costs are $115, with accommodation adding another $205. Pre-wedding events like the bridal shower and bachelorette party can also add up, with around a third of bachelorette party-goers spending over $1,000. Finally, there's the wedding gift, which is usually something from the couple's registry, costing around $50-$100, or more if it's a group gift.

All these costs can vary depending on the bride and the wedding location. For example, being a bridesmaid on the west coast is pricier, averaging $1,360, while in the Midwest, it's cheaper at $1,100. It's important for bridesmaids to discuss expectations and budgets with the bride early on to avoid unpleasant financial surprises. While being a bridesmaid is a wonderful way to support a friend, it's essential to be mindful of the potential costs and plan accordingly.

It's time-consuming: there are lots of pre-wedding events to attend

Being a bridesmaid is a big responsibility and can be extremely time-consuming. There are a lot of pre-wedding events to attend, and the role can quickly take over your life. From the bridal shower to the bachelorette party, there are many occasions that require your attendance, and often these are planned months in advance. This means that your weekends and free time are no longer your own, and you may have to decline other invitations or commitments due to the bride's schedule.

The time commitment can be a huge burden, especially if you have a busy schedule or are dealing with other life events. For example, if you have a new job that requires a lot of travel, or if you're caring for an ill family member, it can be challenging to juggle these responsibilities with the demands of being a bridesmaid. The role often requires a lot of planning and preparation, which can be very time-intensive. This may include organising events, shopping for outfits, and helping with wedding decorations or favours. All of this takes time and energy, and it can be difficult to balance with your everyday life.

Additionally, the financial burden of being a bridesmaid can add to the time commitment. The average bridesmaid spends a significant amount of money on the wedding, including the cost of outfits, gifts, travel, and pre-wedding parties. This can lead to a lot of stress and worry, especially if your financial circumstances change unexpectedly. The pressure to keep up with the other bridesmaids' spending can also be intense, and you may feel obliged to spend more than you're comfortable with.

The time and financial demands of being a bridesmaid can quickly become overwhelming, and it's important to recognise when it's too much. It's perfectly valid to decline the role or step away if you feel that you can't commit the necessary time and energy. It's better to be honest with the bride about your limitations than to stretch yourself too thin and risk your own well-being or the quality of your contribution to the wedding.

While it may be disappointing to the bride, it's crucial to prioritise your own time and resources. Open and honest communication is key, and by explaining your situation, you can hopefully reach a solution that works for everyone.

It's stressful: there's a lot of responsibility and pressure

Being a bridesmaid is a big responsibility and can be very stressful. The role comes with a lot of expectations and pressure to fulfil duties, which can be a heavy burden for those involved. The pressure to perform and meet the bride's expectations can be overwhelming and cause anxiety.

Financial obligations are a significant source of stress for bridesmaids. The cost of being a bridesmaid can be substantial, often reaching $1,200 or more, and this financial burden can be unexpected and challenging to manage, especially when other bridesmaids spend more than anticipated. This can lead to difficult conversations about money and potential resentment.

Time commitments are another major stressor. Being a bridesmaid often requires a significant time investment, including pre-wedding events, the wedding day itself, and post-wedding activities. This can be challenging for those with busy schedules, especially if they have other commitments such as work or family responsibilities. The pressure to be present and participate in all the events can be intense, and it can be challenging to set boundaries.

Additionally, the pressure to maintain a certain image or meet the bride's expectations can be stressful. Bridesmaids may feel the need to present themselves in a particular way, and this can be time-consuming and expensive, with demands to wear specific dresses, have hair and makeup done professionally, and even to alter their appearance, such as losing or gaining weight. This can be a source of anxiety and self-consciousness, especially if the bridesmaid is uncomfortable with the requests.

The stress of being a bridesmaid can also impact relationships. There may be conflicts with the bride or other bridesmaids, and the pressure of the role can strain friendships. Bridesmaids may also feel pressure to put the wedding first, neglecting their own needs and well-being. This can lead to resentment and negatively impact mental health.

Finally, the fear of letting the bride down can be overwhelming. Bridesmaids may feel a sense of obligation and guilt if they are unable to fulfil their duties or meet the bride's expectations. This pressure to perform and the fear of disappointing someone on their special day can be incredibly stressful and lead to difficult decisions and conversations.

It's not fun: you're often given tasks and can't relax or enjoy the party

Being a bridesmaid can be a lot of responsibility and a huge time and money commitment. The role often comes with a lot of tasks and duties that can prevent you from fully relaxing and enjoying the wedding celebrations. From pre-wedding activities to the big day itself, bridesmaids are often given a long list of things to do and organise. This can include shopping for the wedding, setting up the venue, entertaining guests, and dealing with any last-minute emergencies. All of this can add up to a significant amount of work and stress, leaving little time to actually enjoy the party.

The financial burden of being a bridesmaid is also significant. The cost of being in a wedding party can quickly add up, with expenses for gifts, travel, clothes, and pre-wedding parties like the bridal shower and bachelorette party. These costs can be a strain, especially if your financial circumstances change or you are part of multiple weddings in a short period. It is not uncommon for bridesmaids to spend upwards of $1,200 on a single wedding, and this financial pressure can take a toll on your ability to enjoy the celebrations.

Additionally, the time commitment required of bridesmaids can be extensive. From the moment you accept the role, your free time can become wrapped up in someone else's big day. This can involve attending numerous pre-wedding events and activities, which may require travel and time off work. The demands on your time may be even greater if you have a busy schedule or are part of a large bridal party, where the tasks and responsibilities are divided among several bridesmaids.

The pressure to perform and look a certain way as a bridesmaid can also be a source of stress and anxiety. There may be expectations to lose or gain weight, change your hairstyle or makeup, or wear a specific dress or outfit. These demands can be unreasonable and may detract from your enjoyment of the wedding. It is not uncommon for bridesmaids to feel self-conscious or uncomfortable due to these beauty standards and sartorial expectations.

Finally, being a bridesmaid can also impact your ability to socialise and celebrate with other guests. While you are busy attending to your duties and tasks, you may miss out on the fun parts of the wedding, such as cocktail hour or the dance floor. Instead of relaxing and celebrating with friends, you may find yourself running errands, setting up, or cleaning up. This can take away from the enjoyment of the wedding and leave you feeling exhausted rather than energised by the festivities.

It can damage friendships: unreasonable demands or conflicts can strain relationships

Being a bridesmaid can be a demanding and expensive role, and it's not always possible to fulfil the duties without straining relationships. The bride may make unreasonable demands, such as asking bridesmaids to dye their hair a certain colour, lose/gain weight, or take time off work for an extravagant bachelorette party. These demands can be costly and time-consuming, and it's not always possible to meet the bride's expectations without compromising one's health, sanity, and finances.

For example, the average cost of being a bridesmaid is now $1,200, and that's not including gifts, travel, and clothes. This financial burden can be a lot for someone, especially if their financial circumstances change due to a job loss or illness. It can also be frustrating when other bridesmaids are spending way more than anticipated. Additionally, being a bridesmaid takes up a lot of free time, and it can be challenging to balance that with work commitments and other responsibilities. All these factors can put a strain on the relationship between the bride and the bridesmaid, as well as among the bridesmaids themselves.

Furthermore, there is a lot of responsibility and pressure that comes with being a bridesmaid. There are pre-wedding activities, bridal showers, and bachelorette parties to attend, not to mention the actual wedding day duties. It can be a lot to handle, especially if the bridesmaid is also dealing with other life stressors, such as a family emergency or a job crisis. If a bridesmaid is unable to fulfil all the expected duties, it can lead to disappointment and resentment from the bride, potentially damaging the friendship.

It's important to be honest and upfront with the bride about any concerns or conflicts as soon as they arise. This can help manage expectations and avoid last-minute disappointments. While it may be challenging to decline or step down from the role of a bridesmaid, it's crucial to prioritise one's own well-being and financial stability. Open and honest communication can help minimise the potential damage to the friendship and ensure that everyone's needs are considered.

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