Junior Rasmussen
There are many reasons why a couple may choose not to have a big wedding. For some, the prospect of a large wedding is unappealing due to the financial burden it may impose. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $20,000–$30,000, or $300 per guest, and this figure can double with additional guests. The financial strain of a large wedding may cause some couples to reconsider their plans, especially if they have other financial goals or priorities, such as buying a house, investing in a business, or planning for the future.
Another reason to forgo a big wedding is the time and energy spent on planning such an event. Planning a wedding can be a cumbersome and stressful task, and some may prefer to allocate their time and energy towards their career, business, or simply building a life with their partner. Additionally, the attention that comes with a large wedding may be off-putting to some individuals. The idea of being the centre of attention, saying intimate vows in front of a large crowd, and dealing with the pressure of perfection can be overwhelming.
Furthermore, some couples may opt for a smaller, more intimate celebration to keep the focus on their relationship and the significance of their commitment. A large wedding can sometimes detract from the true meaning of the occasion, and it is important to remember that a marriage is a lifetime of love and dedication, not just a one-time event. Ultimately, the decision to have a big or small wedding is a personal choice, and couples should choose what feels right for them, ensuring that their wedding day aligns with their values, priorities, and financial capabilities.
What You'll Learn
It's expensive
Big weddings are expensive. The cost of a venue alone can be staggering, with some couples spending millions on their wedding location. For example, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills spent $3 million to rent a castle in Ireland for their wedding. The cost of a dress is also a significant expense, with some brides opting for custom couture gowns that can cost tens of thousands of dollars. For instance, Catherine Zeta-Jones wore a $140,000 Christian Lacroix gown, and Kim Kardashian wore a $500,000 custom Givenchy dress.
Flowers are another big expense, with some couples spending tens of thousands of dollars on floral arrangements. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston spent $75,000 on flowers for their wedding, and Chelsea Clinton reportedly spent $500,000 on flowers for her wedding to Marc Mezvinsky. Security is also a significant cost, especially for high-profile couples or those with many guests. For example, Prince William and Kate Middleton spent $32 million on security for their wedding, and Elizabeth Taylor and Larry Fortensky spent an estimated $1.5 million on security, including 100 security guards and a former Israeli army officer.
All of these costs can add up quickly, and for some couples, the idea of spending so much money on a single day can be overwhelming. Instead, they may choose to elope or have a small, intimate ceremony, saving the money they would have spent on a big wedding for other purposes, such as a down payment on a house or a dream vacation. Ultimately, the decision of whether to have a big wedding or not depends on the couple's personal preferences and financial situation.
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It's stressful
Planning a wedding can be stressful. The time spent planning a wedding is extraordinary, and the burden of planning often falls on just one person. This can be a full-time job and take time away from other important things in life. It can also be difficult to plan a wedding when family members are spread out across the country or world.
There is also the stress of finances. The average cost of a wedding in the United States is $20,000–$30,000, or $300 per guest. Even small weddings can be expensive, with some people spending $15,000–$20,000 for less than 20 guests. The cost of a wedding party member can be $1,500–$2,000 per person. It is also common for there to be a markup on anything related to weddings, from engagements to food to jewelry.
The stress of planning a wedding can put a strain on relationships. Couples may find themselves arguing over things they never thought they would, like centerpieces or guest lists. It can be challenging to balance the desires of both partners, as well as their families. One person may want a big wedding, while the other may prefer something more intimate.
A big wedding also means being the center of attention, which can be stressful for some people. The idea of having upwards of 50 people staring at the bride and groom as they say their vows can be overwhelming.
Finally, there is the stress of wanting everything to be perfect. From the dress to the venue to the food, there are a lot of details to worry about. And even if everything goes according to plan, there is still the possibility of feeling let down or depressed after the wedding.
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It's time-consuming
Planning a wedding can be extremely time-consuming. A survey by TheKnot.com, WeddingChannel.com and ForbesWoman.com found that women spend about 10 hours a week planning their wedding, with almost 30% of the planning done during work hours. This can be a significant drain on productivity, with many women admitting to using company time to make wedding plans.
The time commitment involved in planning a big wedding is not limited to the ceremony and reception. There are also pre-wedding events and activities to consider, such as bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners, all of which require time and effort to organise.
Additionally, there is the travel time and cost involved in attending various appointments and meetings with vendors, caterers, and other wedding professionals. This can be especially burdensome for couples who live in remote or rural areas, or who have busy work schedules and limited time off.
The process of crafting the perfect guest list can also be time-consuming, especially for couples with large families or extensive social networks. Deciding who to invite, managing RSVPs, and organising seating arrangements can take up a significant amount of time and energy.
For these reasons, many couples choose to elope or have a small, intimate wedding instead of a large, traditional affair. This allows them to focus on their relationship and the marriage itself, rather than getting caught up in the details and logistics of a big wedding.
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It's about quality time, not quantity
Opting for a small wedding is about creating quality time, not quantity.
Weddings are a celebration of love and commitment, but they can also be incredibly stressful and expensive. By choosing to have a smaller, more intimate wedding, you're able to focus on creating meaningful moments and connections with your partner and loved ones.
Quality time is essential for building a strong relationship. It allows couples to connect emotionally, build trust, and enhance communication. In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to get caught up in distractions, so dedicating genuine, focused time to your partner is invaluable.
Small weddings offer a more relaxed and spontaneous atmosphere, allowing you to be fully present and engaged in the moment. You have the freedom to enjoy the day and focus on the smaller details, creating cherished memories that will last a lifetime.
Instead of trying to please a large group of people, a smaller guest list gives you the opportunity to spend quality time with each guest and truly enjoy their company. This creates a deeper sense of connection and intimacy, not just between you and your partner but also with your loved ones.
Additionally, small weddings offer more flexibility and control over the entire event, including the guest list, venue, and aesthetic. You can choose unique and personalized venues that might not accommodate larger weddings, and you can splurge on higher-impact elements, such as custom food experiences, immersive elements, and entertainment.
By prioritizing quality time over quantity, you're able to create a wedding that is not only meaningful and memorable but also aligns with your values and interests. It's a chance to celebrate your love in a way that feels authentic and true to who you are as a couple.
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It's not intimate
If you're not a fan of being in the spotlight, a big wedding is probably not for you. With a smaller, more intimate wedding, you won't have hundreds of people trying to talk to you, take photos with you, or hug you after the ceremony. It will be a lot less overwhelming and will take a lot of social pressure off.
A big wedding often means inviting acquaintances, work colleagues, and neighbours—not just close friends and family. This can result in a less personal celebration, with the couple unable to spend quality time with their nearest and dearest. With a large number of guests, the event can become more about hosting and performing for the crowd than about the couple's relationship.
A smaller wedding allows you to focus on personalisation, creating a more meaningful experience for you and your guests. You can spend more quality time with loved ones, and you'll have more room in your budget to splurge on some of your top priorities, such as an interactive drink display or a statement overhead installation.
If you're worried about offending people by not inviting them, consider live-streaming the ceremony so that all your nearest and dearest can watch you become newlyweds.
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Frequently asked questions
The average couple spends approximately $30,000 on their wedding, and that figure can more than double for a wedding in a city like Manhattan. That's a lot of money to spend on a single day, especially when there are other financial priorities, such as buying a house or investing in a business.
Planning a big wedding can be extremely time-consuming and stressful. Many couples prefer to avoid the hassle and use that time to focus on their relationship, careers, or other interests.
Big weddings often revolve around the couple being the centre of attention. If you or your partner are uncomfortable with this dynamic, a smaller, more intimate celebration may be preferable.
Big weddings often come with family expectations and pressure, especially if they are contributing financially. By opting for a smaller wedding, you can avoid potential conflicts and maintain greater control over the day.
Large weddings often result in long guest lists, including distant relatives and acquaintances. A smaller wedding allows you to celebrate with only your closest loved ones, ensuring you get to spend quality time with each of them.
