Big Weddings: Why The Hype Doesn't Always Mean Happily Ever After

Big weddings are overrated. The wedding industry is a multi-million dollar business that taps into people’s desire to be the centre of attention. The average couple spends approximately $30,000 on their wedding, with some spending closer to $75,000. This can lead to financial trouble, which is one of the most common reasons for marriage failure. The stress of planning a wedding can also drive couples apart.

The endless round of parties, from engagement parties to bridal showers, can be tiresome and rack up thousands of dollars. Planning a wedding is one of the most stressful life events, with the average traditional wedding having around 150 guests. This can lead to a year of planning, crafting and travel.

With the huge markups favoured by the industry, it is easy to get caught up in the excitement and spend far more than is affordable. A basic 3-tiered cake can cost around $250, but call it a wedding cake and the price jumps to $700.

Instead of a big wedding, some couples choose to elope, which can be cheaper, less stressful, and allow the couple to call the shots.

Financial burden

The financial burden of a big wedding is a significant factor in why they are overrated. Firstly, the wedding industry is a multi-million-dollar business that preys on people's desire to be the centre of attention. The pressure to have the biggest and most unique wedding can be immense, but it is important to remember that a wedding should be about the commitment between two people, not a competition. The average couple spends approximately $30,000 on their wedding, with prices soaring to $75,000 for a Manhattan wedding. This is a significant amount of money that could be spent on other things, such as a house down payment or a nice vacation.

Financial trouble is one of the most common reasons for marriage failure, so it is essential to consider the long-term impact of wedding expenses. Many couples start their married lives in debt, which can be a recipe for disaster. While tradition dictates that the bride's parents pay for the wedding, it is more common nowadays for couples to fund their own weddings, often borrowing money to do so. This can lead to unnecessary financial strain and stress in the relationship.

The cost of a wedding can quickly add up, with expenses such as the venue, photographer, food, drinks, decorations, attire, transportation, and accommodation for guests. There is also the endless round of pre and post-wedding parties, including engagement parties, bridal showers, bachelorette parties, and rehearsal dinners, which can rack up thousands of dollars. All these costs can be overwhelming, especially for couples who are already struggling financially.

The wedding industry often has ridiculous markups on products and services. A simple 3-tiered cake, for example, can increase in price just because it is labelled a "wedding cake". Florists, caterers, and car hire services may also inflate their prices, knowing that couples are often willing to spend a lot of money on their special day. This can result in couples paying far more than the services are actually worth, which feels like throwing money away.

Eloping or having a small, intimate wedding can be a much more financially responsible decision. It allows couples to save money, avoid debt, and start their married lives on a stable footing. It also ensures that the focus remains on the commitment between the couple rather than an extravagant celebration.

Stressful planning

Planning a wedding can be an incredibly stressful experience, and big weddings are no exception. In fact, the larger the wedding, the more stressful the planning process can become. Here are some reasons why planning a big wedding can be a daunting task:

The Guest List

Finalising a guest list can be one of the most stressful parts of planning a big wedding. With a larger wedding, there are often more opinions and expectations to consider, not just from the couple but also from both sets of parents and other family members. It can be challenging to accommodate everyone's wishes, and difficult decisions may need to be made about who to invite and who to cut from the list.

Budget Constraints

Budgeting for a big wedding can be a significant source of stress. The cost of a wedding can quickly add up, especially when considering the venue, catering, decorations, and other expenses. Financial constraints can lead to difficult choices and compromises, and unexpected costs can arise along the way.

Time and Energy Demands

Planning a big wedding requires a considerable amount of time and energy. Creating a detailed timeline, managing multiple vendors, and coordinating all the logistics can be overwhelming. It's important to stay organised and work ahead to ensure everything comes together smoothly.

Family Dynamics and Expectations

Big weddings often involve managing the dynamics and expectations of extended families. Pleasing everyone can be challenging, and conflicts may arise due to differing styles, budgets, guest lists, and opinions on how the wedding should be organised. Navigating these family dynamics while trying to plan a joyful celebration can be emotionally draining.

Self-Care and Wellbeing

The stress of planning a big wedding can take a toll on the couple's wellbeing. It's important to prioritise self-care and make time for activities that bring joy and relaxation. Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner during this time is crucial, as the stress of planning can sometimes impact your connection.

Pressure to be Perfect

There is often an underlying pressure to create a perfect wedding, which can heighten stress levels. From the seating arrangements to the decorations and the first dance, there are numerous details to consider. It's easy to get caught up in wanting everything to be flawless, which can lead to increased anxiety and a sense of overwhelm.

Planning a big wedding can be a complex and demanding process, requiring careful organisation, effective communication, and the ability to manage expectations. While it can be a joyous occasion, it's important to be mindful of the potential stressors and take steps to mitigate them, such as seeking support from a wedding planner or delegating tasks to reliable individuals.

Family drama

Planning a wedding can be stressful, and family drama can be a significant source of that stress. Here are some ways that family members can bring drama to the big day:

Controlling Family Members

Some family members may try to dictate what kind of wedding the couple "should" have or try to make the event all about themselves. This is especially common with parents who are contributing financially to the wedding. They may feel entitled to control every aspect, from the dress to the venue. To regain control, it's important to communicate your feelings and set clear boundaries. If needed, hire a wedding planner who can help mediate and make decisions on your behalf.

Stressed-Out Relatives

Weddings are stressful for everyone involved, and some guests may need help managing their emotions. It's a good idea to assign a member of the wedding party, such as the maid of honour or ushers, to look after these guests and deal with any issues that arise. For larger weddings, consider hiring a day-of coordinator to handle organisational issues and ensure the day runs smoothly.

Drunk Guests

A free bar can lead to guests drinking to excess and potentially causing a scene. To prevent this, use drink tokens to limit the number of drinks per guest. If guests are still drunk and disorderly, tactfully discourage them from drinking more, and if necessary, ask venue staff or security to intervene.

Dramatic Relatives

Some guests may try to make the wedding about themselves, whether by wearing an inappropriate outfit, picking fights, or even proposing to someone else! To prevent this, you can choose not to invite them, or if that's not possible, seat them at a "safe" table with guests they are unlikely to clash with.

In summary, while family drama can be a challenge when planning a wedding, there are strategies to manage it. Open communication, clear boundaries, and enlisting the help of wedding party members or professionals can all help ensure your big day goes as smoothly as possible.

Wedding industry markups

The wedding industry is notorious for its exorbitant markups, which can see products and services priced several times higher than their market value. This is often justified by vendors as being driven by higher costs or the need for a different, more specialised product. However, it is also a result of the industry taking advantage of the strong preferences people have for their "special day", knowing that couples have bigger budgets and less flexibility when it comes to planning a wedding.

A basic 3-tiered cake, for example, usually costs around $250, but call it a wedding cake and the price jumps to around $700. Similarly, a white dress can be bought for $20 to $300 at a regular clothing store, but a white wedding dress will cost $1,000 or more. The same pattern can be seen across industries: florists, caterers, car hire services, and even venue rentals charge significantly more for weddings than for other types of events.

The cost of materials and labour can sometimes justify a higher price for weddings. Goldsmiths, for example, have highly specialised skills that require higher compensation. Similarly, diamonds, silks, and fine foods are simply more expensive. However, the wedding industry often takes advantage of the occasion to charge excessively. A CBC Marketplace investigation found that identical services and products were quoted at significantly higher prices when ordered for a wedding compared to an anniversary party. This "wedding tax" is a consistent markup across the industry, with couples feeling they have no choice but to budget for these inflated prices.

To avoid these markups, some couples choose to elope or have a small, intimate wedding. Others opt for creative solutions, such as not mentioning the word "wedding" when initially contacting vendors, shopping small and local, buying second-hand or off-the-rack, and being wary of brand names.

Less privacy

Big weddings are overrated for several reasons, and one of the most significant ones is the lack of privacy. Here are some reasons why a big wedding may result in less privacy for the couple:

Large Guest Count

A large number of guests is a defining feature of big weddings, with the average traditional wedding having around 150 guests. This automatically translates to less privacy for the couple as they will have to spend time mingling with their guests throughout the day. With so many people around, the couple may not have the opportunity to steal quiet moments or have private conversations.

Strict Timeline

Big weddings usually follow a strict timeline to ensure that everything runs smoothly and that vendors and guests are managed effectively. This leaves the couple with less flexibility to enjoy spontaneous moments or deviate from the planned schedule. Every moment of their day is structured and often shared with others, reducing their privacy.

Focus on Guests

Big weddings are typically designed around the guests and their experience. The couple's choices and plans revolve largely around accommodating and entertaining their guests. As a result, the couple's own preferences, desires, and privacy may take a back seat. They may feel pressured to include traditional elements, such as the bouquet toss or feeding each other cake, even if they would prefer a more intimate and personalised celebration.

Financial Strain

Big weddings are expensive, with the average cost reaching $30,000 or more. This often leads couples to rely on financial support from family or take on debt to fund their wedding. As a result, they may feel obligated to consider the opinions and wishes of those contributing financially, compromising their privacy and autonomy in decision-making.

Planning Stress

Planning a big wedding is incredibly stressful, and this stress can take a toll on the couple's privacy and personal time. They may find themselves constantly dealing with logistics, coordinating with vendors, and managing guest expectations, leaving little room for quiet, intimate moments.

Venue Constraints

Big weddings are typically held in traditional venues such as churches, hotels, or event spaces. These venues often come with their own set of rules and restrictions, which can limit the couple's ability to create a personalised and private experience. They may have to conform to the venue's schedule, layout, and regulations, reducing their privacy and autonomy.

In contrast, eloping or having a small, intimate wedding offers the couple more privacy to express their love and celebrate their commitment without the distractions and demands of a large wedding. They can choose a location that is meaningful to them, whether it's a favourite national park or a beach they've always loved, and create a day that reflects their unique relationship.

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