Wedding Invitation Etiquette: Whose Name Comes First?

When it comes to wedding invitations, the order of the names can hold a deeper meaning, so it's important to get it right. Traditionally, the bride's name is listed first, followed by the groom's full name. This is because, historically, the bride's parents hosted and financed the wedding. However, modern couples have more freedom to follow their preferences, especially if they are financing the wedding themselves. If the couple is hosting and both sets of parents are mentioned, it's still common to see the bride's name first, but it's not a definite rule. Same-sex couples can choose to list names alphabetically or based on what sounds best. Ultimately, the most important thing is to ensure the invitation reflects the couple's style and relationship.

Same-sex couples: alphabetical order or what sounds best

When it comes to wedding invitation etiquette, there are a few things to consider to ensure you get the important information across in the most concise and clear way possible. This is especially true when addressing same-sex couples, as there are no strict rules for same-sex wedding invitation wording. Here are some tips to help you navigate this:

Married vs. Unmarried Couples

If the same-sex couple is unmarried, it is recommended to address each person individually with the appropriate title. Write each name on a separate line, just as you would for an unmarried opposite-sex couple. The order of the names is generally flexible and can be arranged alphabetically or based on what sounds best together. Some same-sex couples choose to remain unmarried for legal reasons but still consider themselves a permanent pair. In this case, you can write their names on one line and separate them with "and".

For married couples with different last names, both names are written on the same line, separated by "and". Many married same-sex couples choose to keep their last names, so this format is often used. For couples with the same last name, you can use the plural form of the title, such as "Messrs." or "Mesdames", followed by their names. Alternatively, you can use the individual titles and full names for each person, such as "Mr. Dan Brown and Mr. John Smith" or "Mrs. Amanda Jones and Mrs. Jane Williams". Again, you can consider arranging the names alphabetically or based on what sounds best together.

Middle Names and Formality

Including middle names on the invitation can add a touch of formality and make it sound more regal. However, if you prefer a more casual tone, stating only the first and last names is perfectly acceptable. The use of middle names ultimately comes down to personal preference.

Asking the Couple

When in doubt, don't hesitate to ask the couple for their preferred format. They will likely appreciate your consideration, and you can avoid any potential mistakes.

In conclusion, when addressing wedding invitations to same-sex couples, flexibility and consideration are key. Alphabetical order can provide a neutral and structured approach, while choosing the order based on what sounds best together can add a touch of personality and flair to the invitation. Remember, the most important aspect is to convey the essential information clearly and concisely, while also respecting the couple's preferences and comfort.

Who's hosting: both sets of parents or the couple themselves?

When it comes to wedding invitations, tradition dictates that the bride's parents are the hosts and are named at the top of the invite. However, modern weddings often involve both sets of parents or the couple themselves hosting, so invitation wording has evolved to reflect this. Here are some options for how to word your invitation based on who is hosting:

Both Sets of Parents Hosting

If both sets of parents are contributing financially or otherwise collaborating on the wedding, you can acknowledge this in a few ways. One option is to include both sets of parents' names at the beginning of the invitation:

> Mr. and Mrs. Aaron Wong and Mr. and Mrs. Adam Hollis request the pleasure of your company at the wedding of their children Jane Wong and Mark Hollis.

You can also use first names only or include middle names for a more formal tone. If you want to emphasise the collaborative nature of the hosting, you can use wording such as:

> Together with their parents/families, Jane Wong and Mark Hollis invite you to join them as they celebrate their wedding...

Couple Hosting

If the couple is hosting the wedding themselves, there are a few ways to word the invitation. One option is to omit any mention of hosting and simply extend the invitation, such as:

> Jane Wong and Mark Hollis request the honour of your presence at their wedding...

You can also include a warm and welcoming introduction before the request:

> With hearts full of love and joy, Jane Wong and Mark Hollis invite you to share in their joy as they exchange wedding vows...

Another option is to acknowledge the support of their families without specifically mentioning hosting:

> Together with their families, Jane Wong and Mark Hollis invite you to celebrate with them...

A Combination of the Above

In some cases, the couple may be hosting the wedding with financial or other support from their parents. In this case, you can combine the above options. For example:

> Together with their families, Jane Wong and Mark Hollis, along with the Wong and Hollis families, request the pleasure of your company at their wedding...

Deceased or Divorced Parents

If you want to include a deceased parent on the invitation, you will need to rearrange the wording as they cannot serve as a host. Here is an example:

> Jane Smith, daughter of Mr. Austin Smith and the late Kristen Smith, and Mark Hollis, son of Mr. and Mrs. Robert Hollis, invite you to join them as they unite in marriage...

If one or both of the couple's parents are divorced, you can include all parents' names by giving each parent their own line:

> Mr. Austin Smith and Mrs. Kristen Smith, Mr. Robert Hollis and Mrs. Elizabeth Hollis, and their children Jane and Mark invite you to celebrate their union...

Same-Sex Couples

For same-sex couples, the traditional rules regarding whose name comes first do not apply. You have the option to place names in alphabetical order or choose the order based on what looks best with the invitation design. Here is an example:

> Emma Jones and Sara Smith, together with their families, invite you to be a part of their special day...

In conclusion, there are no hard and fast rules when it comes to wedding invitation wording. The most important thing is to clearly communicate the vital details of the wedding while representing the couple and their love. Feel free to riff off these principles and create invitations that truly reflect you and your partner.

Bride's name first: tradition and the host line

Brides Name First: Tradition and the Host Line

Traditionally, the bride's name is placed first on wedding invitations. This is due to the old-fashioned tradition of the "ladies first" mentality in Western culture. For example, holding the door open for a woman.

Historically, it was also the bride's family who hosted and financed the wedding. The bride's family's higher share of expenses often earned them the right to have the bride's name precede the groom's. The invitation might read:

> Mr. and Mrs. Riordan Scott Cullen request the honour of your presence on Saturday, the fifth of June, two thousand and fifteen, at half after ten in the morning at the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception.

However, nowadays, it is more common for both sets of parents to contribute to the wedding due to rising costs. It has also become more common to name both sets of parents on the invitation to give them credit and make the invite more polite and considerate. For example:

> Mrs Mary Anne & Mr Daniel John Smith and Mrs Jane Rose & Mr Matthew Robert Jones invite you to celebrate Julia Anne Smith & Mark Robert Jones on their wedding day.

If the wedding is a collaborative event hosted by the bride, groom, and both sets of parents, the invitation can begin with a short statement like:

> Together with their families, Jane and Jack invite you to celebrate their love and union.

Flexibility and Freedom in Decision-Making

While the above traditions are interesting, contemporary norms provide couples with the freedom to approach the invitation in their own way. For example, the bride and groom's names can be placed in alphabetical order, or the couple can choose the order based on how the names look and sound together.

Groom's name first: modern approach and self-funded weddings

Grooms Name First: Modern Approach and Self-Funded Weddings

While the traditional wedding invitation format places the bride's name before the grooms, modern couples are increasingly choosing to break with this custom. This is especially true for self-funded weddings, where the couple is hosting the wedding themselves without the financial support of their parents.

In these cases, it is not uncommon to see the groom's name listed first, indicating that he is the main host or financier of the wedding. This approach is often chosen by couples who wish to emphasise a more egalitarian and personal dynamic, reflecting the unique nature of their relationship.

For example, a wedding invitation with the groom's name first might read:

> "The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of Mason Jacob Kim to Jack Alexander Smith, Saturday, the seventeenth of August two thousand twenty-four, at half after four at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow."

This format maintains the traditional structure of a wedding invitation while simply reversing the order of the names. It is worth noting that this approach is also well-suited to same-sex couples, who may choose to list names alphabetically or based on what sounds best together.

When it comes to self-funded weddings, the couple may also opt to use more contemporary wording that reflects their personal style. For instance:

> "Jack Alexander Smith & Mason Jacob Kim would love to eat wedding cake with you, Saturday, August 17, 2024, at 4:30 in the afternoon at [venue name and address]. Reception to follow."

Here, the couple's names are placed front and centre, and the language is more casual and playful, reflecting the joy and excitement of the occasion.

Ultimately, the decision of whose name goes first on a wedding invitation is a matter of personal preference. Modern couples have the freedom to choose an order that feels right for them, whether it's based on practicality, aesthetics, or simply a desire to break with tradition.

By selecting a format that resonates with them, couples can create invitations that truly represent their love and set the tone for their special day.

Collaborative wording: Together with their families

When a couple is hosting their wedding with their parents or families, there are a few ways to word the invitation to make this clear. Here are some suggestions for "Collaborative wording: Together with their families":

Host Line

The first line of most traditional wedding invites mentions the host. In this case, it is both the couple and their parents hosting, so a collaborative phrase is appropriate. Here are some examples:

• "Together with their families..."
• "It is with joy that, together with their families..."
• "With the support of our families, we are excited to..."
• "Together with their parents..."

If you wish to include your parents' or stepparents' names, you can mention them in a line below the host line.

Request Line

The request line is where you invite your guests to join you on your big day. Here are some examples of phrases you can use:

• "Request the honour of your presence"
• "Invite you to join them for their wedding day"
• "Request the pleasure of your company"
• "Would love you to celebrate with them"

Names of the Couple

Traditionally, the bride's name is listed before the groom's name. However, you can arrange the names in the order you prefer, regardless of gender. You might use full names, including middle names, or opt for just first and last names or nicknames.

Date and Time

Include the full date, along with the year, to avoid any confusion. For formal invitations, write out the full wedding date and time, including "o'clock". You can also mention whether it is "a.m." or "p.m." if needed.

Location

When writing the location of the wedding ceremony, be sure to include the venue name, road, and state. Avoid adding too many details, but do provide enough information for your guests to start planning their trip. If you wish to include more details, such as the full street address, recommended hotels, and parking information, you can use a details panel or link to your wedding website.

Reception Information

If the reception is at the same location as the ceremony, a simple "Reception to follow" is sufficient. If the reception is at a different location, you may wish to share additional information, such as "Drinks and dancing to follow" or "Dinner and dancing to follow".

Dress Code

Including a dress code on your invitation is helpful for guests. A simple indication of formality, such as "Formal" or "Casual", is usually enough for guests to work with.

Frequently asked questions