The Best Man's Place: Beside The Groom

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and closest confidant throughout the wedding planning process and on the wedding day itself. During the ceremony, the best man traditionally stands next to the groom at the altar, with other groomsmen lining up alongside. The best man may also be responsible for holding the wedding rings and acting as a legal witness to the marriage. The role of the best man is a great honour and is usually given to a close friend or relative of the groom.

Where does the best man stand during the ceremony?

The best man is the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding and is usually a close friend or relative. During the ceremony, the best man traditionally stands next to the groom, slightly behind him, at the altar. This means that the four people present at the altar are the officiant, the bride, the groom, and the best man.

In some western countries, the best man stands to the groom's right-hand side at the front of the ceremony room. In others, the best man and bridesmaid participate on an equal footing. The best man may also be responsible for holding the wedding rings during the ceremony.

In a Jewish wedding, the best man enters right before the groom. In a military officer's wedding, the roles of groomsmen are replaced by swordsmen of the sword honour guard.

What are the best man's duties?

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and go-to confidante, tasked with supporting the groom throughout the wedding planning process and on the big day itself. Here is a detailed breakdown of the best man's duties:

Pre-Wedding Duties:

• Assist with outfit details: Help the groom and groomsmen with their wedding attire choices and final suit selections.
• Organise the bachelor party: Plan and host an event that aligns with the groom's wishes, such as a night out or a weekend trip.
• Coordinate the groom's gift: If the groomsmen decide to get a group gift for the groom, the best man often takes the lead by collecting money and choosing the gift.
• Provide emotional support: Be there for the groom, offering a patient ear and reassurance throughout the wedding planning process.
• Attend pre-wedding events: The best man is expected to attend the engagement party, shower, and wedding rehearsal and dinner.
• Buy a wedding gift: Despite the costs of being a best man, it is customary to purchase a gift for the couple.
• Lead the groomsmen: The best man is in charge of the groomsmen and is responsible for all communication and coordination of their activities and duties.
• Assist with planning admin: Offer to help with logistical tasks like booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules.
• Write the best man's speech: Prepare a speech for the reception, focusing on the newlyweds and including lighthearted anecdotes about the groom.

On the Wedding Day:

• Help the groom get ready: Be there on the morning of the wedding to assist the groom with any last-minute tasks and ensure he is ready on time.
• Keep the groom and groomsmen on schedule: Ensure everyone arrives at the venue on time and wrangle the groomsmen throughout the ceremony.
• Hold the wedding rings: Safely keep the rings until it's time for the couple to exchange them during the ceremony.
• Stand at the altar with the groom: During the processional, the best man traditionally walks down the aisle after the groom and stands closest to him at the altar.
• Greet the guests: Welcome and greet guests alongside the groom, creating a warm and inviting atmosphere before the ceremony.
• Escort the maid of honour: After the ceremony, the best man traditionally escorts the maid of honour out of the room ahead of the newlyweds.
• Sign the marriage license: Act as a witness and sign the marriage license along with the maid of honour.
• Act as an unofficial reception host: Ensure the newlyweds and guests are having a good time, and help direct guests to where they need to be.
• Give the best man's speech: Deliver your well-prepared speech during the reception, honouring the groom and imparting your shared history.
• Get the party started: After the first dance, it's traditional for the best man to dance with the maid of honour and encourage everyone onto the dance floor.

Post-Wedding Duties:

• Return and clean suits: Help round up and return hired items, such as suits, and take care of dry cleaning if needed.
• Take care of wedding gifts: Safely store and transport the wedding gifts to the couple's home, especially if they leave for their honeymoon immediately.
• Check in with the newlyweds: Congratulate the couple and offer any further support they may need after their honeymoon.

The best man plays a crucial role in ensuring the groom's wedding journey is as stress-free and memorable as possible. It is an honour and a privilege to be chosen for this role, and these duties will help create a special day for the groom and his partner.

What should the best man wear?

So, you've been chosen as best man! Now it's time to think about what you'll wear for the big day. Here's a comprehensive guide to help you decide on your outfit.

Firstly, it's important to consider the time of day, season, and type of wedding. If the wedding is taking place before 6 pm, a tuxedo or morning dress is usually worn. For an afternoon or evening wedding, a tailcoat is customary. If you have free rein over your outfit, a three-piece suit in a dark shade of grey or blue is a good choice. For a warm, exotic location, opt for a light and breathable fabric such as linen or a blend of linen and cotton. A charcoal grey or midnight blue suit is a sophisticated choice for a formal, elegant wedding. If the wedding is outdoors in the evening, wool and silk in a dark colour like brown will keep you warm, whereas a morning or afternoon ceremony calls for a lighter fabric like wool and cotton.

When it comes to the colour of your suit, dark blue is a popular choice as it flatters any complexion and body type. Charcoal grey is another sophisticated option. Black is formal but may not be appropriate for a traditional wedding as it is the colour of tailcoats.

The fabric of your suit is also important. For a wedding any time of day, opt for heavy fabrics like 100% wool or blends of wool and silk or wool and mohair weighing more than 270 g/m. For a three-piece suit, wool or a wool and silk blend weighing around 260 g/m will keep you comfortable.

Your shirt should be white, perhaps with a French collar and single or double cuffs for cufflinks. A plain-coloured silk tie or bow tie is recommended. If the groom wears a boutonnière, you should too.

As for shoes, black, calfskin laced shoes are a must. You'll be on your feet all day, so comfort is key! Feel free to add an original touch with your socks—try stripes, diamonds, or squares, or even a bold colour like burgundy or red.

Remember, the most important thing is to discuss your outfit with the groom and ensure it complements his choice of attire. The groomsmen should also be dressed in a similar colour palette to create a cohesive look, especially in photos.

Who should the best man be?

The best man is the chief assistant to the groom at a wedding and is usually chosen from among the groom's closest friends or family members. There is no set rule, however, and the best man can be anyone the couple feels comfortable with, such as a grandparent or child. The role can even be shared by two people, or filled by a woman, referred to as a "best woman".

The best man is often the groom's equivalent of the maid of honour, and traditionally takes care of important duties on the wedding day, such as keeping the wedding rings safe. In the lead-up to the wedding, the best man may also be responsible for organising the stag do, helping to choose the groomsmen's attire, and giving a speech at the reception.

How to Choose a Best Man

When choosing a best man, it's important to select someone who is reliable, supportive, and capable of fulfilling the duties and responsibilities associated with the role. Here are some factors to consider:

• Family vs Friends: If the groom has a male sibling, this might be a straightforward choice. A brother is likely to know the groom well, have a good relationship with their fiancé, and be able to throw a suitable bachelor party.
• Long-term Friendship: A friend the groom has known for a long time is another good option for a best man. This person has likely been through different stages of the groom's life and can be trusted with sensitive information.
• Proximity: Choosing a friend who lives nearby can make it easier to communicate about the wedding and detailed plans.
• Relationship with the Fiancé: If the groom has a friend who has a great relationship with their fiancé, this can make wedding planning and preparation easier, and the best man's speech more meaningful.
• Capacity: The best man should be someone who has the time and capacity to commit to the role and its various responsibilities, such as planning the bachelor party and helping with wedding tasks.
• Organisation and Trustworthiness: The best man should be well-organised, calm, and capable of handling important details, such as planning the bachelor party and keeping track of the wedding rings.
• Social Skills: The best man will need to relate well with vendors, guests, in-laws, and other event professionals, so it's important to choose someone who is confident, sociable, and discreet.

What does the best man do after the wedding?

The best man's duties don't end when the wedding does. Here are some of the things he'll be expected to do after the ceremony:

Return and Clean Suits

If the wedding party hired their suits, the best man will be expected to return them. If the suits were bought, he may be tasked with taking them to be dry-cleaned.

Take Care of Wedding Gifts

If the newlyweds are heading off on their honeymoon straight after the wedding, the best man may be asked to safely store their wedding gifts. Even if they don't jet off immediately, he might still be asked to collect gifts, cards, and keepsakes from the venue and deliver them to the couple.

Check in with Vendors

Once the party is over, the best man is usually responsible for making sure all wedding-related expenses are handled. While vendors are typically paid in full a month before the wedding, he'll need to settle any outstanding payments before the night is through.

Coordinate and Decorate the Getaway Car

The best man may be asked to help coordinate car transportation for the newlyweds to leave the reception in. He'll also be in charge of decorating the getaway car, enlisting the help of the wedding party if he wishes.

Frequently asked questions