Deborah Chan
Planning a wedding guest list can be a tricky task, especially when it comes to deciding who gets a plus one. While there are no set rules, there are some best practices and etiquette guidelines to follow. Traditionally, spouses, engaged partners, and live-in partners of guests receive a plus one, as do members of the wedding party and outlier guests who won't know many people at the wedding. When addressing invitations, it is common to write the guest's name and and guest if they are invited to bring a plus one. This can be included on the outer envelope or on a note inside the invitation. It is also important to manage expectations and be consistent to avoid any hurt feelings.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Who gets a plus one | Married, engaged, and cohabitating guests |
| Members of the bridal party | |
| Outlier guests who won't know many other attendees | |
| Couples who are engaged, live together, or are in a serious or long-term relationship | |
| Close family members | |
| Guests with young children | |
| How to indicate a plus one | Write the guest's name and "and guest" on the envelope |
| Write the guest's name and add a note at the bottom of the card or on the back of the invitation saying "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one" | |
| Write the guest's name and "and guest" on the inner envelope | |
| Write the guest's name and add an RSVP card with the number of seats reserved | |
| Write the guest's name and "invited guest" | |
| Add a plus one note inside with the RSVP card |
What You'll Learn
Addressing the envelope
When addressing the envelope of a wedding invitation, there are a few options to indicate that the invitee can bring a plus one.
The first option is to write the invitee's name followed by "and guest" on the envelope. This is the most common way to indicate that someone can bring a plus one. For example, the envelope could be addressed to "Mr. James R. Smith and guest". This option is best if you don't know the name of the plus one or if the invitee is bringing a date or a friend.
Another option is to write the names of the invitee and their plus one on the envelope if you know the name of the plus one. For example, the envelope could be addressed to "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods". This option is best if the plus one is a spouse, fiancé, or long-term partner.
If you are sending online invitations, include the names of the invitee and their plus one at the beginning of the email.
It's important to note that the "and guest" or "plus one" does not need to be included on the outer envelope. You can simply address the outer envelope to the invitee and include the "and guest" or "plus one" on the inner envelope or on a note inside the invitation.
When indicating that an invitee cannot bring a plus one, simply address the outer and inner envelope to the invitee's name only.
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Inner envelope/invitation wording
When it comes to wedding invites, there are a few different ways to indicate that a guest is invited with a plus one.
If you are sending a paper invitation with an inner envelope, one way to indicate a plus one is to write the guest's name and "and guest" on the inner envelope. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith & Guest". This method also works for online invitations, simply include the names of the guest and their plus one at the beginning of the email.
Another option is to address the outer envelope to the guest and their plus one if you have that information. For example, "Mrs. Valerie Smith and Mrs. Hannah Woods". If you don't know the name of the plus one, you can write the guest's name on the outer envelope and add "and Guest" to the inner envelope.
If you are inviting a married couple or a couple who lives together, it is common to address the invitation to both people by name, regardless of whether they are your guests' plus ones.
It is important to note that the plus one does not need to be indicated on the outer envelope. You can simply write the guest's name on the outer envelope and include a note on the invitation itself or the RSVP card indicating that they are invited to bring a plus one. For example, "You are invited to bring a plus one" or "You are invited to bring one guest. ___ of 2 will be attending".
When indicating a plus one, it is generally best to use the phrase "and guest" rather than "plus one". This is considered more elegant and polite.
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Who traditionally gets a plus one?
When it comes to wedding planning, deciding who gets a plus-one can be a tricky task. While there are no hard and fast rules, there are some traditional guidelines and best practices to follow. Here are some tips to help you determine who traditionally gets a plus-one:
Married, Engaged, or Cohabiting Guests
It is customary to extend a plus-one invitation to guests who are married, engaged, or living together. This is considered common courtesy, even if you are closer to one half of the couple than the other or have never met their spouse. It is also a way to acknowledge their commitment to each other.
Wedding Party Members
It is generally considered good etiquette to offer a plus-one to members of your wedding party, such as bridesmaids and groomsmen. This is a way to show your appreciation for their time, support, and financial investment in your wedding.
Out-of-Town Guests
If you have guests travelling from out of town who may not know many other attendees, it is a thoughtful gesture to offer them a plus-one. This ensures they have a familiar face with them and don't feel lonely or out of place.
Close Family Members
While this is a case-by-case situation, some sources suggest offering a plus-one to immediate family members, especially if they don't know many other guests. This can add an extra layer of warmth and joy to your celebration.
Long-Term or Serious Relationships
If a guest is in a long-term or serious relationship, even if they are not living together, it is considerate to offer them a plus-one. This acknowledges their commitment and ensures they can share the experience with their partner.
Single Guests Who Know Other Guests
On the other hand, single guests who are part of a close-knit family or friend group and will know many other attendees typically do not need a plus-one. They will likely feel comfortable and have a good time surrounded by familiar faces.
New or Casual Couples
You don't need to feel obligated to offer a plus-one to guests who are newly dating or casually seeing someone. If your cousin wants to bring their Tinder date, for example, that's not a requirement.
Coworkers
When it comes to coworkers, it is often the case that if one is offered a plus-one, all should be. This can quickly increase costs and guest counts, so use your discretion. However, if you are close with your boss and invite them, it is good etiquette to offer them a plus-one.
Remember, these are just traditional guidelines and suggestions. Ultimately, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want. Be mindful of your budget, venue capacity, and the dynamic you want to create for your celebration.
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Creating a clear and elegant message
When it comes to wedding invitations, you may need to inform some guests that they must come alone. This can be tricky, but it's important to be both clear and delicate in your wording. Here are some tips to help you create a clear and elegant message:
Wording the Invitation
If you're inviting a guest who is single and will not be receiving a plus-one, address both the outer and inner envelopes to their name only. For guests who are receiving a plus-one, the outer envelope should include only their name, while the inner envelope should include their name and "and guest". This is the traditional way to indicate a plus-one.
However, modern invitations may vary. Some hosts prefer to write "Mr. Smith & Guest" on the outer envelope, while others include a note at the bottom or back of the invitation saying, "You are invited to bring a guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus one".
If you are sending online invitations, be sure to include the names of the invited guests and any plus-ones at the beginning of the email.
Providing Clear Information
To avoid any confusion, it's important to be clear about the number of seats reserved for each guest. This will gently convey that they cannot bring a plus-one without your approval. For example, you can write on the RSVP card, "You are invited to bring one guest" or "You are invited to bring a plus-one".
Being Mindful of Your Guests' Needs
While it's ultimately your decision, it's important to consider your guests' needs when deciding who gets a plus-one. Traditionally, married, engaged, and cohabitating guests receive a plus-one. It's also common to offer a plus-one to members of the wedding party and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees. Keep in mind that your guests' comfort and enjoyment of the event are important, and offering a plus-one can make a big difference in their experience.
Handling Requests for Plus-Ones
Even if you've made your decisions carefully, you may still receive requests from guests who want to bring a plus-one. It's important to be prepared for these requests and respond kindly and consistently. You can explain that you have limited space or budget constraints and offer alternatives if possible, such as suggesting they reach out if their plans change closer to the date.
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Online invitations
If you are sending online wedding invitations, include the names of the invitees at the beginning of the email. If the guest has a plus one, the email should be addressed to the guest and their plus one. If the guest is single and does not have a plus one, the email should only include their name.
If you are inviting single guests who are permitted to bring a plus one, there are a few ways to indicate this. One option is to address the invitation to the primary guest's name and "invited guest". Alternatively, you can address the invitation to the primary guest only and include a plus-one note inside the email or on the RSVP card. For example, you can include a line on the RSVP card that says "___ seats have been reserved in your honour".
If you are inviting unmarried couples, and both parties are invited, address both names on the outside and inside of the invitation. If the couple lives separately, it is best to send each party their own invitation. If you don't have the information to send separate invitations, it is acceptable to address the invitation to the primary guest only and include the name of their significant other on the materials inside. If you are unsure of the relationship status of your guests, it is best to use "invited guest" instead of their name.
Other Tips for Plus Ones
When it comes to plus ones, it is important to be clear and direct in your communication. Remember, clarity is key! Many people assume they can bring someone along to a wedding if it is not explicitly stated otherwise.
If you are inviting guests who are married, engaged, or in a serious or long-term relationship, it is standard etiquette to offer them a plus one. It is also common to extend plus-one invitations to out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees.
If you are working with a limited budget or venue capacity, you may not be able to offer every guest a plus one. In this case, it is recommended to create an "A" list of guests who should absolutely receive a plus one and a "B" list of guests who you would like to include if possible.
When addressing paper invitations, the outer envelope should include the name of the guest only, while the inner envelope should include the name of the guest and "and guest" if they have a plus one.
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Frequently asked questions
If you are sending a paper invitation, write the guest's name and "and guest" on the envelope. If you are sending an online invitation, include the names of the guest and their plus one at the beginning of the email.
It is best to avoid writing this on the invitation. Instead, you can say your celebration is by invitation only on your wedding website. If you are unable to accommodate plus ones due to limited space, you can say something like: "Due to limited venue space, we unfortunately can't accommodate plus ones beyond those named on the wedding invitation. We hope you understand our decision."
Traditionally, any guest who is married, engaged, or cohabitating with a partner should be able to bring their spouse or partner. It is also common to offer a plus one to members of the wedding party and outlier guests who won't know many other attendees.
You can write the guest's name and "and guest" on the envelope of the paper invitation. If you are sending an online invitation, include the names of the guest and their plus one at the beginning of the email. You can also include a note on the invitation or RSVP card stating that they are invited to bring a plus one.
Guests who are bringing a plus one should notify the couple of the person's name. They should also bring a gift that reflects the fact that they are attending as two guests. If the plus one doesn't know the couple, it is polite to introduce them to the newlyweds at some point during the wedding.
