Wedding Invitation Etiquette: 'Adults-Only' Wording And Placement

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially when it comes to deciding on a guest list. If you're looking to have an adults-only wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and tactfully to your guests. While you may choose to include a note on your wedding website or spread the word through your family and wedding party, one of the most effective ways to ensure that your guests are aware of the adults-only restriction is by addressing it directly on your wedding invitations.

Address the invitation envelope to the adult guests only

If you're planning an adults-only wedding, it's essential to communicate this clearly and tactfully to your guests. Here are some tips and suggestions for addressing your invitation envelopes to adult guests only:

Be explicit with your guest list: Decide on an "age rule" for your wedding and stick to it. For example, you may choose to set the limit at 18 or 21 years old. This rule should be consistent for all guests, with the possible exception of infants or young children in the wedding party.

Address envelopes to specific individuals: Instead of writing "The Chavez Family," address the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez." By naming only the invited guests, you implicitly convey that children are not included.

Use inner envelopes for clarity: If you're concerned about potential confusion, consider using inner envelopes to further clarify the invited guests. This traditional practice involves placing the invitation inside an envelope addressed to the invited individuals, which is then placed within an outer envelope addressed to the family.

Provide details on your wedding website: Create a comprehensive wedding website that includes an FAQ page. Address the question, "Can we bring kids?” by stating something like, "While we adore your children, due to venue restrictions or to allow all guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully request that our wedding be an adults-only event."

Inform your close family and wedding party: Debrief your immediate family members and wedding party on your "no kids" rule. They can help spread the word and answer any questions from other guests.

Offer childcare assistance: If possible, provide recommendations or assistance with childcare options. This thoughtful gesture will be appreciated by your guests and may make it easier for parents to attend your wedding.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you get to decide what's best for you and your partner. Be clear and consistent in your communication, and don't be afraid to set boundaries. Most guests will understand and respect your decision.

Include a note on the invitation, response card or information card

If you're planning an adults-only wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and tactfully to your guests. While the invitation itself should only be addressed to the invited guests (with children excluded), you can include a note on the invitation, response card, or information card to emphasise this. Here are some suggestions for wording:

Short and Sweet Statements:

• "Please join us for an adult reception at six o'clock."
• "Please note this will be an adults-only celebration."
• "Adult (18 and older) reception to follow."
• "We respectfully request no children under 16 at the reception."
• "Please celebrate with us at an adults-only reception immediately following the ceremony."

When Space is Limited:

• "Due to limited venue space, adults only please."
• "We have reserved [X] seats in your honour." – add this to the RSVP card.
• "Although we love your children, we regretfully cannot accommodate them due to restricted numbers."
• "Although we adore your children, due to budget/space constraints, we ask that only adults attend."

Fun Messages to Lighten the Mood:

• "We hope you'll understand our decision to make the wedding children-free, and we invite you to let your hair down and celebrate!"
• "To allow all wedding guests, including parents, a night of relaxation, we respectfully ask that no children attend."
• "We love your kids but thought you might like a night off! Adults only, please!"
• "To give all our guests the opportunity to celebrate without worry, we politely request no children."

When Including Newborns, Nieces, and Nephews:

• "Children of immediate family only, please."
• "Respectfully, an adult occasion (18+). Infants under 12 months are welcome."
• "Unfortunately, we are only able to accommodate children in the wedding party at our reception."
• "We wish we could include all children, but we can only invite immediate family."
• "Due to necessity, we can only accommodate children of immediate family. We hope you understand and enjoy your night off!"

Remember, it's essential to be consistent and stick to your "adults-only" rule. If you decide to make exceptions for certain children, be sure to clarify this to avoid confusion and hurt feelings.

Be clear on your wedding website

Deciding whether to invite children to your wedding can be a difficult task. If you've decided on an adults-only wedding, it's important to communicate this clearly and effectively to your guests. One way to do this is through your wedding website.

Create an FAQ page

On your wedding website, consider including an FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions) page. This can be a helpful way to address common questions, including whether children are invited. You can add an FAQ specifically about children, such as "Can we bring kids?" This direct approach will leave no room for confusion.

Clearly state your preference

When addressing the topic of children on your website, be clear and concise. You can express your love for children while also stating your preference for an adults-only event. For example, you could say, "While we love all the children in our lives, we have decided to keep our wedding and reception an adults-only event." This way, your guests will understand that your decision is not a reflection of your feelings towards children.

Provide an explanation

Consider including a brief explanation for your decision. This can help your guests understand your perspective and may make it easier for them to respect your wishes. You can mention factors such as space restrictions, venue limitations, or your desire for a child-free environment. For example, you could say, "Due to limited venue space, we kindly request that only adults attend."

Offer alternatives or suggestions

If you're concerned about the impact on guests with children, you can offer alternatives or suggestions to help them make arrangements. For instance, you could provide information about local babysitting services or childcare options. This not only shows that you've considered their situation but also demonstrates your willingness to assist in finding solutions.

Maintain consistency

Ensure that your wedding website, invitations, and other communication materials align with your adults-only preference. Consistency is key to avoiding confusion and ensuring that your guests understand your decision. It's important that your messaging is clear across all platforms to avoid any misunderstandings.

Inform your close family and wedding party

It's a good idea to keep your immediate family members and wedding party informed about your adults-only rule. They may be asked about it by other guests, so providing them with clear and consistent information will help maintain your preferred guest list.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can decide what's best for you and your partner. Communicating your adults-only preference clearly on your wedding website is a respectful way to ensure your guests understand your wishes.

Debrief family members and the wedding party

Deciding on an adults-only wedding can be a tricky conversation to have with family and friends. It's important to be clear and consistent about your decision and to communicate this effectively to your nearest and dearest. Here are some tips to help you debrief family members and the wedding party about your adults-only wedding:

Be Clear and Consistent: Firstly, decide on the age limit for your wedding and stick to it. Be clear about this limit with your family and wedding party, so they understand the parameters. For example, you might decide on an age limit of 18 or 21, and communicate this as "Adult (18 and older) reception" or "Adults-only (21 and above) celebration".

Make Sure They Understand the Rules: Debrief your immediate family members and wedding party on your "no kids" rule as soon as possible. Explain that you don't want any exceptions made without your knowledge. For example, they might receive questions from other guests or family members, and they need to know how to respond. You can say something like, "We're happy to answer any questions you have about the adults-only rule, so please direct any queries from other guests to us."

Provide a Clear Message: Let your family and wedding party know exactly what to say when communicating your adults-only rule to others. For example, you might want them to say, "The couple has decided to keep the wedding and reception adults-only due to venue restrictions." This consistent messaging will help avoid any confusion or mixed signals.

Offer to Help: If you're asking guests to travel or make special arrangements for your wedding, consider offering to help with childcare options. Provide recommendations for babysitters or childcare services in the area, or even organise a group babysitting service for the wedding. This will show that you understand the challenges and are willing to assist.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations: Some guests may not be happy about your adults-only decision and might try to negotiate or change your mind. Be prepared for these difficult conversations by having a clear and respectful response ready. For example, "We understand your concerns, but we've decided to keep the wedding adults-only due to budget and space constraints. We hope you can still make it."

By following these tips, you can effectively debrief your family members and wedding party about your adults-only wedding decision. Remember to be clear, consistent, and respectful in your communications, and offer support where possible.

Be direct and firm if there's confusion

If you're planning an adults-only wedding, you may need to prepare for some guests to be confused about whether they can bring their children. Here are some tips on how to be direct and firm in communicating that your wedding is adults-only:

• Set clear rules and stick to them: Decide on an "age rule" for your wedding and be consistent in applying it. For example, you could choose no guests under 16 or no guests under 21. Make any necessary exceptions upfront, such as allowing children in the wedding party or infants under 12 months.
• Address invitations specifically: When addressing your invitations, only include the names of the invited guests on the envelope. For example, write "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez" instead of "The Chavez Family." You can also include the number of invited guests on the RSVP cards to avoid confusion.
• Be firm and polite when contacted: If guests reach out to ask if they can bring their children, be firm but polite in your response. You can say something like, "I'm very sorry, but we can't make any exceptions. We still hope you'll join us."
• Provide clear information on your wedding website: Include an FAQ page on your website and address the question, "Can we bring kids?" Clearly state your adults-only policy and consider providing a fun message to lighten the mood, such as, "We love your kids but thought you might like a night off!"
• Inform your close family and wedding party: Make sure your immediate family members and wedding party are aware of your "no kids" rule so they can answer questions from other guests accurately.
• Help guests with childcare: If possible, provide recommendations for babysitters or hire a babysitting service to watch the kids in a separate room at your venue. This will be appreciated by your guests and may increase the likelihood of their attendance.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you can decide what's best for you and your partner. Be clear and consistent in your communication, and don't be afraid to set boundaries.

Frequently asked questions