Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding vows are promises exchanged between partners during a wedding ceremony. They are not universal to marriage and are not a legal requirement in most jurisdictions. Wedding vows vary significantly depending on the couple's culture, religion, and personal preferences. In Western weddings, the traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church, specifically the Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church. The oldest version of these vows can be found in the 1549 Book of Common Prayer, written by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. Today, couples may choose to recite traditional vows, write their own, or combine elements of both.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Origin | The oldest wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, was written by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. |
| The Sarum Rite of the Catholic Church, originally in Latin, was translated to English by Cranmer. | |
| The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries derive from the Sarum Rite. | |
| Religious Context | Wedding vows have a Christian context. |
| The Book of Common Prayer is a liturgical book used by the churches of the Anglican Communion. | |
| The Church of England offers couples a choice of vows. | |
| In the United States, Catholic wedding vows may take a specific form. | |
| Hindu weddings include the exchange of vows known as the saptapadi or "seven steps". | |
| Muslim weddings traditionally do not include vows. | |
| Jewish weddings typically do not include a spoken exchange of wedding vows. | |
| Korean weddings often include specific traditions, such as wearing hanboks and sealing vows with a bow and sip of wine. | |
| Legal Necessity | Wedding vows are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions. |
| Wedding vows are not a legal necessity for marriage. | |
| Personalisation | Couples may choose to write their own vows or combine them with traditional vows. |
| Couples may incorporate traditional sayings into their vows, such as "to have and to hold" and "until death do us part". |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding vows are not universal
The wedding vows that are widely recognised today, particularly in English-speaking countries, are derived from the Sarum Rite of medieval England. The first part of the Sarum Rite vows is given in Latin, but priests were instructed to say them in the "mother tongue" of those present. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church, specifically the dioceses of Salisbury (Sarum) and York. The first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, based its marriage service mainly on the Sarum Rite.
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, included the following:
> Groom: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.
> Bride: I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth.
Over time, the wording of these vows has evolved, with the Episcopal Church, for instance, voting in 1922 to remove the word "obey" from the bride's section. Since 2000, the standard vows in Common Worship have not included the word "obey", although couples may choose to include it.
Today, many couples opt to write their own vows, creating unique and personalised promises that hold special meaning for them. This practice is particularly common among nondenominational Christians, who are not bound by the traditions of a specific church governing body. Couples can work with their officiant to craft vows that align with their relationship and what they want to proclaim before God and their loved ones.
Wedding vows vary across different cultures, countries, and religions. For example, Cherokee wedding ceremonies include vows, readings, and poems that have been passed down for generations, often honouring forces of nature such as fire, wind, and water. Unitarian Universalist weddings are known to be highly emotional, and couples may choose to include traditional wedding vows or create their own.
Ultimately, wedding vows are a highly personalised aspect of a wedding ceremony, and their content and format can vary widely depending on cultural, religious, and individual preferences.
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The Book of Common Prayer
The original wedding vows, as printed in the Book of Common Prayer, are:
> Groom: "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth."
> Bride: "I, [name], take thee, [name], to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, cherish, and to obey, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I give thee my troth."
The groom then places a ring on the bride's finger and says:
> "With this Ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost."
The priest then joins the couple's right hands together and says:
> "Those whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."
Since 2000, the normal vows in Common Worship have been:
> "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy law, in the presence of God I make this vow."
The bride and groom may choose to replace the clause "to love and to cherish" with "to love, cherish, and obey" when the bride makes her vows.
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Vows in Jewish weddings
Jewish wedding vows are often not spoken during the traditional wedding ceremony. Instead, the covenant between the couple is implicit in the ritual. However, modern couples have started adding their own vows to their ceremonies, and they are becoming more standard in Reform and Conservative weddings.
The structure of the wedding ceremony varies within Orthodox, Conservative, and Reform Judaism, as well as among individual synagogues and rabbis. There are two main parts of the Jewish marriage program that represent the sealing of the marriage contract: the ring exchange and the seven blessings.
The ketubah, a written marriage contract, is signed at the wedding with witnesses and can be reimagined as a mutual statement of commitment to marriage. The ketubah is generally signed privately before the main wedding ceremony. The signing is followed by the kiddush, the first cup of wine, the wedding ring ceremony, and the seven blessings.
- "Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?"
- "With this ring, you are made holy to me, for I love you as my soul. You are now my wife/husband."
- "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my beloved wife/husband, to love, cherish and trust all my days."
- "I give you this ring as a sign of our covenant with each other, and so that all may know of our love for one another. With my body, heart, mind, and spirit, I will honour you, cherish you, and stay with you all my days."
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Hindu wedding vows
The seven vows represent different stages in the marriage that the couple will encounter, and they are considered extremely sacred in the Hindu religion. The specific wording of the vows may vary, but they generally include promises of love, duty, respect, faithfulness, and a fruitful union.
Bride Promises:
> Attramshe sakshino vadet pade. As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honour and cherish each other forever.
Groom Promises:
> Om esha ekapadi bhava iti prathaman. You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide welfare and happiness for you and our children.
In addition to the above, the bride demands respect from her husband, especially in front of family and friends. She also expects him to refrain from gambling and other mischievous activities. The groom, on the other hand, promises to provide for the welfare and happiness of his wife and family, while the wife takes on the responsibility of managing the home and meals.
The seven vows are considered indispensable in Hindu marriages, and they sanctify the union of two souls.
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Couples writing their own vows
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are based on Western Christian norms, but they are not universal to marriage and are not necessary in most legal jurisdictions.
Today, many couples choose to write their own vows, rendering them truly unique, with promises that are meaningful to them. Writing your own vows gives you the opportunity to create promises that resonate with you, vocalize your love and hopes for the future in front of your friends and family, and provide a deeper look at your love story.
If you're unsure where to start, here are some tips to help you write your own wedding vows:
- Start by jotting down ideas as they come to you. You can keep a notes section on your phone or invest in a vows book.
- Think about which stories you want to share and what promises you want to make. You can include anything that reflects your relationship and captures your intentions for the future, such as a sentimental tale about the first time you met or a funny story that highlights your partner's quirks.
- Consult your partner about your expectations, and come to a consensus about the length of your vows, when you'll recite them, who will say them first, the tone, and how personal you want to make them.
- Speak from the heart. You can start with an intimate moment that brought you and your partner to where you are today and finish with a passionate closing line.
- Don't stress too much about your vows. Remember that the most essential vow is your commitment to the marriage, covered by your "I do."
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Frequently asked questions
The wedding vows practised in most English-speaking countries are derived from the Sarum rite of medieval England. The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. The first edition of the Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, contains the original wedding vows.
No, wedding vows are not universal. They are not universal to marriage and are not a legal requirement in most jurisdictions. They are also not universal within Christian marriage, as Eastern Christians do not include vows in their traditional wedding ceremonies. Wedding vows vary significantly depending on the couple's culture and religion.
Wedding vows are promises each partner in a couple makes to the other during a wedding ceremony. They are one of the most intimate parts of a wedding and underscore the couple's promises to each other and their shared vision for their future life together.
Yes, it is very popular for couples to write their own personalised wedding vows. Many couples choose to incorporate traditional sayings into their vows, such as "to have and to hold" and "till death us do part".
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