Deborah Chan
Wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. They are a declaration of lifelong commitment, partnership, love, companionship, kindness, honesty, and patience. While some couples write their own vows, many turn to traditional wedding vows as a way to incorporate their faith or culture into the occasion. Traditional vows vary across religions and cultures, from Hindu weddings with their saptapadi or seven steps to Jewish ceremonies where vows are only recited during the ring exchange. Civil wedding vows are also an option for couples who want classic marriage vows that aren't faith-based.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Spoken exchange of vows | "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband/partner], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part." |
| Ring exchange | "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel." |
| Seven steps/vows | "Let us take the first step to provide for our household a nourishing and pure diet, avoiding those foods injurious to healthy living." "Let us take the second step to develop physical, mental, and spiritual powers." "Let us take the third step to increase our wealth by righteous means and proper use." "Let us take the fourth step to acquire knowledge, happiness, and harmony by mutual love and trust." "Let us take the fifth step so that we are blessed with strong, virtuous, and heroic children." "Let us take the sixth step for self-restraint and longevity." "Let us take the seventh step and be true companions and remain lifelong partners by this wedlock." |
| Expression of love and devotion | "I love you, and promise to always be your truest and best friend. I vow to support and respect you, to be patient and gracious toward you, to work together jointly with you as we strive to achieve our shared goals." |
| Recited before God | "Having this kind of love in your hearts for one another, you have chosen to exchange rings as the sign and seal of the promises you are making to one another today." |
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What You'll Learn
Civil wedding vows
Example 1
"I [name], take you [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted."
Example 2
"I love you, [name], and promise to always be your truest and best friend. I vow to support and respect you, to be patient and gracious toward you, to work together jointly with you as we strive to achieve our shared goals. I promise to accept you fully and unconditionally and to share my life with you from now until forever."
Example 3
"I, [name], choose you, [name], to be my teammate in life. I promise to love and cherish you, support and respect you, and to be patient and gracious towards you. I will accept you fully and unconditionally and remain by your side from this day forward."
Example 4
"I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband]. I promise to love and support you, to be your best friend and confidant, to care for you in sickness and in health, and to share my life with you from this day forward. I will respect and honour you, and our love, for all the days of my life."
Example 5
"We have come together here today to join [name] and [name] in marriage. [Name], will you please repeat after me? I, [name], take you, [name], to be my [wife/husband], to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, from this day forward. I promise to love and cherish you, and to be faithful to you always."
These examples can be further customised to fit the couple's preferences and beliefs. The structure and wording can be adjusted, and personal touches or meaningful phrases can be incorporated to create unique and heartfelt civil wedding vows.
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Jewish wedding vows
Wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. While spoken wedding vows are not customary within Jewish wedding ceremonies, modern couples have begun adding their own vows to their ceremonies.
In a traditional Jewish wedding, the husband says, "I take you to be my wife under the laws of Moses and Israel." The groom typically makes this vow to his bride under the chuppah (wedding canopy): "Harei at mekudeshet li betaba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Israel," translated as, "By this ring, you are consecrated to me (as my wife) in accordance with the laws of Moses and the people of Israel." The bride may respond with "I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine."
Rabbi Rosalin Mandelberg of Ohef Sholom Temple in Norfolk, Virginia, crafted the following marriage vows that couples can choose to incorporate into their weddings:
> Do you, [name], take [name] to be your wife/husband, promising to cherish and protect her/him, whether in good fortune or in adversity, and to seek together with her/him a life hallowed by the faith of Israel?
> Do you, [name], take [name] to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to love, to honor, and to cherish?
> With this ring, you are made holy to me, for I love you as my soul. You are now my wife/husband.
Another key element of Jewish weddings is the signing of the ketubah, a legal contract that historically protected the wife financially. The ketubah can be reimagined as a loving statement of mutual commitment to marriage. The ketubah is often read aloud in Hebrew/Aramaic during the ceremony.
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Hindu wedding vows
- A promise to provide each other with food, physical and emotional nourishment, and wealth, so that all basic needs are fulfilled.
- A promise to look after each other and pray for each other's physical and mental health and strength.
- A promise to foster affection and liking towards each other, so both individuals feel loved and cherished, enabling them to become better people.
- A promise to be true companions and continue as lifelong partners with understanding, loyalty, and unity, not only for themselves but also for the peace of the universe. Here, the bride asks the groom to respect her and avoid any adulterous relationships outside the marriage.
- A promise to stay and go on pilgrimages together as a couple, expressing gratitude towards the Holy Spirit for the abundance of food, water, and other nourishment, and praying for strength to live together, respect one another, and care for each other.
- A vow of love, duty, respect, faithfulness, and a fruitful union, where the couple agrees to be companions forever.
- A vow that seeks to unite the couple forever, acknowledging that they are uniting not only their names, addresses, families, and minds but also their souls.
The seven steps or rounds around the sacred fire symbolise the couple's union over seven lifetimes and their journey towards dharma (righteous path), artha (wealth), kama (love), and moksha (liberation).
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Muslim wedding vows
Muslim wedding ceremonies, called Nikah, do not traditionally include the exchange of vows. Instead, the Imam, cleric, or officiant recites verses from the Quran and gives a sermon on marriage. The couple expresses their consent to the marriage by answering "qabul" ("I accept" in Arabic) three times when asked if they accept each other as husband and wife and agree to the terms of the marriage contract.
However, modern Muslim couples sometimes choose to incorporate vows into their wedding ceremonies, especially in interfaith marriages. There is no standard for Muslim wedding vows, so couples can write their own or use the following examples inspired by the Quran:
Bride:
"I, [name], offer you myself in marriage, in accordance with the instructions of the Holy Quran and the Holy Prophet, peace and blessing be upon him. I pledge, in honesty and with sincerity, to be for you an obedient and faithful wife."
Groom:
"I, [name], offer myself to be your husband, with the promise to make our marriage a happy one, enriched always with Allah’s help, His Bounty, and All-knowing love, for all the years of our lives. I pledge, in honesty and sincerity, to be for you a faithful and helpful husband."
Alternative vows:
"I, [name], take you, [name], for my lawful [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."
Interfaith marriages:
In interfaith marriages, couples may want to incorporate traditions from both religions. For example, a non-Muslim groom could include an Arabic phrase in his vows, such as "La ilaha illallah Muhammadur Rasulullah" ("There is no god but Allah, and Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah").
Ring exchange:
Although not all religions include a ring exchange, it is common in many wedding ceremonies. The ring symbolizes the unbroken circle of love, and more vows are often spoken as the rings are exchanged.
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Christian wedding vows
While there are no specific wedding vows in the Bible, Christian wedding vows are steeped in history, culture, and meaning. They are a profound expression of commitment and faith, and a spiritual foundation for a lifelong journey.
Unity and Partnership
The focus of Christian marriage is on two becoming one, a union of two lives, and the blending of two hearts. This is reflected in the vows, with phrases such as: "I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wedded husband/wife. To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, I promise to love and cherish you."
Faith and Guidance
Vows are often made "in the name of God" or "according to the guidance of God", recognising that marriage is a sacred relationship. For example: "I, _____, take you, _____, to be my wedded husband/wife; and I promise, before God and these witnesses, to be your loving and faithful husband/wife; in plenty and in want; in joy and in sorrow; in sickness and in health; as long as we both shall live."
Service and Selflessness
Christian ideals of service and selflessness are reflected in vows such as: "I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and I will try with you to better understand ourselves, the world, and God."
Love and Commitment
The exchange of rings is a powerful symbol of love and commitment, with the continuous circle of the ring representing the unbroken circle of love. Vows may include: "I give you this ring as a constant reminder of my abiding love and commitment. I give you this ring as a symbol of our vows, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honour you."
Free Will and Choice
The phrase "I take thee to be my wedded wife/husband" expresses free will and choice, recognising that marriage is not forced but a voluntary decision.
Celebration and Joy
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Frequently asked questions
A non-denominational wedding ceremony may include vows such as: "I, [name], take you, [name], to be my wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
In a Jewish ceremony, the groom says: "Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel," which is translated from Hebrew. The bride recites the same words (with changes for gender) in a double-ring ceremony.
In a Hindu wedding, the couple recites a set of vows known as saptapadi, or the Seven Steps. This list of promises is recited as the couple walks around a ring of fire to honour Agni, the Hindu god of fire.
