The Perfect Timing For Wedding Toasts: A Guide

Wedding toasts are a time-honoured tradition where select friends and family members share words of love, encouragement, and sometimes humour with the newlyweds and their guests. While they can be a beautiful part of the wedding, they can also be a source of anxiety for the speakers. The key to a great toast is sincerity, brevity, and a focus on celebrating the couple's journey and love story. It should be heartfelt, with a mix of humour and personal anecdotes, and most importantly, offer meaningful wishes for the couple's future. Traditionally, the father of the bride, the maid of honour, the best man, and the couple themselves give toasts, with the hosts kicking off the reception. To ensure a smooth and memorable toast, speakers should prepare in advance, keep it under five minutes, and include a short introduction, 2-3 anecdotes, and a heartfelt wish.

Who should make a toast?

The people who make a toast at a wedding can vary depending on the couple's preferences, but there are several individuals who traditionally give toasts at weddings. These include the parents or family members of the bride and/or groom, the maid/matron/man of honour, the best man, and the couple themselves.

The father of the bride traditionally gives a wedding toast because he pays for the wedding, but this is not always the case anymore. If someone else contributed significantly to paying for the wedding, they may be asked to give a toast. For same-sex weddings, it is up to the couple to decide whose parents should kick off the evening.

If the parents of the couple have passed away, there are other ways to honour their memory. For example, playing their favourite song, taking a moment of silence, or having a family member share what the deceased person would have said if they were there.

The best man and maid of honour usually speak towards the end of dinner while the guests are still seated. If there is no seated dinner, they can wait until everyone has gotten something to eat from the buffet or food truck.

The couple may also wish to say a few brief words to kickstart the reception meal and thank the guests for coming. They can speak right after the maid of honour and best man, or wait until they cut the cake.

When should toasts be given?

Toasts are traditionally given after dinner, marking the end of the more formal part of the wedding and welcoming the party atmosphere. However, to save time, some couples opt to incorporate toasts into the dinner itself. In this case, the first speaker should start their toast halfway through the meal, so that by the time it's the couple's turn to speak, dinner is over.

Toasts should be given in a specific order, with the best man going first, followed by the maid of honour, the father of the bride, the groom, and then any other special guests. To ensure the toasts feel special and don't overwhelm the guests, it's recommended that no more than four or five people give a speech.

The hosts of the evening, usually the parents of the bride, will kick off the wedding reception by welcoming everyone to the celebration. Their toast is followed by the parents of the groom, if they choose to speak. The maid of honour and the best man will then give their toasts before handing over to the newlyweds.

It's also a good idea to stagger the toasts throughout the reception to maintain energy and flow. The rehearsal dinner is another great opportunity to accommodate additional toasts, allowing other friends and family members to speak while keeping the actual wedding reception focused and smooth.

How long should a toast be?

A wedding toast should be concise, meaningful, and not drawn out. Akeshi Akinseye, the founder of Kesh Events, a Chicago-based wedding-planning company, recommends keeping a wedding toast between three to five minutes. This gives enough time to share a sweet memory and well wishes without losing the audience's attention.

A toast that is too long can disrupt the flow of the event and may bore the guests. It is important to keep the toast concise and well-prepared, reflecting the overall sophistication of the celebration.

The average person speaks about 150 words per minute, so a 500-word speech should be ideal for a wedding toast, ensuring it stays within the recommended time frame.

However, some people may prefer shorter toasts, with suggestions of a maximum length of two to three minutes. This ensures the toast stays focused and sweet, and allows the guests to maintain their attention for the duration.

It is also worth noting that the couple getting married may have a preference for the length of the toasts, so it is always a good idea to ask them directly.

Overall, a wedding toast should be heartfelt and authentic, focusing on the couple's journey and offering meaningful wishes for their future together.

What should you say?

Wedding toasts can be nerve-wracking, but they're also an incredible honour. When crafting your speech, it's important to focus on sincerity, brevity, and celebrating the couple. Here are some tips on what you should say:

Structure

Begin with an introduction—who you are, your relationship to the couple, and a statement or question (with humour, if it feels right). Then, share 2-3 meaningful, heartfelt stories or anecdotes. Finally, offer congratulations and your wishes for the couple's future. Keep it simple, sincere, and easy to remember.

Content

The best wedding toasts are sincere, humorous, and concise. Focus on the couple's journey and their love story, sharing insights into their characters and relationship. Share memories and anecdotes that highlight their best qualities and are appropriate for all audience members. If possible, include a story that many guests can relate to. Add humour, but only if it's natural for you—a bad joke or an inside joke that not everyone understands can fall flat.

Couple Address

Directly address both partners, regardless of who you are closest with. This shows that you're cheering on both parties as they step into this new phase of life together.

Wishes

Offer wisdom or advice for a happy marriage and express your happiness and support for their union. You can also share your hopes for their future in broad terms, but avoid disclosing specific plans without the couple's permission.

Summarise your main points, offer a heartfelt wish, and invite everyone to raise their glasses and join you in toasting the couple. Keep the final lines simple, sincere, and memorable.

What not to say

When it comes to wedding toasts, it's important to keep things light and positive. Here are some things you should avoid saying:

Don't Go Negative

Steer clear of bringing up any negative details or past relationships. Avoid anything that you wouldn't want to be recorded and replayed—this is a good rule of thumb. Keep your speech light, delicate, and focused on the present and future. If you do share a story from the past, make sure it's intentional and relevant to who the couple is now. Your goal is to create a great environment and vibe for the guests.

Avoid Inside Jokes or Obscure References

While it's important to be yourself, avoid inside jokes or references that only a few people will understand. Keep your speech inclusive and engaging for all the guests. This is not the time to show off your extensive knowledge of Ralph Waldo Emerson quotes!

No Swearing or Inappropriate Jokes

Know your audience and keep the jokes classy and PG-13. You don't want to offend anyone or make the couple or their family members uncomfortable. Remember, there will likely be people of all ages and backgrounds in attendance, so tailor your speech accordingly.

Steer Clear of Embarrassing or Vulgar Stories

While it's good to add a touch of humour, avoid stories that are overly embarrassing or vulgar. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if the story shows off the couple's strength of character or resilience. If it's just a string of silly or embarrassing details, it's probably best to leave it out.

Don't Make It All About Yourself

While you may be nervous and want to fall back on what you know, remember that this speech is about the couple, not you. Focus on their relationship, their strengths, and their special day. This is not the time to give your life story or showcase your hidden ukulele talents!

Frequently asked questions