Wedding Speech Order: Who Speaks And When?

Wedding speeches are a key part of the reception, giving guests an insight into the couple and their relationship. The timing of the speeches is important, as is their length, to ensure they don't disrupt the flow of the reception. Traditionally, the parents of the bride, the parents of the groom, the maid of honour, and the best man give speeches. The couple may also choose to say a few words. The order of the speeches can be adjusted to fit personal preferences, but the best man usually goes first, followed by the maid of honour. Speeches should be given before the meal to get them out of the way, or after, to allow the speakers to relax with some food and drink beforehand.

Before or after the meal?

There are pros and cons to both options.

Before the meal

Having the speeches before the meal means there is an immediate focus for the guests' attention, avoiding the small talk at the table. It also gives guests something to talk about as soon as the speeches are over, rather than repeating safe topics like the weather or how they know the couple. For those who are nervous about public speaking, getting their speech out of the way early means they can relax and enjoy the rest of the wedding. It also gives the catering team more time to arrange things, and guests won't be hungry and keen to be fed.

After the meal

Tradition dictates that speeches should be conducted after the meal, bringing an end to the formal part of the day. By serving the meal first, you are ensuring your guests are properly fed—they may not have had time to eat lunch, and will likely be hungry by the time they sit down. If you wait until after the meal, speakers will have had time to relax and perhaps enjoy a drink, giving them some 'Dutch courage'!

Other options

If you're having a more casual wedding, you could have the speeches during cocktail hour, when guests have a signature drink in their hand. This will allow the speeches to be delivered early on, and once the toasts are done, everyone can mingle and relax for the rest of the night.

If you're having a plated dinner, you could also break up the speeches by having one after each course.

Who should give a speech?

The number of people giving a speech at a wedding is entirely up to the couple, but there are several traditional speakers who often take the microphone.

First up is usually the host of the wedding, who combines a toast to the happy couple with a welcome message to the guests. This is typically the father of the bride, but it can also be the mother of the bride or the parents of the bride. For same-sex weddings, it is up to the couple to decide whose parents should kick off the evening.

Next up are the parents of the groom, followed by the best man and the maid of honour. The couple may also wish to say a few words to thank their guests for celebrating with them.

Other people who traditionally give speeches during the rehearsal dinner include the couple themselves, other family members, and the wedding party.

However, it is important to remember that these are just traditions, and the couple can ask whoever they want to give a speech if it will mean something to them.

How long should a speech be?

Wedding speeches are often a highly anticipated part of the reception, offering guests an insight into the couple's relationship and an opportunity to learn more about the newlyweds from their loved ones. The length of a wedding speech is an important consideration, as it can impact the overall flow and timing of the reception. Here are some guidelines to help you determine how long each wedding speech should be:

Timing is Everything

The timing of the speeches can vary depending on the couple's preferences and the structure of the reception. Some couples choose to schedule speeches early in the reception, right after guests have taken their seats, as it grabs their attention and provides an icebreaker for those who are not comfortable with public speaking. Others opt for scheduling speeches after the meal, as a way to conclude the formalities and transition into the party atmosphere.

Keep it Concise

Regardless of when the speeches are delivered, it's essential to keep them concise and engaging. As a general guideline, wedding speeches should aim for a maximum of five minutes, with three minutes being the ideal length. This duration ensures that the speaker's message is conveyed effectively without losing the attention of the audience. It's important to remember that even with a lot to say, three minutes can feel like a long time—but with a simple template, you'll nail your moment in the spotlight.

Structure and Content

To make the most of the time, speakers should follow a simple structure. They should begin by introducing themselves and explaining their relationship with the couple. This is followed by a brief anecdote or story, preferably something heartwarming, funny, or intriguing related to the couple or their relationship. The speech should conclude with a heartfelt sentiment and a toast to the newlyweds.

Number of Speeches

The number of speeches can also impact the overall timing. Traditionally, there are several key speakers at a wedding reception, including the parents of the bride, parents of the groom, best man, and maid of honour. Additionally, the couple may wish to say a few brief words to thank their guests and kickstart the reception meal. It's important to consider the number of speeches and allocate time accordingly, ensuring that the reception flows smoothly.

In conclusion, wedding speeches should be concise, well-structured, and engaging. By keeping them under five minutes, preferably around three minutes, speakers can deliver their message effectively without detracting from the overall celebration. A well-timed and well-structured speech will add to the sentiment and joy of the wedding reception, creating lasting memories for the couple and their guests.

What should you say?

The content of your wedding speech will depend on your relationship to the couple and your role in the wedding. Here is a breakdown of what you should say based on your role:

Hosts: The wedding reception is traditionally hosted by the bride's parents, who should take the microphone as soon as the guests have found their seats. This first toast should combine a welcome message to the guests with a toast to the happy couple. If the groom's parents are hosting, they should follow the bride's parents. For same-sex weddings, it is up to the couple to decide whose parents should kick off the evening.

Officiant: The officiant may wish to share a personal story about the couple during the ceremony, especially if they are a long-time friend or have been in pre-wedding counselling with the couple.

Ceremony readers: Friends and relatives who aren't in the wedding party can give readings during the ceremony.

Best man: The best man usually gives the first speech after the guests are seated at the reception. He should introduce himself and explain how he knows the couple, say something positive about the couple and their relationship, express gratitude for being included, and wish them happiness. He should also include a few appropriate jokes that emphasise the couple's love for each other.

Maid of honour: The maid of honour's speech usually focuses on the bride. She can draw from past experiences and share a heartwarming or funny story from their friendship or wedding planning.

Parents of either spouse: If the parents are hosting the wedding, they may choose to give a short welcome and thank-you speech. The father of the bride usually raises a glass to the other set of parents and the happy couple.

Couple: The couple may wish to say a few brief words to kickstart the reception and thank the guests for coming. They can also wait until after the cake-cutting to make a speech.

Regardless of your role, a great wedding speech should include an introduction and an explanation of how you know the couple, followed by a short anecdote or story. Conclude by expressing your love and raising a glass to the newlyweds. Keep your speech short and sweet, aiming for around three to five minutes. Avoid inside stories that will get lost on the crowd, and refrain from mentioning old flames or past problems.

When to give a speech during a buffet?

There are a few different options for when to give a speech during a wedding buffet, and the best choice will depend on the specific plans for the wedding. Here is a guide to help you decide when to schedule the wedding speeches.

Firstly, it is important to consider the number of speeches and who will be giving them. It is recommended to limit the number of speeches to four at the wedding and to schedule any additional speeches at the rehearsal dinner or welcome party. This helps to keep the wedding flowing and ensures guests remain engaged.

If you are planning to have a cocktail hour before the buffet, this can be a good time to give a speech as guests will be able to listen while they enjoy their drinks and hors d'oeuvres. This option allows for early speeches and means guests can then relax and mingle for the rest of the night.

If you would prefer to schedule speeches during the meal, it is best to wait until most guests have been served and are seated. This ensures that people lining up for food do not miss the speeches and that the speakers have the audience's full attention. It is also recommended to hold off on speeches until guests are served their main course, as this part of the meal is the longest and allows for more talking without interruptions.

Another option is to schedule the speeches towards the end of the meal, giving speechmakers plenty of time to enjoy the reception once they are done. You can schedule the toasts and then move straight into the cake-cutting, first dance, and parent dances, and finally open up the dance floor to celebrate.

Finally, if you are having a plated salad before the buffet, you could opt to give speeches during this time. However, this may leave some guests without food as they wait for the buffet to open after the speeches.

Overall, the best time to give a speech during a buffet will depend on the specific plans for the wedding and the number of speeches. By considering the above options and the flow of the reception, you can choose the timing that works best for your special day.

Frequently asked questions