Bridesmaids Behaving Badly: When Friends Turn Foe

From ghosting the bride to causing chaos on a hen do, there are countless ways for bridesmaids to go bad. Whether it's a case of competing to be the bride's best friend or simply not getting along with the other bridesmaids, the role of a bridesmaid is not always a harmonious one. Some bridesmaids even end up getting kicked out of the bridal party, like journalist Siri Agrell, who wrote an article about the role of bridesmaids and was subsequently removed from her friend's bridal party.

Competition between the maid of honour and a bridesmaid

The maid of honour is typically the bride's closest female friend or relative and has more responsibilities than the other bridesmaids. She acts as the chief bridesmaid and the bride's right-hand woman, providing emotional support and practical help during the engagement and on the wedding day. The maid of honour is usually in charge of organising pre-wedding events, such as the bridal shower and hen's night, and coordinating the other bridesmaids. She also has a key role during the ceremony, such as holding the bride's bouquet and managing her veil and train.

Bridesmaids also provide essential support to the bride, both before and during the wedding. They help with various tasks, such as dress shopping, DIY projects, and planning pre-wedding events. On the wedding day, they assist the maid of honour in looking after the bride, circulating at the wedding to ensure guests feel included, and answering guest queries.

When there is competition between the maid of honour and a bridesmaid, it can disrupt the harmony of the bridal party and cause tension in several areas. For example, the competing bridesmaid may try to undermine the maid of honour's authority or fail to follow her directions. She may also try to outshine the maid of honour by taking on more tasks or trying to be the bride's closest confidant. This can create a difficult dynamic within the bridal party and cause added stress for the bride, who may feel caught in the middle.

To prevent or mitigate this competition, it is important for the bride to choose her bridal party carefully, considering the relationships, reliability, and availability of her candidates. She should also ensure that the maid of honour and bridesmaids have clear roles and responsibilities, and encourage a collaborative and supportive dynamic within the group. Open communication and clear expectations can help to reduce tension and ensure that everyone is focused on supporting the bride and making her day joyful and stress-free.

Bachelorette partying without the bride

Bachelorette parties are a chance for the bride to let loose and relax before her wedding. However, it is not uncommon for bridesmaids to plan and host the bachelorette party without the bride. This can be due to various reasons, such as the bride's busy schedule or her preference for a low-key celebration. Here are some tips and ideas for throwing a bachelorette party without the bride's involvement in the planning process:

Planning and Preparation:

• Form a planning committee: Typically, the maid of honour or a small group of bridesmaids takes charge of planning. It is best to keep the planning committee small to avoid too many conflicting opinions.
• Timing: Bachelorette parties are usually held one or two months before the wedding. Starting the planning process three to six months in advance is ideal for understanding the bride's and attendees' preferences and making necessary bookings.
• Guest list: The guest list is decided by the bride and can include the bridal party, close friends, and family members. It is considered good etiquette to invite only those who are also invited to the wedding.
• Location and activities: The location and activities depend on the bride's interests and preferences. Some popular options include spa retreats, beach getaways, yoga and meditation retreats, boat cruises, culinary lessons, and outdoor adventures.
• Budget and expenses: Each attendee typically covers their expenses and chips in for the bride's costs. It is essential to consider everyone's financial situation and not plan extravagant activities that may cause stress or anxiety.

During the Party:

• Themes: Selecting a theme, such as a western rodeo, Mamma Mia, or Taylor Swift, can enhance the fun and help with decoration ideas and activity planning.
• Games and prizes: Bachelorette party games and icebreakers can be a great way to fill downtime and create memorable moments. Don't forget to have prizes for the winners!
• Food and drinks: Depending on the group's size and location, consider arranging group meals. Limited menus or set prices can make bill-splitting easier. Announcing the bill-splitting arrangement at the beginning of the meal is a good idea.
• Party favours: Favours like tumblers, mugs, fanny packs, or personalised attire can add a special touch to the celebration.

Remember, the key is to create an enjoyable and memorable experience for the bride and her closest friends. By following these tips and tailoring the party to the bride's interests, you can achieve a successful bachelorette party without the bride's direct involvement in the planning process.

Ghosting before the wedding

Communicate Early: As soon as you realise you won't be able to fulfil your bridesmaid duties, let the bride know. The earlier you communicate your change of plans, the easier it will be for the bride to make alternative arrangements.

Be Honest: Explain your reasons for stepping down honestly and respectfully. Be sensitive to the bride's feelings, as she may be disappointed or upset by your decision. Honesty will help to maintain trust and ensure she doesn't spend time wondering what happened.

Offer Alternatives: If possible, suggest an alternative bridesmaid who can step in and take your place. This will help ease the transition and show the bride that you still want to support her and ensure her day is special.

Return Any Purchased Items: If you have already purchased a bridesmaid dress or other wedding-related items, be sure to return them to the bride or reimburse her for the cost. This will help alleviate any financial burden your departure may have caused.

Send a Thoughtful Gift: Sending a thoughtful gift to the bride can help to soften the blow of your absence. It could be something personalised, like a photo album of their time together, or something to help the bride relax, like a spa gift card.

Keep in Touch: Even though you won't be part of the wedding party, you can still maintain your friendship with the bride. Check in with her, send her an occasional message, and let her know you're thinking of her. This will show that your absence doesn't reflect a lack of care for her or her special day.

Remember, it's always best to handle these situations with as much sensitivity and grace as possible. The bride is likely under a lot of stress, so your thoughtful and timely handling of the situation will be appreciated.

Bridesmaids' dresses

Planning a wedding can be a stressful experience, and choosing the perfect bridesmaids' dresses can be a tricky task. From uncomfortable materials to unflattering colours, there is a lot that can go wrong.

One of the main issues with bridesmaids' dresses is that they are often chosen with little regard for the comfort or preferences of the wearer. Cheap materials, tight boning, and unforgiving seams can leave bridesmaids feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable. In addition, the pressure to find a dress that flatters a variety of body types can be challenging, as not all styles work for everyone.

Another issue is the cost. Bridesmaids' dresses can be expensive, and it is not uncommon for brides to expect their attendants to pay for their own dresses. This can place a financial burden on the bridesmaids, especially if they are also expected to cover other expenses such as hair, makeup, and pre-wedding celebrations.

The colour and style of bridesmaids' dresses can also be a source of contention. While some brides may opt for a uniform look, others may allow their bridesmaids to choose their own dresses within a certain colour scheme. This can lead to disagreements and clashes, as not everyone's taste aligns.

Lastly, the process of shopping for and fitting bridesmaids' dresses can be time-consuming and stressful, especially if the bride has a large bridal party. It can be challenging to find a dress that fits everyone perfectly and complements their individual styles.

Despite these potential issues, having bridesmaids can also be a fun and rewarding experience. It is a chance for the bride to be surrounded by her closest friends and family, and the process of choosing and fitting the dresses can create lasting memories. Ultimately, the decision to have bridesmaids or not is a personal one, and each bride should do what feels right for her.

Bridesmaids' costs

Being a bridesmaid can be a huge honour, but it's also a major financial commitment. The costs can quickly add up, from the outfit to travel and accommodation, not to mention any pre-wedding events such as the bachelorette party and bridal shower. So how much does it really cost to be a bridesmaid?

Outfits and Accessories

Bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their own outfits, including dresses, shoes and any other specific requirements from the bride. The cost of a bridesmaid dress can range from as little as $20 to several hundred dollars, depending on the style and designer. It's important to note that bridesmaids often have little say in the choice of dress and may be required to purchase a dress that is not to their taste or that they will only wear once. To save costs, some brides may allow bridesmaids to choose their own dresses within a certain colour palette, giving them more flexibility to find an affordable option that they can wear again.

Travel and Accommodation

Bridesmaids are usually responsible for covering their travel costs to the wedding and any associated accommodation expenses. This can be a significant expense, especially for destination weddings or if the bridesmaid has to travel long distances. In some cases, the bride may offer discounted hotel room blocks for the wedding party, but this is not always the case.

Pre-Wedding Events

Bachelorette parties, bridal showers and other pre-wedding events can also add to the financial burden of being a bridesmaid. While these events are meant to celebrate the bride, the cost of attending can be high, especially if they involve travel or overnight stays. It's common for bridesmaids to cover most of the costs for these events, including the bride's share. However, it's important to communicate openly about budgets and expectations to avoid any resentment or financial strain.

Gifts

On top of all the other expenses, bridesmaids are also expected to give a gift to the couple. This can be a challenge, especially if money is tight. Some bridesmaids choose to pool their funds with others in the wedding party to purchase a group gift or opt for something small from the couple's registry.

Other Costs

There are also smaller costs that can add up, such as hair, makeup, nails and other beauty treatments. In some cases, the bride may cover these costs as a gift to the bridesmaids, but this is not always the case. Transportation to and from the wedding events, snacks and meals on the wedding day, and any decorations or supplies for pre-wedding events can also increase the overall expense.

Being a bridesmaid can be a rewarding experience, but it's important to be aware of the potential costs involved. Open communication with the bride and other bridesmaids is key to managing expectations and ensuring that everyone is comfortable with the financial commitments.

Frequently asked questions