George Boyle
Planning a wedding involves many details, and if you're getting married in a church, you'll need to meet with the vicar to discuss your ceremony. The vicar will ask about your preferences for music, hymns, readings, and flowers, as well as costs and whether you'd like to include traditions like ringing the church bells. You may also need to provide personal details for the register, such as your father's name and occupation. Some vicars may enquire about your relationship with your parents, especially if they won't be attending the wedding. It's essential to clarify expectations around photography and videography, as some vicars have strong opinions on the level of disruption caused by photographers. You should also confirm whether you can throw confetti or use the church grounds for photos, as these details vary between churches. Finally, while it's not customary to invite the vicar to the reception, you may choose to offer a verbal invitation or invite them for a drink after the ceremony.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Vicar's questions | Names and occupations of parents, whether the couple is related or already married |
| Couple's questions | Whether the vicar will walk in front of or behind the bridesmaids, whether confetti from a previous wedding will be cleared away, whether a photographer/videographer is allowed, whether there is a charge for videographer licences, whether the vicar would like to proofread the order of service, whether there will be a rehearsal, whether the church allows throwing confetti, whether the couple can advertise their wedding, whether the church grounds can be used for photos, how much input the couple will have on the service, whether the service includes kissing the bride, whether an annulment is possible, whether the signing of the register can be photographed |
| Other | The vicar may ask about music, hymns, Bible readings, and whether the couple would like the church's organist, choir, flowers, and bell-ringers. The couple may be asked for a donation towards the upkeep of the church. |
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What You'll Learn
Wedding date, location, and costs
When planning a wedding, there are several important details to consider and questions to ask the vicar. Here are some key points to think about regarding the wedding date, location, and costs:
Wedding Date
The wedding date is a crucial aspect to finalise. When choosing a date, consider any religious or personal significance it may hold for you. It is also important to confirm the availability of your chosen vicar and wedding venue. If you have specific dates in mind, ask the vicar if they are available to conduct the ceremony on those dates.
Location
The choice of location often depends on personal preferences and the size of your guest list. If you opt for a church wedding, you will typically work closely with the vicar of that church to plan the ceremony. Some couples choose to marry in their local church, while others select a church that holds special meaning for them. It is worth noting that some vicars may have specific requirements or restrictions regarding the use of their church for weddings.
Costs
Costs can vary depending on the location and specific services included in your wedding. Here are some key points to consider:
- Church fees: Each church may have different fees for hosting your wedding ceremony. These fees can include charges for the use of the church space, the vicar's services, and any additional costs for the choir, organist, or bell ringers.
- Photography and videography: There may be separate charges for photography and videography services. Some vicars may charge a fee for allowing photographers and videographers to capture the ceremony, while others may not permit these services at all due to concerns about disruptions during the service.
- Additional services: Consider any additional services you may require and their associated costs. For example, you may choose to have the church decorated with flowers, which can incur a fee. If you wish to include specific music or hymns, there may be costs for the choir or organist.
- Legal fees: Don't forget about any legal fees associated with the marriage process, such as the cost of publishing banns or obtaining a marriage certificate.
It is important to have an open discussion with your vicar about the costs involved. Be sure to ask for a breakdown of fees and confirm what is included in the quoted price. This will help you understand and manage your wedding budget effectively.
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Photography and videography
Vicar's Perspective
The vicar may have specific rules and guidelines regarding photography and videography during the ceremony. Some vicars have adopted a hard line on this issue, with some even banning all photography. This is often due to photographers and videographers being disruptive during the service, with complaints about constant movement, noisy equipment, and the use of bright flash or LED lighting.
Questions for the Vicar
- Is photography and videography allowed during the ceremony or at all inside the church?
- Are there any charges for photography or videography?
- Is there any unusual artificial lighting in the church that photographers and videographers should be aware of?
- Can guests take photos during the ceremony or at any other part of the ceremony?
- Can photographers and videographers capture the signing of the register, or can they pose one instead?
Choosing a Wedding Photographer and Videographer
When choosing a wedding photographer and videographer, it's essential to find professionals who are experienced, reliable, and aligned with your vision. Here are some key questions to ask:
- Are they available on your wedding date?
- Do they have experience filming weddings?
- What is their filming style? (e.g. documentary, cinematic, traditional)
- Are they familiar with your venue, or are they willing to visit it beforehand?
- Can they work well with other vendors, especially the photographer/videographer?
- How do they plan to capture audio during important moments?
- What is their music selection process, and do they license music to avoid copyright issues?
- Are there any additional fees or overtime charges?
- What is included in their packages, and how does it fit within your budget?
By asking these questions, you can ensure that your chosen photographer and videographer are well-prepared, respectful of the ceremony, and able to capture the special moments of your wedding day. Remember to also discuss your plans with the vicar to avoid any misunderstandings or disruptions on the day.
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Hymns, readings, and music
When it comes to hymns, readings, and music for your wedding, the vicar will be able to advise and guide you. You can choose your hymns and readings, but it is respectful to discuss the topic for each reading with the vicar beforehand, and there may be a standard reading that the church likes to include in every wedding. The vicar may also be able to help if you are unsure about which hymns to choose, and they can suggest songs that are more suited to your style if the traditional hymns are not to your taste.
Hymns usually act as praise set to music, and not every verse needs to be sung. You can include as many hymns as you like, and they can be placed wherever there is an opportunity. In Catholic weddings, hymns are often included in the processional, at the end of the marriage rite, during the preparation of gifts, during communion, and sometimes at the end of mass. Popular choices include "Ave Maria", "Amazing Grace", and "Be Thou My Vision". If you want your guests to join in, it may be best to pick well-known hymns or tunes that are easy to pick up.
You can also include additional readings, poetry, or extracts from books to add a personal touch to the ceremony. If you are unsure about what readings are acceptable, you can ask the vicar. You may also need to consider whether you need to obtain copyright permission to reproduce the hymns and readings you want.
Regarding music, you can discuss with the vicar whether you would like to have the church's organist and/or choir. You can also choose your own music, but be mindful that some music with religious origins may be banned. For example, "Ave Maria" or "Zadok the Priest" may be banned depending on the discretion of the registrar.
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Family circumstances
When it comes to family circumstances, it is important to note that vicars will not be bothered by unique family dynamics. They will ask for the name and occupation of your father, but this is only for the register. If your father is not in your life, you can give the details of your stepfather or another important male figure.
If your parents are divorced, or if you have a complicated family situation, rest assured that the vicar will be understanding. They will not inquire deeply into these matters, and unless you and your partner are closely related or already married, there is no reason for the vicar to refuse to marry you in their church.
In terms of the wedding party, you may want to discuss with the vicar whether you would like your bridesmaids to walk in front of or behind you during the ceremony. This is something that some couples have specific preferences for, and the vicar can advise on what is possible.
Additionally, if you have any family members who are also vicars, priests, or ministers, you may want to consider inviting them to your wedding reception. While it is not customary to invite the vicar who performs your wedding ceremony, if you have a personal connection or family relationship, you may choose to extend an invitation.
Finally, if there are any family members or friends with specific roles in the wedding party, such as giving the bride away, you can mention this to the vicar so they can include them in the ceremony as requested.
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Wedding planning and rehearsals
Wedding Planning with the Vicar:
Meeting with the vicar is an essential step in planning your church wedding. They will guide you through the legal preparations and help you design your dream ceremony. During these meetings, the vicar will inquire about various aspects of the service, including:
- Music, hymns, and additional readings
- Whether you want the church's organist, choir, or bell-ringers
- Flowers and other decorative elements
- Cost estimates and fees, including voluntary donations for church upkeep
- Any specific requests, such as copyright permissions for hymns or photography restrictions
Wedding Rehearsal:
The wedding rehearsal is your chance to ensure everyone in the wedding party knows their cues and positions. Here's a step-by-step guide to make the most of your rehearsal:
- Choose a Coordinator: While some officiants offer rehearsal coordination, it's often more efficient to designate a friend or family member as the rehearsal coordinator. Look for someone assertive and organized who can ensure everyone's attention and keep the rehearsal on track.
- Venue and Timing: If possible, rehearse at the actual ceremony site, especially if it has an unusual layout. If not, don't stress; most adults can adjust to a different site with ease. Plan for about an hour, including time for arrivals, guidance, independent run-throughs, and questions.
- Acts and Walk-Through: Think of your ceremony as a three-act play. Act One is everyone walking in and taking their places. Act Two is the ceremony and your vows. Act Three is everyone walking out. Start your rehearsal with Act Two, then proceed to Acts Three and One.
- Processional Order: Decide the order of your wedding party's entrance. Traditionally, bridesmaids and groomsmen enter together, while the best man waits at the altar with the groom. Alternatively, all gentlemen take their places at the altar, and the ladies enter on their own. The processional order can be based on height, importance, relation, or even your personal preferences.
- Receiving Line: If you plan to have a receiving line, decide who will be a part of it, typically the couple, their parents, and sometimes the maid of honor and best man. Keep in mind that a receiving line for 150 guests can take 30-45 minutes, so factor that into your timeline.
- Practice and Cues: While you won't read through the entire ceremony, encourage participants like readers and gift-givers to practice their parts for comfort and familiarity. Focus on walking in, walking out, and knowing where to stand. If your officiant isn't present, ensure someone can cue each group's entrance.
- Details and Final Checks: Don't forget the little things! Bring your wedding license to the rehearsal, and ensure any confetti or decorations from previous events are cleared away before your rehearsal and, ultimately, your big day.
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Frequently asked questions
The vicar may ask for your father's name and occupation, as well as details of any previous marriages.
Yes, the vicar will want to discuss the type of service you want, including music, hymns, readings, and decorations. They may also ask about your preferred wedding date.
Yes, the vicar will discuss the cost of the ceremony, including any fees for the church choir, organist, or bell ringers. Some churches also ask for a voluntary donation towards the upkeep of the church.
This varies depending on the vicar and the church. Some vicars may have concerns about photographers being disruptive, while others may only allow posed photographs or photos from certain locations. Be sure to ask about any restrictions.
It is not customary to invite the vicar to the reception, and they do not expect it unless you know them personally or they are a close friend or family member.
