Bridesmaids: Their Duties And Your Expectations

Being a bridesmaid is an honour and a huge responsibility. It involves being the bride's emotional rock, supporting her throughout the planning process, and helping to ensure her big day goes smoothly. From shopping for bridesmaid attire to planning the bachelorette party, bridesmaids are expected to commit time and money to their role. They may also be called upon to provide practical support, such as answering logistical questions or keeping the bride calm and hydrated. It's important to manage expectations and be considerate of each bridesmaid's finances and personal boundaries. While the role can be demanding, it's also a chance to strengthen friendships and create lasting memories.

Emotional support

Bridesmaids will continue to be trusted friends and good listeners. They are there for the bride to bounce ideas off of and vent to if needed. It's important to remember that they are not paid therapists—don't forget to ask how they're doing once in a while. Bridesmaids are there to keep the bride sane and laughing, which can be as effective as venting.

Bridesmaids should also be there for moral support. This can be as simple as making time to meet for coffee, or it can be something more impactful, like writing funny wedding party bios for the couple's website.

Bridesmaids should also be prepared to wipe the bride's tears, keep her laughing, and offer her encouraging words when she's feeling stressed. They should drink wine with her and listen to her vent about her fiancé's Aunt Karen, who is being especially difficult. They should also keep the bride calm, fed, and hydrated on her wedding day.

Financial contributions

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honour, but it's also a major financial commitment. While there are no steadfast rules about what expenses fall to the bridesmaids, there are a few costs that you can almost always expect to come with the commitment.

Bridesmaid Dress and Accessories

Bridesmaids are typically expected to pay for their own dresses and accessories, although the bride will often have a specific vision for what she wants her bridesmaids to wear. This can include shoes, jewellery, hairpieces and undergarments. The cost of bridesmaid dresses can vary widely, but on average, bridesmaids can expect to spend anywhere from $100 to $300 (or more) on their gown. Bridesmaids can also expect to spend anywhere from $30 to $100 or more on shoes, and at least another $50 to $100 on accessories.

Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party

As a bridesmaid, it's customary to help plan and contribute to both the bridal shower and bachelorette party. These pre-wedding celebrations can be a significant financial commitment. Bridal showers typically cost bridesmaids around $50 to $150, while the bachelorette party can be even more costly, with expenses ranging from $200 to $700 or more. This often includes travel, accommodations, meals, drinks, outfits, and activities.

Wedding Day Hair and Makeup

If the bride has the budget and would like the bridesmaids to have professional hair and makeup done, she may cover the associated costs. However, if there is a large bridal party or the bride cannot cover all of the costs, the bridesmaids can offer to pay for their own hair and makeup. Either way, this will need to be planned in advance so the stylist can schedule enough time. The cost of hair and makeup for bridesmaids can range from $100 to $300 or more.

Travel and Accommodation

If the wedding is not local, bridesmaids will need to budget for flights, rental cars, or hotel stays. Accommodation costs can add up quickly, especially if the wedding is in a popular tourist destination or during peak wedding or holiday season. On average, bridesmaids should be prepared to spend anywhere from $300 to $1,000 or more on travel and accommodation expenses, depending on the location and duration of the wedding festivities.

Wedding Gift

It is customary for bridesmaids to give the couple a wedding gift. Some bridal parties choose to go in on this together so they can present a larger gift, while others stick with individual gifts.

Planning and attendance

Planning a wedding can be stressful, so it's important to be there for the bride throughout the process. Bridesmaids are expected to plan and attend pre-wedding parties, help with wedding planning tasks, and be available to the bride on the wedding day and the weekend.

Pre-Wedding Planning and Attendance

Bridesmaids are expected to:

• Shop for and pay for their bridesmaid attire, including dresses, shoes, and accessories.
• Help plan and pay for the bridal shower and bachelorette party.
• Attend other pre-wedding events such as engagement parties, couples' showers, or wedding DIY sessions.
• Book their travel and hotel reservations for the wedding weekend.
• Attend the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner.
• Provide emotional support to the bride and help her stay calm during the planning process.
• Help with smaller wedding planning tasks, such as stuffing envelopes, alphabetizing escort cards, or easy DIY projects.
• Buy a wedding present for the couple.

Wedding Day Planning and Attendance

On the wedding day, bridesmaids are expected to:

• Get ready with the bride and help her stay calm, collected, and hydrated.
• Assist the maid of honor with any tasks she may need help with.
• Provide snacks and drinks for the bridal party while they get ready.
• Act as a point of contact for guests and vendors.
• Participate in the ceremony by walking down the aisle and standing at the altar with the bride.
• Be available for wedding photos.
• Mingle with guests, enjoy the food and drinks, and participate in guest activities such as signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth.
• Check in with the newlyweds throughout the party to ensure they are well-fed and hydrated.
• Help with any outfit changes or bathroom breaks.
• Assist with gathering personal items, transporting gifts, and participating in post-wedding events like a next-day brunch.

Day-of assistance

On the day of the wedding, bridesmaids are expected to help ensure everything goes smoothly for the bride, her maid of honour, and the majority of the wedding guests. Here are some ways they can do this:

Getting ready with the bride

Bridesmaids should plan on showing up at the designated getting-ready location on time, with all of their gear (bridesmaid attire, shoes, jewellery, makeup, undergarments, etc.) in hand. Aside from getting themselves ready, bridesmaids should do whatever they can to assist the bride, such as:

• Keeping her smiling, laughing, calm, and collected
• Answering any incoming texts, calls, or logistical questions for her
• Making sure she eats something and stays hydrated
• Pouring celebratory bubbly for everyone to enjoy
• Helping her into her dress
• Assisting her with her shoes, jewellery, or veil

Assisting the maid of honour

The maid of honour has a pretty big job on the wedding day. Bridesmaids should serve as her right-hand ladies, helping out with whatever tasks are needed—whether that’s making a last-minute run to the drugstore, coordinating with the photographer or wedding planner, or providing (and keeping track of) a wedding day emergency kit.

Providing getting-ready snacks

If no other arrangements have been made for getting-ready sips and snacks, the bridesmaids should take it upon themselves to provide these treats. Everyone—from the bride to her mother to even the photographer and beauty stylists—will appreciate the gesture and benefit from some food and drink throughout the busy day.

Being the “bride tribe”

Bridesmaids should embody the concept of being the support crew for the bride and the maid of honour in all ways during the big day. They can also serve as a point of contact for guests and vendors when it’s helpful. Here are some tasks the bridesmaids can cover to be of service:

• Double-check that all members of the wedding party and any special family members have their personal flowers (bouquets, boutonnieres, corsages, flower crowns, or toss petals). Assist with pinning on boutonnieres or other floral accessories as needed.
• Help guests navigate the venue, such as directing them to parking areas, bathrooms, handicap access, exits, and if applicable, the bar or refreshments station.
• Standing near the gift table, guest book, or wedding favours to help direct and facilitate guests’ participation.

Participating in the ceremony

Bridesmaids should be in place at the ceremony venue on time, (most likely hidden out of sight), and ready for their cues to process down the aisle. Keep chatter to a minimum and be respectful of the planner, officiant, or whomever is running the show. During the actual ceremony, be sure to hit your rehearsed mark, fulfil any other roles you’ve been assigned during the actual service, and then process out of the ceremony according to plan.

Being photo-ready

If the wedding party didn’t pose for photographs with the happy couple before the ceremony, these group photos usually occur right after the ceremony at the beginning of the cocktail hour. Rather than dispersing into the crowd, bridesmaids should stick together and be ready to follow the photographer’s commands—gathering stray folks for these shots can be tiresome, not to mention steal precious minutes away from the couple’s ability to enjoy their cocktail hour.

Being model guests and the life of the party

Bridesmaids should mingle and chat with other guests, enjoy the food and drinks offered, sit down at their dinner table when asked, participate in guest-related activities like signing the guest book or visiting the photo booth, listen to, applaud, and/or give any speeches (that have been pre-arranged), witness the special dances, and boogie down (tastefully) when it’s dance floor time.

Maintaining a stress-free send-off

Finally, bridesmaids should help the maid of honour, coordinator, or the couple’s parents assemble any items that need to be transported out of the reception venue at the end of the night. These might include:

• Any getting-ready clothing or gear
• Extra/unused ceremony programs, favours, or sparklers
• Any decor or signage that was personally provided (not rented)
• The bride and/or bridesmaids’ bouquets
• Wedding cards and gifts
• Special toasting flutes, cake servers, or cake plate
• A basket of late-night leftovers (packaged by the caterer)
• The top tier of the wedding cake
• A few slices of late-night wedding cake (packaged by the caterer)
• The bride and/or groom’s wedding attire, if they’ve changed into getaway clothes

In addition to making sure the above items leave the venue in the right vehicle(s), bridesmaids can lend a hand with these final logistical tasks:

• Make sure all guests make it onto the right shuttle buses, find their cars, or otherwise make it safely out of the venue.
• Hand out pre-addressed tip envelopes to the vendors.
• Make sure the bride and/or groom’s overnight bags make it to their wedding night hotel room.
• Organise guests to the after-party, if there is one.

Post-wedding duties

While the majority of a bridesmaid's duties will occur before and during the wedding, there are still some tasks to be done after the couple ties the knot. Here is a list of post-wedding duties for bridesmaids:

Attend the farewell party

If the couple is hosting a farewell party or post-wedding brunch, it is expected that you attend as a bridesmaid. Make sure you know the time and location and set an alarm so you're not late! It's also a thoughtful touch to text the newlyweds and ask if they need anything, like extra-large coffees delivered to their room.

Organise miscellaneous or leftover items

If you helped take down decorations, or collected gifts and cards during the reception, it's your responsibility to organise and return these items to the newlyweds or other bridesmaids. Do this a few days after the wedding so that you don't forget or misplace anything.

Settle outstanding payments

Don't wait too long after the wedding to settle any remaining expenses that need to be split among the group. Send your Venmo requests sooner rather than later so that you don't catch anyone by surprise.

Check in with the couple

Check in with the couple after the wedding to see if there's anything else they need. This could include dealing with any vendor payments, or helping to collect and transport wedding gifts to the couple's home.

Help the groomsmen with the getaway car

If the couple is leaving in a getaway car, you can help the groomsmen with the setup.

Give out party favours

As guests are leaving, you can help to hand out any party favours.

Collect unused items

Collect any unused printed dinner menus, programs, favours, the guest book, pens, the cake knife, and personal champagne glasses.

Collect the bouquets

Make sure the bride's and bridesmaids' bouquets are collected and preserved.

Keep the energy high

As a bridesmaid, it's your duty to be supportive, proactive, and positive. Stay upbeat and ensure the bride feels cherished and supported.

Frequently asked questions