Bridesmaid Blues: What To Do When They Don't Deliver

Bridesmaids are supposed to be a source of support for the bride in the lead-up to her wedding. However, this doesn't always go according to plan, and sometimes bridesmaids don't fulfil their expected duties. This could be due to a variety of reasons, such as busy personal lives, budget anxiety, high expectations or insecurity. If a bride is dealing with an underperforming bridesmaid, it's important to remember that open and honest communication is key. Having a heart-to-heart conversation can help resolve any issues and ensure everyone is on the same page. It's also crucial to manage expectations and be flexible, as every bridesmaid is different and may have unique circumstances.

Don't take it personally

It's important to remember that your bridesmaids' actions are not a reflection of you or your friendship. Everyone has different expectations and ideas of what it means to be a bridesmaid, and sometimes these don't align.

Your bridesmaids may have different personalities, interests, and priorities, and that's okay. It's natural for people to have differing opinions and not always see eye-to-eye. Try not to take it personally if your bridesmaids don't get along or if they have different ideas about their duties and responsibilities.

Remember, you chose your bridesmaids because they are important to you and you wanted them by your side on your special day. Focus on the reasons why you selected them and try to let go of any judgments or expectations you may have.

If you feel that your bridesmaids are not meeting your expectations, it's essential to communicate openly and honestly with them. Let them know how you're feeling and ask for their ideas on resolving any conflicts. It's important to approach these conversations with empathy and understanding, as your bridesmaids may be dealing with their own stressors and challenges.

At the end of the day, remember that your wedding is about celebrating your love and commitment. Try to keep a positive attitude and don't sweat the small stuff. Focus on the joy of the occasion and the support of your loved ones, even if everything doesn't go exactly as planned.

Don't pick sides

When bridesmaids don't get along, it's important to remember that you don't have to pick sides. Here are some tips to help you navigate this tricky situation:

• Stay neutral : When tempers flare, maintain your composure and don't get involved in the drama. Remind everyone that your wedding should be a cause for celebration, not quarrelling.
• Be a good listener: Sometimes, your bridesmaids just need a listening ear. Be there for them and let them vent their frustrations. This doesn't mean you have to take sides or agree with their complaints.
• Mediate: If the conflict is affecting your wedding planning, try to mediate the situation. Talk to each bridesmaid individually, express your concerns, and work together to find a solution.
• Focus on your friendship: Remember, you chose these people to stand by your side because they are important to you. Don't let the wedding planning process overshadow your friendships.
• Keep the lines of communication open: Encourage open and honest communication between everyone involved. This can help resolve misunderstandings and prevent further conflicts.
• Seek support: If you're feeling overwhelmed, don't be afraid to reach out for help. Talk to a trusted friend or family member who can provide an outside perspective and support you through this challenging time.

Remember, it's normal to have disagreements, but how you handle them will make all the difference. Stay calm, don't take sides, and focus on finding a resolution that works for everyone.

Be a good listener

Being a good listener is an important part of being a supportive friend, and this is especially true when it comes to being a bridesmaid. Here are some ways to be a good listener as a bridesmaid:

Be Open and Non-Judgmental

It's important to create a safe and non-judgmental space for your fellow bridesmaids to express their thoughts and feelings. Avoid interrupting or passing judgment when they are sharing their concerns. Instead, actively listen and make them feel heard and understood. This will help foster a supportive and positive environment among the bridal party.

Show Empathy and Understanding

Try to put yourself in their shoes and understand their perspective. Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you can understand why they feel the way they do. This will help build trust and strengthen your bond as a bridal party.

Ask Open-Ended Questions

Encourage your fellow bridesmaids to share their thoughts and feelings by asking open-ended questions. This can help create a more fluid conversation and show that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. For example, you can ask questions like "How are you feeling about the upcoming wedding?" or "Is there anything you'd like to get off your chest?"

Pay Attention to Non-Verbal Cues

Body language and non-verbal cues can often convey as much information as words. Pay attention to their facial expressions, tone of voice, and body posture. This can help you better understand their true feelings and concerns. For example, if they seem hesitant or uncomfortable when discussing certain topics, explore those areas further to uncover any underlying issues.

Summarize and Reflect

Occasionally summarize what you've heard to confirm your understanding and show that you are actively listening. This can be done by paraphrasing what they've said and reflecting their sentiments. For example, you can say something like, "It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed with the responsibilities and unsure about how to handle them."

Offer Help and Support

If your fellow bridesmaids are facing challenges or struggling with certain aspects of their duties, offer your help and support. Collaborate with them to find solutions or come up with a plan to tackle the issues together. This will not only show that you're listening but also that you're committed to working together as a team.

Have a heart-to-heart

If your bridesmaids aren't pulling their weight, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart. Before you do, it's important to remember that your bridesmaids are human too. They have busy personal lives, financial concerns, and their own expectations and insecurities. It's also important to remember that, while this is your big day, it's not the most important thing in the world to everyone else.

If you feel that your bridesmaids aren't doing their part, it's important to communicate honestly with them. However, before you do, remember that your expectations might be unreasonable, and their behaviour might be the result of other stressors. Once you've cleared the air, you should be able to move forward. Don't forget to express gratitude for their efforts—it's an amazing remedy.

If you decide to have a heart-to-heart, it's best to speak to each of your bridesmaids individually. Let them know that you value their friendship and that you asked them to be a part of your wedding as a way of strengthening that bond. Explain that their lack of involvement is causing you stress and ask for their ideas on how to resolve the conflict. Be open to compromise and feedback—for example, if they're uncomfortable with the dress, could you let them choose the style while you pick the colour?

Remember that, while it's your special day, it's also a celebration. Try to keep things simple and positive, and don't sweat the small stuff.

Communicate honestly

Communicating honestly is one of the most important aspects of being a good bridesmaid. It is essential to have honest conversations about responsibilities from the very beginning. It is important to be communicative if you are unable to take on certain tasks or if they are beyond your financial means. Being a bridesmaid can be expensive, so it is helpful to set budget expectations early on with the entire wedding party. If someone in the group continues to make remarks about money, it is best to speak with them one-on-one to come up with solutions.

It is also important to be honest with the bride. If you are unhappy with the dress, the time of the bridal shower, or how another bridesmaid is treating you, it is better to chat about it with the maid of honour or another member of the bridal party than to bother the bride. If you don't want to go to the bachelorette party, be honest and upfront about your reasons rather than making excuses or letting her know at the last minute.

Being a bridesmaid can be overwhelming, and it is okay to ask for help from the other members of the bridal party or the maid of honour. It is also important to be supportive and honest with the bride throughout the wedding planning process. Show up for your friend, take things off their to-do list, check in with them, and spend time with them.

Frequently asked questions