Secular Weddings: Personal, Unique, And Inclusive Ceremonies

A secular wedding ceremony is a non-religious celebration of the union between two people who love each other and have chosen to share their lives. It is a modern expression of marriage, free of religious or administrative connotations, and is often held in addition to a civil ceremony as it has no legal value.

Secular weddings are unofficial, and are usually held outdoors. The proceedings are highly customizable, from the rituals to the music, location, and choice of officiant. The couple can choose to include readings, music, and symbols that are meaningful to them, creating a unique and personalized experience.

For couples who desire a ceremony that reflects their own beliefs, values, and traditions, a secular wedding offers the flexibility to craft a celebration that is truly their own.

Choosing an officiant

• Consider their experience: Look for an officiant who has experience conducting secular weddings. They should be familiar with the legal requirements and be able to help you create a meaningful and personalised ceremony.
• Personal connection: Choose an officiant with whom you feel comfortable and who understands your relationship. A good officiant will ask questions about your relationship, beliefs, and what you envision for your ceremony. This will help them create a ceremony that truly reflects who you are as a couple.
• Flexibility and customisation: A secular wedding is all about customisation and making the ceremony your own. Select an officiant who is flexible and open to your ideas. They should be willing to incorporate your choices of rituals, music, readings, and venue into the ceremony.
• Communication and collaboration: Effective communication is key. Choose an officiant who is responsive, clear, and collaborative. They should guide you through the process and be open to your input, ensuring that your ceremony is a true reflection of your relationship.
• Legal qualifications: Ensure that your officiant is legally qualified to perform weddings in your jurisdiction. This is crucial, as the legal requirements vary from state to state and country to country.
• Personal recommendation: Ask friends or family members who have had secular weddings for recommendations. They can share their experiences and provide insights into what made their officiant outstanding.
• Interview multiple officiants: Don't settle for the first officiant you find. Interview several candidates to find the best fit. Discuss your vision, expectations, and their process. This will help you make an informed decision and ensure that your officiant aligns with your values and beliefs.
• Read reviews: Check online reviews and testimonials to get a sense of the officiant's style and previous couples' experiences. This can provide valuable insights into their level of professionalism, organisation, and personalisation.
• Clarify fees and services: Be sure to discuss fees and what is included in their services. Some officiants may charge additional fees for travel, rehearsals, or customisation. Understanding the cost structure upfront will help you make an informed decision.
• Backup plan: It's always a good idea to have a backup plan in case of unforeseen circumstances. Ask your officiant if they have a colleague or assistant who can step in if they are unable to perform the ceremony. This will give you peace of mind and ensure that your wedding goes smoothly.

Remember, the officiant you choose will play a crucial role in creating and conducting your dream secular wedding. Take your time, ask questions, and trust your instincts to find the right person who will honour and celebrate your unique love story.

Venue selection

A secular wedding ceremony is a symbolic, free, and personalized celebration of the union between two people who love each other and have chosen to share their lives, without religious or administrative connotations. It is a modern expression of marriage, which is legally binding but does not incorporate faith traditions or follow a religious format.

When it comes to venue selection for a secular wedding, there are several options to consider:

Outdoor Venues

Secular weddings are often held outdoors, allowing for a unique and personalized setting. This could include parks, gardens, beaches, or even the couple's own backyard. Outdoor venues offer a natural backdrop and a sense of connection with nature, enhancing the celebratory atmosphere.

Non-Traditional Indoor Spaces

Couples may also opt for indoor venues that are not typically associated with religious ceremonies. These could include historic buildings, museums, art galleries, wineries, or even unique venues like aquariums or zoos. These spaces offer a different ambiance and can be tailored to reflect the couple's interests or personalities.

City Hall or Courthouse Weddings

For a more intimate and simple affair, some couples choose to have their secular wedding at city hall or a courthouse. This option is particularly appealing for those who want a private ceremony or have a limited guest list. City hall weddings are also a convenient choice for those who want to focus on the legal aspects of the marriage without the fuss of a large celebration.

Meaningful Locations

Another approach is to select a venue that holds special significance for the couple. This could be the place they first met, a favorite restaurant, or a scenic spot from a memorable vacation. Choosing a meaningful location adds a personal touch to the wedding and often has a story behind it that can be shared with the guests.

Private Residences

For an even more intimate setting, some couples opt for a private residence, whether it's their own home or the home of a family member or friend. This option allows for a cozy and familiar atmosphere, often surrounded by the couple's cherished belongings and memories. Private residences can be especially suitable for elopements or small weddings with only the closest loved ones in attendance.

Venues That Accommodate Cultural Traditions

In some cases, couples may choose a venue that accommodates specific cultural traditions or rituals important to them. This could include venues associated with their cultural heritage, such as a Japanese garden for a couple incorporating Japanese wedding traditions or a castle for a couple incorporating medieval-inspired elements.

When selecting a venue for a secular wedding, it is essential to keep in mind that the location should reflect the couple's personalities, interests, and values. It is also crucial to ensure that the venue can accommodate the size of the guest list and has the necessary facilities to make the event comfortable and enjoyable for everyone.

Readings and music

If you're having a religious ceremony, you may be required to include a Bible reading, but if you're having a non-religious ceremony, the world is your oyster!

Readings

• Song lyrics – choose a song that's meaningful to you as a couple, or one that's been playing during key moments in your relationship.
• Poems – you could opt for a classic poem, or something more modern.
• Book excerpts – whether it's a childhood favourite or a novel that's meaningful to you both, book excerpts are a great way to add a unique touch to your wedding ceremony.
• Movie and TV quotes – if you're movie buffs or have a favourite TV show, why not include a quote or two from your favourite film or series?
• Humorous readings – add a touch of humour to your wedding ceremony with a funny reading.

Music

• Arrival music – choose music to play while your guests are arriving to set the tone for your ceremony.
• Aisle music – the music you walk down the aisle to is an important part of your wedding, so choose something that's meaningful to you.

Where to Find Readings

If you're not sure where to start, try using your wedding theme for inspiration. For example, if you're having a garden party-themed wedding, you could start by looking at Frances Hodgson Burnett's *The Secret Garden*.

You could also look at:

• Novels – choose a novel that's meaningful to you as a couple, or one that you both love.
• Poetry – try using one of your favourite poems, or look for classic poems about love.
• Films and TV – do you have a favourite film or TV show that you saw on your first date, or that holds a special meaning for you both?
• Song lyrics – music is often the way to people's hearts, so choose song lyrics that are important to you.
• Children's books – if you have children, you could include a quote from a children's book that's special to you.
• Humourists – add a touch of humour to your wedding with a funny reading from a humourist.
• Religious works – if you're having a religious ceremony, you could include a romantic passage from a religious text.

How to Choose Your Readings

When choosing your readings, think about what will mean the most to you as a couple. It's always nice to choose something that resonates with your relationship or fits with your wedding style.

You could also:

• Use your wedding theme – look for a reading that ties in with your wedding venue or theme.
• Incorporate your favourite author or poet – do some research to see if any well-known authors or poets lived or wrote in the area you're getting married, and find a quote or reading that's meaningful to you.

It's recommended that you include no more than two or three readings in your wedding ceremony, depending on their length. Each reading should be no longer than three minutes.

If you have a lot of readings that you want to include, you could:

• Incorporate them into other parts of your wedding day – use quotes on your invitations, decorations, or even as a toast before you cut the cake.
• Add them to your wedding website – this is a great way to convey your wedding style.

Tips for Choosing Your Readings

• Choose something that feels right – your wedding readings don't have to be something you read every day, but they should feel authentic and clearly express your emotions.
• Get creative – wedding readings can be anything you want them to be, as long as they feel right for you, your partnership, and your ceremony style.
• Check with your officiant – if you're having a religious ceremony, speak to your officiant to see if there are any restrictions on readings before you get your heart set on one.

Legality

A secular wedding ceremony is a symbolic, unofficial celebration of the union between two people who love each other and have chosen to share their lives, without religious or administrative connotations. It is a modern expression of marriage, which takes place in addition to the civil ceremony.

The secular ceremony has no legal value, and for this reason, it is often accompanied by a civil ceremony, which is the only type of marriage that is officially recognised in countries like France.

In terms of legality, wedding laws vary by jurisdiction, from state to state and from country to country. As such, it's important to understand the marriage laws and rules that exist at your wedding destination. Most commonly, a wedding license must be obtained and the wedding ceremony must be overseen by someone who is certified by the state to officiate weddings.

Beyond a legally qualified officiant and a marriage license, the requirements for the actual ceremony script also differ by area. Generally speaking, there aren't many requirements, but a declaration of intent is typically required. Like with any legally binding contract, the desire to enter into the contract has to be established and that's what a declaration of intent does.

The best course of action for couples is to research the laws of their wedding locale and then partner with their officiant to craft the perfect wedding ceremony script to meet their needs.

Dealing with religious family members

A secular wedding ceremony is a symbolic, free, and personalized celebration of the union between two people who love each other. It is legally binding but does not incorporate faith traditions or follow a religious format.

Planning a secular wedding when your family is religious can bring up a lot of emotions: fear, frustration, and awkwardness, to name a few. Here are some tips for dealing with religious family members while planning a secular wedding:

Have a Private Ceremony

If you know that your family expects you to have a religious wedding ceremony, you could consider having a private secular ceremony with only a few witnesses present. This way, you can have a ceremony that feels true and meaningful to you without offending your family. You could then have a reception the next day, where your family can celebrate your marriage.

Choose a Meaningful Venue

If you are experiencing pressure from religious family members about where to hold your ceremony, consider choosing a meaningful venue that is not a church. This way, if a relative questions your choice, you can explain why the location is important to you and your partner. This approach can help to defuse tension and show that you are not just dismissing their beliefs.

Choose an Experienced Officiant

Hiring an experienced officiant can help you create a ceremony that reflects your views and beliefs while incorporating traditional elements to keep your religious family members happy. If you wish to keep your family intimately involved in the ceremony, you could ask a family member who is comfortable leading a secular ceremony to officiate.

Make Space in the Day for Open Interpretation

You could include a part of the ceremony where family members can give a short blessing. This can allow for a variety of interpretations, from religious to agnostic, and can be reflective of the families that you come from. You could also invite guests to pray for you or participate through quiet reflection during a handfasting ceremony.

Communicate Clearly and Neutrally

If you need to explain your plans to your family, try to express yourself clearly and neutrally. Make firm statements about your choices without remarking on your family's belief system. For example, say "this is what we're doing" rather than "we want to do this; is that okay with you?". Explain why your choices are meaningful to you, rather than why their belief system is wrong.

Remember, it is important to remain respectful of your family's belief system while also staying true to your own values and planning a wedding that feels right for you.

Frequently asked questions