Planning An Lgbt Wedding: What You Need To Know

Planning a wedding can be a stressful yet exciting time for any couple. For LGBTQ+ couples, it can be a chance to celebrate their love and unity and create a day that truly feels like their own. While same-sex weddings are legally recognized in all 50 states, LGBTQ+ couples may encounter challenges when navigating gendered traditions and etiquette rules. From choosing whether to have one aisle or two to deciding on attire and pronouns, there are many considerations unique to LGBTQ+ weddings. In addition, finding LGBTQ+-friendly vendors and venues and dealing with unsupportive family members can add complexity to the planning process. However, with careful planning and a focus on what matters most to them as a couple, LGBTQ+ couples can create a wedding that connects with them and their partner, celebrating their love in a way that feels true to themselves.

Choosing vendors and venues

First, it's important to remember that this is your day and you get to pick how you're referred to during the ceremony and after. You can opt to refer to each other as "spouse" or "partner" instead of gendered terms like "husband" or "wife". You can also create your own combination of terms, like "gride", and on stationery, use the gender-neutral "Mx." instead of "Mr." or "Mrs.".

Next, you'll want to decide whether to disclose your identity as an LGBTQ+ couple to your vendors. While it's not a requirement, it can be helpful to find vendors who are LGBTQ+-friendly and have experience working with same-sex couples. You can find these vendors through online resources like Equally Wed and LGBT Weddings, which offer searchable databases of fully vetted vendors. You can also look for professionals in your area who showcase diversity in their portfolios. When reaching out to vendors, remember that you're in control and don't let anyone make you feel less than. If you have an unpleasant experience, don't be afraid to leave a public review to help other couples avoid the same situation.

In addition to choosing vendors, you'll also need to select a venue for your wedding. There are many LGBTQ+-friendly venues to choose from, including all-inclusive options that can help with planning and recruiting local vendors. When visiting venues, be prepared for questions about your gender or relationship that may not apply to you, and don't be afraid to kindly correct them and move on. If it continues to feel uncomfortable, thank them and leave—there are plenty of places that would love to celebrate your love. You can also have your wedding planner or a friend call ahead to prepare the venue for your visit.

Finally, don't forget about the legal requirements for your wedding. Same-sex couples are eligible to obtain a marriage license in all 50 states, but the requirements and fees may vary by county, so be sure to check the local regulations. The marriage license is usually valid for 60-90 days, so file for it a few weeks ahead of your wedding date.

Budgeting and financing

It's also worth noting that wedding vendors and venues can vary in their pricing and inclusivity. While there are many LGBTQ+-friendly vendors and venues, some couples may encounter businesses that are not as welcoming. In these cases, it's important to remember that you have the power as a paying customer and that there are plenty of other vendors who would be happy to have your business and create an inclusive environment for your special day.

To ensure a smooth process, consider hiring an LGBTQ+-friendly wedding planner who can help you navigate any challenges and provide valuable connections with inclusive vendors and venues. These professionals can be a great investment, especially if you're planning a large or intricate wedding.

Additionally, when creating your budget, remember to factor in the cost of your marriage license, which is a requirement in all 50 states. The fees and requirements for obtaining a license vary by county, so be sure to check the details with your local county clerk. The license is typically valid for 60 to 90 days, so it's best to apply a few weeks before your wedding date.

Lastly, don't be afraid to personalise your wedding to fit your unique style as a couple. Whether it's choosing matching outfits, creating gender-neutral invitations, or deciding on traditions to include or forgo, your wedding should reflect your love story.

Traditions and customs

Ceremony and Reception

You might want to personalise your ceremony with readings and music that are meaningful to you, rather than relying on traditional scripts that may not reflect your relationship. You can also choose to keep certain traditions, like the first dance and cake-cutting, and ditch others, like the bouquet/garter toss.

Attire

You and your partner can choose to match your wedding attire or wear something unique to your personal style. The most important thing is to feel comfortable and true to yourself. If you feel best in a suit, go for it! If you want to wear a dress, that's great too. You can even keep your dream outfits a secret until the big day.

Aisle

Heterosexual weddings usually feature a bride being escorted down the aisle by her father or another influential person. For LGBTQ+ weddings, you can choose to keep this tradition or opt for two aisles, with both partners walking down at the same time. You might also decide you don't want anyone to walk you down the aisle, and that's okay too!

Language and Titles

You get to decide how you and your partner are referred to during the ceremony and on all your stationery. You can use gender-neutral terms like "spouse" or "partner" instead of "husband" or "wife", and gender-inclusive prefixes like "Mx." or "M." on invitations and thank-you notes. Get creative and come up with your own combinations if you want!

Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties

You and your partner can choose to have a combined party or separate celebrations. Do whatever works best for you and your friends!

Remember, your wedding is about celebrating your love and telling your unique story. Don't be afraid to break with tradition and make your own rules.

Legal requirements

The legal recognition of same-sex marriages is a recent development, with a 2015 Supreme Court decision granting marriage equality across all 50 states. As such, LGBTQ+ couples are now eligible to obtain a marriage license in any state, ensuring their union is legally recognized.

To obtain a marriage license, couples typically need to pay a nominal filing fee and provide proof of identification, such as a driver's license, state ID card, or passport. It's important to note that the requirements may vary by county, so it's advisable to check the website of your local county clerk for specific forms and fees. The license is usually valid for 60-90 days, so filing a few weeks ahead of the wedding is recommended.

When planning the ceremony, LGBTQ+ couples have the freedom to reinterpret traditions and create a day that reflects their unique relationship. This includes choices such as keeping or replacing traditions like the bouquet toss, first dance, and cake-cutting, as well as decisions regarding attire and the format of the ceremony. For example, LGBTQ+ couples can choose to have one or two aisles during the ceremony, with both partners walking down the aisle simultaneously as a statement of equality.

Additionally, couples can decide how they wish to be addressed during the ceremony and in related documentation. They may opt for gender-neutral terms such as "partners" or "spouses" instead of "husband" or "wife," and gendered language like "bride" and "groom" can be omitted or adapted to suit their preferences. The use of gender-neutral prefixes like "Mx." or "M." on stationery is another option to consider.

Lastly, when selecting vendors and venues, it is important to be mindful of potential discrimination. While there are LGBTQ+-friendly vendors and venues, some couples may encounter refusal of service due to their sexual orientation. To mitigate this, couples can opt for LGBTQ+-owned businesses or carefully research and review vendors and venues to ensure they are welcoming and inclusive.

Attire and aesthetics

When it comes to attire and aesthetics, there are no rules for LGBTQ+ couples. It's your wedding, so you get to decide how you want to present yourselves.

Some couples opt to match their partner on their wedding day, while others choose attire that reflects their unique personal style. You might both want to wear suits, in which case you could consider colours and patterns that complement each other. Or, if you both want to wear dresses, say "yes" to your dream dresses! You can keep them a secret until the big day, or not—it's entirely up to you.

If you feel most comfortable in a classic suit, that's an option too. You can also choose to ditch gendered traditions like the bouquet/garter belt toss, or keep them if they bring you joy. You might prefer to create your own traditions, like walking down two aisles at the same time to commence the ceremony.

When selecting your attire, it's important to feel comfortable and like yourself. You might also want to consider enlisting the help of an LGBTQ+ wedding planner to help you navigate any gendered etiquette rules and ensure your vendors are LGBTQ+-friendly.

In terms of aesthetics, you can choose to incorporate your own style and tastes into the decor, flowers, cake, and other design elements. You can also personalise your ceremony with readings and music that are significant to you, rather than relying on traditional scripts that may not apply to your relationship.

Frequently asked questions