Rhiannon Hendricks
Wedding speeches are a time-honoured tradition and an essential part of the wedding reception. They are an opportunity for the couple and their loved ones to express their love and appreciation for each other and can set the tone for a fun, emotional, and memorable evening. While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to the order of speeches, understanding the traditional sequence and modern alternatives can help couples craft an order that reflects their unique style and priorities.
| Characteristics | Values |
|---|---|
| Number of speeches | 3 maximum; can include parents, friends, siblings, and the couple |
| Timing | During or after dinner; can be staggered throughout the day |
| Length | 2-7 minutes |
| Content | Heartfelt, sincere, and balanced with humour |
| Order | Traditional: father of the bride, groom, best man; can be adapted to include more diverse perspectives |
| Speakers | Father/mother of the bride, groom, best man/woman, maid of honour, siblings, friends, couple |
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What You'll Learn
The number of speeches and when to give them
The traditional order of wedding speeches has evolved over time, reflecting changing societal norms and values. Historically, speeches have centred around the groom and the bride's father, with the best man offering a light-hearted conclusion. Today, it is common to include more diverse perspectives, such as maid of honour speeches, and sometimes even the bride and mother of the bride. Understanding the roots of these customs can help appreciate the significance of each speech and the order in which they are given.
The traditional order of wedding speeches typically begins with the father of the bride, followed by the groom, the best man, and then the maid of honour. This order can be adjusted to suit the couple's preferences and family dynamics. For example, some couples may choose to have the father of the groom speak at the rehearsal dinner instead of the reception, following old-school wedding etiquette where the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner.
Some couples may prefer to have a limited number of speeches, with a maximum of three speech-givers recommended by some wedding planners. This can help improve the flow of the reception and maintain the energy of the guests. To achieve this, speeches can be staggered throughout the day, such as during a drinks reception or before or after the ceremony, to combat speech fatigue and give nervous speakers an opportunity to speak early on.
Ultimately, the correct order of speeches is the one that works best for the couple, their style of wedding, and their chosen speech-givers.
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The traditional order of speeches
First, it is common to have the parents of the couple give a speech. This could include the father of the bride, the mother of the bride, and/or the parents of the groom. These speeches tend to focus on the couple's early lives. Next, the groom gives a speech, followed by the best man and maid of honour. The best man's speech is typically light-hearted and entertaining, and may include humorous anecdotes about the groom. The maid of honour's speech, on the other hand, is usually more heartfelt and emotional, focusing on her love and appreciation for the bride. Finally, any other members of the wedding party who wish to speak may do so. This may include the bride herself, who may give a speech or simply offer a toast to the guests.
It is worth noting that this traditional order may not accommodate all types of couples and families, and some couples may choose to forgo it entirely in favour of a more modern or personalized approach. For example, some couples may prefer to have the best man and maid of honour speak before the groom, or they may choose to have only a few short toasts instead of lengthy speeches. Ultimately, the order of speeches should reflect the couple's unique style and priorities.
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Modernising the traditional order
The traditional wedding speech order has evolved over time to reflect changing societal norms and values. While it's not mandatory to follow this order, it often begins with the father of the bride, followed by the groom, and ends with an uplifting speech from the best man. However, modern couples often seek a more inclusive approach that reflects their unique style and priorities. Here are some ways to modernise the traditional order of wedding speeches:
Include Diverse Perspectives
The traditional order has been adapted to include diverse perspectives, such as speeches from the maid of honour, the bride, and the mother of the bride. This shift reflects the evolution of gender roles and wedding customs, allowing for a broader range of voices and experiences to be shared.
Prioritise Parents
In a modernised version of the speech order, parents can be placed first. As the couple's parents, they often share insights into the couple's early lives, providing a heartfelt and emotional perspective. Following them, friends and siblings can share stories about the couple's school days, early adulthood, and how they met.
Shake Up the Order
Many couples choose to shorten the ceremony and the speech portion of the reception to improve flow and maintain energy. Instead of following a strict order, consider allowing the most anxious speaker to go first, ensuring they feel comfortable and reducing their wait time. Alternatively, have the couple go last, giving them a chance to thank everyone who contributed to the day.
Stagger the Speeches
To combat speech fatigue, consider staggering the speeches throughout the day. Having some speeches before or after the ceremony or during the drinks reception can ease the load on guests and nervous speakers. You can also space out toasts between courses during dinner to maintain a steady flow.
Include a Master of Ceremonies
For a modern twist, consider including a master of ceremonies to add structure and humour to the reception. This person can be someone you know or a hired professional. They can introduce speakers, make announcements, and keep the event flowing smoothly.
Ultimately, the order of wedding speeches should reflect the couple's style and priorities. Feel free to adapt the traditional order or create your own to make your wedding day unique and memorable.
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Tips for writing and delivering a speech
The order of speeches at a wedding reception is flexible and can be adjusted to reflect the couple's family, priorities, and style. While there is no set formula for the content of a wedding speech, it often requires sentimentality, humour, and brevity. Here are some tips for writing and delivering a wedding speech:
Plan and Prepare:
Don't wing it. Give yourself ample time to write, edit, and practise your speech. Consult with the wedding planner or MC to know when you'll be speaking. If you're nervous, it's okay to have a drink or two to calm your nerves, but don't overdo it.
Know Your Audience:
Keep the jokes classy and avoid vulgarity. Steer clear of sensitive topics and respect the couple's boundaries. While you may focus on your relationship with one member of the couple, remember to include both of them.
Structure and Content:
Create an outline or a general structure for your speech, but avoid scripting it word for word. Begin with a story or a welcome, then move on to more detailed anecdotes that reveal something about your friendship or the couple. Include a message or value behind your story and offer a blessing or wish for the couple. End with a powerful final sentence, a toast, and a wish for the couple's future.
Delivery:
Practise delivering your speech in front of friends or a mirror to get feedback on length, topic, and delivery. Rehearse multiple times to ensure a smooth delivery and to calm your nerves.
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Who should give a speech?
While there is no one-size-fits-all approach to deciding who should give a speech at a wedding reception, there are some traditional recommendations to consider.
The father of the bride is usually the first to give a speech in the traditional wedding speech order. This is followed by the groom's family, including the father of the groom, mother of the groom, or both. The maid of honour, or the bride's closest female friend or family member, typically speaks next. She expresses her love and appreciation for the bride and shares memories of their friendship. The best man, or the groom's closest male friend or family member, then takes the floor. His speech is often one of the most anticipated, as it is his chance to share memories of the groom and offer humorous anecdotes. The best man may also offer a toast to the couple and give advice for their future.
However, wedding customs have evolved, and the traditional order has adapted to include more diverse perspectives. Now, it is common to hear from the mother of the bride, the bride herself, and other members of the bridal party, such as bridesmaids or groomsmen. Some couples may also opt to give a speech, expressing their love and appreciation for each other and their guests.
Ultimately, the decision of who gives a speech should reflect the couple's style and priorities. It is not uncommon for couples to deviate from the traditional order or forgo speeches altogether.
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