Who To Invite: Navigating Family Wedding Guest Lists

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a difficult task. The number of people you invite will impact your venue selection, wedding style, and most importantly, your budget. The more guests you invite, the more you'll likely spend, so it's not a decision to be taken lightly.

- Do invite the people you love: Invite the people who bring joy to your life, who you love and are close to, and who will be excited to celebrate you and your partner on your big day.

- Don't invite people you've lost touch with: If you haven't spoken to or been in touch with someone in a while, you may not want to extend a wedding invite to them. This holds true even if you were invited to their wedding.

- Do consider your budget and venue: Your budget and venue will play a significant role in determining your guest list. Consider the venue's capacity and your budget constraints when creating your guest list.

- Don't let your parents add guests you don't know: While parents may have their own ideas about who should be invited, you shouldn't feel obligated to invite people you don't know or aren't close to. Stand your ground and explain that all guests should be people you want to celebrate with.

- Do account for plus-ones: Guests with long-term partners or live-in partners should be invited with a plus-one. For other guests, plus-ones can be more discretionary and may depend on your budget and venue constraints.

- Don't feel obligated to invite children: Decide if you want children at your wedding and communicate this clearly. Children can be invited on a case-by-case basis, and specific names on invitations will indicate who is welcome.

- Do cut anyone who doesn't support you and your partner: If you have family members who don't support your relationship, you may decide not to invite them. Your wedding should be a celebration with people who love and support you.

- Don't worry about giving each family the same number of invitations: There's no rule that says you have to divide the guest list equally between families. Focus on inviting the people who are important to you and your partner.

Who to invite and who not to invite

Deciding who to invite to your wedding can be a stressful and challenging task. Here are some tips on who to invite and who not to invite:

Who to Invite

• Your favourite people: Invite the people who bring you joy and are excited to celebrate you and your partner. These are the people you are closest to and love.
• Family and close friends: Parents, siblings, grandparents, children, aunts, uncles, and first cousins are usually considered immediate family and should be at the top of your guest list. You may also want to include step-parents, step-siblings, and half-siblings. Best friends and chosen family are also on the must-invite list.
• Extended family: Depending on your relationship with them and the size of your wedding, you may invite more distant relatives, such as second cousins or family friends.
• Long-term partners of guests: Guests who are married, engaged, living together, or dating for over a year should be invited with a plus-one.

Who Not to Invite

• People you've lost touch with: If you haven't spoken to someone in a while and wouldn't take them out for an expensive meal, you don't need to invite them to your wedding.
• People who don't support your relationship: Family members who don't support your relationship, speak badly about it, or aren't kind to you and your partner, don't need to be invited.
• People you've had a falling out with: If you haven't spoken to a family member in a long time due to a feud or disagreement, you may not want to extend an invitation to them.
• Controlling or attention-seeking individuals: Weddings can be stressful, so it's best to avoid inviting people who are overly controlling, confrontational, or always want to be the centre of attention.
• Coworkers who aren't friends: You don't have to invite coworkers whom you only see at work and don't socialise with outside of working hours.
• Exes: Unless you and your partner are both friends with your exes, it's generally not a good idea to invite them to your wedding.
• People who invited you to their wedding but are no longer close: If a friend invited you to their wedding years ago and you're no longer close, you don't have to reciprocate the invitation.

How to decide on the number of guests each family can invite

Deciding on the number of guests each family can invite can be a tricky task, but there are some general guidelines and strategies that can help. Here are some tips to make this process easier:

• Involve key stakeholders: Sit down with your partner, parents, and other stakeholders to create a list of family members, friends, and colleagues. Divide this list into three categories: most important, so-so, and not important. This will help you trim down the list as needed.
• Consider financial contributions: If one family is paying for the wedding, they may have more influence over the guest list. However, it's important to remember that this is your wedding, and you should have a say in who is invited. A common approach is to divide the guest list into thirds: one-third for the couple's friends, one-third for the bride's family, and one-third for the groom's family.
• Set clear boundaries: It's essential to set rules and boundaries with parents and families regarding the guest list. Be firm and united in your decisions, and don't be afraid to disagree privately if needed.
• Prioritize those you know: When creating the guest list, prioritize people you have a personal relationship with. A good rule of thumb is to only invite people you have seen or spoken to in the last two years. This ensures that your wedding is filled with people who are truly important to you.
• Be flexible: There is no one-size-fits-all approach to dividing the guest list. Be flexible and adapt to the unique dynamics of your families. If one family has a larger guest list, they may need to contribute more financially. Ultimately, focus on making happy memories and putting differences aside.

How to deal with family members who are not invited

Deciding not to invite family members to your wedding can be challenging, but there are ways to navigate this situation with compassion and assertiveness. Here are some strategies to deal with family members who are not invited to your wedding:

• Be compassionate and considerate: Understand that not being invited can hurt people's feelings. While you don't have to invite everyone, it's important to approach the situation with empathy and kindness.
• Stand your ground: Don't cave to emotional blackmail or pressure from others. It's your wedding, and you have the right to decide who to invite. Be firm and polite, but don't engage in arguments or debates about your decision.
• Be mindful of feelings: Acknowledge that uninvited family members may feel left out and want to share in your special day. If they ask why they weren't invited, try to be gentle and understanding, without going into details about your reasons.
• Offer alternative ways to include them: Consider having a separate reception, virtual attendance, or a small gathering for uninvited family members. This can help them feel included and reduce potential tension.
• Don't argue or give in to invite fishing: If an uninvited family member starts debating your decision or fishing for an invite, politely decline to discuss it further. Stand your ground and don't get triggered into arguing or rehashing old wounds.
• Focus on your support system: Surround yourself with loved ones who respect your decisions and understand your choices. Lean on your partner, close friends, and family members who support you.
• Allow yourself to grieve: It's normal to feel disappointed or sad about strained relationships. Take time to acknowledge and grieve the loss of important relationships.
• Be accountable: Own your decision and don't blame others. Recognize that your choice may hurt people's feelings, and be accountable for the impact of your actions.
• Communicate directly: If family members ask about their absence on the guest list, use straightforward and uncharged language. Be honest and firm, but also compassionate.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and stick to them. Let uninvited family members know that your decision is final, and politely end conversations if they continue to push the issue.
• Consider repairing relationships: If you're open to it, explore the possibility of repairing relationships with uninvited family members separately from the wedding. Remember that there are dynamics beyond the wedding invitation that may need attention.

How to deal with family members who are invited but are difficult

Deciding whether or not to invite certain family members to your wedding can be a difficult and stressful task. Here are some tips on how to deal with family members who are invited but are difficult:

• Set boundaries—It is important to set boundaries with difficult family members ahead of time and let them know what you expect from them. This can help prevent any potential issues from arising during the wedding.
• Seat them in a less problematic area—If you know that a certain family member is likely to cause trouble, consider seating them away from other guests who may be affected.
• Warn the bartenders—If a family member is known to cause issues when drinking, it may be a good idea to warn the bartenders so they can keep an eye on them and limit their alcohol intake if necessary.
• Communicate with the DJ—If there are particular family members who you are concerned about, let the DJ know so they can keep an eye on them and intervene if necessary. A good DJ will be able to read the room and help navigate any potential issues.
• Inform the wedding planner—If you have a wedding planner, go over the guest list with them in detail and warn them about any potentially toxic guests. Wedding planners are experienced in dealing with difficult guests and can help you find ways to avoid issues.
• Be confident in what you want—It is important to feel confident and stand your ground when dealing with difficult family members. Remind them that it is your wedding and you deserve to have it the way you want.
• Find emotional support—Don't be afraid to lean on your friends or other family members for support. Ask them to help communicate with the difficult family members if it becomes too stressful for you.
• Consider cutting ties—If all else fails and you are still having issues with a toxic family member, it may be necessary to consider cutting ties with them, at least temporarily. This can help protect your mental health and ensure your wedding day goes smoothly.

How to deal with family members who are invited but are difficult on the day

It's your wedding, and you should feel empowered to take control. It's essential to take the right steps to ensure your wedding day is all about you and what you want. Here are some tips on how to deal with family members who are invited but are difficult on the day:

• Verbally set boundaries with the guest ahead of time and let them know what you expect from them.
• Seat them in a less problematic area of the venue.
• Inform the bartenders that they may cause an issue and to keep an eye on them.
• Communicate with the DJ if they should be aware of certain people wanting to speak.
• Inform your wedding planner and go over the guest list in detail with them. They can help find the best ways to avoid any potential issues.
• Be confident in what you want and stand your ground. It's your day, and you deserve exactly what you want.
• Find emotional support from friends or other family members. Ask them to communicate with the difficult family members if it's too stressful for you.
• Consider cutting ties if nothing is working and your mental health is being affected. Setting boundaries doesn't mean you don't care or love someone.
• Hire a third party to intervene and deal with any issues on the day. A good DJ, for example, can do a lot more than just play music; they can read the crowd and navigate people who may need to be dealt with.

Frequently asked questions