The Benefits Of Choosing A Plus One Wedding Date

A plus-one wedding date is when the couple getting married allows a guest to bring a date to the wedding. This is usually offered to single guests, but can also be extended to friends and family in serious or long-term relationships, especially if the couple doesn't know the guest's partner well. It is also common to offer plus-ones to out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees, so they don't feel out of place or lonely. Plus-ones are costly for the couple, as they have to pay for an additional plate of food, drinks, and a seat at the table. Therefore, it is not always possible to offer a plus-one to every guest.

Who should get a plus one?

Deciding who gets a plus one can be a tricky part of wedding planning. Here is a guide to help you decide who should get a plus one.

Married, Engaged, and Cohabiting Guests

As a rule of thumb, spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners of each guest should receive an invitation. Even if you have never met them or they are not your favourite people, your guest is part of a package deal. The same goes for the spouse or significant other of your ceremony officiant, as well as both parents of ring bearers and flower girls.

Wedding Party Members

The rules about cohabitation, dating, and marriage go out the window when it comes to plus-ones for your wedding party. Allowing a bridesmaid to bring her new boyfriend, for example, is a small token of appreciation for her efforts and support. Think of it as a "thank you" for every occasion your bridal party has had to organise and participate in over the past year.

Outlier Guests

Out-of-town guests who may not know many other attendees are commonly given plus-one privileges so they don't feel out of place or lonely. If you've ever been to a wedding alone, completely surrounded by strangers, you can probably attest to the awkwardness.

Couples in Serious or Long-Term Relationships

Standard wedding etiquette dictates that couples who are engaged, live together, or are otherwise in a serious or long-term relationship should receive a plus one.

Single Guests Who Are Part of a Friend Group

If your single guests are part of a friend group that will be there, they don't need a plus one.

Single Guests Who Know Everyone

If your single guests will have friends or family at the wedding, there is no pressure to extend a plus one. They will have a great time surrounded by the comfort of familiar faces, even without bringing a date.

New Couples or Those Casually Dating

Engaged couples shouldn't feel any pressure to include new couples on their plus-one list. Cousin Tim probably doesn't need to bring his Tinder date to your wedding ceremony.

Single Guests Who Will Know a Few People

If your single guests will know a few people at the wedding, but not everyone, consider giving them a plus one. It can be awkward to be a fifth wheel to a double date.

Older Guests

Older guests like your mother-in-law and aunt may appreciate a plus one as they will know less people and may feel more comfortable if they bring a friend.

Who shouldn't get a plus one?

Deciding who shouldn't get a plus one can be a difficult task, but there are some general guidelines that can help you make those decisions. Here are some tips on who shouldn't get a plus one for your wedding:

Guests Who Are Casually Dating or in a New Relationship

If a guest has a new partner or has been dating someone for less than a year, it is generally not necessary to offer a plus one. This is especially true if the guest has a history of frequently changing partners. However, if you have the budget and want to be thoughtful, you may consider extending a plus one to these guests.

Single Guests Who Know Other Guests

If your single guests, such as siblings, cousins, or close friends, will know a decent number of people at the wedding, they typically don't need a plus one. They will likely feel comfortable and have a good time surrounded by familiar faces.

Coworkers

Inviting coworkers to your wedding can be tricky. If you invite one coworker with a plus one, it may be expected that all coworkers receive the same invitation. This can quickly increase your guest count and costs. However, if you are close to your boss, it is considered good etiquette to offer them a plus one.

Guests Who Are Part of a Friend Group

If you have a group of friends where everyone knows each other, including single friends, there is usually no pressure to extend a plus one. They will have a great time surrounded by their friends.

Guests Who Know the Couple Well

If a guest knows the couple well, such as close friends or family members, they may not need a plus one. Even if they are single, their familiarity with the couple will likely make them feel comfortable during the wedding celebrations.

Guests Who Are Not Particularly Close to the Couple

If you are not especially close to a single guest, and they will know other guests at the wedding, it is generally not necessary to offer a plus one. They will have a network of friends or family to connect with and won't feel left out.

Remember, these are just guidelines, and every wedding is unique. Use your best judgment and consider your budget and venue capacity when deciding who should and shouldn't get a plus one. Ultimately, your wedding day should reflect what you and your partner want.

How can a plus one affect the cost of a wedding?

When it comes to wedding planning, one of the most important things to consider is the budget. The number of guests can significantly impact the overall cost, and this includes any plus-ones.

A plus-one can affect the cost of a wedding in several ways. Firstly, it increases the headcount, and venues usually have limited capacity, so a higher number of guests may require a larger venue, which can be more expensive. Secondly, most vendors, caterers, and bartenders charge per person, so a plus-one means an additional plate of food, several drinks, a seat at the table, and possibly a wedding favour, all adding to the setup, catering, and bar expenses. The per-person cost for a wedding guest can range from $50 to $200, so unexpected plus-ones can result in significant unforeseen costs.

Additionally, some venues have strict accommodation guidelines or guest limits, and unconfirmed plus-ones may lead to last-minute event expenses or additional service fees charged by the venue. To avoid these issues, it's essential to accurately track plus-ones and stick to the guest list limit.

To manage costs, couples can create an "A-list" of must-have guests who receive plus-ones and a "B-list" of guests who would be invited if the budget allows. This way, they can control the number of guests and their expenses.

How to ask to bring a date

Asking to bring a date to a wedding can be a tricky situation to navigate. Here are some guidelines to help you make that decision and approach the couple getting married:

When to Ask to Bring a Date

It is generally advised not to ask to bring a plus-one if one isn't listed on your invitation. This is because the couple may have a limited budget or prefer an intimate gathering with only their loved ones. Respect their decision, as it is their special day. However, if you are in a serious, long-term, or committed relationship, it is understandable to inquire about a plus-one, especially if the couple is aware of your partner. If your invitation doesn't specify any names and you need to plan ahead, it is acceptable to reach out for clarification politely.

When Not to Ask

If you are casually dating someone or are single, it is best not to assume you can bring a date. Asking the couple in this situation will likely result in a decline, and it may be considered rude or pushy. If you are part of the bridal party, it is also worth considering whether you will have time to spend with your date during the wedding.

How to Ask

When asking about bringing a date, it is essential to be straightforward, respectful, and polite. Keep the conversation casual, and avoid making it a bigger deal than it is. A phone call is preferable to text messages or emails, which can be misinterpreted or lost among other messages. Remember to acknowledge that they might decline and be appreciative of their consideration regardless of their response. End the conversation on a positive note, expressing your excitement for their big day.

Other Considerations

When deciding whether to ask to bring a date, consider the nature of the wedding. If it is a small, intimate event, the couple may not want someone they don't know attending. On the other hand, if it is a large wedding where most guests are paired off, and you don't know many people, it may be more understandable to want a plus-one. Additionally, if you are given a plus-one, choose your date wisely. Ensure they are someone special to you, and avoid bringing someone you barely know or have gone on one date with. Remember that a wedding date requires nurturing and care, so don't leave them alone or ditch them for someone else at the wedding.

How to decline a plus one

A "plus one" is an additional guest or date that an invitee can bring to a wedding. While it is nice to allow guests to bring someone along, it can be expensive and cause issues with limited space. It is therefore common for hosts to decline plus ones.

Be Clear and Consistent

It is best to have a blanket rule for plus ones: either every guest is allowed to bring a date, or no one is. This avoids any potential drama or hurt feelings between wedding guests. For example, if one cousin is allowed to bring a guest and another is not, some resentment may build.

Inform Guests in Advance

Before sending out wedding invitations, mention that your venue is fairly small or that you are trying to stick to a budget, so you won't be allowing plus ones. Explaining the reason can help soften the blow to your guests.

Address Wedding Invitations Correctly

When sending out wedding invitations, it is vital to address them correctly. For weddings where plus ones are allowed, the invitation will read "Mr John Smith plus Guest". If the "plus guest" is absent, e.g. "Mr John Smith", your guests should understand that they aren't allowed to bring a date.

Make it Clear on the RSVP Card

Another way to communicate the plus one rule is to write your guest(s) names on the reply card yourself, leaving no room for them to add anyone else. You can also add a section saying "We have reserved __ seat(s) in your honour", and fill in this gap with the number of people you’re inviting.

Add a FAQ on Your Wedding Website

Wedding websites are a great way to share vital information with your guests that won't fit on the invitation. You can include a FAQ (frequently asked questions) section, in which you can address any details that you’d like to make clear – such as the issue of plus ones.

Be Prepared for Requests

Despite your best efforts, some guests may still request to bring a plus one. You may be tempted to say "ok, sure" to keep the peace, but remember that this guest may talk to other guests and tell them that they've been allowed to invite a date. If you've made a blanket "no plus ones" rule, stick to it and explain this rule to the questioning guest. Let them down gently and, if you feel comfortable, explain your reasoning.

Suggest an Alternative

If you feel bad about declining a plus one, you could suggest getting together with the guest to celebrate after the wedding instead.

Frequently asked questions