Wedding Invitation Etiquette: What You Need To Know

Wedding invitation etiquette is a crucial aspect of wedding planning, as it sets the tone for the event and ensures that guests have all the necessary information. The timing of sending out invitations and the details included in the invitations are two key considerations. Here are some essential etiquette tips for wedding invitations:

1. Send out invitations early: It is recommended to mail invitations 6-8 weeks before the wedding. For destination weddings, sending them 12 weeks in advance is appropriate.

2. Include essential information: Clearly state the bride and groom's names, wedding date, time, ceremony and reception locations, and requested attire.

3. Provide RSVP instructions: Include a reply card and a stamped, addressed envelope. Set an RSVP deadline 2-3 weeks before the wedding to give yourself enough time to finalise details with the caterer.

4. Avoid abbreviations: Spell out all words in the formal invitation, including directions and addresses.

5. Address guests properly: Use appropriate titles and full names when addressing guests. For married couples, use Mr. and Mrs. or their full names.

6. Indicate dress code: Let guests know the expected attire, especially if it's a black-tie event.

7. Handle registry information delicately: Avoid including registry details in formal invitations. Instead, provide this information on your wedding website or through a separate note.

8. Clarify if children are invited: Addressing only the parents' names on the invitation implies an adults-only event.

When to send wedding invitations

Wedding invitations should be sent out six to eight weeks before the wedding date if you've already sent out save-the-date cards. If you didn't send save-the-date cards, you may want to send your invitations about three months in advance of your wedding. If you're having a destination wedding or you know that many guests will be travelling from out of town, it's a good idea to send the invites a few weeks earlier so they have time to make travel arrangements.

Save-the-date cards can be sent up to a year in advance and no later than six months before the wedding. It's best to send them as soon as you know your wedding date and location. This gives your guests plenty of time to make arrangements.

It's important to give your guests enough time to RSVP and make travel plans, but you also don't want to send your invites too early, as your guests may forget to RSVP. Generally, it's recommended that you ask for responses about two to four weeks before the wedding. This gives you plenty of time for a response and to get a final headcount for your vendors.

If you're sending your invites about six to eight weeks in advance, it's a good idea to set your RSVP deadline for three to four weeks before the wedding date. This will give you enough time to provide your caterer with a final headcount, which is usually needed about a week before the wedding. It will also allow you to finalise your seating chart.

If you're having a non-destination wedding, the latest you should mail your invitations is eight weeks before the wedding. For a destination wedding, count back 12 weeks so your guests don't feel rushed and can shop around for the best travel prices.

RSVP instructions

RSVP is an abbreviation of the French “*Répondez, s’il vous plaît*”, which means "please respond".

When asking for an RSVP, give your guests a deadline of two to four weeks before the wedding date. This gives you enough time to confirm final numbers with your vendors and create a seating chart.

It is considered good etiquette to include a pre-addressed and pre-stamped envelope with your invitation for guests to send back their reply. Alternatively, you can direct guests to a specific email address, phone number, or URL to RSVP.

If some guests have not responded by your deadline, give them a quick call to remind them to send their RSVPs.

If you are inviting guests with a plus-one, be sure to write “and Guest” on the envelope, or put the name of their significant other if you know it.

How to address guests

The way you address your wedding invitations will depend on the level of formality of your wedding event. For a formal, glamorous black-tie affair, opt for a more traditional and elegant addressing style. A laid-back country wedding may call for a more casual and relaxed approach. Here are some tips to ensure your invitations are both accurate and respectful:

• Use formal names and avoid nicknames.
• Middle names are not necessary, but if you do use them, spell them out (no initials).
• Spell out all words such as "Apartment", "Avenue", "Street", etc.
• Abbreviate "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Ms." and "Jr."
• Write out professional titles such as "Doctor" or "Professor".
• Always use the complete, formal name of your guest.
• If you are inviting a couple, both names should be included on the envelope.
• If you are inviting a family, the outer envelope should list the family name or the parents' names only. You can include the names of their children on the inner envelope.
• If you are inviting a family with children over the age of 18, each child should receive their own invitation.
• If you are inviting a single friend with a guest, include "and guest" on the inner envelope only.
• If you are inviting a married couple with the same last name, you can use "Mr." and "Mrs." followed by the husband's full name. For same-sex couples, either name can go first.
• If the couple has different last names, write their names on the same line with the woman's name first, or list their names separately if the combined names are too long.
• If you are inviting an unmarried couple, their names should be on the same line, with the person you are closest with listed first.
• If you are inviting a single female, use "Ms." if she is over 18, and "Miss" if she is younger.
• If you are inviting a single male, use "Mr." if he is over 18. Otherwise, no title is necessary.
• If you are inviting a married couple where one person is a doctor, spell out "Doctor" on the outer envelope and abbreviate it on the inner envelope. If both people are doctors, use "The Doctors" followed by their last name.
• If you are inviting a couple with other distinguished titles (military personnel, judges, reverends, etc.), apply the same rules as for doctors.

Remember to double-check the spelling of your guests' names and addresses, and give yourself enough time to assemble and mail the invitations.

What to include in the invitation

Wedding invitations are often the first glimpse guests will have of your wedding style or theme, but they're also a crucial logistical element. Here is a list of what to include in your wedding invitations:

The Hosts

The host line is the first part of a traditional wedding invitation and typically includes the names of the people hosting the wedding, i.e., those footing the bill. This is usually the bride's parents, but if both sets of parents are contributing, or the couple is paying for the wedding themselves, the host line can be adjusted to say "together with their parents" or "together with their families".

The Couple

The couple getting married should also be named on the invitation. For a formal wedding, the bride's full name (first, middle, and last) is included, while the groom's name is spelled out and preceded by a title, e.g., "Mr. John Smith". Same-sex couples can list their names alphabetically by last name or based on what looks best with the invitation design. For less formal weddings, first names only may be used.

The Venue

The wedding venue and city should be included on the invitation, with the state spelled out in full unless all guests are local. If the reception is at the same location, you can simply add "reception to follow", but if it's at a different venue, this should be included on a separate reception card.

The Date and Time

The date and time of the wedding should be included, with the day of the week and month capitalised and the year spelled out in full and in lowercase. For example, "Saturday, the fifteenth of September, two thousand and twenty-four, at half after four o'clock in the afternoon".

RSVP Information

It's important to include an "RSVP by" date on your invitations, giving your guests around three to four weeks to respond. This will allow enough time to provide a final headcount to the caterer and finalise the seating chart. The RSVP date should be at least two weeks before the wedding, and you should include a pre-addressed envelope with a stamp, or direct guests to a specific email, phone number, or URL to respond.

Dress Code

It's helpful to include dress code information on your invitations, especially if your wedding is black-tie. If no dress code is specified, guests will usually infer the formality of the event from the style of the invitation.

Additional Information

Any other important details can be included on a separate information or enclosure card, such as pre- and post-wedding events, hotel information, directions, parking, and your wedding website.

Adults-only weddings

Deciding on an adults-only wedding can be a tricky situation to navigate, and it's important to be clear and consistent from the very beginning. Here are some tips and guidelines to help you communicate this to your guests in a tactful and polite manner:

Be Clear and Consistent:

It's crucial to be clear and consistent about your adults-only wedding plans from the start. Even before sending out invitations, spread the word through your family, close friends, and bridal party. Ask them to help in sharing this information with other guests. This way, fewer guests will be surprised when they receive their invitations.

Address Invitations Properly:

When addressing your wedding invitations, only include the names of the specific people who are invited. Avoid using "and Family" or including children's names. For example, address the envelope to "Mr. and Mrs. Luis Chavez," instead of "The Chavez Family." This approach will help convey that the invitation is only for the parents.

Avoid Writing "No Kids" on the Invitation:

While it may seem straightforward to write "adults only" or "no kids" on the invitation, this is generally considered an etiquette faux pas. Instead, be intentional and clear in your communication without explicitly stating it on the invitation card.

Provide Details on Your Wedding Website:

Most couples have a wedding website that contains various details about their upcoming wedding. Include an FAQ page and address the question, "Can we bring kids?" Clearly state that while you love children, you've decided to keep the wedding and reception an adults-only event. You can also suggest a local babysitting agency or service for guests who may need childcare recommendations.

Be Prepared for Difficult Conversations:

Despite your best efforts, you may still receive RSVPs that include the names of uninvited children. In such cases, it's important to be tactful yet firm. Contact the guests as soon as possible, preferably by phone, and politely explain that the invitation was intended for the parents only. You can cite reasons such as venue constraints, planned activities, or budget limitations. Be prepared for some guests to decline the invitation if they are unable or unwilling to attend without their children.

Consider Offering Childcare Options:

If you're concerned about accommodating guests with children, you may want to go the extra mile by booking a childcare provider and setting aside a room for kids, especially if your reception is at a hotel. This gesture will be appreciated by parents and may enable more of your loved ones to attend.

Remember, it's your wedding, and you get to decide what's best for you, your partner, and your special day. Be respectful and considerate in your communication, but don't be afraid to stick to your decision for an adults-only celebration.

Frequently asked questions