Best Man's Role: Engagement Party Edition

The best man is the groom's right-hand man and is usually a close friend or relative. While there are no set rules, the best man is typically in charge of planning and organising the bachelor party, acting as a point of contact for the groom's side, and providing emotional support.

In terms of what the best man does at an engagement party, there are no specific requirements or duties. However, as the best man, you may want to give a short speech or toast to the couple. It is also a good opportunity to bond with the bridal party and the couple's relatives in a more casual setting.

Help choose the suits

As the best man, you will be expected to help the groom choose his suit and get dressed on the wedding day. Here are some tips to help you choose the suits for the groom and groomsmen:

The Basics

First, it's important to understand the basics of suit types and what occasions they are suited for. The world of men's suits offers a spectrum of styles, from the streamlined elegance of slim-fit suits to the ceremonial grandeur of tuxedos for gala events. Travel suits offer practicality with wrinkle-resistant fabrics, while linen suits are ideal for summer comfort.

Single-Breasted vs Double-Breasted Suits

The classic single-breasted suit is known for its single row of buttons and is one of the most commonly worn suit types. This suit usually has one button but can have up to three. The golden rule for single-breasted suits is always to leave the last button unbuttoned if the blazer has more than one. The fewer buttons the jacket has, the more casual the suit.

On the other hand, the double-breasted suit has two parallel vertical rows of buttons, with a minimum of four buttons and a maximum of eight. Like the single-breasted suit, the last button should always be left unbuttoned. This suit is dressier and more formal than its single-breasted counterpart. It accentuates the shoulders and makes the wearer appear leaner and taller.

Lapels

The type of lapel you choose will depend on the formality of the occasion and your facial shape. The peak lapel, with its dramatic V-shaped tip, is ideal for formal settings and suits those with a more rounded facial shape. The notch lapel, a milder version of the peak lapel, is the most versatile option and can be worn by anyone. The shawl lapel, made of a continuous piece of fabric around the collar, is mainly reserved for black-tie events and is considered the most formal lapel.

Suit Fabrics

When choosing a suit fabric, consider the season, climate, and level of formality. Wool is the most commonly used fabric for suits and offers durability, wrinkle resistance, water resistance, and breathability. Cotton suits tend to be a better option for summer than winter due to their lightweight and breathable properties. Linen suits are durable, moisture-protective, soft, and hypoallergenic, making them ideal for hot days and casual and comfortable occasions.

Suit Fit

The suit fit will depend on the groom's and groomsmen's body types and comfort preferences. Slim-fit suits are tailored closer to the body, while classic-fit suits offer a traditional silhouette with a relaxed appearance. Modern-fit suits offer a balance between slim and classic, and relaxed-fit suits provide a roomier and more comfortable option.

Suit Colour

The colour of the suits will depend on the time of day, type of wedding, and level of formality. For weddings before 6 pm, the best man and groomsmen typically wear a tuxedo or morning dress, depending on the groom's choice. If you have the freedom to choose, opt for light or medium shades of grey and blue. For weddings after 6 pm, a tailcoat is typically worn. A three-piece suit in a dark shade of grey or blue is a good choice.

For a religious wedding, choose a formal, traditional, and polished suit with no room for creativity. Get as much information as possible about the style of the wedding and the party to pick the most appropriate outfit. For a civil wedding, consider the mood of the ceremony and what follows. Some may view a civil wedding as equal to a religious one, while others prefer a quick and informal ceremony.

Blue, especially dark blue, is the most preferred choice for the best man's suit as it flatters any complexion and body type, and grants both formality and elegance. A classic grey suit is also a good option, particularly charcoal grey, for a formal wedding. Black is both exclusive and formal but may not be appropriate for a traditional wedding, as many countries' etiquette and traditions do not allow black-tie dress codes.

Plan the bachelor party

As the best man, you will be expected to plan an awesome bachelor party. Here are some ideas and steps to help you get started:

Step 1: Talk to the Groom

It is important to loop the groom into the planning process. Discuss his dos and don'ts, and any off-limits activities. Ask about his preferences for the timing, location, and type of activities. This will make it easier to plan a party that he will truly enjoy.

Step 2: Finalise the Guest List

Work with the groom to decide on the guest list. Traditionally, the groomsmen, best man, and the groom's close male friends and family members are invited. However, the groom may want to include additional guests. It is also important to ensure that everyone invited to the bachelor party is also invited to the wedding.

Step 3: Discuss the Budget

With the guest list decided, you can start estimating costs. Discuss with the guests how much they are willing and able to spend on items like travel and activities. Traditionally, the groom's expenses for the bachelor party are covered by the rest of the group, so factor that into the budget as well.

Step 4: Choose a Theme or Party Style

Decide on a theme or style for the party. Are you looking for an adventure-packed weekend or a more relaxed celebration? A classy event or a wilder celebration? This will help guide your choice of location and activities.

Step 5: Pick a Date and Location

Based on your discussions with the groom and the preferences of the group, choose a date and location for the bachelor party. Try to find a date that works for the groom and the majority of the guests. The bachelor party is typically held one to three months before the wedding. Popular bachelor party locations include Miami, Las Vegas, Austin, Chicago, and Scottsdale.

Step 6: Book Travel and Accommodations

With your guest list and party style in mind, start booking travel and accommodations like flights and rental homes. Get confirmation from everyone in the group before finalising these arrangements to avoid any issues with costs.

Step 7: Plan Activities

Finalise the activities for the bachelor party. This could include golf outings, pool days, brewery tours, comedy shows, or sporting events. Don't forget to leave some downtime for your guests to relax as well.

Step 8: Send Out Invitations and Itinerary

A few weeks before the party, confirm attendance and share the itinerary with the group. Include important details such as the hotel address, arrival times, and contact information.

Step 9: Pack and Travel

Start packing and make any final preparations. If you are the host, plan to arrive earlier than the other guests to handle any last-minute setup or preparations.

Step 10: Celebrate!

It's time to enjoy the bachelor party! As the host, be a beaming ball of joy and energy throughout the celebration.

Step 11: Regroup and Thank the Group

After the party, send thank-you notes to the group, especially if travel was involved. Follow up on any outstanding expenses and confirm that everyone has made their payments.

Remember, these steps are just a guide, and you can adapt them to fit the needs and preferences of the groom and the guests. The most important thing is to create a memorable celebration that reflects the groom's interests and brings together the people closest to him.

Give a speech

As the best man, you will be expected to give a speech at the wedding reception. Traditionally, the best man's speech comes after the father of the bride and the groom have given theirs. However, if the bride or maid of honour is also giving a speech, the order may change.

Your speech is likely to be the most anticipated of the night, so it's a good idea to prepare in advance. While you should speak from the heart, it's also important to consider your audience and avoid any stories or jokes that might be considered offensive or inappropriate. Run your speech past a trusted person to make sure the tone is right.

On the day, try to speak slowly and clearly, and don't forget to pause for laughter. Be sure to mention everyone who needs to be mentioned, and if you have any messages to read out, do this at the same time as your speech.

If you're feeling nervous, remember that you can always fall back on some "cookie-cutter stuff" about the happy couple and how honoured you are to be the best man. You can also raise a toast to the newlyweds and wish them well.

Be the groom's right-hand man

Being the groom's right-hand man is one of the most important duties of the best man. From the engagement party to the wedding day, the best man is the groom's go-to person and confidant. Here are some ways in which the best man can support the groom:

Emotional Support

The best man should be the groom's sounding board for any nerves or wedding anxiety he may be feeling. It is the best man's job to patiently listen to the groom's complaints, confessions, and questions without any judgment and to reassure his friend that everything will be okay.

Planning and Organising

The best man can help the groom with any planning admin, such as booking vendors, managing RSVPs, and coordinating schedules. He can also lend a hand with setting up on the morning of the wedding and moving furniture.

Suit Shopping

The best man will assist the groom in choosing wedding formalwear and coordinating the other groomsmen's ensembles. This may include gathering everyone's measurements, giving the group an order-by deadline, or placing the actual order.

Bachelor Party

The best man is typically in charge of planning and organising the bachelor party. This includes consulting with the groom to host an event that aligns with his wishes and recruiting the other groomsmen to help.

On the Wedding Day

The best man will help the groom get ready on the morning of the wedding and ensure he arrives at the venue on time. He will also stand next to the groom during the ceremony and be the groom's personal aide and adviser. This includes delivering a letter to the groom's future spouse, serving as a point of contact for vendors, and making sure the groom eats and drinks.

Master of Ceremonies

If the couple has decided not to have a toastmaster or master of ceremonies, the best man may be asked to announce key elements like the couple's arrival at the reception, the speeches, and the cutting of the cake.

Gifts and Cards

The best man can help collect and safely store wedding gifts, cards, and other important keepsakes, especially if the couple goes on their honeymoon straight after the wedding.

Keep the wedding rings safe

As the best man, you are responsible for keeping the wedding rings safe until it's time for the couple to exchange vows. Here are some tips to ensure the rings are secure:

Choose a Safe Storage Place

Select a secure location to store the rings, such as a ring box or a soft cloth pouch. Avoid simply placing them on a counter or nightstand, as they could get lost or misplaced. If the rings contain gemstones, it's especially important to store them separately to avoid scratching.

Check Your Pockets

If you opt to carry the rings with you, triple-check your pockets to ensure they don't have holes. You don't want to fumble around or, worse, discover that a ring has slipped out of a hole in your pocket.

Avoid Water

Don't wear the rings near water, whether it's a pool, the ocean, or even when doing the dishes. Water makes it easier for rings to slip off, and you don't want to be scuba diving for a lost wedding band.

Regular Cleaning and Maintenance

Keep the rings clean and well-maintained through regular cleaning. Use a combination of warm water and soap, a chemical solution, or baking soda. You can also polish with Windex for extra shine, but be sure to check the appropriate cleaning method for the specific type of ring.

Insurance

Even with the best precautions, accidents can happen. Ensure the rings are properly insured, and consider getting an appraisal to guarantee they are insured for the right amount.

Reliable Ring Bearer

If you are concerned about your reliability or prefer not to carry the rings, you can designate a young relative, such as a nephew or cousin, to be the ring bearer. They can carry the rings down the aisle fastened to a pillow. Alternatively, you can give them fake rings to carry, reducing the risk of loss or damage while still allowing them to feel special and look cute in the wedding photos.

Frequently asked questions