Wedding Night: First-Time Jitters

The first night of a wedding is often portrayed as a romantic and passionate experience in films and pop culture. However, in reality, it can be quite different and couples may face various unexpected situations. Many couples choose to consummate their marriage on the wedding night, but a significant number also decide to wait or end up too tired or drunk. The pressure to have perfect wedding night sex can be overwhelming for some, and it's important to remember that it's normal to have different expectations and experiences. Whether it's ordering pizza in a wedding dress, passing out from exhaustion, or even an unexpected hospital visit, the first night of a wedding is often a memorable mix of emotions, vulnerability, and intimacy.

It's okay to not have sex

It's completely normal for couples not to have sex on their wedding night. In fact, surveys have shown that anywhere from 25% to 52% of couples don't have sex on their wedding night, with one survey reporting that only 37% of newlyweds in Ireland had sex on their wedding night.

There are many reasons why couples may choose to wait until after their wedding night to be physically intimate, but often it comes down to tiredness and intoxication. After a long and emotionally draining day, it's understandable that couples might not feel up to sex. In addition, the pressure to have amazing, magical sex can be a turn-off for many people.

If you're feeling disappointed about not having sex on your wedding night, it's important to communicate those feelings to your partner in a respectful way. However, try to focus on the other positive emotions you felt on your wedding day, such as love, gratitude, joy, and pride. Remember, it's perfectly normal to be too exhausted for sex on your wedding night, and you'll have the rest of your life to make up for it!

For couples who feel that having sex on their wedding night is important, it's best to work out a plan ahead of time. This might include pacing yourself with drinking and finding time to sneak away during the reception or after-party. However, don't feel pressured to perform or engage in elaborate sexual activities. Keep things simple and romantic, and most importantly, make sure it's something you and your partner would normally enjoy.

You might be too tired or drunk

It's completely normal for newlyweds to be too tired or drunk to have sex on their wedding night. In fact, a survey of 2,128 newlyweds revealed that over half of the respondents didn't have sex on their wedding night, with 24% citing the groom being too drunk as the reason, and 16% saying the bride was too tired and fell asleep.

After a long day of celebrating, it's understandable that you might just want to fall into bed and sleep. As couples therapist Kira Yakubov points out, "by the time you actually get to your marital room for the night, most people will want to crash and go to sleep."

If you're feeling too tired, you might find yourself unable to carry a conversation or think about anything other than how tired and hungry you feel. You might even pass out before you have the chance to get intimate.

Alcohol can also play a role in dampening the mood. While a few drinks might help you feel more relaxed and carefree, too much alcohol can lead to drunkenness, which is rarely conducive to a romantic evening.

So, if you're feeling too tired or drunk on your wedding night, don't worry—you're not alone! It's perfectly fine to prioritize sleep or other activities over sex. After all, as Yakubov says, "it's okay to not have incredible sex on your wedding night."

You might be too hungry

It's completely normal for couples to be too tired to be intimate on their wedding night. In fact, statistics show that anywhere from 25% to 52% of couples don't have sex on their wedding night. However, hunger can also be a factor that impacts your ability to be intimate on your wedding night.

If you're wondering why you might be too hungry before the first night of your wedding, it could be because you didn't eat enough throughout the day. With all the excitement and nerves leading up to the big day, it's easy to forget to eat or not feel hungry. However, this can lead to low blood sugar and tiredness, which can impact your energy levels and mood.

To prevent hunger from ruining your wedding night, it's important to prioritize eating a nutritious breakfast, even if you don't feel hungry. Opt for a combination of protein and fiber, such as whole wheat toast with scrambled eggs, hard-boiled eggs with fruit, or Greek yogurt with fruit and granola. Throughout the day, make a conscious effort to snack often and eat a light lunch. Good snack options include dried fruit and nuts, string cheese and whole wheat crackers, fruits like bananas, apples, peaches, and oranges, or a protein smoothie.

It's also important to stay hydrated by drinking plenty of water. Avoid carbonated beverages, which can contribute to bloating and gas. Be mindful of your alcohol consumption, as it can lead to dehydration, dizziness, headaches, and nausea. If you're worried about any of these side effects, consider skipping alcohol until the evening or pacing yourself and drinking water in between drinks.

By following these tips and making sure you're well-nourished, you can help ensure that hunger doesn't get in the way of enjoying your wedding night.

You might feel uncomfortable

Feeling uncomfortable or nervous about your wedding night is completely normal. There is a lot of pressure to have a magical wedding night, especially if you have been waiting for marriage to have sex. However, it's important to remember that there is no "normal" way the night should go, and it's okay if it doesn't go as planned. Here are some things to keep in mind if you're feeling uncomfortable:

Open Communication is Key

Talking openly about sex with your partner can help to ease some of the discomfort. It's important to voice your concerns, hopes, expectations, and insecurities. This establishes intimacy and makes the idea of sex feel less scary and pressure-filled. Be honest about your boundaries and comfort levels, and ask your partner to do the same. Discuss any worries you have about the wedding night specifically, as well as your future sex life in general.

Manage Your Expectations

Try to approach your wedding night with realistic expectations. It might not feel like it's straight out of a romance movie, and that's okay! You and your partner might feel awkward, need reassurance, or fumble a bit. These are all normal parts of the process of learning to be intimate with each other. Don't put too much pressure on yourself or your partner to have an amazing first time.

Focus on the Positive

Even if you're feeling nervous, try to find enjoyment in the fact that you and your partner are experiencing this together for the first time. You can keep things light and fun by communicating lovingly and frequently, and not taking yourselves too seriously. Remember that you have the rest of your lives to improve and explore your intimacy.

Make it Special

You can still make your wedding night feel romantic and memorable, even if you're not having sex. Order room service, take a bath together, play soft music, light some candles, and snuggle up. You can also try reading your wedding vows or love notes to each other, giving each other massages, or enjoying some chocolate-covered strawberries. Focus on connecting emotionally and savouring the present moment.

Be Prepared

If you are planning on having sex, it's a good idea to be prepared. You can do some research beforehand to learn about your body and different sex positions. Plan for your wedding night with your cycle in mind and consider bringing lubricant. It's also a good idea to have hygiene essentials like makeup remover and a toothbrush on hand, as well as any protection, lingerie, or massage oil you might want to use.

Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to the wedding night. Every couple is different, and it's important to communicate your needs and expectations to your partner. Let go of any preconceived notions of what a "perfect" wedding night should be and focus on enjoying this special time with your new spouse.

You might fall asleep

Falling asleep on your wedding night is a common occurrence. In fact, statistics show that anywhere from 25% to 52% of couples don't have sex on their wedding night, and less than 40% of couples have sex on their wedding night according to a 2018 survey. There are many reasons why you might fall asleep on your wedding night, and it's totally normal!

One of the main reasons is tiredness. Wedding days are often long and exhausting, filled with excitement, anxiety, and celebration. The build-up to the wedding can also be a factor, with many people experiencing pre-wedding insomnia due to stress, hormones, or a busy schedule. All of this can contribute to feeling tired and ready to fall asleep when the wedding night finally arrives.

Additionally, the pressure to have amazing wedding night sex can be overwhelming for some. The idea that there "should" be amazing sex on the wedding night is quite outdated and can cause shame if it doesn't live up to expectations. This pressure can further contribute to feelings of exhaustion and the desire to simply fall asleep.

For some, falling asleep on the wedding night might be a conscious choice. Some couples may decide that sealing the deal with sex on the wedding night is not a deal-breaker and that falling asleep next to each other after a long day of celebrating their love is just as special.

If you're concerned about falling asleep on your wedding night, there are some things you can do to prepare. Creating a relaxing environment, swapping screen time for a book, incorporating breathwork or meditation, and listening to a podcast or soothing music can all help you unwind and de-stress.

Remember, it's totally okay to fall asleep on your wedding night. Communicating your desires and expectations with your partner is essential, and ultimately, the most important thing is that you both feel loved and connected, whether you stay up all night talking, order pizza and watch a movie, or fall asleep in each other's arms.

Frequently asked questions