The Heart Of The Matter: Exploring The Meaning Of "Truth" In Wedding Vows

Wedding vows are promises exchanged between two people on the day of their marriage. They are not universal to weddings and are not even universal within Christian weddings, as Eastern Christians do not include marriage vows in their traditional ceremonies.

The oldest traditional wedding vows can be traced back to the manuals of the medieval church. In England, the first Book of Common Prayer, published in 1549, included the following vows:

> I, [name], take thee, [name of partner], to be my wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I plight thee my troth.

These vows have been adapted over time, with some couples now choosing to write their own. However, the basic structure and meaning have remained the same.

The act of reciting vows is a way for couples to publicly share how they feel about each other, make promises as lifelong partners, and reflect on their relationship. It is a solemn and meaningful moment in a wedding ceremony, whether religious or non-denominational.

To have and to hold

"To have and to hold" is a phrase that is often included in traditional wedding vows. While the specific wording may vary slightly depending on the type of wedding ceremony, the underlying meaning remains the same. This phrase signifies a new beginning and the couple's promise to intimately and exclusively belong to each other.

"To have" signifies receiving the total self-gift of the other without reservation. It is not a statement of ownership but rather a promise of unconditional acceptance. According to the Bible, this also implies a thorough knowledge of the other person in all contexts of life, including emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical aspects.

"To hold," on the other hand, is a commitment to provide physical and mental support, affection, and tenderness. It is a pledge to be available to the other in body and soul, cherishing, valuing, and protecting them. The historical meaning of the verb "to hold" is "to keep, tend, and watch over," implying the act of taking care of and nourishing one's spouse.

Together, "to have and to hold" signifies a close marital bond that cannot be broken, a promise of exclusivity and intimacy between spouses. It is a beautiful expression of unity and commitment, where both individuals promise to be there for each other through all life's ups and downs.

For better, for worse

"For better, for worse" is a traditional element of wedding vows, and a promise that many couples make to one another. But what does it mean?

The "for better" part is easy to imagine when you're standing at the altar, gazing into your partner's eyes. It might mean that you have a happy marriage, a nice home, good jobs, and healthy children. But what about the "for worse"?

When you say "for worse", you are acknowledging that there will be difficult times in your marriage. This could mean financial hardship, infertility, loss of affection, or unfulfilled dreams and goals. It could also mean serious illness, as referenced in the "in sickness and in health" part of traditional vows.

Some people interpret "for worse" as meaning that they should stay in their marriage no matter how they are treated by their spouse. However, others disagree, saying that this part of the vow does not include abuse, infidelity, manipulation, or neglect.

So, what does "for better, for worse" really mean? It's about committing to your spouse and your marriage, even when things get tough. It's about loving and supporting each other through life's challenges, whatever they may be. It's a promise to try to work through difficulties together, rather than walking away when things get hard. Ultimately, it's up to each couple to decide where they draw the line and what their vows mean to them.

For richer, for poorer

"For richer, for poorer" is a traditional element of wedding vows, promising to support your partner financially, whatever the future may bring. This vow is about more than just money, it's about the foundation of trust and reassurance that underpins a strong marriage.

A Promise of Support

The "for richer, for poorer" vow is a pledge to provide for your partner, to share what you have, and to face financial challenges together. It's a recognition that life may bring unexpected expenses, job losses, or medical bills, and a promise to tackle these issues as a team.

A Shared Financial Journey

By saying "for richer, for poorer", you're also committing to transparency and open communication about money. This includes discussing financial goals, spending habits, and savings strategies. It's about being honest about your financial situation and working together to build a secure future.

A Symbol of Equality

This part of the vow also signifies that money won't create power imbalances in your relationship. It's a promise that you're equals in the marriage, regardless of who earns more or manages the finances. It's a reminder that financial decisions should be made together, with both partners' needs and goals considered.

A Commitment to Adaptability

"For richer, for poorer" acknowledges that financial circumstances can change. It's a promise to adapt to these changes, whether that means adjusting your lifestyle or finding creative solutions during tough times. It's about embracing a "we're in this together" mindset, no matter what your bank balance looks like.

A Testament to Trust

Ultimately, this vow is about trust. It's a promise to be responsible with money, to make wise financial decisions, and to prioritise your partner's security. It's a recognition that your financial choices can impact your partner, and a commitment to always put the relationship first.

While "for richer, for poorer" may only be a few words, they carry a weight of promise and intention. They speak to the very heart of marriage, where two people unite to face life's challenges and celebrate its joys as one.

In sickness and in health

The phrase "in sickness and in health" is a common element of wedding vows in Western Christian traditions. The exact wording varies across denominations, but the core sentiment remains the same: a pledge to remain by your partner's side through illness and health.

This phrase is often said without truly considering its weight. It is easy to imagine that it refers to minor ailments, but the reality of serious illness or injury can put this vow to the test. Such challenges can strain a relationship as they bring uncertainty, physical and mental changes, and a shift in the dynamics of the couple.

However, sickness can also bring couples closer together. It can foster compassion, a new perspective, and grit. It is an opportunity to exhibit unconditional love and care for your partner, serving them as Christ would have served the church.

• Be honest about the situation and communicate openly.
• Focus on behaviours rather than attacking your partner's character.
• Separate the illness/injury from your partner's identity, and do not blame them for it.
• Find new ways to connect and adapt to the changes brought about by the illness/injury.
• Be willing to accept help from others.
• Don't try to shoulder all the responsibilities alone; ask for help from family, friends, and your church community.
• Pray for strength, wisdom, and patience, leaning on your faith to carry you through.

Remember, choosing to love and care for your partner through sickness and health is a choice that you make every day. It is a commitment to selflessly serve your spouse and choose love, even in the most challenging times.

Until death do us part

"Until death do us part" is a phrase that is often used in wedding vows, especially in traditional Catholic ceremonies. The phrase is derived from the Bible and can be traced back to the Book of Common Prayer by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury. The original phrase, "till death us depart," appeared in the 1549 version of the book and evolved into the modern version, "till death do us part," with minor changes in wording over time.

The meaning of "until death do us part" is clear and unequivocal: only death can end a marriage. It signifies a lifelong commitment between two people, where their union is expected to last until they are parted by death. This phrase emphasizes the seriousness of the marriage covenant and conveys that the couple should strive to make their marriage work through life's challenges.

While divorce is now a more acceptable outcome of marriages, the phrase "until death do us part" continues to be a customary element in wedding vows, even in non-religious contexts. It serves as a powerful reminder of the enduring nature of the commitment being made and underscores the importance of prioritizing the marriage above trivial matters.

Some couples may choose to modify or omit this phrase in their wedding vows to align with their personal beliefs or to create more personalized vows. However, "until death do us part" remains a significant component of traditional wedding vows, reflecting the depth and permanence of the marital bond.

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